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#20586 · 2
· on Diamond Ponies Aren't Forever
>>TitaniumDragon
>>Foehn
>>Bachiavellian
>>Baal Bunny
>>Pascoite

FimFic version is up.
#20533 ·
· on Diamond Ponies Aren't Forever
The streams shall run in gladness
The lakes shall shine and burn.
All sorrow fail and sadness
At the Mountain-King's return.


Thank you all for your reviews! This idea actually came to me a while back when I was more active in Writeoff. Almost everything about how I thought that story would go changed dramatically since then, but the core idea--crystal ponies isolated from the Crystal Empire when it was banished--remained. To this end, I was influenced by the company of dwarves in The Hobbit, a group in exile from their home. Yet it wasn't until recently that I discovered a song that fit. The songs I'd already heard had too much agency to fit with this particular story. The one I found speaks more of a longing to be home than a drive to recapture it. This was the song that played as I wrote my story:

The King Beneath the Mountains by Clamavi De Profundis

(P.S. It's also a fan-made song using a poem by Tolkien that the movies didn't use.)

>>TitaniumDragon >>Foehn

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed.

>>Bachiavellian >>Baal Bunny >>Pascoite

Thanks for the feedback. Definitely a lot to think about.

Two major things I want to improve:

having Celestia appear in disguise and then almost immediately reveal herself


and

What's Celestia's aim here, though?


Firstly, Celestia is canonically a terrible actress, and her act crumbles rather quickly. This was deliberate. There's some light foreshadowing in there

“M-my name is G-golden Ray,” she answered, shivering. Lapis hadn’t noticed her shivering a moment ago.


(heck, even her fake name itself--a golden ray of sunlight) but i guess not enough.

Secondly, this is set after 1) the Empire's banishment and 2) Luna's banishment.

“A vigil through--the night...”


Again, too subtle. Also, the aucience didn't know this was Celestia yet (though suspicions may have been there), and could have overlooked day/night clues which would have stood out like a sore hoof had Celestia's identity been revealed by this point.

I said two, but now you're here. So let's do three.

Individual tongues of fire appeared and disappeared, and much more quickly than the colored leaves had done months ago. ...

He sipped and swallowed, and felt momentarily warm. ...


He caught himself starting to smile, but allowed the feeble feeling to fade.


Somewhere along the line, I forgot that I was going to try and incorporate a theme. Actually, it seems to be about the middle of the story when the couple gets their visitor that the theme gets shoved to the back burner. Nobody even commented on the theme, instead wondering why the first half was so long. For those keeping score, that's Subtlety: 3, Author: 0. I'm not sure whether to abandon the theme entirely or rework it and bring it into the forefront.

But yeah. Definitely gonna send this over to FimFiction before too long. I've got some cut content sitting just below the body of the fic in the word doc, and I've got a pretty good idea for another scene that will go at the end, plus some general polishing of the ending half/third of the fic. Once again, thanks to all; Happy Hearth's Warming and a Happy New Year!
#20365 ·
·
Woooooo! I did a thing! Wasn't soon enough, but at least I'm writing again.
#20354 · 5
·
I've forgotten what it's like to enjoy writing. I've left my most recent story on "incomplete" for months, and there's a similar gap between that chapter and the one before it.

So I've come back to where I started.

Funny how life works...
#16446 ·
· · >>GaPJaxie
>>Dubs_Rewatcher Lord of the Writeoff: The Prose Towers
#16083 · 7
·
Hey look. It's that group I wrote for a few times and pretend to still write for. Let's hope my propensity for procrastinating doesn't screw me over again.
#15293 · 1
·
>>007Ben
Aw, horse feathers. Found myself asleep at my laptop this morning. Betrayed by my own body. Apparently I need sleep...
#15259 · 4
· · >>007Ben
Sleep? Sleep!? Who needs sleep? Sleep is for the weak! Why sleep when you could write horsewords!?

...

What are you talking about? I am completely fine! :pinkiecrazy:
#15247 · 4
·
>>Baal Bunny
I thought NaNoWriMo was last month...
#15209 ·
·
>>Baal Bunny
Yup. Been there.

>>Trick_Question
Forgive me for setting the bar low, but if I can muster up the motivation to write, it's a good day in my book.
#15195 · 1
· · >>Baal Bunny >>Trick_Question
That awesome moment when the prompt fits your preplanned idea. I'm quickly running out of excuses for not putting forward something good this round.
#15188 · 5
·
>>GroaningGreyAgony
Getting Vaguely Positive Comments but Doing Poorly in Voting. Hindsight is 20/20.


Ouch. Too true...
#15182 · 7
·
>>Lamplighter
Welcome! (In a non-creepy, not-Starlight's-village sort of way)

In Writeoff! In Writeoff!
We can set you right.
You can't have a badfic
If you never write.
#15172 · 7
· · >>MrExtra >>Fenton
A Writeoff? A pony Writeoff? A pony short story Writeoff? A pony short story Writeoff when I actually have little enough schoolwork to participate? Sounds too good to be true...

Ok, life, what's the catch? You never make things this easy for me.
#14566 · 5
·
There. I did a thing. That's something that doesn't always happen.
#14559 · 4
·
Nightmare Night; what a fright!
Give us something dark to write!
#14554 · 1
· · >>Trick_Question
>>FrontSevens
o_O

So the set of things that may be submitted is

{prose, poetry}


where

poetry=undefined


Got it.
#14549 ·
· · >>AndrewRogue >>FrontSevens >>Trick_Question
So what was the final verdict on poetry? (Or did we not reach one?)
#13728 · 1
· · >>Rao
Well, it's down the last day and I've got nuthin'. Since I went off-campus to go on FimFiction and YouTube much of today (they're blocked on my campus), I'll be doing my homework tomorrow. Chances of getting 2000 words together is rather nonexistent.

>>horizon Somebody posted a dragon/changeling foal in one of my Facebook groups the other day.
#13719 ·
·
Gaaaaa!! That's this weekend? I thought I checked my email!

Oh. I did check my email...
Post by 007Ben deleted
Post by 007Ben deleted
#13447 · 1
· on Your Little Pony
Aaaand I just realized I forgot to tag everybody. So if you've already seen my retrospective, I apologize for my tiredness last night. >>TitaniumDragon >>Trick_Question >>AndrewRogue >>Posh >>Zaid Val'Roa
#13412 · 2
· on Your Little Pony · >>Monokeras
Your Little Pony: Retrospective

So I wrote this with the intention of practicing a particular technical element: the surprise ending. The story was supposed to have been constructed to encourage the following train of thought: "Ok, somepony's in a relationship with Fluttershy. Oh, and I see it's a controversial relationship. Wait--why's Twilight trying to figure out how Fluttershy got pregnant? It should be pretty obvious. Unless... Wait! A centaur? Centaur. Um... Half horse, half hu--It was a human the whole time!" In retrospect, human x pony has probably been done about a billion times, so the assumption that the protagonist could have been human was probably in the back of everyone's mind anyways (especially given that I also used second person).

Which brings me to the use of second person. The way I saw it, "You" is the best pronoun to preserve ambiguity. "He" is too direct, "She" is incorrect the way I was using it, and every English teacher I've ever had has drilled into me that "They" is always plural and never singular. And "It" just sounds weird.

The idea for the story itself must have been lingering memories of a poll I saw in one of my MLP groups. Basically, the poster asked what would be the child of a human x pony relationship. The top-voted choice was "they can't procreate," followed by "That's disgusting!" Bringing up third place (and trailing by only a couple votes) was "centaur."

With those issues out of the way, I can now address the other comments. Yeah, Fluttershy relapsed pretty hard into her old ways here, but it's nothing we haven't seen her do in the show. (22 Pranks Later) Idk. Maybe I'm just projecting my own hyper-introversion relapse onto Fluttershy too hard.

I know that I just said Fluttershy is a projection of my own relapse, but I'm also not entirely convinced that Fluttershy isn't just second-guessing herself or her choices. The way the protagonist speaks to her, you'd think he's known Fluttershy for a while, and has seen her second-guess herself before. Maybe he's just trying to push her in a certain direction.

Then, there's Applejack. Not one, but two of you voiced your... concerns about my portrayal of Applejack. Maybe it's a side effect of growing up in church, but I've got some rather strong feelings regarding hyper-traditionalism. Of the mane six, which pony prides herself the most on her traditions? Eeyup. Applejack. I wish I could take the time to--You know what? Go to YouTube and watch "Tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof. I know it's Judaism and not Christianity, but it's the same basic idea: hyper-traditionalism dictating the entire way of life of a culture. Once you're done, we'll gather in a circle and start singing together. (Traditiooooooon! Tradition! Dai dai dai dai dai. Dai dai dai dai.)

That leaves Rarity and Twilight as the other mane six members not ok with the relationship/pregnancy. Probably, I was falling back on the poll I saw a while back. "That's disgusting" edged out "centaur," so I guess I assumed that a human x pony couple would be as controversial in Equestria as it is here in our world. I wanted a bit of contrast to AJ, so I picked Rarity. Though she still protests the pairing, she does so quietly--a subtle message that avoiding the subject is still a response to it. I didn't mean, however, for Twilight to be numbered among the haters. She simply can't figure out how in either of the couple's worlds they managed to get pregnant. Naturally, she barred herself in the castle library and hasn't come out since.

Probably the most straightforward approach would be to have tiny vignettes between scene breaks, where we can actually see what AJ has to say...


I briefly considered doing this, but for lack of time, I decided against it.

If you feel like I haven't addressed something, I probably haven't. It's tired and I'm late. Night, all.
#12937 · 3
· · >>CoffeeMinion
Guess who finally decided to stop being an incessantly procrastinating loser who leaves half-finished everything he tries?




Not me. I just threw together a few hundred words that may or may not tell a coherent story.
Paging WIP