Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
>>Cyrano
>>CoffeeMinion
>>GaPJaxie
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>AndrewRogue
>>Trick_Question
>>Rao
>>Bachiavellian
>>Xepher
First things first, thank you! I haven't been around these parts in a few years, and I was a bit blown away by all the awesome feedback and critique. I'd forgotten just how dayum helpful and cool this community was. I'll certainly be taking all of it to heart, no only in editing this story, but going forward as well.
What I was attempting here was bittersweet. Actually even that doesn't quite fit... Bittersilly? It's a weird juxtaposition of tone that I, personally, just adore. "The world's ending, everything sucks, and nothing you do can change it, but hey lets have all the characters treat it as if it's a lighthearted comedy." I knew going in that there would be issues blending the two, and between the complaints of Trixie being too silly and Twilight being too serious I think I was right. That's probably my fault. I'm learning, and hopefully coming out of this I can get it better the next time I try to write inevitable-doom-based semi-comedy.
This story was rushed. I'm not attempting to offer an excuse, merely an explanation. I wrote this at midnight on the night of submissions because I'm a lazy procrastinating piece of shit and submitted it straight away without fixing anything. It's pretty easy to see evidence of this throughout the story, but even more so towards the end. I won't pretend to claim that I'm a good writer, and that 'if only I hadn't been rushed' this would've turned out as a perfect story. Of course that would be wildly untrue.
Shit I fucked up: So it's been pointed out at least once that the story is,a least a little bit, fundamentally flawed. There's no real story here, just things happening. Meh, I can't/won't really do much about that. That's more something I have to keep in mind when concepting new stories in future.
I've had people praise Trixie's character and decry Trixie's character. Different strokes for different folks. Suffice to say that I enjoyed her. That's gotta count for something right?
Twilight's whole conversation... bleh. Not great. A lot of people pointed at it from a lot of different directions for being shitty, and I'm inclined to agree. I'm not going to lean to heavily on my crutch of 'rushed', but rather I'll accept responsibility for just fucking that bit up. I'mma for sure edit that bit for a tad more consistency, if nothing else. Hopefully somewhere in that process the scene becomes less of a slog, too...
Lastly, of course, the myriad of spelling errors! Yeah, sorry, that one I'm blaming on my rush. :P
Let me know if I failed to address any major concerns! I'm ending this now 'cause I don't want to make it aggressively long, but if I utterly failed to mention something you thought was a big deal, lemme know and I'll come back. If not, then goodbye! See you next time I do one of these. Hopefully I won't wait two years this time.
>>CoffeeMinion
>>GaPJaxie
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>AndrewRogue
>>Trick_Question
>>Rao
>>Bachiavellian
>>Xepher
First things first, thank you! I haven't been around these parts in a few years, and I was a bit blown away by all the awesome feedback and critique. I'd forgotten just how dayum helpful and cool this community was. I'll certainly be taking all of it to heart, no only in editing this story, but going forward as well.
What I was attempting here was bittersweet. Actually even that doesn't quite fit... Bittersilly? It's a weird juxtaposition of tone that I, personally, just adore. "The world's ending, everything sucks, and nothing you do can change it, but hey lets have all the characters treat it as if it's a lighthearted comedy." I knew going in that there would be issues blending the two, and between the complaints of Trixie being too silly and Twilight being too serious I think I was right. That's probably my fault. I'm learning, and hopefully coming out of this I can get it better the next time I try to write inevitable-doom-based semi-comedy.
This story was rushed. I'm not attempting to offer an excuse, merely an explanation. I wrote this at midnight on the night of submissions because I'm a lazy procrastinating piece of shit and submitted it straight away without fixing anything. It's pretty easy to see evidence of this throughout the story, but even more so towards the end. I won't pretend to claim that I'm a good writer, and that 'if only I hadn't been rushed' this would've turned out as a perfect story. Of course that would be wildly untrue.
Shit I fucked up: So it's been pointed out at least once that the story is,a least a little bit, fundamentally flawed. There's no real story here, just things happening. Meh, I can't/won't really do much about that. That's more something I have to keep in mind when concepting new stories in future.
I've had people praise Trixie's character and decry Trixie's character. Different strokes for different folks. Suffice to say that I enjoyed her. That's gotta count for something right?
Twilight's whole conversation... bleh. Not great. A lot of people pointed at it from a lot of different directions for being shitty, and I'm inclined to agree. I'm not going to lean to heavily on my crutch of 'rushed', but rather I'll accept responsibility for just fucking that bit up. I'mma for sure edit that bit for a tad more consistency, if nothing else. Hopefully somewhere in that process the scene becomes less of a slog, too...
Lastly, of course, the myriad of spelling errors! Yeah, sorry, that one I'm blaming on my rush. :P
Let me know if I failed to address any major concerns! I'm ending this now 'cause I don't want to make it aggressively long, but if I utterly failed to mention something you thought was a big deal, lemme know and I'll come back. If not, then goodbye! See you next time I do one of these. Hopefully I won't wait two years this time.
I like the idea behind this. It does away with the melodrama that usually comes with stories like this. It felt like one of the more realistic depictions of losing a loved one that I've read in fanfic. So that's good!
As for the... less good, I'd say the description was a bit bare throughout. As those above me mentioned, the entire last scene has virtually no description in it whatsoever. I feel like the heart of this story is good, but it needs to be fleshed out with some meat on the bones before I'd call it great.
A valiant effort!
As for the... less good, I'd say the description was a bit bare throughout. As those above me mentioned, the entire last scene has virtually no description in it whatsoever. I feel like the heart of this story is good, but it needs to be fleshed out with some meat on the bones before I'd call it great.
A valiant effort!
I won't waste too much time echoing what everyone else said. Cool idea, rushed pacing, needs to be fleshed out.
With that out of the way I just wanted to say how much I really hope you flesh this out into a full story after the writeoff. I've always loved stories that manage to mix a tragic forgone-conclusion with a semi-hopeful or at least non-depressing plot. So far this is the first 'End of All Things' fic I've come across that's really managed to nail that Seeking a Friend at the End of the World feel, and I would love to read it on fimfic in fuller form someday.
With that out of the way I just wanted to say how much I really hope you flesh this out into a full story after the writeoff. I've always loved stories that manage to mix a tragic forgone-conclusion with a semi-hopeful or at least non-depressing plot. So far this is the first 'End of All Things' fic I've come across that's really managed to nail that Seeking a Friend at the End of the World feel, and I would love to read it on fimfic in fuller form someday.
Well, people have already hit the major points for this one, so I don't have much to add in that regard.
I just wanted to let you know, mysterious author, that I found this quite funny. Good job! Thumbs up!
I just wanted to let you know, mysterious author, that I found this quite funny. Good job! Thumbs up!
A very clever take on the prompt.
All in all, I enjoyed this. Other folks have already mentioned that it's a bit abrupt, I think it even maybe feels a bit like it was rushed, but it shows clear outside-the-box thinking and creative potential.
Thumbs up!
All in all, I enjoyed this. Other folks have already mentioned that it's a bit abrupt, I think it even maybe feels a bit like it was rushed, but it shows clear outside-the-box thinking and creative potential.
Thumbs up!
Paging WIP