Haven't commented anything yet due to writing and need for sleep. This is the very first writing competition that I've ever properly entered, so regardless of the outcome, I'm super excited just having finished something to begin with! Just the act of submitting my work was extremely exhilarating! After a personal hiatus of several years, it feels like coming back into the fandom with a proper bang!

I had no idea this group even existed, so I'm glad I was referred here. This has been really fun! Thanks for hosting! <3

I promise you I'm not just saying this: the story here is beautifully gripping! Overall, there's just the right amount of description and character interaction to paint a nice picture. At which point, there's more than plenty of immersive elements, even with the time skip--which was nicely transitioned to. There's just enough open ends for the audience to tie, yet there remains a yearning to see how the expedition played out. This looked like it was fun to write, so personally I would definitely look forward to you possibly filling in the blanks later on!

In terms of change, all I can think of is the beginning dialogue. Instead of Klondike giving Hail an order to scout, Hail could advise Klondike that he should scout the descent, and then give his explanation as to why. Klondike could then agree, and double down on the sentiment of safety. This could serve as a more thorough yet subtle way of establishing Hail as a main character. My line of logic: the ponies depicted appear to be very close despite holding certain ranks in relation to each other. I think it's safe to say the main cast is like family, right? In which case, Hail might have more than enough room to give suggestions on their expedition.

Hopefully that makes sense, and isn't too long-winded! Either way, it's still very immersive and encourages the reader to use their imagination. Great job on this! I loved it!