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First of all, thank you all for commenting! While I wish I'd done somewhat better, I can be happy with how well I did do in this round, and with having made it to the finals.
>>CoffeeMinion
Kinda like what Aragon said, I disagree with your assessment that this story was not traditionally "structured". It does indeed have three acts and each one ends when the main character makes some choice. But yes, the formatting is unconventional.
I'm not sure if you think there should have been some sort of magic item causing this dissociation, or if you're glad there wasn't: your comment kind of says both things. But nah; while I can understand wondering whether something more fantastical was going on, ultimately it's just AK Yearling/Daring Do writing on a page (or whiteboard or rejection letter) and doubting herself.
>>Trick_Question
I see what you're getting at - lack of clarity was probably this story's weakest link, despite my best intentions. However, I'm not sure why bullet points or dashes would have been clearer than italics. After all, there's no particular reason why Daring would use bullet points any more than she'd use italics, right?
>>MLPmatthewl419
I'm glad you liked it!
>>Aragon
Hoo boy, this comment is longer than my whole story!
I'm glad you appreciated the three act structure, because I felt it was important for the story to have some forward direction - some sort of progression, even as self-contained and microcosmic as it was. It's just a shame that your peanut butter opinions are so terrible.
As for the clarity... I'm afraid I honestly don't know what I'd have done. And I also don't know how to expand it - in fact, I'm not sold on the idea that it needs to be expanded into something that can be posted to FiMFic, or even that I could. I appreciate your suggestions, though - they seem like workable ideas for such an expansion!
Once again, thank you all for your feedback!
>>CoffeeMinion
Kinda like what Aragon said, I disagree with your assessment that this story was not traditionally "structured". It does indeed have three acts and each one ends when the main character makes some choice. But yes, the formatting is unconventional.
I'm not sure if you think there should have been some sort of magic item causing this dissociation, or if you're glad there wasn't: your comment kind of says both things. But nah; while I can understand wondering whether something more fantastical was going on, ultimately it's just AK Yearling/Daring Do writing on a page (or whiteboard or rejection letter) and doubting herself.
>>Trick_Question
I see what you're getting at - lack of clarity was probably this story's weakest link, despite my best intentions. However, I'm not sure why bullet points or dashes would have been clearer than italics. After all, there's no particular reason why Daring would use bullet points any more than she'd use italics, right?
>>MLPmatthewl419
I'm glad you liked it!
>>Aragon
Hoo boy, this comment is longer than my whole story!
I'm glad you appreciated the three act structure, because I felt it was important for the story to have some forward direction - some sort of progression, even as self-contained and microcosmic as it was. It's just a shame that your peanut butter opinions are so terrible.
As for the clarity... I'm afraid I honestly don't know what I'd have done. And I also don't know how to expand it - in fact, I'm not sold on the idea that it needs to be expanded into something that can be posted to FiMFic, or even that I could. I appreciate your suggestions, though - they seem like workable ideas for such an expansion!
Once again, thank you all for your feedback!
Gotta say, this one doesn't grab me.
The reason for that is, it doesn't really jive with canon. It's really difficult to imagine that Princess Celestia, who eschews formality whenever possible, would force Cadance into a more formal wedding if she didn't want it. Also, by "a trio of proper court mares", do you mean the group including Lyra and Minuette? Because they're not exactly proper, and Lyra doesn't even live in Canterlot.
These would be minor continuity issues, except that these are the exact impositions which Cadance is resenting. When the things that are causing the conflict of the story don't actually make sense, that kind of torpedoes the fic as a whole.
The reason for that is, it doesn't really jive with canon. It's really difficult to imagine that Princess Celestia, who eschews formality whenever possible, would force Cadance into a more formal wedding if she didn't want it. Also, by "a trio of proper court mares", do you mean the group including Lyra and Minuette? Because they're not exactly proper, and Lyra doesn't even live in Canterlot.
These would be minor continuity issues, except that these are the exact impositions which Cadance is resenting. When the things that are causing the conflict of the story don't actually make sense, that kind of torpedoes the fic as a whole.