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Ribbon
Original Polished Story
10th
47%
220
And What Becomes of Champions?
#16668 · 1
·
Squeezed under in the last six hours! Gotta thank GaPJakie for helping me with some technical difficulties— HIm/her is a really nice Probable!Human being.

I'm probably not going to win because I went through a million false starts and this was written in about a week. But I finished something under a deadline (and finished a solid story in one week) and I'm glad I've made it a little father. Can't wait to read what everyone else did!
#16955 · 1
· on And What Becomes of Champions?
>>Miller Minus >>Not_A_Hat
Immediately after you wrote this, I was all, "of course that was it!" Ugh. At least it was an easy fix.
#16734 ·
· on Ten Scars
More than a little melodramatic, but hardly the worst Vampires VS Werewolves story. There's a lot of editing bugs, though.
#16736 ·
· on The Fixer · >>This is a game I lost
It's a little disconnected from the prompt...
#16738 ·
· on The Fixer · >>This is a game I lost
>>This is a game I lost
Yes, but the new generation isn't really the focus of the story. It's not the next generation of crime; its just one criminal with a gimmick. SHe's not responding to or challenging either the previous generation or the next one.
#16834 ·
· on And What Becomes of Champions? · >>Admiral_Biscuit
>>Admiral_Biscuit
There were a couple of spots where I noticed minor technical mistakes: "Maybe the monster would flatten her house, but if it didn’t there wouldn’t be fractured plates and glass all over the floor." for example. I had to read that twice and I'm still not sure if it shouldn't be "...if it didn't there would be fractured plates..."

But isn't she putting them away so they won't break? Maybe that should have been made clearer.
#16954 ·
· on And What Becomes of Champions?
>>TitaniumDragon


Thanks. I hope to write a real book about this place, and this was very helpful.

I’m also confused by the “meatbag” part – is the main reporter a magitek robot thing? If so, that could be made clearer, as it seems like an extraneous detail.

It's how I remembered the talking mirror from Snow White