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Organised by
RogerDodger
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The Ground's the Limit
Rarity hummed to herself as she pushed a needle through multiple layers of fabric, pleating it in just the way she wanted. She was pleased with how her latest project was working out. It had started out as a simple whim to make a new dress for Sweetie Belle, but had grown, as these projects will, into something far grander. She had made many dresses for her sister before. That was no reason to not make another—no filly could have too many frocks—and this one would complement Sweetie’s existing wardrobe well. The problem was that Sweetie, being a little young, might not fully appreciate that. Based on recent experiences, Rarity feared that when she presented her with another stunning new outfit, it might be met with one of those oh-not-another-dress looks.
Hence to ensure that her generosity would not be underappreciated, Rarity had had a cunning plan. She would make new dresses for Sweetie’s friends as well. Naturally Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, who did not receive such regular gifts, would be delighted, and their enthusiasm would help remind Sweetie Belle how fabulous gifts from your older sister really are.
Each of these designs was a new creative challenge. Apple Bloom needed something a little rustic, with the untamed beauty of her namesake flowers, highlighting her oh-so-cute trademark hair accessory, with a skirt which would ride above all the long grass and mud which surrounded Sweet Apple Acres.
And Scootaloo? Scootaloo was a special case. Rarity was very fond of Sweetie Belle’s pegasus playmate, who was a genuinely good, sweet filly. However, she had sadly not had the most cultured upbringing. Rainbow Dash was evidently being a bad influence, encouraging her to do all sorts of silly stunts. On the not infrequent occasions when Sweetie Belle had returned to the Carousel Boutique covered in tree sap and pine needles, Rarity knew Scootaloo was somehow involved. But how to help the poor girl? Not an easy problem to address, so instead Rarity focused on the question of how to dress her.
Here she had no lack of inspiration. Something which would accentuate her movement, with ribbons to whirl through the air, merging with her mane to create a stunning blur of color. Looking for ideas, Rarity flipped through some old magazines showing the costumes worn by the Royal Ballet during last summer’s season.
Then she had a flash of real inspiration. Of course—Scootaloo would be a natural at the ballet, with her flair for movement and balance. And what better way to channel that excessive energy? Instead of racing that scooter of hers, she should be on the stage, enchanting audiences with her acrobatic grace. A plan crystalized in Rarity’s mind. Once she had presented the three fillies with their dresses, and they were jumping around her full of smiles and thanks, she would propose that they all take a trip to Canterlot to see the ballet. Naturally they would want to. And they would love it. Every little filly loved the ballet and dreamed of being a ballerina in a beautiful dress.
Rarity paused, day dreaming of a moment from her childhood when her mother had taken her to see an enchanting performance about a princess who had pricked her hoof on a rose and fallen asleep for a thousand years. Sitting in the theatre, mesmerized, she had immediately decided two things: one—she would get a dress like that, and two—she would be a ballet dancer. The first ambition had proved the easier to achieve and had led her to discover her special talent. After getting a pair of pointe horseshoes and spending several weeks practicing her pirouettes, she had quietly dropped the second.
She had not been destined to be a dancer. But Scootaloo was different. Scootaloo had real talent, and she, Rarity, could be the one to nurture it and bring her to the stage. She had a contact in Canterlot who made costumes for the Royal Ballet School. She could arrange an audition for the young filly. They liked to take on new dancers at a young age. And once she became the patron of a new protégé of the ballet—just think what the Canterlot elite would make of that? Why, when Fancy Pants invited her to his box, she could…
Her day dreams were interrupted by the sound of the bell above the door to the Carousel Boutique. Not the delicate tinkle which announced the arrival of a customer, but the abrupt clatter which marked Sweetie Belle racing into the shop at crusader velocity.
“Rarity Rarity Rarity!” shrilled her little sister.
“Not now Sweetie dear, can't you see that I'm busy?”
“Quickly Rarity! Come now or you'll miss it.”
“Now Sweetie, I'm sure whatever it is you have prepared it can wait until I've finished this line of stitches.”
“It's not me Rarity. It's Scootaloo. She's almost ready...”
“Scootaloo?”
Rarity dropped her needle and thread and turned to look down at her sister who was beaming with eager anticipation.
“Come outside—you'll see!”
Sweetie Belle ran down the stairs and Rarity followed, her mind still full of images of an elegant pegasus filly spinning on a single hoof, twirling pink and purple ribbons across the Canterlot stage. She followed Sweetie Belle out through the boutique door.
On walking into the street, the first thing she saw was a long line of old hay carts left lined up in the middle of the road. Who had abandoned them here? It was about time that the mayor took action against such irresponsible parking. Looking to the right she saw a rickety wooden tower, as tall as a house. A long wooden ramp was positioned against this. Halfway up this she could see Apple Bloom, with a hammer in her mouth, bashing nails into the planks.
“W-what's all this?” she stammered.
“Scootaloo is going to try and beat her record and jump over thirteen hay carts on her scooter!” announced Sweetie Belle.
Rarity glanced up and down the street. Among the crowd of ponies she caught sight of the little ballet protégé whose future career she had just been planning, holding her crash helmet and scooter and talking with Rainbow Dash. Both wearing smug smiles.
“Sweetie, I'm not sure this is such a good idea.”
But her sister had already rushed off to join her friends. Rarity spotted Applejack leaning against a hay cart and walked up to her friend. Applejack was a sensible down-to-earth pony, who would help her talk the silly fillies out of this crazy idea before somepony got hurt.
“Applejack, is this Rainbow Dash's idea?” she asked.
“Nope,” replied Applejack. “The little ’un thought it up by herself. But Rainbow has been helping her arrange it so everything is safe-like. I must say, it's real sweet how RD has taken that little filly under her wing when she like doesn't have a big sister of her own.”
“B-but we can't let her do this. She could get hurt.”
“Like with everything else they've done this week? And last week? And the week before that? Better they do it this way so we can keep an eye on them.”
“But this could be serious. If she hurts her leg or something, it could ruin her future career.”
Rarity left Applejack and pushed through the crowd towards Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash, who were standing with Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle. The young filly was resting her fore hooves against her scooter and staring up at her mentor, listening to every word she said.
“So,” said Rainbow, “like I was saying, being a daredevil doesn't mean being reckless.” She rubbed a hoof onto Scootaloo's head in an affectionate way, messing up her purple mane and making her grin even more wildly. “Only fools rush into big stunts without thinking. You got to plan it carefully, and take charge of everything personally. You check the setup and make sure everything is built properly. If you don't think something is safe, you tell 'em to fix it. And you get an egghead you can trust to check the calculations.”
Rainbow reached out a hoof and wrapped it around Twilight's neck, pulling the lavender unicorn towards her. “So Twi, is everything in order?”
Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes and looked up from the notebook she was levitating in front of her.
“According to my calculations, from that starting height, Scootaloo will accelerate to a launch speed which will allow her to clear all thirteen carts,” said Twilight. “It's not so easy to determine exactly where she will land. It's difficult to precisely calculate the air drag as it depends on the pressure, temperature, and the precise shape of the moving body. If we neglect drag forces, she will hit the ground twenty paces from the library door. Depending on how much the air slows her, it could be closer...”
“So,” said Rainbow, “we'll set up a safety barrier all the way from the library to the last cart.” She waved a hoof at a group of flying pegasi—who Rarity recognized as members of her weather patrol—who were collecting clouds and positioning them on the ground to form a soft fluffy carpet at the end of the line of carts.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
“Sure am,” replied Scootaloo.
“Okay,” said Rainbow. “Remember that the flying is easy. It’s the landing which is always the tricky bit. But you can do it!”
They exchanged a hoof bump, then Scootaloo placed her crash helmet on her head and scooted off towards the base of the tower to join Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
“Rainbow,” said Rarity. “I really don't think this is such a good idea. It is one thing to perform these crazy stunts yourself, but it is quite irresponsible of you to encourage young Scootaloo at this sort of thing.”
Rainbow stared Rarity in the eye.
“Do you remember what it was like to be a little filly Rarity?”
This question threw Rarity.
“Yes,” she said.
“Every little filly dreams of being a Wonderbolt,” said Rainbow.
“I didn’t,” said Rarity firmly. “My fillyhood dream was to be a ballerina.”
“Okay—every little filly with wings dreams of being a Wonderbolt.”
Rarity looked to Fluttershy for support. The yellow pony backed away as Rainbow Dash and Rarity both stared at her.
“I… erm… I-don’t-remember-what-my-dreams-were-as-a-filly-and-I’d-rather-not-think-about-it… eek,” she mumbled before ducking down and hiding under a wooden bench.
“I dreamed of being a Wonderbolt when I was a filly,” said Pinkie Pie. “And I dreamed of being a ballerina. And an astronaut. And a baker. And a firepony. And a small filly living on a rock farm. And a giraffe. And…”
“Anyway,” said Rainbow Dash. “Scoot dreams of being a Wonderbolt. And it’s tough for her as she can’t fly. But she doesn’t let that hold her back. She just shows how awesome she can be on her scooter. Maybe she’ll fly one day and join me as a Wonderbolt. If not, she’ll do something equally cool like be the first pony to jump across Ghastly Gorge on a scooter, or set a new Equestrian land speed record. Whatever she does, we can expect awesomeness!” She thrust her head right up against Rarity’s staring into her eyes. “Let her do this.”
“Y’all ready?” Apple called out a warning from the other side of the row of carts. Rarity and Rainbow Dash took a step back and looked around. Scootaloo had now climbed to the top of the wooden tower and was positioned, with her scooter, ready to shoot down the ramp.
“Ooo—this is super-exciting,” said Pinkie Pie. “Come Rarity—sit next to me.” She thumped a hoof on the wooden bench. “You can share my popcorn.”
“I’d rather watch from underneath the bench with Fluttershy thank you.”
“As you like, but you get the better view from here!”
Rainbow Dash shouted up to Scootaloo. “Are you ready?”
From the top of the ramp, Scootaloo raised a hoof to signal that she was.
“Okay, let’s begin the countdown.”
She nodded at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, who began chanting, “Ten… Nine… Eight…” The crowd of ponies watching from both sides of the street soon joined in. Scootaloo starting buzzing her little wings in anticipation. This gave Twilight a worried look.
“Err, Rainbow,” she said. “You did tell her that she shouldn’t flap her wings on the descent?
“Seven… Six… Five…”
“What?” said Rainbow. “Of course she’s going to flap her wings. What do you think she’ll do?”
“Four… Three… Two…”
“But I calculated her trajectory assuming she would just accelerate down the ramp under gravity,” said Twilight with a worried face. “If she is also using wing-power, that will boost her launch speed. I can’t calculate it accurately without more data, but—”
“One… Zero…”
Scootaloo pushed off her launch pad and zoomed down the ramp flapping her wings wildly. As the ramp approached the ground she was cruising at maximum speed. The carefully designed curve of the ramp launched her into the air. With an excited cry of “Who-hoo!” she gracefully sailed over the line of carts, following a parabolic trajectory, reaching the maximum altitude just after the last cart then continuing over the cloud-covered landing area towards the second floor window of the Golden Oaks library
Rainbow Dash’s face switched from eager excitement to terrified horror in a tiny fraction of a second. Before anypony else could take in what was happening she was airborne, eyes fixed on Scootaloo, accelerating hard. The crowd just saw a rainbow-colored streak shoot towards her.
“I gotch—”
Her premature exclamation of success was cut short as both ponies collided with the library window. With a deafening crash, they hurtled into the room. Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom all ran over to the library, through the main door and up the staircase and across the piles of scattered books.
Rainbow Dash was lying on the floor next to Scootaloo.
“It’s okay,” said Pinkie, reading the labels on the bookshelves. “They hit the romantic comedy section—nice and soft. They were lucky, a shelf to the right and they would have collided head on with volumes one to twenty-four of the encyclopedia of metaphysical enchantments—that’s much denser.”
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle ran up to their apparently unhurt friend.
“Are you alright Scootaloo?”
“Did you see me? That was awesome! I totally cleared all those carts! It must be a record!” she said.
“Is Rainbow Dash okay?” asked Fluttershy.
They looked down at Rainbow Dash. Her eyes were spinning around. “Erpp,” she said, trying to focus on her friends faces.
“She’ll be okay,” said Twilight. “That was a bad crash, but she’s tough, and she has had plenty of practice at flying into bookshelves.”
Rarity looked at the jubilant Scootaloo and then back at Rainbow Dash and smiled.
“You know Rainbow,” she said. “You should take a lesson from young Scootaloo. If you are going to do all these crazy stunts, you really should wear a crash helmet.”
Hence to ensure that her generosity would not be underappreciated, Rarity had had a cunning plan. She would make new dresses for Sweetie’s friends as well. Naturally Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, who did not receive such regular gifts, would be delighted, and their enthusiasm would help remind Sweetie Belle how fabulous gifts from your older sister really are.
Each of these designs was a new creative challenge. Apple Bloom needed something a little rustic, with the untamed beauty of her namesake flowers, highlighting her oh-so-cute trademark hair accessory, with a skirt which would ride above all the long grass and mud which surrounded Sweet Apple Acres.
And Scootaloo? Scootaloo was a special case. Rarity was very fond of Sweetie Belle’s pegasus playmate, who was a genuinely good, sweet filly. However, she had sadly not had the most cultured upbringing. Rainbow Dash was evidently being a bad influence, encouraging her to do all sorts of silly stunts. On the not infrequent occasions when Sweetie Belle had returned to the Carousel Boutique covered in tree sap and pine needles, Rarity knew Scootaloo was somehow involved. But how to help the poor girl? Not an easy problem to address, so instead Rarity focused on the question of how to dress her.
Here she had no lack of inspiration. Something which would accentuate her movement, with ribbons to whirl through the air, merging with her mane to create a stunning blur of color. Looking for ideas, Rarity flipped through some old magazines showing the costumes worn by the Royal Ballet during last summer’s season.
Then she had a flash of real inspiration. Of course—Scootaloo would be a natural at the ballet, with her flair for movement and balance. And what better way to channel that excessive energy? Instead of racing that scooter of hers, she should be on the stage, enchanting audiences with her acrobatic grace. A plan crystalized in Rarity’s mind. Once she had presented the three fillies with their dresses, and they were jumping around her full of smiles and thanks, she would propose that they all take a trip to Canterlot to see the ballet. Naturally they would want to. And they would love it. Every little filly loved the ballet and dreamed of being a ballerina in a beautiful dress.
Rarity paused, day dreaming of a moment from her childhood when her mother had taken her to see an enchanting performance about a princess who had pricked her hoof on a rose and fallen asleep for a thousand years. Sitting in the theatre, mesmerized, she had immediately decided two things: one—she would get a dress like that, and two—she would be a ballet dancer. The first ambition had proved the easier to achieve and had led her to discover her special talent. After getting a pair of pointe horseshoes and spending several weeks practicing her pirouettes, she had quietly dropped the second.
She had not been destined to be a dancer. But Scootaloo was different. Scootaloo had real talent, and she, Rarity, could be the one to nurture it and bring her to the stage. She had a contact in Canterlot who made costumes for the Royal Ballet School. She could arrange an audition for the young filly. They liked to take on new dancers at a young age. And once she became the patron of a new protégé of the ballet—just think what the Canterlot elite would make of that? Why, when Fancy Pants invited her to his box, she could…
Her day dreams were interrupted by the sound of the bell above the door to the Carousel Boutique. Not the delicate tinkle which announced the arrival of a customer, but the abrupt clatter which marked Sweetie Belle racing into the shop at crusader velocity.
“Rarity Rarity Rarity!” shrilled her little sister.
“Not now Sweetie dear, can't you see that I'm busy?”
“Quickly Rarity! Come now or you'll miss it.”
“Now Sweetie, I'm sure whatever it is you have prepared it can wait until I've finished this line of stitches.”
“It's not me Rarity. It's Scootaloo. She's almost ready...”
“Scootaloo?”
Rarity dropped her needle and thread and turned to look down at her sister who was beaming with eager anticipation.
“Come outside—you'll see!”
Sweetie Belle ran down the stairs and Rarity followed, her mind still full of images of an elegant pegasus filly spinning on a single hoof, twirling pink and purple ribbons across the Canterlot stage. She followed Sweetie Belle out through the boutique door.
On walking into the street, the first thing she saw was a long line of old hay carts left lined up in the middle of the road. Who had abandoned them here? It was about time that the mayor took action against such irresponsible parking. Looking to the right she saw a rickety wooden tower, as tall as a house. A long wooden ramp was positioned against this. Halfway up this she could see Apple Bloom, with a hammer in her mouth, bashing nails into the planks.
“W-what's all this?” she stammered.
“Scootaloo is going to try and beat her record and jump over thirteen hay carts on her scooter!” announced Sweetie Belle.
Rarity glanced up and down the street. Among the crowd of ponies she caught sight of the little ballet protégé whose future career she had just been planning, holding her crash helmet and scooter and talking with Rainbow Dash. Both wearing smug smiles.
“Sweetie, I'm not sure this is such a good idea.”
But her sister had already rushed off to join her friends. Rarity spotted Applejack leaning against a hay cart and walked up to her friend. Applejack was a sensible down-to-earth pony, who would help her talk the silly fillies out of this crazy idea before somepony got hurt.
“Applejack, is this Rainbow Dash's idea?” she asked.
“Nope,” replied Applejack. “The little ’un thought it up by herself. But Rainbow has been helping her arrange it so everything is safe-like. I must say, it's real sweet how RD has taken that little filly under her wing when she like doesn't have a big sister of her own.”
“B-but we can't let her do this. She could get hurt.”
“Like with everything else they've done this week? And last week? And the week before that? Better they do it this way so we can keep an eye on them.”
“But this could be serious. If she hurts her leg or something, it could ruin her future career.”
Rarity left Applejack and pushed through the crowd towards Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash, who were standing with Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle. The young filly was resting her fore hooves against her scooter and staring up at her mentor, listening to every word she said.
“So,” said Rainbow, “like I was saying, being a daredevil doesn't mean being reckless.” She rubbed a hoof onto Scootaloo's head in an affectionate way, messing up her purple mane and making her grin even more wildly. “Only fools rush into big stunts without thinking. You got to plan it carefully, and take charge of everything personally. You check the setup and make sure everything is built properly. If you don't think something is safe, you tell 'em to fix it. And you get an egghead you can trust to check the calculations.”
Rainbow reached out a hoof and wrapped it around Twilight's neck, pulling the lavender unicorn towards her. “So Twi, is everything in order?”
Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes and looked up from the notebook she was levitating in front of her.
“According to my calculations, from that starting height, Scootaloo will accelerate to a launch speed which will allow her to clear all thirteen carts,” said Twilight. “It's not so easy to determine exactly where she will land. It's difficult to precisely calculate the air drag as it depends on the pressure, temperature, and the precise shape of the moving body. If we neglect drag forces, she will hit the ground twenty paces from the library door. Depending on how much the air slows her, it could be closer...”
“So,” said Rainbow, “we'll set up a safety barrier all the way from the library to the last cart.” She waved a hoof at a group of flying pegasi—who Rarity recognized as members of her weather patrol—who were collecting clouds and positioning them on the ground to form a soft fluffy carpet at the end of the line of carts.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
“Sure am,” replied Scootaloo.
“Okay,” said Rainbow. “Remember that the flying is easy. It’s the landing which is always the tricky bit. But you can do it!”
They exchanged a hoof bump, then Scootaloo placed her crash helmet on her head and scooted off towards the base of the tower to join Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
“Rainbow,” said Rarity. “I really don't think this is such a good idea. It is one thing to perform these crazy stunts yourself, but it is quite irresponsible of you to encourage young Scootaloo at this sort of thing.”
Rainbow stared Rarity in the eye.
“Do you remember what it was like to be a little filly Rarity?”
This question threw Rarity.
“Yes,” she said.
“Every little filly dreams of being a Wonderbolt,” said Rainbow.
“I didn’t,” said Rarity firmly. “My fillyhood dream was to be a ballerina.”
“Okay—every little filly with wings dreams of being a Wonderbolt.”
Rarity looked to Fluttershy for support. The yellow pony backed away as Rainbow Dash and Rarity both stared at her.
“I… erm… I-don’t-remember-what-my-dreams-were-as-a-filly-and-I’d-rather-not-think-about-it… eek,” she mumbled before ducking down and hiding under a wooden bench.
“I dreamed of being a Wonderbolt when I was a filly,” said Pinkie Pie. “And I dreamed of being a ballerina. And an astronaut. And a baker. And a firepony. And a small filly living on a rock farm. And a giraffe. And…”
“Anyway,” said Rainbow Dash. “Scoot dreams of being a Wonderbolt. And it’s tough for her as she can’t fly. But she doesn’t let that hold her back. She just shows how awesome she can be on her scooter. Maybe she’ll fly one day and join me as a Wonderbolt. If not, she’ll do something equally cool like be the first pony to jump across Ghastly Gorge on a scooter, or set a new Equestrian land speed record. Whatever she does, we can expect awesomeness!” She thrust her head right up against Rarity’s staring into her eyes. “Let her do this.”
“Y’all ready?” Apple called out a warning from the other side of the row of carts. Rarity and Rainbow Dash took a step back and looked around. Scootaloo had now climbed to the top of the wooden tower and was positioned, with her scooter, ready to shoot down the ramp.
“Ooo—this is super-exciting,” said Pinkie Pie. “Come Rarity—sit next to me.” She thumped a hoof on the wooden bench. “You can share my popcorn.”
“I’d rather watch from underneath the bench with Fluttershy thank you.”
“As you like, but you get the better view from here!”
Rainbow Dash shouted up to Scootaloo. “Are you ready?”
From the top of the ramp, Scootaloo raised a hoof to signal that she was.
“Okay, let’s begin the countdown.”
She nodded at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, who began chanting, “Ten… Nine… Eight…” The crowd of ponies watching from both sides of the street soon joined in. Scootaloo starting buzzing her little wings in anticipation. This gave Twilight a worried look.
“Err, Rainbow,” she said. “You did tell her that she shouldn’t flap her wings on the descent?
“Seven… Six… Five…”
“What?” said Rainbow. “Of course she’s going to flap her wings. What do you think she’ll do?”
“Four… Three… Two…”
“But I calculated her trajectory assuming she would just accelerate down the ramp under gravity,” said Twilight with a worried face. “If she is also using wing-power, that will boost her launch speed. I can’t calculate it accurately without more data, but—”
“One… Zero…”
Scootaloo pushed off her launch pad and zoomed down the ramp flapping her wings wildly. As the ramp approached the ground she was cruising at maximum speed. The carefully designed curve of the ramp launched her into the air. With an excited cry of “Who-hoo!” she gracefully sailed over the line of carts, following a parabolic trajectory, reaching the maximum altitude just after the last cart then continuing over the cloud-covered landing area towards the second floor window of the Golden Oaks library
Rainbow Dash’s face switched from eager excitement to terrified horror in a tiny fraction of a second. Before anypony else could take in what was happening she was airborne, eyes fixed on Scootaloo, accelerating hard. The crowd just saw a rainbow-colored streak shoot towards her.
“I gotch—”
Her premature exclamation of success was cut short as both ponies collided with the library window. With a deafening crash, they hurtled into the room. Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom all ran over to the library, through the main door and up the staircase and across the piles of scattered books.
Rainbow Dash was lying on the floor next to Scootaloo.
“It’s okay,” said Pinkie, reading the labels on the bookshelves. “They hit the romantic comedy section—nice and soft. They were lucky, a shelf to the right and they would have collided head on with volumes one to twenty-four of the encyclopedia of metaphysical enchantments—that’s much denser.”
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle ran up to their apparently unhurt friend.
“Are you alright Scootaloo?”
“Did you see me? That was awesome! I totally cleared all those carts! It must be a record!” she said.
“Is Rainbow Dash okay?” asked Fluttershy.
They looked down at Rainbow Dash. Her eyes were spinning around. “Erpp,” she said, trying to focus on her friends faces.
“She’ll be okay,” said Twilight. “That was a bad crash, but she’s tough, and she has had plenty of practice at flying into bookshelves.”
Rarity looked at the jubilant Scootaloo and then back at Rainbow Dash and smiled.
“You know Rainbow,” she said. “You should take a lesson from young Scootaloo. If you are going to do all these crazy stunts, you really should wear a crash helmet.”