There was a note in the Harmony-colored bouquet: "It's time." It was hastily scrawled—which is to say, the parchment itself was; cruder and less real than the flowers—and before Celestia's eyes it collapsed in upon itself, slipping out of reality amid the scent of lilac and paradox.

She looked into his eyes, surprised. His wink was oversold. Poor theater, but it would fool the others.

---

"I regret betraying Twilight to Tirek," he told her, as they sipped tea behind the curtains of the fifth dimension.

The panic that had been dancing behind her ribs stabbed into her heart, and she tried to keep it out of her tone. "I'm sorry. I was so scared of him—I shouldn't have ever involved you—"

"Celly." His tone was firm. Weary. For a moment, she heard a voice thousands of years gone. "It's not your fault. I want it to be, but I can't fool myself this time. I made a choice that I regret, and you know what that means."

"Maybe you just need some perspective," she said quickly. "Let's talk about this. I can help. Luna and I are the world's leading experts on regrets."

Discord laughed. "Your idea of fixing this is talking sense into me? Really?"

Her muzzle flushed. "Friendship transcends order and chaos—"

"But this isn't a friendship problem, it's a chaos problem. You know that. As soon as I start regretting my actions, my guilt becomes a restriction. I'm sabotaging my own purpose."

"My old friend," she said. "Please—"

"I'm cashing in your promise," he said. "It's time to retire. Find me a replacement who has no regrets."

---

"You've got to be kidding me."

Celestia put on the room's only smile. "I assure you, she is not in the habit of kidding."

Discord stared at Miss Harshwhinny, then back at Celestia. "You have reduced me to speechlessness. This? It is me telling you I am literally speechless."

Harshwhinny's frown deepened. "You mean figuratively. If you were literally speechless—"

"Oh, hush." Discord briefly clamped his eagle-claw around her muzzle, and a floating image of a crossed-out speaker appeared above her head. He turned to Celestia. "Your idea for the avatar of Chaos is the pony who Twilight Sparkle turns to for list-making advice? A pony whose job is literally, in the pedantic sense, evaluating locations for adherence to rules?"

Celestia wingshrugged. "She's the only pony I've spoken to who's regret-free. I recall that being your sole criterion." She suppressed a smirk. "Literally."

"Buh. Glrk." Discord's muzzle curled into a grimace, and he whirled back to Harshwhinny. "For Me's sake, how is that even possible? You're an ex-athlete in an administrative job you barely tolerate! You're divorced and estranged from your children! Your whole life should be one big regret!"

Harshwhinny swatted the ghostly symbol out of the air and turned an imperious stare toward the draconequus. "That, sir, would imply I had done something wrong." She glanced at Celestia. "Are we done here, Your Highness? If you're reassigning me, I'll need the day to delegate my current duties to my worthless assistants."

"I don't believe there's anything more to discuss," Celestia said. She looked up to the ceiling and put a hoof on her chin, casting a sideways glance at Discord. "Although…if you think you'd regret retiring more than you regret continuing to be Chaos incarnate…"

---

The afterparty at Donut Joe's was somewhat larger than usual, owing to the Grand Galloping Gala having ended in flames. Flaming ice, to be specific, which chased ponies around while shouting knock-knock jokes. The fireponies' clouds had also frozen and burst into flames, and they'd finally settled on slapping a giant magical bubble around Canterlot Castle to let everything burn out overnight.

Celestia staggered in, gasping for breath—tears streaming down her face, a grin plastered to her muzzle. Discord was, uncharacteristically, sitting quietly in the corner. She levitated a creme-filled donut to him, taking one for herself and sitting by his side.

"So," she said, taking a bite and swallowing before speaking, "between your little feud with Fluttershy and your response to Blueblood's insult, you quite thoroughly wrecked my castle tonight."

"I really did, didn't I." A grin slowly spread across his face. "Should I regret it?"

Her only response was to burst back into laughter. He joined her.