"Puffah... Poofer..."

"Pferdewortprägungsbautechnik." Twilight sighed. "So you can't read Minotaur, AJ, so what? It's hardly the end of the world."

Applejack squinted at the sign, sighed, and kicked at the curb. "I dunno, Twi. I just feel like somethin's wrong with me."

Twilight ruffled her feathers, feeling a headache coming on. That had to have been the fifteenth failed reading attempt in the last half hour. Maybe Manehattan's embassy district hadn't been the best place to conduct this experiment, but she had needed to get some princess work done, and killing two birds with one stone had seemed a good idea at the time.

"Let's try something a little more familiar. Stores are generally a good place to look!" Putting on a smile, she trotted to the next storefront past the embassy, and Applejack joined her.

"Luff... Lulla... Looler..."

"Wait." Twilight scrunched up her nose, peering at the sign. "LuluLamoon? Why is that name familiar?" She pressed her face to the glass.

Past ponnequins sporting various stylish outfits were racks of designer clothes. Beyond that was a polished wooden floor. Ponies sat or stood on mats, holding numerous contorted and possibly painful poses. Each wore colorful form-fitting clothing made of a material Twilight couldn't identify at this range. It was, in total, a cross between a designer boutique and a gym, and nothing about it made sense.

Twilight squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed at her temples.

"Dee... Dezigg..."

"Designer," Twilight mumbled into the glass. "What are they doing in there?"

Applejack hemmed and hawed at the sign. Twilight groaned and left nose streaks all over the window, unknowns eating away at her mind. A dingle signalled the door opening, and a strident voice cut the tedium.

"Trixie does not wish to be rude, but would you two mind being homeless elsewh... Oh! Why, if it isn't Princess Twilight! What a pleasant surprise to have you visit Trixie's boutique!"

The headache did not abate as Twilight corkscrewed her head to the side and beheld a familiar turquoise unicorn. Said unicorn also wore that strange form-fitting clothing, though hers was unsurprisingly star-spangled and shimmered where the others had been plain.

"Lulamoon," Twilight mumbled. "Trixie. Now stuff makes sense."

"Trixie!" Applejack's voice was, to Twilight's mind, needlessly loud. "Just what in the hay're you doin' here?"

Trixie smiled and fluttered her eyelashes. "After our latest encounter, Trixie traveled the world to find herself. A showmare no longer, she now pursues her true passion!" She posed on her hind legs, facing slightly away from them, her body twisted. "Fashion!"

Applejack looked like she'd swallowed a worm. "Uh-huh."

"Trixie also discovered the magic of yoga while visiting distant lands!" She grinned over her shoulder. "And she created this wonderful fabric for ponies who wish to broaden their minds and live healthier lifestyles! Doesn't Trixie's ass look fantastic? This line is called Full-On Luna."

Twilight looked at Trixie's ass. It was large and round, like a pair of water balloons. The stretchy, sheer fabric only highlighted its pertness. Twilight's wings flared out. Her headache became a memory.

"Uh," said Applejack.

Trixie squealed, regaining her hooves. "Oh, but you must meet someone! Lu, dear," she called into the shop, "would you come here a moment?"

A lithe brown head emerged from the door. The thin face was feminine, with small eyes and a black nose. Exotic lacy gold jewelry adorned her ears and spilled over her forehead.

"More puns, beloved?" she asked, voice carrying a soft accent. Trixie threw an arm around her neck.

Twilight struggled to furl her wings.

"Lucia, these are Trixie's Ponyville friends, Princess Twilight Sparkle and Apple, uh, sauce."

Applejack's face flattened threateningly. "Applejack."

"Yes, that one." Trixie grinned. "This is Lucia, Trixie's fiancee! She's a barasingha, and quite a talented one!" She nosed against the other mare, who regarded her with a wry smile.

"And Trixie is quite a forgetful pony," she said, "for class is not yet over! Go now!" She swatted Trixie's rear, which set it jiggling, much to Twilight's renewed chagrin. "It was a pleasure meeting you, but business calls." She nodded to them before following Trixie back into the store.

Twilight looked to Applejack, busy staring at a street sign. "What just happened?"

"Buh... Booze..."

"Bus stop!" Twilight snapped. "It says 'bus stop'!"

Applejack sighed, frowned, grunted, and tossed her hat on the ground.

"Well, that tears it, then. I'm just plum illiterate."

Twilight's headache renewed. She wished Applejack had a nicer butt.