The doctor frowned down at her patient. “It looks like we’ll have to amputate.” She turned to her left. “Nurse, pass me the hacksaw, will you?”

The nurse glared at her. “Shouldn’t we, I dunno, figure out what’s wrong before we go chopin’ off limbs?”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “It’s obvious the patient has a case of explosive wombosis… as you would know, nurse, if you’d gone to medical school!”

From the hospital table née clubhouse bench, Sweetie Belle timidly raised a hoof. “I think nurses need to go medical school, too.” Scootaloo turned her glare tablenéebenchward, and though Sweetie balked, she managed to squeak out, “A-and maybe, could I just take a pill or something instead?”

“I’m afraid there’s only one cure for explosive wombosis, and that’s radical surgery. Now, let’s get radical!” The gleam in Scootaloo’s eyes made Sweetie Belle shrink back.

“Oh, c’mon, Scoots,” said Apple Bloom. “Can't you at least try to take this seriously? Like, ask her how she feels, or listen to her heart with that neck thing, like a real doctor would?”

Scootaloo scoffed. “Sure, I could do that... if you guys wanna play doctor the boring way. Hey, maybe I could tell Sweetie to get lots of rest and drink plenty of liquids!” She stuck out her tongue. “That’s what a boring doctor would say, I’ll bet.”

“Actually, yeah, that sounds about right,” said Apple Bloom

“And now that you mention it, a nap and some apple juice sounds kind of nice…” added Sweetie.

Scootaloo was on a roll, however, and paid her friends no mind as she worked her way into her rant. “That might be what a so-called ‘real’ doctor would do, but what would an awesome doctor do?” She stretched a hoof heavenward, and in a softer, almost reverent voice, asked, “What would a Rainbow Dash doctor do?”

“Call a real doctor?” suggested Sweetie Belle.

“Ya know, apple juice and a nap does sound pretty nice,” said Apple Bloom. “What do ya say we head back to my house? There’s still half a pie leftover from dinner last night, too, and I’ll bet Big Mac’d let us have a slice with our juice.”

Sweetie nodded happily, and the two fillies left Scootaloo to continue her soliloquy. “She’d diagnose her patient with explosive wombosis, that’s what she’d do! And she’d be so awesome at diagnosing that she could do it in ten seconds flat! And then, once she did that, she’d amputate all the patient's limbs with a hacksaw to stop the disease from spreading, because she’d know that extreme diseases call for extreme measures! Besides, after she was done she could probably just get her friends together and use a magic rainbow to put the legs back on or something.” Scootaloo scratched her chin. “It’s a real pancake-ea, that rainbow thing they can do.

“So that,” she concluded, “is why we’ve gotta dismember you. Now nurse, pass me the—” she looked around, and it finally dawned on her that she was alone. “Well, fine,” she pouted to the empty room. “‘Doctor’ is a stupid game, anyway.”

Before she could really get into her pout, however, Apple Bloom poked her head through the clubhouse door, Sweetie Belle’s appearing just above it a moment later. “Uh, Scoot? If you’re done waxin’ poetic, Big Mac said I should ask if you wanted some pie, too.”

Scootaloo turned her back on them and glowered at the opposite wall. “Go away, you two. I’m being mad at you.”

Apple Bloom thought for a moment. “Well, we could really use an awesome surgeon to amputate some slices for us… if you think you’re up to it.”

Although she continued to face away from them, Scootaloo’s ears swiveled. Sweetie Belle pressed the attack. “Big Mac said we could have ice crea—I mean, that we’ll need to put the limbs on ice afterword. Cream.”

“Well when you put it like that…” Scootaloo slowly turned around, a grin on her face. “What kind of a doctor would I be if I let that poor, helpless pie suffer? Nurse, take me to the patient!”

Grins on their faces, the three fillies galloped toward the house, friends again.