Being turned to stone was not the problem. I’m still not sure why nopony understands that.

Look, let’s try to put this another way. You’re a mortal pony, so you’re more than a little constrained by your own inescapable fear of death. Immortality is a lot for a mortal brain to grapple with, but you’re smart. I'll just talk. I'm sure you can keep up with me, right?

Let’s start with an easy question: why are you alive? What’s your purpose? What is the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything? Not, of course, that there is one single answer—that would be silly. Everypony has a different purpose, after all. But what about your life, Princess? Just you?

It’s funny, really, how ponies never seem to know the answer to that one. The simplest question there is to ask, and none of you have a clue! Sometimes, I wonder how you can live with yourselves.

I don’t deal with that kind of nonsense. No, I know exactly why I’m here. But then, being the literal manifestation of a force of nature does rather let the cat out the bag, doesn’t it?

No, Twilight, listen to me. You don’t have to go and get… look, I know Rarity’s your friend and all, but her cat running off in your castle is hardly your biggest problem… I’m trying to impart universal wisdom here, Miss Sparkle!

There. Now we’re all sorted, and little kitty is back home where she belongs. May I continue?

Where was I? Oh yes. My purpose.

It is my purpose to ensure that there is always chaos. And unlike you ponies, this isn’t some self-built purpose chosen by me because it’s what I enjoy; my purpose is hardwired into my very existence. At the end of the day, though Celestia will try to bog you down in details and classifications and all kinds of boring, organised things like that, I am chaos. Chaos is me. To speak of one is to speak of the other.

You see now? Being turned to stone was never the problem. So long as there would always be chaos, I could be content to be trapped indefinitely. All I had to do was ensure chaos remained, even if there was only a little bit of it.

I didn’t have much to work with, of course. The lack of time wasn’t too much of a problem, but the lack of materials… you think I’d just be able to summon up anything in a second, wouldn’t you? My magic is nothing like yours: despite what you might think, it’s even more limited. Defending myself would have been expected, predictable, and so it wasn’t chaotic. I could only work with what I had. I’ll admit, plunderseeds are hardly the best hand, but I reckon my poker face was good enough to pull them off.

Have you ever played poker, Princess? It’s a wonderful game, it really is. Everything hinges on chance, on random chaos, but the level of skill involved in playing well is really rather remarkable. Of course, I’m barred from most tournaments. I do miss that game so…

I do believe it’d be a safe bet that you’ve never gone all in without certainty, Twilight, not once in your whole life. You don’t do things like that unless you have no other choice, and in poker you can always choose to fold and try again. But you and I both know that the fate of the world isn’t like poker, is it, Miss Sparkle? You only get one hand, and everything hinges on playing it right.

Sometimes, you have to go all in on a terrible hand. You can’t know what cards the dealer will turn over, you can’t fix the deck, you can’t do anything but wait, paralysed by fear and tension and a giant rainbow of harmony turning you to stone, hoping the seeds you plant grow and aren’t choked by weeds.

Come now, Twilight, all this talk has got me in the mood for a game. How about some chess? You know, come to think of it, chess is probably a much better metaphor for life than poker is… Oh, don’t give me that look, Twilight. I did my best with the cards I was dealt, then and now. See? “All” and “In”. You tell me how you’d monologue about chess with cards like that, hmm?

Now, remind me: grey goes first, don’t they?