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Organised by
RogerDodger
Word limit
400–750
I Left My Butt in Appleoosa
"Ain't it bad enough you get to back to Ponyville with a shiny trophy, and all we're bringin' back is these same old blank flanks?"
Apple Bloom and her friends gazed upon their markless behinds. Applejack may have been underwater for all that they didn't hear her next words.
"What if..." Scootaloo glanced at the other two. "What if we just left them here?"
A manic smile dawned on Apple Bloom's face. "That's the best idea you've ever had."
"Home sweet Ponyville!" Applejack inhaled dramatically as she stepped off the train, three fillies following close behind. "And wasn't it nice of the buffalo to give y'all them sarapes?"
"It sure was!" Sweetie said, the three of them giggling. They paraded onto the platform, colorful buffalo-print capes fluttering over their hindquarters.
"Y'all run along now," Applejack said, gazing longingly into the large, reflective trophy she carried. "Me 'n Goldie here got a hot date." She left, cooing to her trophy.
"What should we do first?" Scootaloo asked. Before her friends had a chance to respond, a pair of shrill voices cut the air.
"Well, well, if it isn't three blank flanks, back from Dust Bowl City!"
"Too bad you didn't get stampeded by buffalo. It would have done wonders for your figure, Sweetie Belle!" Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon punctuated their taunts with cruel laughter.
Sweetie pouted. Scootaloo glowered. Before either could react, Apple Bloom stepped forward, cool and calm.
"I don't think y'all got grounds to be callin' us blank flanks no more."
The bullies stopped laughing, fixing Apple Bloom with suspicious stares. "Don't tell me you losers got your cutie marks in Appleoosa," Diamond Tiara said.
"Not quite." Smirking, Apple Bloom nodded to her friends. As one, they turned, presenting their sides to Diamond and Silver. They flipped their sarapes up, providing a clean view of their haunches, as though they'd spent the train ride practicing their choreography. (They had.)
The color drained from Silver Spoon's face. Diamond Tiara screamed. They fainted dead away.
The Crusaders grinned at each other.
"Y'know what this means?" Apple Bloom said.
"We're finally free!" Sweetie shouted.
"We're invincible!" cried Scootaloo.
"Granny Smith can never whoop me again!" Apple Bloom's friends seemed slightly confused by her excitement. Sweetie nevertheless clapped Scootaloo on the back.
"This really was your best plan ever."
"Okay, squirt! Today, I'm gonna teach you about kickoffs. Not only do they look cool, they might give you just the boost you need to start flying.
"First you crouch, like this, then spread your wings. Then use those powerful haunch muscles to push yourself up! It's easy! Now you try it!"
"Uhh, Rainbow Dash? I don't think my haunch muscles are all that powerful anymore."
Rainbow frowned, looking at Scootaloo as though she hadn't seen the filly before. "Huh. Yeah, you're right. No offense, but that's kinda gross."
Scootaloo sighed.
"Sweetie Belle, would you please sit still? Your constant fidgeting is distracting!"
"Sorry, Rarity. I'm trying, honest! But I kinda... can't sit."
Rarity frowned, looking at Sweetie as though she hadn't seen the filly before. Then she fainted.
Sweetie Belle sighed.
"Stir yer stumps, youngin'! There's trees out there what need t'be bucked, and I cain't find yer sister nowhere!"
"I don't really feel like applebucking, Granny."
"Nopony ever earned her cutie mark sittin' around doin' nothin'!"
"Don't think I'll be gettin' a cutie mark at all, now..."
"Why, I got half a mind t'paddle ya senseless, li'l missy, lessin' ya move yer caboose this instant!"
"Can't really do that, neither."
Big Macintosh, passing by, frowned, looking at Apple Bloom as though he hadn't seen the filly before.
"That ain't right."
Apple Bloom sighed.
Meanwhile, back at the barn...
"Applejack, are you in here? It's time for Winona's..."
Fluttershy trailed off as she noticed a voice inside the barn.
"Oh! Mmm! Oh Goldie, yes, yes! You're prettier 'n a prize apple at the fair! Ohh, make me your filly!"
Fluttershy's wings stood straight up.
"I... I can just come back later... If you're... busy..."
Fluttershy backed out of the barn.
Her wings stayed erect for over four hours.
She should have called a doctor.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
"What do you mean, the ponies didn't want 'em?"
"They just kept screamin', bro. I think those three little ponies fleeced us."
"Aw, man. What're we gonna do with these things, dude?"
"Bro, I got no idea."
"I think we got a bum deal, yo."
Apple Bloom and her friends gazed upon their markless behinds. Applejack may have been underwater for all that they didn't hear her next words.
"What if..." Scootaloo glanced at the other two. "What if we just left them here?"
A manic smile dawned on Apple Bloom's face. "That's the best idea you've ever had."
"Home sweet Ponyville!" Applejack inhaled dramatically as she stepped off the train, three fillies following close behind. "And wasn't it nice of the buffalo to give y'all them sarapes?"
"It sure was!" Sweetie said, the three of them giggling. They paraded onto the platform, colorful buffalo-print capes fluttering over their hindquarters.
"Y'all run along now," Applejack said, gazing longingly into the large, reflective trophy she carried. "Me 'n Goldie here got a hot date." She left, cooing to her trophy.
"What should we do first?" Scootaloo asked. Before her friends had a chance to respond, a pair of shrill voices cut the air.
"Well, well, if it isn't three blank flanks, back from Dust Bowl City!"
"Too bad you didn't get stampeded by buffalo. It would have done wonders for your figure, Sweetie Belle!" Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon punctuated their taunts with cruel laughter.
Sweetie pouted. Scootaloo glowered. Before either could react, Apple Bloom stepped forward, cool and calm.
"I don't think y'all got grounds to be callin' us blank flanks no more."
The bullies stopped laughing, fixing Apple Bloom with suspicious stares. "Don't tell me you losers got your cutie marks in Appleoosa," Diamond Tiara said.
"Not quite." Smirking, Apple Bloom nodded to her friends. As one, they turned, presenting their sides to Diamond and Silver. They flipped their sarapes up, providing a clean view of their haunches, as though they'd spent the train ride practicing their choreography. (They had.)
The color drained from Silver Spoon's face. Diamond Tiara screamed. They fainted dead away.
The Crusaders grinned at each other.
"Y'know what this means?" Apple Bloom said.
"We're finally free!" Sweetie shouted.
"We're invincible!" cried Scootaloo.
"Granny Smith can never whoop me again!" Apple Bloom's friends seemed slightly confused by her excitement. Sweetie nevertheless clapped Scootaloo on the back.
"This really was your best plan ever."
"Okay, squirt! Today, I'm gonna teach you about kickoffs. Not only do they look cool, they might give you just the boost you need to start flying.
"First you crouch, like this, then spread your wings. Then use those powerful haunch muscles to push yourself up! It's easy! Now you try it!"
"Uhh, Rainbow Dash? I don't think my haunch muscles are all that powerful anymore."
Rainbow frowned, looking at Scootaloo as though she hadn't seen the filly before. "Huh. Yeah, you're right. No offense, but that's kinda gross."
Scootaloo sighed.
"Sweetie Belle, would you please sit still? Your constant fidgeting is distracting!"
"Sorry, Rarity. I'm trying, honest! But I kinda... can't sit."
Rarity frowned, looking at Sweetie as though she hadn't seen the filly before. Then she fainted.
Sweetie Belle sighed.
"Stir yer stumps, youngin'! There's trees out there what need t'be bucked, and I cain't find yer sister nowhere!"
"I don't really feel like applebucking, Granny."
"Nopony ever earned her cutie mark sittin' around doin' nothin'!"
"Don't think I'll be gettin' a cutie mark at all, now..."
"Why, I got half a mind t'paddle ya senseless, li'l missy, lessin' ya move yer caboose this instant!"
"Can't really do that, neither."
Big Macintosh, passing by, frowned, looking at Apple Bloom as though he hadn't seen the filly before.
"That ain't right."
Apple Bloom sighed.
Meanwhile, back at the barn...
"Applejack, are you in here? It's time for Winona's..."
Fluttershy trailed off as she noticed a voice inside the barn.
"Oh! Mmm! Oh Goldie, yes, yes! You're prettier 'n a prize apple at the fair! Ohh, make me your filly!"
Fluttershy's wings stood straight up.
"I... I can just come back later... If you're... busy..."
Fluttershy backed out of the barn.
Her wings stayed erect for over four hours.
She should have called a doctor.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
"What do you mean, the ponies didn't want 'em?"
"They just kept screamin', bro. I think those three little ponies fleeced us."
"Aw, man. What're we gonna do with these things, dude?"
"Bro, I got no idea."
"I think we got a bum deal, yo."