Blinking lights illuminated the Ponyville Cinema marquee in the fading sunlight of the evening. Three fillies stood underneath, craning their necks to look at the list of movie titles spelled out in block letters above them.

“What are we doing at the movie theater?” Sweetie Belle said. “You said you had A Simple Plan to get our cutie marks, Apple Bloom.”

“I hope this goes better than last week when you said Let’s Be Cops,” Scootaloo said, rolling her eyes.

“Sure is! If we Analyze This movie and write a review for the Foal Free Press, then everypony will read it and we’ll get our cutie marks as film experts!” Apple Bloom said.

“That sounds way better than when we tried to write that Gabby Gums column,” Sweetie Belle said. “All we learned from that was How To Lose Friends & Alienate People.”

Scootaloo tilted her head. “What do you mean ‘people?’ Have you been talking to Lyra again? She’s kind of a Psycho.”

“That’s not fair. She’s really nice. She’s definitely The Last Unicorn I’d ever expect to hurt anyone,” Sweetie Belle said.

Apple Bloom gave her a look. “Yeah, Scootaloo. That’s not a nice thing to say. Applejack says it’s important to Do The Right Thing.”

“Well, whatever. We’re not here to argue. We’re here to see The Greatest Show on Earth,” said Scootaloo.

“And we’d better hurry,” Apple Bloom said. “If we want to write a review, there’s a Deadline at Dawn.”

“I’m ready to pick apart every bit of this movie—The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly—and tell everypony what I thought,” Sweetie Belle said. “Movie expert cutie marks would be the coolest!”

“You sure do watch a lot of movies, Apple Bloom,” said Scootaloo. “I Know What You Did Last Summer.”

“Well, ever since I saw my first movie here with Applejack and Big McIntosh, movies have had a Deep Impact on me. That’s why I think we should become Cutie Mark Crusader Movie Experts!”

“I wish I could’ve seen more movies, but school takes up so much time,” Scootaloo said. “If only we could get (500) Days of Summer.”

“Yeah, too bad we only get about 9 ½ Weeks,” Apple Bloom said.

Sweetie Belle was looking at the handsome faces of the actors on the movie posters. “You know, I’ve always wanted to go visit one of the big studios in Applewood! They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?” Sweetie Belle said.

“Phffft! Of course!” Scootaloo said. “How else would you make a movie?”

“I Accuse My Parents of not taking me to the theater enough to give me a knowledgeable background in cinema.”

“Yeah, sometimes you’re the only one in The Room not to understand a movie reference,” Scootaloo said.

“You should at least be Almost Famous before you try to make it in the movie business, though,” Apple Bloom said. “I’ve heard it’s hard to get noticed in the big city.”

“And All the Pretty Horses won’t even notice you unless you’re someone famous,” Scootaloo added.

“I hope someday I make it Big,” Sweetie Belle said with a sigh.

“It’d be pretty cool to be a Celebrity,” Scootaloo agreed.

“Yeah, ain’t it fascinatin’ how ponies all over Equestria watch the same movies? You can even strike up a conversation with Strangers on a Train about your favorite ones!” Apple Bloom said.

“How about we just hurry Up and choose something to see today?” Sweetie Belle said, pointing a hoof up at the titles on the marquee.

“Good point. We’ll be here From Dusk til Dawn if we can’t decide on something,” Apple Bloom said.

“And we should make sure we get there before it starts, so we don’t Crash a showing that’s already in progress,” Scootaloo added.

Sweetie Belle pointed up at the movie times listed on the marquee. “If we can’t choose a movie in 30 Minutes or Less then it’ll be too late.”

“Guess we’d better Rush, then!” Scootaloo said.

“I think we should go see a Scary Movie,” Apple Bloom said.

Sweetie Belle frowned. “That doesn’t sound like What A Girl Wants.”

“I think it sounds awesome! I want to go see a Scary Movie 2!” Scootaloo said.

“How did I get Tangled up in this?” Sweetie Belle muttered under her breath.

Apple Bloom trotted over in front of a poster, a hoof-painted depiction of a pony running through a dark forest, the shadowy outline of a bat-winged creature lurking behind her. “This one looks pretty scary! I wonder who The Artist was!”

“We can’t see that one,” Scootaloo said, pointing to the small print at the bottom. “It doesn’t come out until The Day After Tomorrow.”

“Isn’t that An Inconvenient Truth,” she said with a sigh.

“What a relief,” Sweetie Belle said. “Last time I went to a horror movie, I Ran out of the theater.”

“Oh well,” Scootaloo said. She looked at the other posters on the wall. “Is there Anything Else we wanted to see?”

Apple Bloom looked up at the titles on the theater marquee and scratched her chin. “What was the name of that movie about The Fable of the Kid Who Shifted His Ideals to Golf and Finally Became a Baseball Fan and Took The Only Known Cure?”

“I’ve never heard of It,” Scootaloo said with a shrug.

“I didn’t get any of what you said. When did you Stop Making Sense?” Sweetie Belle said, blinking in confusion.

“I just Wanted to see if you knew,” Apple Bloom said.

Sweetie Belle let out a groan. “There’s not that many choices. It shouldn’t take us 127 Hours just to agree on one movie.”

“Well, why don’t you Step Up and give a suggestion yourself?” Apple Bloom said.

“I’m ready to Say Anything at this point,” Sweetie Belle said.

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. “I Suspect you’re about to suggest something.”

“You know what I would Love Actually?” Sweetie Belle said. “A romantic comedy!”

“Don’t Say a Word. There is absolutely no way you can get me into a movie like that,” Scootaloo said.

“Doesn’t it sound wonderful, though?” Sweetie Belle said in a dreamy tone. “A story of two ponies who are Truly Madly Deeply in love!”

“I’m with Scootaloo on this one. If you try to get me into one of those sappy love stories, There Will Be Blood,” Apple Bloom said.

“What do you Mean Girls?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Romantic comedies are, Far and Away, the worst movies ever,” Scootaloo said.

“I guess our tastes in movies are as different as Knight and Day,” Sweetie Belle said.

“We should see something exciting instead. Something with True Grit,” Scootaloo said.

“Sounds like you’re in the mood for An Awfully Big Adventure,” said Apple Bloom. “Got anythin’ specific in mind?”

“Yeah! I know just The Thing we should see!” Scootaloo said.

“Why don’t you Go ahead and tell us what it is, then?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“There’s a new Daring Do movie out this week. Rainbow Dash said that’s As Good As It Gets when it comes to action!” Scootaloo said.

“I thought you Saw that movie already,” Apple Bloom said.

“I did, but I’d be willing to see it 300 times since it’s just that amazing!”

“What’s it about?” Sweetie Belle asked. “I’m kind of Clueless.”

“It’s an Adaptation. of one of the best books in the series. Daring Do is on a quest to find the National Treasure when suddenly it gets Stolen by her nemesis, the Lord of War, Ahuizotl! She has to Face/Off against him. But then he’s Gone in 60 Seconds, and Daring Do is Left Behind in the jungle, leaving her Trapped in Paradise! Seeking Justice, Daring has to follow him north, where she has to Trespass into The Frozen Ground. Daring is filled with Rage and knows it’s Time to Kill. It’s totally Kick-Ass! But then—“

“Hold up. This is the End! Don’t spoil it before we see the movie,” Apple Bloom said.

Scootaloo shrugged. “It’s still a good movie even Knowing what’s Next.”

“It sounds pretty Over the Top to me,” Apple Bloom said.

“Just Once I wish we could agree on something,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Old habits Die Hard,” Apple Bloom replied.

“There’s not that many choices, guys,” Scootaloo said. “This theater only has Se7en screens.”

“That’s only a few less than 8 ½,” Sweetie Belle remarked.

“Why would any theater only have half a screen?” Apple Bloom said. “Why not just have 9 screens?”

“But that would be Two Much,” Sweetie Belle replied.

“If this goes on any longer, I’m going to Scre4m,” Apple Bloom said.

“This whole argument feels like it’s been going on Non-Stop,” Scootaloo said. “Can’t we just decide on a movie yet?”

“This whole ‘movie critics’ idea is really Goin’ South,” Apple Bloom said.

“We shouldn’t have Taken your advice,” Scootaloo said.

“It’s not Her fault,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Are We Done Yet?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Maybe we shouldn’t see a movie at all,” Scootaloo suggested. “We could always just Take the Money and Run.”

“That sounds pretty City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold,” Sweetie Belle said.

Apple Bloom tilted her head, frowning. “I’m not sure what you’re tryin’ to say there,” she said. “I guess it was Lost in Translation.”

“Where the Hell’s that Gold?!!?” Sweetie Belle muttered under her breath.

“Never mind that. I’m still Waiting… for one of you to come up with a movie to watch,” Apple Bloom said.

A few well-dressed stallions walked past them and approached the ticket booth.

“Hey, look. Some Grown Ups,” Sweetie Belle said.

Scootaloo pointed at one of them. “You should go talk to The Horse in the Gray Flannel Suit and ask what he’s going to see,” she said.

“Which one? The Red Pony?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“No, I meant The Silver Stallion: King of the Wild Brumbies,” Scootaloo said, rolling her eyes. “Of course the red pony.”

“Maybe him and his friend can Help! us decide what movie to see,” Apple Bloom said.

“They look like Goodfellas,” Scootaloo said.

Sweetie Belle approached the two stallions, trying to act casual. “What’s Up, Doc? We were just wondering what the best movie in theaters is right now.”

The stallion looked her in the eye and said simply, “Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead Part 2 in Shocking 2-D.”

Scootaloo blinked at him. “That sounds Super.”

“I say we Just Go With It,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Just in the Nick of Time! The movie’s almost about to start,” Apple Bloom said. She started trotting towards the theater doors.

“Slow down a bit. Walk Don’t Run into the theater,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Is there still time to get snacks?” Apple Bloom asked. “I’m just about hungry enough to eat Seven Pounds of popcorn all by myself.”

“Nah, let’s just hurry and get good seats. I hate when you’re stuck in the front row and the movie is Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close,” Scootaloo said.

“I Can’t Hardly Wait to see this movie, write a review, and finally get our cutie marks!” Apple Bloom said as they headed into the theater.

---

They were still talking about the movie several days after they watched it, long after they had forgotten what the title was.

“I loved that movie. I would definitely recommend it for Me and You and Everyone We Know,” Scootaloo said.

“I’ll be thinking about that twist ending for The Next Three Days,” Apple Bloom said.

“Yeah. But it’s too bad our movie review didn’t make much of a Splash,” Sweetie Belle said. “We still didn’t get our cutie marks.”

“Something about our review just didn’t Click with the readers,” Scootaloo said.

“It Seemed Like A Good Idea at the Time,” Apple Bloom muttered.

“What A Series of Unfortunate Events,” Scootaloo said.

“I thought for sure we’d get our cutie marks and this would be Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” Apple Bloom said.

Scootaloo stared at her.

“So, like, it’s the last crusade for our cutie marks or something? That’s what you were trying to say, right? Man, what an awful Punchline.”