INCIDENT REPORT

DATE: 4/23/998
LOCATION: Lower Canterlot Range
AGENT: Sweetie Drops
RANK: Commander
DETACHMENT: M.A.R.E. Team Six

MISSION: M.A.R.E Team Six deployed to repel and/or capture assailant threatening Canterlot.

DESCRIPTION: First contact with target, codename: “bugbear”. Creature found to be amalgam of species, possibly the work of noted genetic terrorist, Dr. Caballeron. Panda, wasp, potential for star spider and other component species present.

RISK LEVEL: Red. Low intelligence/High aggression. Stinger contains lethal toxin, single exposure found to be deadly. Bite/Claw known to contain paralytic neurotoxin which severely impairs brain and muscle function. Long term effects to be studied.

OPERATIONAL OUTCOME: Subject captured. Internment in Tartarus Detainment Facility.
Single fatality, Ensign Redhoof (bugbear sting to the cutie mark, inoperable).
Single impairment, Lieutenant Commander Sparkler (bugbear bite to the neck, minimal claw lacerations to the flank, operable - see inserts).

I closed the cover on the report from years ago, a halting reminder that today could have gone much worse. Ponyville was lucky. Nopony had lost their life; nopony had lost their mind. We had learned from our mistakes, some of them at least. I glanced over at the freshly inked report, waiting for one last piece of intel and wondering if it was worth sending in. The agency had been disbanded, and I wasn’t sure if I even held status as a Secret Agent M.A.R.E. anymore. I missed the team.

“Commander.”

I swiveled my chair around. The voice of Lieutenant Crimson Cross was a welcome one. She was expected, but it unnerved me that I didn’t hear her enter. My finely honed skills blunted with the passage of time. Civilian life was making me soft, like a gumdrop.

I met her salute before offering her a seat. “Thanks for coming. I know this is supposed to be off book, but old habits die hard. Excuse the term.”

She ambled in the doorway and found a spot on the couch. “It’s no problem at all; your, uhh, friend let me in. And, by the way, please call me Redheart. I officially left the service after the incident, you know.”

“Heh. I tried that too, but it keeps sucking me back in.” My life felt like a bundle of lies held together by a fragile string unraveling from both ends. Some ponies could move on; others, like me, couldn’t seem to let it go. “Anyway, what’s the outcome?”

“We’ve learned a lot about the bugbear neurotoxin over the years, and it looks like our studies have paid off. I was able to treat the patient rather quickly, and the prognosis is good. She shouldn’t present any long term effects from the bite, but I’ll keep her under observation for now, just to be sure.”

“That’s good to hear. Still, we are talking about Rainbow Dash. I’m not so sure if we really have a good baseline to go off of in her case.”

“Actually, she’s been a regular patient of mine, pretty resilient one at that. All current indications point to little or no memory loss, and only limited muscle weakness in the immediate vicinity of the bite—which is to be expected. I think we can expect a full recovery.”

“I’ll note that in the report. Pity we didn’t have the intel to help Lieutenant Commander Sparkler.” I turned toward the desk and the trail of paperwork detailing my history with the bugbear. My hoof went to the inkwell and the waiting quill. “Anything else, Lieutenant Cross… I mean, Nurse Redheart?”

I glanced back over my shoulder. The former medical officer for M.A.R.E. Team Six glared back at me. I could feel a lecture coming on. “You really need to let it go and move on with your life, Commander. It’s not your fault. If you don’t, you’ll end up like… like the Captain.”

I inked up a hoof and stamped a signature to the report. “You don’t understand; it’s different with me. Captain Yearling is a pegasus; she can’t fight the call to adventure. If she wants to track down the maniac responsible, that’s her own deal. I’m an earth pony; I know how to follow orders. Blend in. Disappear. Be the Commander-in-Chief’s eyes and ears. Don’t go looking for trouble, but act if trouble finds you. In other words, be a normal pony.” I shook my head. Easier said than done. “I bet you didn’t know the bugbear attacked shortly after Cerberus abandoned his post. Even after Celestia decided to dismantle the entire agency, what little was left of M.A.R.E Team Six, I still took care of it—myself. Two night-night drops brought him down easy enough.”

Redheart raised a hoof and quoted from the M.A.R.E. Team directives. “Solo missions make for dead ponies.”

I turned and planted my hooves on the floor. “Tell that to Ensign Redhoof, or Ensign Redhorn, or Ensign Redwing; they were all part of the team—lot of good that did them. I still don’t know why you chose the name Redheart, Lieutenant Cross.” My retort delivered more punch than I intended. I could instantly tell that I had crossed the line.

“To honor their sacrifice, Bon Bon,” she replied, barely phased by my insensitivity and delivering a comeback of her own. “We all have our ways of dealing with grief and loss. Maybe you should re-evaluate yours, Commander.” She rose to her hooves, agitated, but maintaining professional courtesy. “I should probably get going, it’s late. Give my regards to Amethyst Star, if you see her.”

“It’s Lieutenant Commander Sparkler, and I’ll be sure and pass along the message.” I shook my head and sheepishly scratched at my mane. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.” My awkward smile was as much a consolation as I could offer. “I blame the stress of coming out of retirement. Let’s get together and have a drink when things aren’t so ‘in the moment’, okay?”

“I would like that.” Redheart gave a half salute and turned toward the door. “Call me.” I let her go without another word, and she left nearly as quietly as she came. I honestly missed our chats. It helped to have someone I could talk to about the old missions. Sparkler could barely remember things past a year ago. Her organizational skills paled in comparison to her days in the service. I used to be able to count on every pony on the team to have my back—now, not so much. The rest of the team had moved on.

I filled in a few more exclamation points after my note about re-requesting an upgrade to the security protocols at the Tartarus facility and sealed up the report. Official or not, hopefully the Princess would see the sense in not using a monster to guard other monsters this time around. Once again, I was grateful that nopony was hurt, at least not permanently.

Moving on.

I had to take a step back and clear my head. One loose end still needed to be dealt with. I knew it would be difficult, but I had to have a heart-to-heart with the mare waiting just outside the door. Forcing a smile on my face, I tried to wear the Bon Bon mask that had become all but second nature to me these past few years. It wasn’t working. I had to come clean. She deserved to know the truth, especially with as much of it as I had let slip already.

“L-Lyra?” My voice shook as though I was actually scared to have this talk.

From out in the hall, her response carried as much of an accusation as it did a reply. “Bon Bon.” Her mint green horn poked around the corner of the doorframe. “Can I come in? Or is this area restricted to Secret Agents only?”

I sighed. “Come in, Lyra. This is your house too.”

She strut through the entrance and plopped herself on the couch, upright of course. Lyra was unique, and wonderfully so. She crossed her rear and forehooves, giving me the look that I knew meant I was in for another lecture.

“So, what else haven’t you told me?” Her tail smashed into the not-so-plush cushion, and I could see her squirm trying to get some relief without abandoning her posture.

“I thought we went over this earlier, Lyra.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t tell me everything. If I was just a friend, it would be okay to keep some secrets, but I’m not. I’m your Best Friend, and I think I deserve to hear the whole story. Spill it, Sweetie Drops, or whatever it is you want me to call you today. Who else is in on this?”

“I take it you were eavesdropping?”

“Yep.”

“Fine, but this doesn’t change anything.” I knew that was a lie. Of course this changed everything. There was no use in pretending any more, my cover was blown. Blending in wasn’t an option. Living a double life wasn’t possible with Lyra in the crossfire. I sat down next to her and laid a hoof on her lap. “No more lies.”

She blinked. Her glare softened. She dropped a hoof over mine. “No more lies.”

“Where to start…” Sinking into the gaze of the most amazing mare I knew had my thoughts drifting off track. I shook my head. “I guess I’ll start from the beginning.”

Lyra relaxed and drew back into the seat. She looked more comfortable now that she had been able to move her tail out from under her rump.

“Canterlot, ten years ago. I found myself on the front lines of a parasprite invasion. The royal guard were helpless, the enemy was too cute for them to repel. It fell to us, the regular ponies, to defend the city, which we did. Afterward, Celestia created the agency, and the super secret division that she called M.A.R.E Team Six. Whenever there was a monster, atrocity, or reprobate that needed eradication, it was our job to take care of it.”

“Never heard of it.”

“That’s the point. It wouldn’t be much of a secret agency if everypony knew about it, would it?”

Lyra scratched her chin. “I guess that makes sense. But why keep it secret?”

“Celestia didn’t want ponies living in a militarized state with armed guards posted on every street corner. Part of our mission was to blend in, hide in plain sight. Over the years, we captured hundreds of dangerous creatures, most without anypony even noticing. The real secret is that the royal guard is mostly for show. We handled all the important stuff.”

“Wait a minute, you’re telling me that the royal guard of Canterlot is just for show? What about the wedding? I was there, you know. I saw it happen. How did you repel an entire swarm of changelings without their help?”

“I didn’t. The agency, along with what was left of M.A.R.E. Team Six had been dismantled only months before the attack, so I wasn’t in the loop. I’m sure the invasion wasn’t a coincidence, the changeling queen has her spies everywhere, but I didn’t let that stop me. As soon as I realized you were missing, I was on the ground, trying to blend in. I tracked you down to the catacombs where I discovered the truth, the Princess had been replaced. Without blowing my cover, I set up a distraction that bought enough time so that Twilight and her team could rescue Princess Cadance and save the day.”

Lyra gave me a blank stare. “Are you saying that Princess Twilight is a secret agent too?”

“No,” I replied with as much composure as I could, “but she’s the reason the agency was abandoned. Truth be told, her team has a far better mortality rate than we ever had.”

“How so?”

“Well,” I swallowed hard. The past wasn’t something I liked to dwell on. Too many fires and explosions for my tastes. “We lost a member on pretty much every mission.”

“Details. Let me have it.”

“Okay, but I’ll warn you. It isn’t pretty.”

“I’m tougher than you think I am, Bon Bon.”

“The name is ‘Sweetie Drops’. Anyway…” I took a deep breath. “First mission: Ensign Redwing, barbecued in dragon fire. Next: Ensign Redhorn, smothered by parasprites. Worst of all: Ensign Redhoof, killed by a bugbear sting straight through his cutie mark. Thank Celestia he didn’t suffer long. Lieutenant Commander Sparkler caught a nasty bite on that mission as well. Ended her career. She was never the same. Against my recommendation, Lieutenant Crimson Cross retired from the team to take care of her. Frankly, I don’t think she could stomach being the medical officer after losing so many ponies on her watch, but in the end, it was her decision.

“That left me, Captain Yearling, and Warrant Officer Holes to handle the great Tartarus escape after Cerberus abandoned his post. We’re still feeling the effects of that event to this day. Tirek was just one of many inmates he allowed to escape, including the bugbear. Following that debacle, Celestia decided to scrap the entire division and handed the M.A.R.E Team duties over to Twilight and her group. Without any official backing, we had no choice but to fall back on our second lives. Lucky for us, we were trained to blend into the crowd. The Captain went deep cover. Her only communication with us is through her books now. Pretty silly, if you ask me, but she’s determined to bring down Doctor Caballeron if it kills her. Officer Holes went back to his donut shop front in Canterlot—he always made the best holes, just does it with dough now. ”

Lyra tried to stifle a laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“Donut Joe is a Secret Agent Mare?” she questioned, still trying to compose herself. “For a mare team, you seem to have had a few too many stallions in your group.”

I planted a hoof in my forehead. “It’s just an acronym, Lyra. We were never an all female team; that wasn’t the point.”

“Then what was the point?” Lyra broke down into more giggles. I could tell where her mind was at this point. A swift hoof to the side of her head brought her around. “Oww!”

“The point is, we were on our own. There was no team. Fortunately for me, I had you, so I came back to Ponyville and settled into this old safe house. The rest is history. I had all but given up my old life, that is, until today.”

“What are you saying?” Lyra asked, a cautious tremor in her voice.

I took a hoof and ran it down Lyra’s mane. With another, I moved her head around to face me. “I’m saying, that you are the most important mare in my life now. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you. When that bugbear attacked, the only thing I could think of was making sure you were safe. I couldn’t live with myself if I failed to protect you.”

“I don’t need defending.” Her muzzle brushed up against mine. “What I do need, is a friend.” I melted, losing myself in her embrace.

My heartbeat quickened. My face felt flush. “Do you really mean that, Lyra?”

“Of course I do. You’re my best friend, and you always will be.”

I stared into her perfect sunglow eyes. “What do you say we forget about today, and go back to the way things were before?”

Lyra blushed. “I’d like that… except for one thing: the name. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to call you ‘Sweetie Drops’, it’s just too… girly.”

“You’d rather I stay ‘Bon Bon’, forever?”

Lyra nodded.

“That’s a change I think I can live with. Goodbye, ‘Secret Agent Sweetie Drops’. ‘Bon Bon’ is here to stay.”

“From my perspective, she never left.”

Lyra’s kiss tasted sweeter than any drop I had ever made, a little minty, but I didn’t mind in the slightest. It felt good to have her on my team.