“So, I promised I’d have work stories,” I begin, as we start our long walk back home. There’s a pause after that as I figure out how to phrase this. I spent most of dinner pointedly not talking about what my trip to Tokyo was like, so it’s a bit awkward to get around to it now. I guess I might as well be blunt. Alex isn’t exactly overly sensitive. “And uh… basically, they demoted me. Kind of. But I’m still employed which is really nice.”

“Employment is good,” Alex agrees, with his usual neutral tone. It’s hard to figure out what he’s thinking a lot of the time. Not because he’s cagey or taciturn or anything—he just doesn’t wear it on his sleeve. “So I take it your boss took Carl’s side them. Do you lose any salary?”

“Oh, no. Not like that.” I wave it off. “I wasn’t demoted in that sense. But… well.” I kind of felt this would be a longer story, but now that I line it all up in my head, it really is pretty straightforward. “So I sent that email to the COO about Carl. That he’d been passing off his work to others, making promises to clients he knew were untrue, and all that bullshit with the manufacturing subsidiary.” I check quickly to make sure Alex is following. Seems so. Pretty sure I told him that story anyway. “The last straw was when he changed the schedule for the staff meeting and uninvited me so I wouldn't show up.”

“Right,” Alex nods. Still not sure what he’s thinking. He’s a hard guy to read sometimes—for me, anyway. He’s about the same height as me, and honestly, our builds aren’t that different, but he’s stockier. Like, stronger? Throw in the short haircut and the neat beard and the poker face, and I always got this really stoic vibe from him. Even if that’s not always quite true.

Anyway, I should go on. I’m putting too many pauses in this whole conversation.

“So, I was pretty blunt.” I wince a little at the memory, since I very nearly got myself fired. But, hey, I didn’t.  “I called his behavior ‘aggressive and unprofessional’ and said I wasn’t sure I could work with him anymore. And got some time on the COO’s calendar while we were both in Tokyo to discuss it.” Back when I still thought there was a good chance he’d take my side.

I wait a bit, for like, a nod or a “right” or something, but Alex just keeps looking, so after a moment I go on. “Well, I guess, the outcome was… I mean, there’s no way I could have predicted it. But with the full benefit of hindsight, knowing where I’m working, it makes total sense. Like, I can’t really say I’m surprised. Um… so, basically.”

I take a breath and spread my hands out. “He sat me down and explained that ‘You two are coworkers’ and ‘I want you to team up on this’ is just a thing he says to raise morale. And ‘Because this is a workplace where managers run things by respect instead of authority,’ Carl is totally my boss. And he assumed I knew Carl was my boss because Carl has fifteen years of seniority on me and is four pay grades above me. I asked why we’re equal on the org chart, and he said he never updates that thing because it’s ‘unfriendly.’ So.”

Alex draws a breath in through his teeth. Tilts his head a bit. Glances my way. “Okay.”

“Yeah,” I agree, equally stiff. “Then he says that if I don’t ‘respect’ Carl, maybe this isn’t the right job for me, and I spend twenty minutes kissing ass until he says I can keep my job. Plus another hour kissing Carl’s ass and apologizing profusely.”

He gives a half-shrug. “Employment is good. You feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” I say. After a moment, I go on. “Actually, I feel really good about this. Like, really good. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a bit stressed in the here and now. Like, this all happened yesterday—today for me, with the jet lag—so I’m still coming to terms with it? But this is a good thing.”

That gets Alex’s attention, and he turns his head to look at me head on. I can even read a bit of a quizzical expression there, which is unusual for him. “You want to break that one down for me?”

“Sure.” I wave my hands a bit in the air, illustrating nothing in particular. “Like, back when I thought I had some control over the outcome of the optical chip project, that meant I was also responsible for the outcome. It’s why I took the risk of sending the COO that email. Because, if I said nothing, and Carl ruined the project, that would be my fault. Project ruined, tens of millions of dollars wasted, people would lose their jobs, all that. So I had to say something.”

I lift my pointer finger in the air to emphasize what comes next, touching my thumb and middle finger to form an O. “But now! Now the optical chip project is entirely under the control of Carl—a corrupt, incompetent jackass who thinks that optical chips and silicon chips are pretty much the same thing because they’re both computer parts. And there’s no way for me to change his mind or get rid of him. Thus, failure is certain. And if the outcome is the same no matter what I do, then ipso facto, I’m not responsible for it.”

I take in a big breath and let it out. Let some of that stress go. “So, I’m just going to, you know. Work just hard enough not to get fired. Focus on my hobbies. Start looking for another job over the next few months.”

“Uh…” Alex looks down at the ground. Clears his throat. Rubs one of his eyebrows with two fingers. “Okay. And you don’t think Carl is going to, you know. Notice this change in behavior?”

“No, actually, we get along way better now,” I say, keeping my tone chipper. It’s not actually all that fake though. I do feel better just having said it. “Like, credit where it’s due, he didn’t hold a grudge. He just said that he was the boss now, and I said ‘Right-o’ and we’ve gotten along great since. Like…”

I talk with my hands a bit more, pressing them together and spreading my fingers open. “For example. You remember that industrial engineering position I was doing the hiring interviews for? Well, I’d pretty much settled up on who it was going to be. We had a few people who were really great candidates and nailed the interview. But then Carl walks up and says he has a nephew who he thinks would be just dandy for the role.” A swipe of a finger emphasizes the word. “So if I could give him an interview to ‘see how competent he is’ that would be peachy-keen.”

I turn the finger into an upturned palm. It’s a bit like a shrug—or conveys much of the same meaning at least. “Now in the old days that would have started a fight. I’d have accused Carl of nepotism, he’d have said it was a harmless suggestion and I was an asshole, there would have been a big scuffle. All of that. But now I can just say ‘You’re the boss, boss.’ And that really helped him out.”

“Oookay.” This time I can read Alex’s face. He has this Aura of Disapproval thing he does sometimes. It’s not angry, exactly, but there’s this stiffness in the features. “Well the important thing is you stuck to your principles.” Also, deadpan sarcasm.

“Yeeeeah.” I draw the word out, and give a half nod. “Not saying I didn’t deserve that. But this job’s taken a lot out of me, and it hasn’t given a lot back. At this point I’ve decided I’m not staying. So…” I hold my palms flat up to the world and spread them out. “Embrace oblivion.”

“That’s the tagline? That’s what you’re going with?” Alex asks, the disapproval a little more obvious in his tone now.

“Yeah, I think so. And hey!” My tone gets a little lighter. “Now we have an exact time frame. It takes nine months of employment at CPC to go from a functional member of society to a death cultist. Because only the reaper’s beloved touch can free us from this torment.”

“Yeah…” He clears his throat. “Okay. Sure.”

I give him a moment to see if he’ll elaborate, and when he doesn’t, I strike a light tone. “If there’s something you want to say…” I open my hands. “I mean, I won’t be offended, dude.” Not that that usually stops him anyway, but it’s polite to offer.

“No, I mean, yes, there’s a lot I want to say. But I’m not sure I can really manage better than you did right there. Like…” He shrugs. “‘Embrace oblivion’ kind of covers it.”

“I don’t really see it as a bad thing,” I say, once I’m sure he’s done. “I mean, nobody ever said responsibility was fun. It’s a thing you’re supposed to do because if you don’t do it, bad things happen. But if those bad things are totally independent of your actions, then, well. Fuck it. It’s the same reason you don’t feel personally responsible for… I don’t know. Dysentery outbreaks in the third world. Yes, it’s bad, but you’re not exactly a doctor.”

“The guy you passed up for that engineering job might disagree,” Alex says, back to the deadpan tone.

“Oh no.” I kick it up another stage to outright sarcasm. “He’s been denied the opportunity to be an engineer on a doomed project with a corrupt manager who treats his staffers like shit. How will he survive?” I snort. “I’m not saying I wrapped myself in glory there, but let’s keep it in perspective.”

“He still wanted the job,” Alex insists. He’s not one to let a point go.

“I wanted my job eight months ago. That turned out to be…” I pause. “Okay, not a huge mistake, because I like living in California and you’re a good roommate. But I did experience some distinct buyer's remorse.”

“Yeah, no, that’s bullshit,” Alex says quickly, not leaving a pause between our words. “If you’re arguing that the job is so bad you’re doing him a favor by not giving it to him, then that means you were screwing him over when you were going to give it to him in the first place. Either you were doing something wrong then or you’re doing something wrong now.”

Yeah, that’s actually a pretty good point. Like, legit.

“Well then…” I think it over. “I guess we know exactly how much my principles cost. Let’s say it takes me another… I don’t know. Six months to find another good job. A senior engineer gets paid about $6,500 a month. So, basically, Carl said: ‘Hey, will you help me cover up my nepotism in exchange for $49,000?’”

That makes me feel a bit better. That’s a good chunk of change! “And, you know, given the odds he would have overridden me and hired the guy anyway, that’s not an awful rate of exchange—”

“Nope.” Alex is quick. Not sharp or anything, but, quick. Guy doesn’t let up. “Because from everything you’ve told me about him, in the six months of work it takes you to earn that money, Carl is absolutely going to ask you to do other unethical things.”

Well, that puts a bit of a damper on things. I think that over a bit as well. “I could refuse to do those things.”

“Will you?”

“Maybe.” I shrug. “Well, let’s say Carl asks me to do one unethical thing a month then. If that’s true, then I sold one moderate violation of my principles for something between $6,500 and $49,000, depending on what other things he asks me to do and if he fires me for refusing to do them.”

Alex turns his head to give me a long glance at that. “So we’ve got a price range for a minor violation. And based on that, how much exactly would it take for you to go and kill someone?”

“That depends,” I answer, because of course it does. “But, if that’s the next thing Carl asks me to do, I think I’d be willing to kill him for free.” There’s a pause as I think it over. “Because, at that point, killing him would be the moral option, wouldn’t it? Protects other people from his reign of terror.”

“It also aligns with your self-interest nicely.”

“Pretty much. It’s great when those two things go together.” I glance over to my right as we walk, looking at Alex more closely. “So uh…” I pause. “Just to check. We’re cool, right?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “We’re cool.”

“Great,” I say.

For the rest of the walk home, we mostly talk about board games.