“I’m not too proud to be a leg,” Marco Rubio said as he adjusted his bandolier of water bottles. “My father was a bartender. And then he became a bus boy.”

“We know, Marco,” Chris Christie grumbled. “Spare us the 25 second speech and help me get this harness on. We need to help John.”

“And let’s dispel with the notion that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing!”

“Ugh, he’s malfunctioning again.” Lindsey Graham sighed from his place strapped onto John Kasich’s left arm. “Jeb, can you reach him to push the reset button?”

Jeb Bush bent down from his place on Kasich’s right arm to prod at the side of the junior senator’s neck. “I think I got it. You okay there, Marco?”

“I never supported immigration reform!”

“I think that means he’s good.”

John Kasich nodded his head. “America needs us to get out there. To make a better future for America. We can’t just tax, spend, and duck. We’re going to need to bob and weave as well.” He grunted slightly as Charles Koch finished binding his leg to Chris Christie’s great girth. “I’m grateful to have the granite state as one leg, and the finest machine in America for the other.”

“Just make sure he keeps drinking his water,” Koch said as he patted Rubio on the head. “He has a tendency to overheat.”

“Right. It is time to take back America.” John Kasich smiled as he lifted his right arm, pointing Jeb Bush towards the stage. “Onwards! To victory in Ohio, Florida, and beyond!”

“I still can’t believe I lost Maine,” Rubio muttered as he walked forward, the stage shuddering with every step he and Chris Christie took under the weight of the Establishment.

Trump scoffed. “That’s really cute. Like a Saturday morning cartoon.”

“We’ve come to stop you!” Kasich said, gesticulating wildly with Graham and Jeb.

“To stop ISIL!” shouted Graham.

“And to stop you from saying bad things about my brother!” cried Jeb.

“Hah. I’m surprised you even had the energy to link up with them, Jeb. But you know what? I think it’s time for the Establishment to start being fair to me. I don’t see you going after Ben Carson like this.”

“It’s dishonorable to attack a sleeping man,” Kasich said, his eyes hardening. “It is time for you to start being a compassionate human being. By force, if necessary.”

“You mean being weak, like you. But you can’t stump the Trump!” Donald Trump grinned, his teeth gleaming in the yellow light as he reached into his suit pocket. “It’s time to make America great again!”

“Time to join the team of mavericks!” shouted Sarah Palin as she emerged from Trump’s suit, clinging to his arm with her legs as she fired wildly with her rifle. “Keep your change. I’ll keep my guns!”

Lindsey Graham gesticulated wildly. “You’ve got to deflect!”

“Sorry, Jeb,” Kasich said as he ducked behind the Bush, shots ringing wildly across the stage.

“I get to respond, right?” Rubio asked, before he upended his water bottle into his mouth and chugged.

“Yes, hurry up! Jeb’s already low on energy!”

Rubio flicked the empty bottle across the stage with robotic precision, striking Palin right between the eyes.

“That wasn’t very nice, don’tcha know?” she said as she began reloading.

“A filled one!”

“But Charles said—”

Christie didn’t wait for Rubio to finish, yanking the bandolier of bottles off of the junior senator and hurling them across the stage, sweeping Trump’s legs out from under him. “See what a governor can do?”

Trump rolled over and pulled out his phone. “Hillary? Yeah, it’s Trump. Look, I need you to come pretend to be my friend. Ten million? Okay.”

“Hah! I knew he was secretly a Democrat!” Jeb said, before going limp.

“We need to stop him before she gets here!” shouted Jim Gilmore.

Kasich blinked. “Governor Gilmore? Wait, when did you get here?”

“I’ve always been here. You just didn’t notice me.”

Kasich sighed. “But Jeb’s already out and Marco is overheating. We still need one more member of the Establishment!”

“I’ll do it!” John McCain said as he leapt out of the audience into Gilmore and Graham’s waiting arms.

The Establishment launched its attack. McCain glowed as he flew through the air towards the prone businessman. “What do you think about me being a war hero now, you son-of-a-bitch?”

An eagle cried as the world turned red, white, and blue.