"It's just that... I felt that change needed to be made, you know?"

"Uh huh."

"Something new! Something bold, something brash! Something totally amazingly stupendously wonderful! Something that would paint everypony a picture of my life when they see it!"

"I see..."

"But do you see IT?"

"Uuuh... yes. Yes I do. It would be hard not to see, um, 'it'."

"Exactly! So I thought to myself 'what can I do that would SCREAM 'Pinkie Pie' to everypony that walked past? What could jump right out in their faces and yell 'THIS IS ME AND I LOVE IT!', you know?"

"Well, of course, but I think—"

"So I sat down and I puzzled and I puzzled until my puzzler was sore..."

"Well, I mean, I think—"

"And I puzzled and puzzled and puzzled some more..."

"Pinkie, I would seriously consider—"

"And then it hit me! Well, Rainbow Dash, I mean. She'd tried to pull out of a super totally amazingly stupendously wonderfully awesome dive, and I was right there! She collided so hard into me that I think her EYES flew out."

"It's just that I'm concerned that—holy crap, REALLY?"

"Yup! But I popped 'em back in and she seemed fine. Honesty."

"I-I... uh... okay..."

"Anyway! So I was thinking to myself about everything I could do that would really grab ponies by the neck and throttle them until they knew it was ME, and there was somepony that I needed the most! After all, who knows more about being super totally amazingly stupendously wonderful and letting ponies KNOW that about them better than ANYPONY?"

"Is it Rainbow Da—"

"RAINBOW DASH, of course!"

"Gah! Pinkie, could you *try* to be a bit quieter, please?"

"Sorry! It's just so hard to keep it all inside! This is the BEST part of the story!"

"Seriously. I don't want you to do any more damage to vital sensory systems of ponies than you already have."

"Don't worry so much! Dashie's eyes are fine. I popped 'em RIGHT back in, all by myself! She didn't even scream that much! 'course, I suppose that could have been 'cus she passed out..."

"Uh..."

"Foaming at the mouth means you're recovering REALLY quickly from an injury, right?"

"I-I'm gonna go check on Rainbow Dash..."

"NOPE! You gotta listen to me finish my story!"

"Gah! Oka, okay, fine! Just please stop doing... whatever THAT is!"

"Pretty neat, huh? I learned that when I took a vacation to [untranslatable eldritch markings]!"

"O-Oh dear sweet Celestia..."

"Anywhooooo... so once Dashie woke back up, I asked what would be the coolest, most awesomest, most STUPENDOUS way to express myself and really stab ponies in the spleen with who I am! And she said 'Duh, the answer is obvious' and I was all 'well "duh", is it really?' and she said 'well, "'duh'", of course it is', and I said—"

"PINKIE!"

"Oopsies! Anyway, she gave me the name of the place to go to, and I skipped on down and I got it done up right away! I think it fits me, you know? Really socks a pony in the face and steals their molars with who I am, and the way I live, and everything!"

"..."

Pinkie Pie smiled broadly, the phrase "I RAGRIT NOTHING" in all caps tattooed across her face in neon yellow. "So do you love it, or do you LOOOOVE it?"

Twilight Sparkle, unable to contain herself any longer, projectile vomited all over Pinkie.

Because sometimes, the best way to let a friend know they made a poor life choice is expel the contents of your stomach all over them. It's the subtle things that really hit home.