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Golden_Vision
TheNumber25
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2000–25000
A Mare and Her Thoughts
Fluttershy sat on the edge of her bed. Her legs hung close to the ground, perfectly still. Her eyes were set on the small circular window in front of her. In that direction the moon hung lonely over the cottage in which Fluttershy still called home. The soft beams it cast down were enough to keep her awake, but she was too tired to just get up and closed the blinds. Her wings were sore from the long flight she had taken from her post in Vanhoover to the nearest train station, at which point she almost toppled over with exhaustion. It was well worth it though. She had finally made it back to Ponyville. She was together with her friends yet again.
Her motor movements may have been numb and stiff as a board, but her heart was pumping loudly and her mind was up to its usual nightly rounds: What might, should, could happen. Where things should be, how people should act, and she thought from time to time about why things did. Yet, there was one thing still befuddling her. Why was it she didn't want to be with the others that much?
Is it because I'm not used to being around people anymore? Ever since the group started to disband, I have become more and more isolated from the world in general. I know that I am socially awkward, but this is just a new level of...
Of what? What am I so worried about? I am still with the friends I know and love, so why shouldn't I be happy?
Happy... is that it? Am I just not happy with them? I know my animals are healthy, and there's pretty much nothing else in the world that could go wrong. If I am there with them, my friends will protect me. We laugh, cry, and travel together. Isn't this what I wanted?
If I didn't I would've just stayed in Vanhoover. They are giving me so much pay, and now I leave just to "be with my friends." How stupid of a job decision was that? I was practically broke before that! If I hadn't taken that job, Celestia knows where I would be now.
Well, at least it wasn't as bad as Pinkie's decision. She left to Manehatten just so she could make a living, and that almost drove her party spirit into the ground! Why didn't she come back a year ago? It would've helped AJ's morale stay up a little... okay a lot, but I think she'll take it now.
And what happens when she doesn't? What if at the end of it all, everybody just goes back to doing their own thing? We may never even see each other again! Ugh! What have I gotten myself into?
...I guess it'll be a good thing, for now. If somepony would just help me get somewhat better, they wouldn't be worrying about me.
Are they worried about me? They've probably realized by now that I'm not comfortable around them, so are they even trying to help me? What if they just don't even care about that anymore? They might send to another Iron Will show...
Heh, I have to admit that, in retrospect, it was a good idea, and I will be grateful for that, but what happens when it all disappears? What happens when all of that 'confidence' just vanishes from me?
Maybe it already has. It probably has. Why would I be all alone here in my cottage if I still had it in me? They're all out there having fun at some party Pinkie and Vinyl somehow managed to get together so quickly. Me, I am here, supposed to be asleep. Why am I just so used to being alone?
Maybe that's it. Maybe it's because I've been away for so long that I've actually found something in being alone with animals. Maybe I just didn't want them around anymore. Maybe I am just fine with being alone. Maybe I am happy.
But maybe's don't solve anything. If I really didn't need them, why did I meet them in the first place? Why did Rainbow help me in my time of need? What if she was just as alone as I was? Only she wasn't fine with being alone in the world.
We needed each other to survive. And now more than ever, she needs me. I can tell she's just begging me to break out of my shell, with all the pushing and shoving and trying to get me to speak up. And I think I need her.
A hard knock rattled the whole house. The wooden door that Fluttershy had neatly locked just an hour ago was nearly of its hinges. Surprisingly, the voice was long from slurred. "Fluttershy, please, open up!" Rainbow Dash knocked one more time. Fluttershy just sat there. Rainbow Dash flew up to her window hovering by flapping her wings as slowly as possible. They were staring back and forth at each other. Rainbow Dash pointed to where the door was, motioning to open it. The only decision Fluttershy had to make was whether she wanted to open up the door or not.
Fluttershy sat back down at the kitchen table with their tea. Her animals were nearly awake, and Angel had hopped onto her back. Rainbow Dash hadn't said a word other than "sure" when Fluttershy asked her for tea. She had a sullen look about herself. It was the one she got when she was excited about one thing and frustrated about another. Fluttershy could pretty much hear Rainbow lecturing her now.
"Is there... a reason you came here?" Fluttershy asked, while mustering up all the courage she could to talk to another pony. Rainbow Dash had always been her best friend, but it seemed like they were so far apart now.
Rainbow Dash waited a few seconds to answer. She chose her words carefully, as she didn't want Fluttershy rushing back to her room. "Fluttershy," she began, "there comes a time when a mare is no longer just a mare, but one of good will and good feelings. There comes a time to go out for parties and start living with other ponies. Fluttershy, it is well past that time for you. You're almost in your thirties."
Fluttershy took a second to reflect on what Rainbow Dash said and responded with, "I know Rainbow Dash. I've grown into the mare I am right now, and I want to be nothing else other than me."
"Fluttershy, that's not my point," stated Rainbow blatantly. "What I'm trying to say is that you have to be more sociable. Meet other ponies, go see the world, start a family. That is what you should be doing."
"And who's to say I'm not?" she retaliated, but keeping her voice from growing to a rude tone. It was a complete bluff, but Rainbow Dash bought it.
That is until Fluttershy started looking the other way. Rainbow had been in enough interrogations to know when somepony was lying. "Fluttershy, let's be real here. If you really were dating somepony else, why didn't you tell me?"
Fluttershy had barely let the words out of her mouth before she thought of something to say. It was the opposite of what she was going to say. "Maybe I don't need you anymore."
Rainbow Dash did a spit-take. Conveniently, there was a window right there. "Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash stood up from the seat. "Why would you say that!"
"Because it's true." Fluttershy's brain stopped thinking, and she just let the words flow. "I don't need anypony else in my life. I can take care of myself, and the bit income from the project I was working on up in Vanhoover is paying me more bits than I can handle."
"But, Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash was dumbfounded, and tried to knock some sense into Fluttershy. "It doesn't mean you can't hang out with your friends from time to time. You should at least be trying to get out more."
"And who says that?" Fluttershy was fed up at this point. Her voice rose in anger. "Who is to say what I can or can't do? Why can't I just be left alone to do what I want?"
"Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "You have to just calm down!"
"Why should I?!" She was getting into Rainbow Dash's face. She started backing Rainbow Dash down. "Why should I listen to you or anypony else that is trying to drive me away from what I want? Where is my say? Where can I go that I have a purpose? Not a club! Not some party where I might do something I regret! Just let me be!" She turned away from Dash, her head held high. Tears were forming at the corners of her eyes.
"And what happens when you end up all alone in life?!" Rainbow's voice cracked a few times. She had tears as well.
"MAYBE THEN I'LL BE HAPPY!!" And she ran upstairs, little droplets of rain coming from her eyes. Rainbow Dash just stood there, trying to wipe away the water running down her cheek.
Maybe now she'll leave me alone for Celestia's sake! All she ever does is try to steer me in directions I don't want to go! Hopefully I can just get on with life and head back to Vanhoover when all this is over and go waste away in the woods! I can finally just be alone!
... no ... this isn't what I want. I do want to go with my friends, but I just don't want the parties. I want to be loved, but not by stallions with bad thoughts. I just want my life to be my life.
That's when I can be happy, when I make the decisions. Sure I'll go to a couple parties, but not too many. And maybe Rainbow Dash was right, I need to perk up a bit. I haven't been enjoying myself ever since I've gotten here. I just need to get used to it again, that's all.
But what if it's too late? What if I drove off Rainbow Dash? What if I can't apologize? Oh no! I have to get down there.
Fluttershy saw Rainbow Dash's cyan coat, covered in tears, walking solemnly down the dirt path. Fluttershy opened up her window and flew down to her. She poked her on the shoulder and landed next to her.
"Well those were the quickest five minutes of my life." Rainbow Dash's voice was still staggered with occasional breaks and cracks, but she was herself again.
"I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy apologized. "I don't even know how that came out, it just...did."
"You really don't have to apologize," Rainbow Dash said, still glum. "I shouldn't have antagonized you like that."
"Yes, I do," Fluttershy stammered. "You just showed me that there's more to life than just sitting around watching animals all day. I would have packed up right then and there and gone back to Vanhoover. Now I need to go be with my friends." She started trotting towards Ponyville.
"And I need you Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash said. Fluttershy stopped in her tracks. Shew turned around and met face to face with Rainbow Dash, but she just kept walking. "If I lose you, I don't what I'd do with myself." She stopped and turned to Fluttershy. "Best friends?" she asked, holding out a hoof in gesture.
"Best friends." If there was anything that could break her arm even more than one of Rainbow Dash's hoof shakes, Fluttershy might survive it. A violent throwing-of-her-arm all over the place meant that she was happy.
And off they went, to the "Welcome Home!" party. Fluttershy was given a warm welcome. Soon she was dancing along with the others, watching the night drift away. All of my friends are having a great time, she thought, and so am I. Soon, she was fast asleep in her bed, much more jubilant and excited for the next six months.
Her motor movements may have been numb and stiff as a board, but her heart was pumping loudly and her mind was up to its usual nightly rounds: What might, should, could happen. Where things should be, how people should act, and she thought from time to time about why things did. Yet, there was one thing still befuddling her. Why was it she didn't want to be with the others that much?
Is it because I'm not used to being around people anymore? Ever since the group started to disband, I have become more and more isolated from the world in general. I know that I am socially awkward, but this is just a new level of...
Of what? What am I so worried about? I am still with the friends I know and love, so why shouldn't I be happy?
Happy... is that it? Am I just not happy with them? I know my animals are healthy, and there's pretty much nothing else in the world that could go wrong. If I am there with them, my friends will protect me. We laugh, cry, and travel together. Isn't this what I wanted?
If I didn't I would've just stayed in Vanhoover. They are giving me so much pay, and now I leave just to "be with my friends." How stupid of a job decision was that? I was practically broke before that! If I hadn't taken that job, Celestia knows where I would be now.
Well, at least it wasn't as bad as Pinkie's decision. She left to Manehatten just so she could make a living, and that almost drove her party spirit into the ground! Why didn't she come back a year ago? It would've helped AJ's morale stay up a little... okay a lot, but I think she'll take it now.
And what happens when she doesn't? What if at the end of it all, everybody just goes back to doing their own thing? We may never even see each other again! Ugh! What have I gotten myself into?
...I guess it'll be a good thing, for now. If somepony would just help me get somewhat better, they wouldn't be worrying about me.
Are they worried about me? They've probably realized by now that I'm not comfortable around them, so are they even trying to help me? What if they just don't even care about that anymore? They might send to another Iron Will show...
Heh, I have to admit that, in retrospect, it was a good idea, and I will be grateful for that, but what happens when it all disappears? What happens when all of that 'confidence' just vanishes from me?
Maybe it already has. It probably has. Why would I be all alone here in my cottage if I still had it in me? They're all out there having fun at some party Pinkie and Vinyl somehow managed to get together so quickly. Me, I am here, supposed to be asleep. Why am I just so used to being alone?
Maybe that's it. Maybe it's because I've been away for so long that I've actually found something in being alone with animals. Maybe I just didn't want them around anymore. Maybe I am just fine with being alone. Maybe I am happy.
But maybe's don't solve anything. If I really didn't need them, why did I meet them in the first place? Why did Rainbow help me in my time of need? What if she was just as alone as I was? Only she wasn't fine with being alone in the world.
We needed each other to survive. And now more than ever, she needs me. I can tell she's just begging me to break out of my shell, with all the pushing and shoving and trying to get me to speak up. And I think I need her.
A hard knock rattled the whole house. The wooden door that Fluttershy had neatly locked just an hour ago was nearly of its hinges. Surprisingly, the voice was long from slurred. "Fluttershy, please, open up!" Rainbow Dash knocked one more time. Fluttershy just sat there. Rainbow Dash flew up to her window hovering by flapping her wings as slowly as possible. They were staring back and forth at each other. Rainbow Dash pointed to where the door was, motioning to open it. The only decision Fluttershy had to make was whether she wanted to open up the door or not.
Fluttershy sat back down at the kitchen table with their tea. Her animals were nearly awake, and Angel had hopped onto her back. Rainbow Dash hadn't said a word other than "sure" when Fluttershy asked her for tea. She had a sullen look about herself. It was the one she got when she was excited about one thing and frustrated about another. Fluttershy could pretty much hear Rainbow lecturing her now.
"Is there... a reason you came here?" Fluttershy asked, while mustering up all the courage she could to talk to another pony. Rainbow Dash had always been her best friend, but it seemed like they were so far apart now.
Rainbow Dash waited a few seconds to answer. She chose her words carefully, as she didn't want Fluttershy rushing back to her room. "Fluttershy," she began, "there comes a time when a mare is no longer just a mare, but one of good will and good feelings. There comes a time to go out for parties and start living with other ponies. Fluttershy, it is well past that time for you. You're almost in your thirties."
Fluttershy took a second to reflect on what Rainbow Dash said and responded with, "I know Rainbow Dash. I've grown into the mare I am right now, and I want to be nothing else other than me."
"Fluttershy, that's not my point," stated Rainbow blatantly. "What I'm trying to say is that you have to be more sociable. Meet other ponies, go see the world, start a family. That is what you should be doing."
"And who's to say I'm not?" she retaliated, but keeping her voice from growing to a rude tone. It was a complete bluff, but Rainbow Dash bought it.
That is until Fluttershy started looking the other way. Rainbow had been in enough interrogations to know when somepony was lying. "Fluttershy, let's be real here. If you really were dating somepony else, why didn't you tell me?"
Fluttershy had barely let the words out of her mouth before she thought of something to say. It was the opposite of what she was going to say. "Maybe I don't need you anymore."
Rainbow Dash did a spit-take. Conveniently, there was a window right there. "Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash stood up from the seat. "Why would you say that!"
"Because it's true." Fluttershy's brain stopped thinking, and she just let the words flow. "I don't need anypony else in my life. I can take care of myself, and the bit income from the project I was working on up in Vanhoover is paying me more bits than I can handle."
"But, Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash was dumbfounded, and tried to knock some sense into Fluttershy. "It doesn't mean you can't hang out with your friends from time to time. You should at least be trying to get out more."
"And who says that?" Fluttershy was fed up at this point. Her voice rose in anger. "Who is to say what I can or can't do? Why can't I just be left alone to do what I want?"
"Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "You have to just calm down!"
"Why should I?!" She was getting into Rainbow Dash's face. She started backing Rainbow Dash down. "Why should I listen to you or anypony else that is trying to drive me away from what I want? Where is my say? Where can I go that I have a purpose? Not a club! Not some party where I might do something I regret! Just let me be!" She turned away from Dash, her head held high. Tears were forming at the corners of her eyes.
"And what happens when you end up all alone in life?!" Rainbow's voice cracked a few times. She had tears as well.
"MAYBE THEN I'LL BE HAPPY!!" And she ran upstairs, little droplets of rain coming from her eyes. Rainbow Dash just stood there, trying to wipe away the water running down her cheek.
Maybe now she'll leave me alone for Celestia's sake! All she ever does is try to steer me in directions I don't want to go! Hopefully I can just get on with life and head back to Vanhoover when all this is over and go waste away in the woods! I can finally just be alone!
... no ... this isn't what I want. I do want to go with my friends, but I just don't want the parties. I want to be loved, but not by stallions with bad thoughts. I just want my life to be my life.
That's when I can be happy, when I make the decisions. Sure I'll go to a couple parties, but not too many. And maybe Rainbow Dash was right, I need to perk up a bit. I haven't been enjoying myself ever since I've gotten here. I just need to get used to it again, that's all.
But what if it's too late? What if I drove off Rainbow Dash? What if I can't apologize? Oh no! I have to get down there.
Fluttershy saw Rainbow Dash's cyan coat, covered in tears, walking solemnly down the dirt path. Fluttershy opened up her window and flew down to her. She poked her on the shoulder and landed next to her.
"Well those were the quickest five minutes of my life." Rainbow Dash's voice was still staggered with occasional breaks and cracks, but she was herself again.
"I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy apologized. "I don't even know how that came out, it just...did."
"You really don't have to apologize," Rainbow Dash said, still glum. "I shouldn't have antagonized you like that."
"Yes, I do," Fluttershy stammered. "You just showed me that there's more to life than just sitting around watching animals all day. I would have packed up right then and there and gone back to Vanhoover. Now I need to go be with my friends." She started trotting towards Ponyville.
"And I need you Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash said. Fluttershy stopped in her tracks. Shew turned around and met face to face with Rainbow Dash, but she just kept walking. "If I lose you, I don't what I'd do with myself." She stopped and turned to Fluttershy. "Best friends?" she asked, holding out a hoof in gesture.
"Best friends." If there was anything that could break her arm even more than one of Rainbow Dash's hoof shakes, Fluttershy might survive it. A violent throwing-of-her-arm all over the place meant that she was happy.
And off they went, to the "Welcome Home!" party. Fluttershy was given a warm welcome. Soon she was dancing along with the others, watching the night drift away. All of my friends are having a great time, she thought, and so am I. Soon, she was fast asleep in her bed, much more jubilant and excited for the next six months.