Pinkie Pie said to all her friends, “Okey dokey, girls, it’s make outs time!”

And Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie started making out with each other.

It was Pinkie Pie’s first ever Weekly Pinkie Pie and All of Her Friends Get Together and Make Out Party, which she’d spent months planning. It was going swimmingly. There was spit getting swapped in all directions, lesbian horses being proactive in their lesbian horse communities at every turn, and tongues getting the greatest workouts they’d ever had.

But then the gang noticed that Twilight wasn’t participating. Twilight was standing off to the side by the snack table, voraciously chowing down on graham crackers.

Everyone stopped.

Except Twilight. She kept eating graham crackers.

Fluttershy asked, “Twilight, why aren’t you making out with anypony?”

Twilight giggled nervously. “Uh, why would I?”

“Duh,” Pinkie duh’ed. “Because it’s a make out party!”

“I’m waiting for the boys to get here,” Twilight said, and casually popped another cracker into her mouth like she hadn’t just said something totally absurd.

Everypony exchanged worried glances, and then Rarity stepped forward. “Darling, are you feeling well?”

“Yup,” Twilight yupped. “Why wouldn’t I be? These graham crackers are delicious!”

“Because, as you should be very well aware, there are no boys coming.”

Twilight finally paused her graham cracker eating. “Well, it’s not much of a make out party if there’s no pony here for me to make out with, is it?”

Everypony exchanged another series of worried glances, and Rarity stepped further forward. “I’m not sure I understand. We’re here, aren’t we?”

“Girls,” Twilight said, and laughed, “I’m not gay.”

Rarity’s jaw dropped and she fell backwards. Everypony else’s jaw in the room dropped. Everypony in Ponyville’s jaw dropped. The jaw-dropping magnitude of Twilight’s bizarre incomprehensible statement was so great that even a hundred miles away Celestia’s jaw dropped clean off her face halfway through negotiating an economic treaty with a group of Saddle Arabian delegates, causing said delegates to flee shrieking in terror at the site of the jawless princess, ruining trade relations between Saddle Arabia and Equestria for decades thereafter.

“Szzf splsshh shhz zzffsh?” Applejack asked.

Twilight blinked at her.

Talking was difficult without a jaw, so Applejack picked hers up off the floor and reattached it. Everyone else followed suit.

“What do you mean ‘not gay?’” Applejack asked again.

“Uh, the same thing everypony else means when they say they’re not gay?”

“Oh!” Rainbow Dash oh’ed gleefully. “You mean that you’re still in the Lesbian Horse Denial Stage, otherwise known as LHDS. That makes sense. Everypony goes through that one. Mine was crazy! But really, Twilight, you’ll be way happier once you confess that secret lesbian horse crush on your best friend that you’ve nursed for years and accept that you’re a lesbian horse just like the rest of us.” Rainbow grabbed Fluttershy and pushed her towards Twilight. “Just look how much happier Fluttershy is now that she’s finally confessed her crush to me. Go on and show her, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy smiled to show that she was more or less averagely happy.

“No,” Twilight said, finishing off the last of the graham crackers. “That’s not what I mean. Also, do you have anymore graham crackers?”

“Oh,” Rarity oh’ed, much more elegantly than Rainbow had. “She means bisexual. Twilight, it’s really not kosher these days to make such silly distinguishments. A lesbian horse is a lesbian horse.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “No, that’s not what I meant. And, seriously, could I get some more graham crackers? I’m out of graham crackers here!”

“Then what do you mean?” Applejack asked.

“I mean I’m straight,” Twilight said, and waved the empty graham cracker bowl in their faces. “Also, hello! Purple princess pony needs graham crackers!”

“What’s ‘straight?’” Rainbow Dash asked. “Is that like when you wait too long to go poo, and then when you finally get to the restroom you can’t go, so you’re like, ‘What was the point of this? I guess I should’ve gone straight here.’”

“No,” Twilight said. “It means heterosexual.”

Rarity fainted.

Shocked silence filled the room, filled the town, filled all of Equestria, and the heaviness of it even quieted the still-shrieking fleeing Saddle Arabian delegates.

Everypony started getting their jaws unhinged so they could drop them again.

“Just kidding!” Twilight laughed. “Of course I’m gay!”

A wave of relief spread across the world.

“And I don’t even like graham crackers!” Twilight cried.

And then all they made out.