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Organised by
RogerDodger
Word limit
400–750
Darcy's Lion
“Now that’s an interesting trophy, Darcy. What’s the story behind it?”
“Oh, that one’s got quite the story. You see, four years ago, I was in Africa, doing some work with the Peace Corps. You know, building schools, fighting AIDS, stopping wars...That sort of thing. We did a lot of good for the people there.
“On one particular evening, I was driving back to our base from a remote village where I had spent the day building a water pump for the villagers. Everything was going great until my Jeep broke down in the middle of the savanna, who know how many miles away from the nearest human. And of course my phone couldn’t get any reception out there, so I was basically stuck by myself until someone came out looking for me.
“Luckily, I had some supplies with me. My tools, some water, a flashlight, and some other basic survival gear; you get the idea. But there was one important thing that I was missing: some food. I had brought food with me that day, of course, but I gave most of it to the villagers, since they hardly had anything. I’d only eaten just enough to keep me going through the day. So by that point, I was starving. But I figured that the guys back at camp would notice that I was missing in the morning, at the very latest, and then they’d only have to drive towards the village to find me. So I only had to endure my hunger for one night. No big deal.
Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t quite that simple. I didn’t know it at the time, but apparently I’d gotten myself turned around while driving back in the dark, and by the time time I broke down, I was pretty far off-course. I ended up having to fend for myself for three days before I saw another human.
“But I’m getting ahead of myself. That night, I was lying on the ground, trying to fall asleep, when this huge lion shows up. All I could do was throw my blanket over me and hope that he wouldn’t notice or care about me. Obviously, he didn’t eat me, but for some reason, he decided to sit down on top of me!
“Now if you’ve never experienced the pleasure of having a 500-pound lion sitting on you, let me tell you: it is not pleasant. If it weren’t for my quick thinking, I probably would have been crushed to death there. But I remembered that I had used my machete to clear out the grass in my sleeping area, and it was still within arm’s reach. So I reached my arm out from under the blanket, grabbed the machete, and stabbed the beast in his stomach. That was enough to get him off of me, and before he could recover enough to fight back or run away, I finished the job.
“That lion ended up being a blessing in disguise, since I was able to start a fire and cook enough of his meat to stay fed until I was rescued. Unfortunately, some hyenas made off with most of the carcass the night before I was rescued. But I kept what I had left of him, and I had it stuffed when I came back home. So that’s what you see here: the end of the lion.”
“Wow. That’s quite the story.”
“You bet it is.”
“I suppose it is. But you know, your wife told me that you got this stuffed lion’s butt from a taxidermist who had a customer who only wanted to mount the head of the lion he shot.”
“Oh. Well, ummm...”
“And I guess that’s the end of the lie.”
“Oh, that one’s got quite the story. You see, four years ago, I was in Africa, doing some work with the Peace Corps. You know, building schools, fighting AIDS, stopping wars...That sort of thing. We did a lot of good for the people there.
“On one particular evening, I was driving back to our base from a remote village where I had spent the day building a water pump for the villagers. Everything was going great until my Jeep broke down in the middle of the savanna, who know how many miles away from the nearest human. And of course my phone couldn’t get any reception out there, so I was basically stuck by myself until someone came out looking for me.
“Luckily, I had some supplies with me. My tools, some water, a flashlight, and some other basic survival gear; you get the idea. But there was one important thing that I was missing: some food. I had brought food with me that day, of course, but I gave most of it to the villagers, since they hardly had anything. I’d only eaten just enough to keep me going through the day. So by that point, I was starving. But I figured that the guys back at camp would notice that I was missing in the morning, at the very latest, and then they’d only have to drive towards the village to find me. So I only had to endure my hunger for one night. No big deal.
Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t quite that simple. I didn’t know it at the time, but apparently I’d gotten myself turned around while driving back in the dark, and by the time time I broke down, I was pretty far off-course. I ended up having to fend for myself for three days before I saw another human.
“But I’m getting ahead of myself. That night, I was lying on the ground, trying to fall asleep, when this huge lion shows up. All I could do was throw my blanket over me and hope that he wouldn’t notice or care about me. Obviously, he didn’t eat me, but for some reason, he decided to sit down on top of me!
“Now if you’ve never experienced the pleasure of having a 500-pound lion sitting on you, let me tell you: it is not pleasant. If it weren’t for my quick thinking, I probably would have been crushed to death there. But I remembered that I had used my machete to clear out the grass in my sleeping area, and it was still within arm’s reach. So I reached my arm out from under the blanket, grabbed the machete, and stabbed the beast in his stomach. That was enough to get him off of me, and before he could recover enough to fight back or run away, I finished the job.
“That lion ended up being a blessing in disguise, since I was able to start a fire and cook enough of his meat to stay fed until I was rescued. Unfortunately, some hyenas made off with most of the carcass the night before I was rescued. But I kept what I had left of him, and I had it stuffed when I came back home. So that’s what you see here: the end of the lion.”
“Wow. That’s quite the story.”
“You bet it is.”
“I suppose it is. But you know, your wife told me that you got this stuffed lion’s butt from a taxidermist who had a customer who only wanted to mount the head of the lion he shot.”
“Oh. Well, ummm...”
“And I guess that’s the end of the lie.”