Spike sat quietly, his head resting on his claw, and politely ate his hay fries.

He couldn’t have known things would turn out this badly, but in hindsight, a double date probably wasn’t the best idea. He just wanted to ask out Rarity, which was hard enough, but Rarity insisted on calling up Trenderhoof to join them, even though she hadn’t seen him for months. Trenderhoof requested that Applejack come along. Applejack just plain didn’t want to go.

Somehow, they all ended up at the local Hay Burger for lunch, seated at a table for four, enjoying a tasty meal with a side of tense passive-aggressiveness.

“This is such a wonderful meal, is it not?” Rarity said, taking an indignant sip of her diet cola.

“It sure is,” Applejack muttered, tearing off another bite of her cheeseburger and swallowing. “I’m havin’ the time of my life, m’self.”

Trenderhoof picked at his sweater sleeves, having barely touched his food. “Maybe we should call it a day, and meet up again some other time.”

“No, Trend!” Rarity said, then smiled, reaching out a hoof to cover Trenderhoof’s. “This really is wonderful, darling.”

Applejack tore off another piece of burger. “I would be too, if I wasn’t dragged along for this.”

“Dragged along?” Trenderhoof said, looking down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to force you into anything.”

“Oh please, she’s just being overdramatic,” Rarity said, waving a dismissive hoof.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “You’re one to talk.”

Spike sighed, tossing another fry in his mouth. “Are we still going to pretend I’m not here, or what?”

“I am not overdramatic,” Rarity said, standing up. “I’m passionate.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Same here. Passionate about not being here right now.”

“Let’s be polite now, hm, Applejack?”

“Hah. Yeah, Rarity, let’s. Let’s also treat each other like adults, too.”

“You know, I’m detecting some amount of tension here, so why don’t we all just calm down,” Trenderhoof said. “Rarity, don’t you think you should at least acknowledge Spike’s crush on you instead of pretending it doesn’t exist? Then if you two decide you aren’t compatible yet, maybe you could think about dating me. And Applejack, would it be all right if you and I go on a few dates alone and see if we’re the right fit for each other? If it doesn’t work out, that’s okay, and I’ll totally understand.” He shrugged and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I think we could sort out our relationship issues if we just communicate a little better.”

Spike was on the edge of his seat, nodding vigorously. Applejack and Rarity scoffed in unison at Trenderhoof. The table lingered in silence a little longer, until Applejack let out a gasp.

“What in the name of Great Uncle Horseradish is this?” Applejack cried, holding up an apple that she’d pulled out of nowhere. It had a small bite-mark on it. “My love! Shh, it’s all right now, Rupert,” Applejack said, petting the apple. She set it down carefully, then glowered at the rest of the table, her voice lowering to a deep whisper. “Who did this?”

Of course, she immediately accused Rarity, and of course, Rarity immediately countered with blaming apple-obsessed Applejack for doing the dirty deed herself, and of course, Applejack responded with a blow to Rarity’s shoulder.

Trenderhoof and Spike shared a look, then took the rest of their food and snuck away from the table, finding a table for two on the opposite side of the room from the clamor.

“Thanks for doing that,” Spike said. “I’ve been wanting to tell Rarity how I feel for forever. I think I understand our relationship a little better now.”

“No problem. Who needs mares, anyway?” Trenderhoof grinned, passing Spike a ketchup packet. “So. Did you see the hoofball game this past weekend?”

“You bet,” Spike said, helping himself to a mouthful of fries. “Great game. Pony Romo’s the best quarterback in the league.”