*Story idea inspired by the Kids in the Hall sketch, “Can I Keep Him?”

Bon Bon listened to the sound of her front door shutting softly followed by the muffled clops of a pony trying, and failing, to move silently down the hallway. That would be Lyra, returning from her practice. Bon Bon smiled. Lyra fancied herself a secretive pony with an air of mystery when in fact most ponies, Bon Bon included, considered her an open book. That didn’t stop her from trying, though. Undoubtedly, she had something she was trying to hide from Bon Bon. Some small, insignificant matter that she would cling to defensively until her guilty mind forced her to blurt it out in a fit of excitement. It was cute, and part of what made Lyra, Lyra.

A buzzer brought Bon Bon’s attention back to her current task: dinner. She silenced the device and then, having bit into a mouth mitt, opened her oven. The sweet smell of fresh sugar and cinnamon filled her nostrils, and the sight of the perfectly browned rolls was enough to set her mouth watering. Not wanted to get the mitt any damper, she quickly removed the tray full of cinnamon rolls and set them on a pad to cool. She removed the mitt and bit onto a ladle next to a large pot of simmering vegetable stew. Another stir, and just one more taste, was all she need to declare her meal complete. Only one thing left to do.

“Welcome home, Lyra,” Bon Bon said, once her mental count of hoofsteps had reached twelve. She didn’t even bother turning around and instead opened the cupboard to gather bowls and plates.

“Oh! Uh... hey, Bon Bon,” Lyra said. “Glad to be back. Dinner smells amazing. I’ll eat in a second. Just need to, uh... put something in our room— I mean the living room— No! The laundry room! Uh... I-I need to put something away.”

Ah, so it’s something big this time. I wonder what she bought? Bon Bon finished gathering the plates and went for the spoons. She had no need to pry; Lyra always told when she was ready. Just so long as it wasn’t something too expensive.

“Did anything exciting happen at your music practice today?” Bon Bon asked before she ladled some stew into their bowls. Only a little prod, to get her talking.

“No... same as always.” Bon Bon could hear Lyra’s hooves shuffling. Her defenses were weak or, perhaps, already weakened. The secret would have to be something she couldn’t hide, then. “We did end it kind of earlier. Fair Wind is out with the flu. Don’t worry. She should be recovered in time for the celebration. I can’t wait for everypony to hear us play.”
Bon Bon nodded and stuck her spatula under a sticky roll, attempting to pry it loose. Perhaps I used too much sugar this time?

“Bon Bon?” Lyra said, sounding unsure of herself. “Something did happen after practice today.”

Bon Bon’s breath caught in her throat. She dropped the spatula, whirling around to face Lyra. Lyra’s ears hung low, and she was staring at one hoof that she kept sliding back and forth across the kitchen tiles. Her mint green coat was unmarred and her mane still looked neat, or at least what Lyra considered neat. No cuts or bruises could be seen anywhere on the unicorn. She’s not hurt, at least not physically.

Lyra looked up and must have caught sight of the worry in Bon Bon’s eyes. Her own eyes widened and she quickly raised her hoof, shaking it side-to-side. “No, nothing bad!”

Bon Bon gave a sigh of relief and felt her heart unclench. “You had me worried for a moment. So... what did happen? Anything you want to talk about?”

“Well...” Lyra looked behind her, back down the hallway, then back to Bon Bon. “You know that valley? The one I like to visit?”

Bon Bon groaned inwardly, hoping the conversation wasn’t about to go in the direction she thought it was. There was only one valley Bon Bon could think of that Lyra could be talking about. The one located not too far within the Everfree Forest. It was more of a meadow, really, and contained some of the strangest creatures she had ever seen, even by Everfree standards. Lyra liked to go there to watch the animals play, despite the dangers of the rest of the forest, and had even managed to drag Bon Bon along once. She had been too nervous to enjoy herself, but Lyra had been happy, and that was enough.

“Yes?” Bon Bon ventured.

“I went there again, after practice. Since we didn’t do much practicing, and I had some free time. Um... anyway, I saw this little guy all by himself and...” Lyra stepped to the side and motioned down the hallway for someone, or something, to follow her.

Oh no... please no...

The creature that stepped into the doorframe stood twice as tall as a pony. Its peach-colored skin was hairless save for a mop of scraggly black hair atop its head. It wore crude, black clothing along with a red necktie, making its attire resemble a business suit. Around its wrist was a watch, though, judging by its cracks, it likely no longer worked. The creature raised the watch to its face, looked around the kitchen, sniffed, tapped the watch with its opposite hand, and then held it to its ear.

No! No, no, no. She knows better! She couldn’t possibly have brought home—

“A human!” Bon Bon said, trying not to shriek. “You brought home a human?”

“Now, I know what you are probably thinking,” Lyra said, “but I feel—”

“No!”

“Oh, come on! I didn’t even ask yet!”

Bon Bon held a hoof to her forehead to comfort her sudden migraine. “Lyra...”

I need to be subtle about this. Make her realize herself that this is a bad idea.

“Humans... humans are wild animals,” she said, stepping aside as the human entered her kitchen and started looking around.

Lyra followed it in. “There are ponies that keep them as pets.”

“Rich and eccentric types, mostly,” Bon Bon said, waving a hoof to shoo the human away from her and, unfortunately, towards their meal. “The point I’m making is that humans are very difficult to care for and don’t do well in captivity. You’ve seen them in the Canterlot zoo. Remember? No! Those rolls are not for you!”

“Yeah, but... all of the caged animals looked miserable, not just the humans. I can take care of him! He just needs love and attention.”

Bon Bon eyed the human up and down. Having given up on the cinnamon rolls, he stood next to the stove, repeated touching the pot and drawing back from the heat. “Are you sure it’s male?”

“Maybe, I-I’m not too sure how to check on a human. But he answers to Mr. Stevenson!”

“Mr. Stevenson,” Bon Bon said flatly.

The human grunted, causing Bon Bon to flinch. She backed away and raised a hoof in defense as the creature approached. It stooped down in front of her and stared her in the eyes, unblinking. Every so often, its nostrils flared. Moving as slowly as possible, Bon Bon looked sidelong at Lyra, who was nervously grinning back. Bon Bon squeaked as the human quickly reached out and grabbed her hoof. Don’t scream! Don’t scream! Animals sense fear! Squeezing lightly, the human moved its hand and, by extension, her hoof up and down.

“What is it doing?” Bon Bon whispered out the side of her mouth.

“Shaking your hoof!” Lyra whispered back, excitedly.

“I can see that. Why?”

“I don’t know, but it’s so cool! I think he likes you!”

The human grunted and let go of Bon Bon’s hoof. She quickly pulled it beneath her and watched the human for any more sudden movements. The human took interest in its shirt and began patting it. It eventually found what it was looking for, a fold the looked like a pocket. From the pocket, it pulled a white, rectangular piece of paper, held it before her, and grunted.
“I-I don’t understand. You want me to have that?”

The human grunted again and moved the paper forward. Bon Bon turned up a hoof, slowing extending it under the paper. She cringed as the human set the paper on it. When nothing else happened, Bon Bon withdrew her hoof and looked at the paper. Squiggly lines covered it. I may have been writing or a drawing of a potato, for all she knew. She looked at Lyra.

“I don’t know,” Lyra said. “He gave me one, too.”

“Um... th-thank you?”

Apparently satisfied with her response, the human nodded and gave her a toothy grin, showing more pointy teeth than Bon Bon was comfortable seeing up close. While there may have been no reports of unprovoked wild human attacks, she wasn’t keen on becoming the first. Lyra walked up next to the human and began rubbing her hoof on its head. The human closed its eyes and made pleasant sounds while rolling its head so that she could scratch all its hair.

“See?” Lyra said. “He’s harmless. Just a big softy. Aren’t you? Yes you are. Yes you are!”

One of the human’s feet thumped up and down. Bon Bon frowned at how badly the conversation was going. It would be hard, if not impossible, to convince Lyra to get rid of the human.

“So...” Lyra said, letting the unspoken question hang in the air.

“I don’t know,” Bon Bon said, trying not to make eye contact.

“Please? He’s so much smaller than the other humans. I think he might be a runt. He could die without me!”

“I’m not going to be able to talk you out of this, am I?

“I can do this, Bon Bon. I know I can!”

Bon Bon looked into Lyra’s pleading eyes, which were growing larger by the second. “Fine... you can keep him, but on one—no—two conditions,” she said, cutting off Lyra’s celebration. “You have to follow these rules if you want to keep a human. First, and I want to be very clear on this, he’s your pet, not mine. I don’t want to be the one cleaning up after him, or feeding him, or walking him, or—”

“Don’t worry, Bon Bon, he’s my responsibility. You won’t even know he’s here!”

Somehow, I doubt that.

“Secondly,” Bon Bon continued, “and this is the most important rule, if it becomes clear that staying here is bad for him, if he ends up being miserable like the humans in a zoo, then you must return him to where you found him. Got that?”

“That won’t happen. I’ll take good care of him and get him lots of toys and different types of food. He’ll be much happier here than he ever was in the wild! You’ll see.”

Bon Bon sighed. “Alright then. Welcome to the family, Mr. Stevenson.” Mr. Stevenson’s eyes popped open at the mention of his name.

Lyra squealed in delight and nuzzled Bon Bon. “Thank you! Thank you sooo much! I won’t let you down. Do you think we can give him some stew? He seems to really like it, or at least the pot it’s in. Just for today! I’ll buy some pet food tomorrow.”

“Yes, that’s fine.”

“Come on, Mr. Stevenson. Let’s get you some dinner. After that, we can get some blankets together and make you a nice, soft bed. Much better than the ground.”

Bon Bon returned to the cupboards and pulled out another bowl. She looked back at Lyra, who was attempting to get the human to sit in a chair.

Oh, Lyra. I don’t think you realize the heartache you’re setting yourself up for.

---

The next morning, Lyra led her pet human through the streets of Ponyville, gently using her magic to pull his necktie like a leash. The ponies going about their daily business stopped to stare at the strange sight. Lyra beamed proudly, knowing she had the coolest pet in all of Ponyville. Maybe even all of Equestria. Mr. Stevenson looked to be enjoying himself. He would run ahead to look into store windows or sniff at the produce stands or give passing ponies those strange paper cards he seemed to have a limitless amount of. The most important thing was that he was behaving himself, needing only a quick tug of his necktie to come back to her side. See, Bon Bon? I told you I could do it!

The first stop of the morning was the pet store to pick up some much needed supplies. Lyra tried to ask the clerk behind the counter some questions, but he only stared wide-eyed at her human and proved to be very unhelpful. She would just have to look around the store herself.

Humans, from what Lyra knew, were some type of ape. Apes are a kind of monkey, right? She looked at Mr. Stevenson. He did bear some resemblance to a monkey. A large, tailless, furless, more hindlegish-standing kind of monkey, but a monkey nonetheless. It made sense that he would probably eat the same things as monkeys.

The pet food aisle contained a multitude of different food. Cans, bags, packets. Dry, wet, mixed. Healthy fur, healthy teeth, healthy skin. The choices seemed endless. Luckily, the bags labeled “Monkey Chow!” were easy enough to find.

“Hey!” Lyra called out to the front of the store. “Is it okay if I open this to see if my human likes it?”

The clerk at the front continued to stare at Mr. Stevenson and not say anything. Silence means ‘yes!’ Lyra tore open the bag, levitated a few of the pellets out, and sniffed them.

“I guess they smell alright. Here, Mr. Stevenson. Try one and see if you like it. It’s probably full of monkey stuff like bananas and... whatever else monkeys eat.”

Mr. Stevenson grabbed a pellet and looked at it suspiciously. He sniffed it, then gave it a tentative lick. His face immediately scrunched up is displeasure. He dropped the pellet and stomped on it.

“Okay, then... luckily there’s more than one brand. I’m sure you’ll like one of these.”

Lyra and Mr. Stevenson tried brand after brand of monkey chow, each meeting with Mr. Stevenson’s disapproval. They were on the sixth and final bag when, after the lick, Mr. Stevenson put the pellet in his mouth. Lyra held her breath as her human slowly chewed the pellet, swallowed, and, after a painful minute in which she had to start breathing again, nodded at her. For a moment, I was getting worried. I don’t think Bon Bon would like making vegetable stew every night. I glad I found something he li—yikes! Is this the price per bag? She looked at her human, who was eating another handful of pellets. She sighed. Only the best for my pet...

The other items she needed, a food bowl, a water bowl, and pet bedding, where easier to find and didn’t require Mr. Stevenson’s approval. The bed may have been labeled “For large dogs,” but Mr. Stevenson would fit easily inside it. She returned to the register to pay for her purchases. With the clerk still out of commission, she placed her bits on the counter and left the store, heading towards her next stop of the day.

---

Mr. Stevenson paused at the library’s front door. He tentatively placed a hand to the tree’s trunk, then pulled it back as if he got burned. He looked at his hand, rubbing his fingers and thumb together. With pursed lips, he set his hand back on the tree and then moved closer to place his ear against it. His brow furrowed as he let out a long throaty noise. Lyra couldn’t take it anymore and started giggling.

“You are so weird, Mr. Stevenson,” she said between giggles. “Let’s go inside.”

Lyra placed her pet supplies against the library and opened the door. The human jumped back and crouched behind her. He peaked out to bat a hand towards the door, getting more giggles from Lyra.

“It’s okay. It’s only a library,” she said as she walked inside. Mr. Stevenson cautiously followed her but stopped at the entrance. “Don’t worry... nothing to be scared of. I know it’s a bit weird having the library in a tree, but you get used to it. We’re going to see Twilight. She’s a nice pony. You’ll like her.”

Mr. Stevenson grunted and walked indoors, looking about in wonder. The sound of hooves on steps drew the pony and her human’s attention to the stairs and Twilight descending them.

“Oh, hi, Ly—woah!” Twilight said, coming to a stop halfway down the steps.

“Hi, Twilight,” Lyra said with a smirk. “I see you see my new pet.”

Twilight continued down the stairs. “Pet? That’s a human!”

“I know. Cool, huh? His name’s Mr. Stevenson. I found him yesterday.”

Twilight’s mouth opened and closed, trying to form words. She finally settled with “Oh?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I was hoping you had some books about humans I could borrow. Maybe something about training?”

“I’ll... see what I have.” Twilight’s horn glowed as several books came off the shelves. She looked at each cover before sending them back to their place and fetching more. “What is he doing?”

Lyra looked at Mr. Stevenson, who was alternating between looking at his watch and knocking on the wall. “I think he’s just a little weirded out about being inside a tree,” Lyra said. “He’s still getting used to living in Ponyville.”

“I see... you know, humans don’t normally live with ponies... since they’re wild animals, after all.”

Lrya rolled her eyes. Ugh, she sounds just like Bon Bon. I’m not a filly anymore. I’m fully capable of taking care of a pet.

“Just saying,” Twilight said, catching the end of Lyra’s glare. “I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

The books stopped flying around and returned to their shelves, leaving one book in front of Twilight. “I’m afraid this is all I have. Humans aren’t very common in Equestria, and not many researchers that step into the Everfree Forest step back out. The Royal Library might hold more information, but this should be enough for you to get started with Mr. Stevenson.”

A grunt came from Mr. Stevenson, who was walking towards Twilight. He crouched down and presented his card.

“Uh, n-no thank,” Twilight said, backing away. “I’m fine.”

Mr. Stevenson frowned and thrust the card forward, grunting more forcefully.

“Really, I have all the strange pieces of paper from humans I can use,” Twilight said, then looked past the human at Lyra. “What is he doing?”

“I don’t know. Just take the card.”

Mr. Stevenson reached into his shirt and pulled out a stack of cards. He flexed them between thumb and forefinger, spraying them in a surprised Twilight’s face.

“No, Mr. Stevenson!” Lyra yelled, tugging on his necktie and placing herself between him and Twilight. “No! Bad human! You do that outside! A-actually, no... you don’t do that anywhere!”

Lyra gathered the cards, her cheeks burning red. “I’m so, so sorry, Twilight. He’s usually friendlier around strangers. I’m still trying to teach him to behave. Are you okay?”

Twilight rubbed her nose and sniffed once. “Yeah, I think so. I don’t feel any paper cuts. What are these things?” She floated a card to her face.

Lyra looked at Mr. Stevenson, who stood by the entrance, shuffling around and frowning. “They’re his cards. He’s been giving them to random ponies. I still don’t know why.”

“Well, no harm done. I’ll just keep one to make him happy. Here’s the book.”

Lyra grabbed the book with her magic and looked at the cover. “Enigmatic Entities of Equestria’s Everfree.”

“There’s not much about humans in there. Only a few pages,” Twilight said.

“Thanks, I’m sure I’ll learn something. I’ll return it when I’m done. Sorry again.”

Lyra hurried across the library and led Mr. Stevenson outside. She tried to glare daggers at the human but found his miserable look too much. She sighed and passed the stack of cards up to him. He’s like a giant puppy that I just kicked. She yelped in surprise as the human fell to his knees, wrapped his arms around her neck, and pulled her into a hug. A few ponies walking about slowed their steps to look at Lyra. She placed a hoof on Mr. Stevenson’s back and gave him a quick pat. “There, there. We,um... we all make mistakes. Just don’t do that again, okay?”

She waited a few more seconds for the human to let go. It became apparent he wasn’t going to on his own. “Come on. Ponies are staring,” Lyra said, pushing lightly against his chest. Mr. Stevenson released his arms and frowned at her.
“I’m not angry. It’s my fault too. I still have a lot to learn about taking care of humans. Let’s go home and have some lunch. Afterwards, we can go play in the park.”

Lyra gathered her supplies and looked up at Mr. Stevenson, whose lips had curved slightly into a smile. She gently tugged his necktie, getting him to fall into step with her. On the way home, he didn’t pass out a single card.

---

“Alright, Mr. Stevenson. Reeeaady? Fetch!”

Lyra let the stick loose with her magic, sending it flying across the park. She looked at Mr. Stevenson expectantly, who just stared back at her. She nodded her head towards the stick a few times, hoping her pet would get the clue. He didn’t.

“You can do it, Mr. Stevenson, it’s easy,” Lyra said, walking in the direction the stick had gone. “Just watch me!”

She bounded through the grass, past the trees and other ponies, searching for the stick, only slowing when she got to where she had seen it land. I know I threw it somewhere around here... ah! There it is! There’s the stick! Excitedly, she bent down towards the stick and stopped with her mouth about to grab it, suddenly realizing many pairs of eyes were on her. Her cheeks heated as she got back up and chuckled weakly.

“Just, uh... just showing my pet how to fetch a stick. Heh heh...”

Before Lyra’s cheeks could get any redder, she grabbed her stick with magic and galloped off towards her human. Way to go, Lyra. What? Are you the human’s pet now? She stopped in front of Mr. Stevenson, the grin on his face showing more amusement than she would like. She rolled her eyes and waggled the stick in front of his nose.

“This is a stick. See?” She moved the stick a little more rapidly. “You want the stick.”

Mr. Stevenson grabbed the stick and sniffed it. He turned it back and forth, grunting every so often as he poked it with his other hand. Finally, he brought the stick behind his back and began scratching himself, thumping his foot and making noises of relief. Lyra frowned and waited a minute for him to finish. “Are you done yet?”

Mr. Stevenson stopped his scratching and looked down at Lyra, then back at the stick. His eyes widened and he gasped as realization dawned on his face. Yes! He’s got it! Lyra’s smile faded as Mr. Stevenson drew his arm back and whipped it forward, sending the stick flying across the park. He looked at Lyra expectantly, who just stared back at him with an open mouth. He nodded his head towards the stick a few times, hoping she would get the clue. Unfortunately, she did.

“Come on, Mr. Stevenson. I think that’s enough fetch for today.”

---

“Wow, did you know that humans are most closely related to the great apes of the southern seas?” Lyra asked between bites of her salad.

“I do now,” Bon Bon replied. “I really wish you wouldn’t read at the table.”

“Huh? Oh! Sorry. This is all just so fascinating.” Lyra kept her nose buried in the book as she read the next paragraph. When she had finished, she shut the book and set it on the table. She stared at Bon Bon with her biggest grin.

“Read something interesting?”

Lyra nodded quickly. “Only something that explains everything about humans! They’re mimics! Monkey see, monkey do! That’s why Mr. Stevenson sometimes copies me. That’s why he wears clothes. Humans must have seen ponies wearing clothes and decided to copy them!”

“Given the ratio of ponies that regularly wear clothe and those that don’t, shouldn’t more humans be naked?”

Lyra frowned slightly at her theory possibly being debunked. “I don’t know. I guess. Maybe they all gave it a try and decided they liked it? But that also explains his tie and watch. Those things are definitely pony made.”

“So they’re thieves?”

“What? No. Maybe. The point I’m trying to make is that they like to act like ponies!”

Bon Bon shook her head and looked Lyra in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Lyra, but should I be excited about this?”

Lyra rolled her eyes. “If humans can act like ponies,” she said, holding her fore hooves to one side, “then they can live like ponies.” She moved her hooves to her other side. “Mr. Stevenson will do better here than he ever could out there!”

“If you say so.”

“I’m going to take him around town tomorrow so that he can experience as many ponies as possible.”

“I thought you have practice tomorrow.”

Lyra’s face lit up. “That’s perfect! He can come see me play!”

“I’m not so sure the theatre lets animals in.”

Lyra shook a hoof. “He’ll be really quiet. He can sit in the seats. He’s gotten really good at that. I’ll show you! Mr. Stevenson!”

“You don’t need to show me.”

“No, I can also show you this trick we came up with. Mr. Ste—oh! There you are.”

Mr. Stevenson walked into the kitchen and looked between the two ponies. Lyra pulled out a chair with her magic and patted it.

“Sit, Mr. Stevenson. Come on, boy. Sit!”

Mr. Stevenson looked at the chair and approached it slowly. He moved one shaky leg over the cushion and then lowered himself down. The chair creaked under his weight.

“Lyra, I don’t think he should—”

“Okay. Watch this.”

Lyra lifted a cookie and placed it on the bridge of Mr. Stevenson’s nose. The human went cross-eyed, staring at the cookie.

“Lyra, those are for after dinner.”

“Mr. Stevenson already ate.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Bon Bon said with a sigh. “Besides, I don’t think humans are supposed to eat chocolate.”

“Isn’t that only dogs?”

Bon Bon stared blankly for a moment before rolling her hoof in the air. “Carry on.”

“Okay, Mr. Stevenson. Stay. Staaaay.”

Mr. Stevenson continued to stare at the cookie, drool leaking from his mouth.

“Staaaaaaay... now!”

Mr. Stevenson reached up with his hand, plucked the cookie from atop his nose, and took a bite from it. He smiled, crumbs falling from his mouth, and ate the rest of the cookie in one bite.

“Isn’t that the coolest thing ever!” Lyra squealed. “Look how he uses his hands for simple problem solving!”

“Yes... amazing,” Bon Bon said.

---

The lyre’s stings plucked rapidly, its harmonious melody reaching out through the crowd of other instruments, trying to find the violin. The violin stopped her dance with the clarinet, suddenly interested in the newcomer. The other instruments backed away, eager to see what this new pairing could do.

They started slow; there melodies wrapped together, neither seeking to overpower the other. Instead, they worked together, playing off each other’s strengths while covering for the other’s weaknesses. They twirled together, faster and faster as the piece built to its climax. Finally, the rest of the instruments grew quiet as the lyre and violin shared a high note. Their dance as its end, they whispered their goodbyes, and the music faded.

The stage remained silent for several seconds.

“Bravo,” the conductor said, then louder, “bravo! This was the best performance yet! Keep this up and we’ll have the audience crying in their seats. Especially you, Silversong.” The violinist’s eyes widened at suddenly being singled out. “The way you were able to harmonize with Lyra was perfect! We may just have to keep you as first chair violin, even after Fair Wind returns.”

Silversong blushed whiled the musicians around her gave their quiet congratulations. Silence returned when the conductor tapped his baton against his podium. “Settle down. This was a good start, but we still have several pieces to get through.” He raised his baton into the air and waited a moment. Satisfied that everypony was ready, he lowered the baton but came to a screeching halt when a sharp clap sounded from the empty seats of the theatre. The clap repeated itself every second or so. The conductor sighed into his hoof.

Lyra hurried off the stage and into the auditorium to where she had left Mr. Stevenson in one of the seats. The human stood and was opening his arms wide, only to bring his hands together in a loud smack. He smiled down at Lyra but didn’t stop his applause.

“Mr. Stevenson!” Lyra hissed. “Please! You have to be quiet! You can applaud at the end.”

“Is there a problem, Lyra?” the conductor asked. She looked down at him and the rest of the annoyed-looking orchestra. “If you cannot quiet your pet, then please take him outside.”

A few more hushes and downward motions with her hoof, and Mr. Stevenson sat back down. He smiled at Lyra and then looked out at the stage. Lyra quickly returned to her chair, keeping her head down and hoping she wasn’t blushing too bad.

“Sorry,” she said. “He’s still learning when he’s supposed to applaud.”

“This is the second time, Lyra,” the conductor said, scowling. “One more interruption and you’ll have to tie him up outside. The theatre isn’t a place for pets.”

“I know, sorry,” she said as she raised her lyre, hoping they could just forget about her human and get on to the next piece.

---

Bon Bon scrunched her eyes as she woke up. By the feel of things, it was still too early to be awake. Cracking open her eyes confirmed her suspicions; the sun hadn’t even risen yet. Still, something had woken her. Some sound. She perked an ear to listen. For a minute, she heard nothing besides the rhythmic breathing of Lyra beside her. She nuzzled back into her pillow and was about to try to will herself asleep, when she heard the noise again. Is that... scratching?

She sat up in bed. Sure enough, more of the scratching noise came from down the hall. It’s that human. I’ve barely gotten a good night’s sleep this past week because of him. If he’s not whining because of a thunderstorm, he’s knocking over his food bowl, or scratching on doors. Why is he scratching on doors? What could—oh no...

“Lyra!” she whispered, shaking the unicorn. “Lyra, wake up. Your pet needs to do his business.”

Lyra mumbled something unintelligible, rolled onto her back, and snored loudly.

“Lyra! Get up before your pet has another accident.”

Lyra batted a hoof at the air and mumbled, “...in the morning...”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes and got out of bed. “Fine. I’ll just take care of your pet,” she said as she exited the bedroom.
Mr. Stevenson stood in front of the bathroom, scratching at the door. Bon Bon eyed the human. They can be toilet trained but can’t understand how a handle works. What is with these things? At least Lyra didn’t need to buy a litter box. I don’t even want to think of what a creature this size could do to one. She made a show of pushing down on the handle to open the door. The grateful human ignored her and rushed inside. He looked back at her and grunted, flicking his hand in her direction.

“Fine. Just don’t use so much toilet paper this time,” Bon Bon said and then shut the door.

She fell back on her haunches and slumped against the wall, resting her head in an attempt to get a few more seconds of sleep. She would have to talk to Lyra again about her responsibilities, but, for now, she only wanted the human to hurry up. She nodded awake at the sound of flushing. Finally. She rose to her legs and was about to open the door when another flush sounded.

Bon Bon knocked on the door. “Mr. Stevenson? Is everything alright in there?”

The sound of another flush was the reply. Bon Bon had had enough and opened the door. “Mr. Stevenson, what is Equestria are—”

Mr. Stevenson flushed the toilet again, sucking a string of toilet paper off the roll and down the plumbing. His grunts sounded like laugher as he clapped his hands together. He flushed again.

“Mr. Stevenson! No!” Bon Bon yelled. The human spun around, grunted, and flicked his hand towards her. “Don’t you shoo me! Bad human! Bad! Human! Get out!”

She pushed at the human’s legs until he finally moved on his own and left the bathroom. She groaned at the mess he caused and then noticed the water beginning to fill up the toilet bowl. Oh no... don’t... The water reached the brim and overflowed onto the floor.

“Lyyyraaa!”

---

It took nearly an hour of plunger work and soggy hooves, but Bon Bon had managed to defeat the clog. She watched the last of the mushy toilet paper as it went down the drain, then threw the plunger into the corner with more force than necessary. Her hooves dripped with what she hoped was only water. She hastily dried off, then stomped out of the bathroom. The bedroom was empty, leaving only one place for Lyra to hide.

“Lyra!” Bon Bon yelled as she stormed into the kitchen.

“Morning, Bon Bon,” Lyra said from her bowl of cereal. “You finally done in there? I really need to use the bathroom.”

“Lyra, we need to talk.”

“Sure. About what?”

“About what? About that!” Bon Bon said, motioning to the human sitting in front of a bowl of monkey chow.

Lyra looked at the human and then back at Bon Bon. She frowned slightly. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that I spent the past hour cleaning up a mess that your pet made. He was flushing the toilet paper because he found it funny!”

Lyra’s eyes widened. Her mouth open and shut a few times. “B-Bon Bon, I’m sorry! I didn’t know that’s what you were doing in there! It was only my first slip up!”

“Lyra—”

Lyra hushed over to Mr. Stevenson and stood in front of him with her legs spread out. “You can’t make me get rid of him. It was only a little mistake. I’ll do better!”

Bon Bon took a deep breath. Don’t get mad. If you get mad, she’ll get defensive, and when she’d defensive, she acts stubborn. Change the topic. You need to get her to be the one to decide.

“Lyra,” Bon Bon began softly, catching the unicorn off-guard, “I’m not going to make you get rid of Mr. Stevenson. Although... have you noticed anything strange about his behavior lately?”

“Strange?” Lyra looked at her human, who was still eating. She turned back. “N-no. Nothing strange.”

Your eyes tell me that you noticed too.

“Really? You haven’t noticed him being more aggressive around strangers?”

“H-he’s a guard human. He keeps us safe.”

“What about the things he’s broken?”

“Just accidents,” Lyra said weakly.

“And his restlessness around the house?”

“He’s fine!” Lyra’s eyes were tearing up. “He’s just adjusting!”

I’m sorry, Lyra. I have to do this.

“It’s been over a week and this behavior is only getting worse,” Bon Bon said, trying her hardest to keep her voice steady. “Remember the second condition you agre—”

Lyra shut her eyes tight and shook her head. “He’s not unhappy! He likes it here! He... he just needs some vitamins, or a change of diet, or-or something. Twilight’s having the Canterlot library check for books. They’ll have something on humans. Everything will be fine. You’ll see! Come on, Mr. Stevenson. Let’s go have fun.”

Bon Bon watched Lyra lead Mr. Stevenson from the room by his necktie, leaving her alone in the kitchen. She winced at the sound of the front door slamming shut. A moment later, the door reopened, and Lyra walked to the kitchen doorway.

“I... I need to use the bathroom first.”

---

Lyra spent most of the day with no real goal besides avoiding Bon Bon. She hated when they fought like that. Especially since it was usually about stupid things and she was usually the one that was wrong. Well, I’m right this time, and Mr. Stevenson isn’t a stupid thing. He’s my pet. I love him, and he loves me. Bon Bon would love him too, if she’d only give him a chance.

She walked down the market, stopping at shop after shop with no intention of buying anything. Mr. Stevenson behaved himself, at least, staying close to her side.

It took a while, but she started to notice the ponies she passed acting strangely. They would stare at her or give her a wide breadth, often crossing the street when they saw her approaching. She looked up at Mr. Stevenson, whose eyes darted from pony to pony. He whimpered slightly.

Ugh, this is stupid! It’s time to put an end to this. Lyra approached a flower stall run by Daisy. The earth pony saw Lyra’s approach and backed away. She tripped onto her haunches but still scooted herself backwards. Lyra scowled at Daisy and continued to follow the fleeing pony until she ran into a wall. With no place left to go, Daisy just shivered.

“Daisy, just what’s—”

“Keep that monster away from me!” Daisy squeaked and hid her head under her hooves.

“Why are you afraid of him? Does this look like the face of a monster?” She pointed up at Mr. Stevenson, who had his watch next to his ear and was shaking his wrist up and down.

“He dug up all my flowers!”

Lyra held a hoof to her head and sighed. “You’re still upset over that? I helped you replant them.”

“P-please, just go!”

“Fine!” Lyra turned away from the cowardly pony and stormed off in a huff. “Don’t care about her, Mr. Stevenson. She’s scared of everything. I once heard tha—oof!”

Lyra fell to her rear. She groaned and looked around for what she had crashed into, spying a filly rubbing her head across from her. “Oh! I’m so sorry, kid. I wasn’t looking where I was going. You okay?”

“Yeah,” the filly said, lowering her hoof. Her next word froze in her throat as her widening eyes turned upward.

“He’s not scary!” Lyra quickly said to the filly, then turned to Mr. Stevenson. “Quick! Do something not scary!”

Mr. Stevenson stooped down with hands on his knees. Even crouched over, he still towered over the trembling filly. He reached into his shirt’s pocket, pulled out a card, and placed it atop the filly’s muzzle. Lyra smiled nervously. So far, so good. Mr. Stevenson extended his hand towards the filly and grunted, sending the filly scurrying in the opposite direction. Lyra hoofed her forehead. “Let’s... let’s just go get something to eat before you scare anypony else.”

Lyra led Mr. Stevenson from the market towards her favorite café. What’s up with everypony? What is it about humans that freaks them out? Sure, he may smell funny and... well, I guess he does look a little weird. And he has been grunting at ponies if I’m not around. And... and he is technically a wild animal. Lyra shook her head quickly. No! Don’t start thinking that way. The other ponies just need to get used to him. They haven’t spent as much time around humans as I have. I may take a few weeks, but... Lyra’s thoughts trailed off as she saw a new sign hanging outside the café. She ran up to it.

“Hey! What gives?” Lyra yelled to a passing waiter.

The waiter shuffled his tray from his mouth to his back. “Is something the matter, ma’am?”

“Yeah. Why’s this sign say ‘No pets allowed?’”

“Be-because no pets are allowed, ma’am,” the waiter said, his eyes shifting to Mr. Stevenson.

“It wasn’t here yesterday.”

“Yes, well... the management decided to adopt a new policy. We had some complaints about the actions of, er... certain pets.”

Lyra narrowed her eyes. “You mean about Mr. Stevenson.”

“I, uh, wasn’t privileged to the exact details of the change. You are free to come back, however, once you leave your... pet... at home.”

“Forget it,” Lyra said as she turned away. “I wasn’t hungry anyway.”

Lyra continued walking and saw many other restaurants and cafés had taken up a similar policy about pets. She frowned and slowed her walk to a shuffle. She could be stubborn all day and not eat, but that wouldn’t be fair to Mr. Stevenson, who was probably getting hungry too. “Hey, Mr. Stevenson?” Lyra looked up and didn’t see the human above her. Panic gripped her. With how badly ponies were reacting with a human following her, it would be much worse with a human alone. “Mr. Stevenson? Where are you?”

She looked about and spied the human back down the road, walking in the other direction. “Mr. Stevenson!” she yelled as she chased after him, quickly catching up. She gave his necktie a tug, making him stop.

“You can’t wander on your own like that. Our home is this way.” Lyra gave another light tug, but the human continued to stare into the distance. “What are you looking at? That’s the edge of town. Nothing past there except some grass and—”

The Everfree Forest.

Lyra felt her heart skip a beat. She moved in front of Mr. Stevenson. “Come on, Mr. Stevenson, y-... you don’t want to go that way. Home is in this direction.” She walked a few steps and gave another tug. “You want to come home, right? We-we have food there, a-and we’ll have fun! Just you, me, and... and Bon Bon. We’re a family. Please, Mr. Stevenson? Please come home.”

One last tug and the human turned to follow her. Lyra smiled, but the pit in her stomach remained.

---

Lyra gasped as she woke from her dream. She sat up, breathing heavy, and felt a chill travel down her spine as the night-air cooled her sweat. She looked at objects in her bedroom. Her lyre in its case. The horrible yellow curtains that Bon Bon had picked out. The soft quilt across the bed. Bon Bon herself, shuffling a little but still asleep next to her. Familiar things. Calming things. A dream... just a dream. Nothing bad happened. She slipped back under the covers and stared up at the ceiling. As she calmed down and felt sleep returning, she heard a noise. Is that... coughing?

Lyra climbed out of bed, being careful not to wake Bon Bon, and walked softly out of the bedroom. From the hallway, the sound of coughing grew louder. She followed it to the den, where Mr. Stevenson’s bed lay. “Mr. Stevenson?” she called, softly.

The human looked up at her. His whole body shivered, even with the blanket on him. He started to get up but fell back down with a fit of coughing. Lyra rushed to his side and lay down next to his bed. She placed a hoof across his forehead but didn’t feel any heat. “W-what’s wrong, boy? A-are you thirsty? Let me get you your bowl.”

She lifted the bowl with her magic and set it next to Mr. Stevenson’s head. He looked at the water and stretched his neck towards it only for another wave of coughs to come over him. “I-I need to get somepony. A doctor. Or a vet. Or...” She looked towards the doorway and the earth pony standing within it. “Bon Bon!”

Lyra got up, nearly stumbling, and rushed to Bon Bon. “Mr. Stevenson’s sick!” she said. “We need to take him to the vet!”

Bon Bon didn’t look at the human. She kept her eyes fixed on Lyra and softly said, “Lyra.”

Lyra turned her head back to Mr. Stevenson. “Don’t worry, Mr. Stevenson. The vet will fix you up. You probably just need some pills. O-or a shot.”

“Lyra,” Bon Bon said again, a little louder.

“Everything will be fine! The vet will make you all better. Then we can go back to running around and playing, just like before. You liked that, didn’t you?” Lyra turned around. Her eyes shook as tears welled up. “He’s going to be fine, right?”

Bon Bon stepped forward and pulled Lyra into an embrace. Lyra trembled, her tears breaking free, and wrapped a foreleg around Bon Bon to hold on tighter. “You knew this was happening, Lyra.” Bon Bon’s voice wasn’t accusing. She was simply stating a fact she wished she didn’t have to. Lyra could only nod into her mane.

“It’s not your fault. You did better than I thought you would. But... humans are wild animals. They don’t survive well in captivity.”

“B-but why?”

Bon Bon didn’t speak for a moment. Instead, she just stroked Lyra’s mane. “Imagine if you were in his place,” she said, still stroking slowly. “Imagine if one day you found a seapony and followed it into its magical undersea kingdom, where you became the Queen of the Seaponies’ pet. Even if they took care of you. Even if they gave you everything you could ask for. How would you feel?”

Lyra didn’t answer. She knew exactly how she would feel never seeing her friends, family, or loved ones again.

“If you love him, like I know you do, you know what you have to do.”

Lyra nodded again, still holding onto Bon Bon and not wanting to let go.

---

The outside air had helped the Mr. Stevenson’s condition. The further they traveled from Ponyville, the more excited he seemed to become. He knows I’m taking him home... that I’m setting him free. The journey through the forest remained uneventful. Most of the really nasty things didn’t come out until the night. She followed the trail, taking the turns that were required, until the thick canopy overhead opened up.

“We’re here, Mr. Stevenson,” Lyra said, her voice monotone. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at the human.

The valley was the same as always, a peaceful little pocket far different from the horrors of the rest of the forest. The sun could shine down here, helping the grass and flowers grow to their rich, vibrant colors. A few bands of humans roamed about, mostly staying close to the narrow river that ran the length of the valley. Looks like there’re fewer humans out today. I wonder where they live? Maybe in the forest, or underground, or... I guess it doesn’t really matter.

Lyra let Mr. Stevenson lead the way to two humans that were dressed similar to him. The humans stared at each other, grunting and slowly getting closer. Both humans reached into their shirts and produced a rectangular card. They slowly extended their cards outward and then simultaneously snapped the other’s card from their hand. The humans looked at the new cards and sniffed them. They then smiled and shook each other’s hand, grunting and nodding in approval.

“I get it now,” Lyra said. “It’s a greeting ritual. For when you meet someone new, or... maybe someone you want to be your friend? We were friends, right? You... you don’t hate me for taking you away, do you?”

Mr. Stevenson grinned down at Lyra, who could only chuckle and shake her head at his mirth. You don’t understand a word I’m saying. She opened her saddlebag and pulled out a small gold-colored box, passing it up to the human.

“Here,” she said. “It’s a going away present.”

Mr. Stevenson turned the box around, grunting in awe as it reflected the light. Lyra used her magic to pop open the lid. Mr. Stevenson’s eyes widened. He reached into the box and pulled out a wristwatch. “This one actually ticks, so you can get rid of your broken one.” He slipped the watch over his wrist, then beamed at Lyra, showing off his dual watches. “Or you can just do that.”

The two humans had taken notice of them. They kept their distance, squinting at them and pointing. Lyra pushed at the back of one of Mr. Stevenson’s legs. “Go on. Go make some friends.”

Mr. Stevenson took a few steps forward but stopped to look back at Lyra. “Go on!” she repeated more forcible, hoping her voice wouldn’t fail on her. “You’re free. Don’t make this any harder than it is.”

She took a few steps back, only to have Mr. Stevenson follow her. “No you stupid human. You—” He dropped to his knees before her, then reached up to his neck and loosened his tie. Lyra felt her tears welling up as he removed the tie and placed it over her head. He tightened it comfortably around her neck and gave a sad sounding grunt. She wrapped her forelegs around him. “I’ll look for you! Every time I come back, I’ll look for you.”

Lyra broke the embrace and wiped her eyes. “Goodbye, Mr. Stevenson. For now, at least.”

After producing two cards from his pocket, Mr. Stevenson walked away from Lyra.

---

Bon Bon listened to the sound of her front door shutting softly. She stepped from the den to see how Lyra was faring. The tie around her neck and drooping posture told Bon Bon all she needed to know. “I’m home,” Lyra said, looking up from the floor.

“Welcome back.”

Lyra shuffled down the hall and stopped in front of Bon Bon. “I’m sorry for any trouble I caused.”

Bon Bon gave Lyra a quick hug and said, “You didn’t cause any trouble. Nothing big, anyway.”

Lyra smiled weakly. “Yeah... I also want to say thank you, for helping me do the right thing.”

“I’m proud of you. Giving up something you love is one of the hardest things to do in life.”

Lyra nodded and returned her eyes to the floor. “I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’m going to go lie down. I kind of want to be alone for a while.”

“Of course, although, before you do, there is something I’d like you to see.”

Lyra’s head perked up. “What is it?”

“One of the reasons I didn’t want you keeping a human for a pet, besides it being a notoriously difficult to care for wild animal, was because I didn’t think you could be responsible enough. Over the past week, you have proven to me time and time again that I was wrong. That’s why, while you were gone, I stopped in at the pet store.”

Lyra shook her head slowly. “Thanks, Bon Bon, but I don’t think I could replace Mr. Stevenson so soon.”

“I understand. We can always take him back.” Bon Bon backed through the doorway, motioning for Lyra to follow. “However, would you like to see him first?”

Lyra stepped into the den, where a small, white, plastic box with a caged door sat atop the table. Lyra walked up to it, squinted inside, and said, “I don’t see anything.”

“Open it. It’s a little dark inside.”

Lyra lifted the pin and opened the cage. She stepped back with a startled yell as a ball of dark brown fur leapt out of the cage and climbed on top of her head. Bon Bon tried her hardest not to laugh at Lyra’s wide-eyed expression. The creature gripped Lyra’s horn and leaned over, looking at her upside down.

Lyra’s face instantly lit up. “It’s a monkey!” she said.

Seeing Lyra smile again made Bon Bon’s heart swell. “A spider monkey to be exact. Much easier to care for than a human. I figure he’ll be both of ours. We can share the responsibilities.”

Lyra sat down on the couch and held out her forelegs. The monkey hopped down into them and began rubbing his head against her chest. “What’s his name?”

“I was hoping you could come up with one.” Bon Bon crossed the room to sit next to Lyra.

“How abooout... Mr. Stevenson Two?”

Bon Bon giggled. “Maybe just ‘Steve’ for short?”

“Sounds good.” Lyra smiled at their pet. “Welcome to the family, Steve.”