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RogerDodger
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For the Love of All
Dear Diary,
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
Today I went to the pharmacist’s again. Got Mummy’s medicine - 4 red, 6 blue, 6 clear (phyrol), 6 other clear (serenol) and the receptionist even gave me a sweet bun as I was leaving. Mummy didn’t cough that much today, only 8 times, and all of them short. Made sure she had plenty of water, and did my homework.
White Wings came by in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to play with him. I said no, again, because Dad and big sis aren’t coming back until after sundown. Couldn’t leave Mummy by herself. He gave me a little fluffy doll to play with, but it crumbled an hour or so after. All of the cloud dolls do, so it was all right. At least he gave me one.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
Gave Mummy half a teaspoon of the red medicine and 2 cups of water at 3.14 a.m. - coughing fit, wheezing.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
Didn’t sleep much. Got to school late. Ms. Teacher forgave me though, but I had to sit at the back of the class again because the front seats were taken. Almost got scolded by Mr. Protractor for falling asleep in class. He just knocked on my desk and woke me up. The class didn’t laugh at me like they used to. I’ve only noticed that now.
White Wings and I played charades with pictures. He likes playing it even though he’s really bad at guessing. Or I’m just really bad at drawing. Actually I don’t think I like playing charades with pictures that much. It’s just clouds shaped like ponies, or clouds shaped like food, or clouds shaped like books, or clouds shaped like bottles. It’s all the same. But at least it’s playing.
Slept in the afternoon. I missed dinner because I woke up too late, but big sis had left me a stalk sandwich next to my bed. I checked on Mummy one last time and gave her her medicine.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
Nothing much happened. School as usual.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
Didn’t go to school today. Mummy coughed blood in the night. 1 teaspoon red, 1 black pill, 2 cups of water at 4a.m.. I had to stay next to her and give her water, and feed her the black pill every 4 hours.
I read my maths textbook and “Tales” that Dad gave to me. They were all stories about distant pegasi countries, and princesses, and princes, and adventures, and magic. I read them aloud to Mummy. But big sis said I was keeping the whole house up, and she . . . so I didn’t read aloud anymore. I don’t even know why. I was reading really softly. I need to be softer still.
I hate the black pills. I have to wake Mummy up every 4 hours to give her them. Why can’t the doctors make pills that you take every 8 hours instead? She needs the sleep, and she looks so pained when I have to wake her up. We used to use that, the pink pills, and that was fine. Then the new doctor came and changed Mummy’s pills.
Asked Dad what to do. He said he didn’t know. So I stuck to the usual.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
1 teaspoon red, 1 black pill, 2 cups of water at 4a.m.. 2 cups of water at 5a.m.. 1 black pill and ½ cup of water every 4 hours.
Didn’t go to school today. Big sis said she would let the school know. It’s good because if she didn’t say, the school wouldn’t know. Simple as that. I always sit at the back of the class and all the other fillies are bigger than I am. So it makes sense.
I practiced reading softly today. Mummy seemed to like it, but she didn’t say anything. She did smile though. I’m so glad, I really am.
Dad and big sis were shouting outside the house. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I just know that there were shouting things about me, because I heard my name. Mummy didn’t seem to hear anything.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
We had to pass up homework that I missed the past few days. White Wings said he tried to visit me, but . . . . He told me to copy his work during recess so that I wouldn’t have to fail, because if I did I would have to repeat the year again. I told him that he would get scolded if the teachers found out. He just said, “Trust me, we won’t get caught”. And we didn’t.
I almost fell asleep in maths again. I just can’t understand it. I can’t get it, even though I try to read the book every day. White Wings is so much smarter than I am. I’m just very fortunate to have him as a friend.
Big sis and Dad had another argument. It was so loud and noisy. She said . . . and Dad . . . and I didn’t want to listen so I’m here now, in Mummy’s room, where it’s safe, because nopony ever argues in Mummy’s room. Mummy’s room is safe. Everypony in it is all right. Even Mummy, because of the good medicine.
Big sis got me a new book called “The Quest”. It’s a really long storybook, about a pegasus named Cinnamon Sugar, who gets lost in a world of different ponies called “Earth ponies”, who are just like pegasi except without wings. I wonder what they look like. It must be so weird, not having wings. How can they fly?
Though it’s not like I can fly much. I don’t need to. I just need to measure Mummy’s medicine and take good care of her. She’ll get better and we’ll all be happy.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
White Wings told me that I’m not my Dad and Mummy’s foal. He said something about black markets and society and . . . and . . . and I don’t understand. He wouldn’t lie to me, would he? He’s my best friend! He’s been so kind to me, the only one helping me with school and playing with me when I have the time... he said that his father was “in-vest-ee-gate-ing”. That I was bought. I don’t understand. I’ve known Mummy all my life. Mummy is my Mummy, and Dad is my Dad, even if he . . ., and even big sis is my big sis. She gives me presents for my birthday and Hearth’s Warming Eve, apart from White Wings. Even if she shouts at me and . . . but she still cares for me, right? My family is my family and that’s what they are.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary—
13/7
Things To Do:
1) re-run prosecution evidence of the Galestrom case
2) sort out and submit Welfare Department paperwork
3) apply for deferment of Flight Camp for Fluttershy
4) talk to WW about telling other ponies about work(!!!)
Sequence for 1)
Galestrom buys a filly from the black market, as a replacement for their stillborn (Docs. #140, #141, testimonies Fil. A and Red S., med. records 3406, 3407)
Abuse (need proof)
Stockholm’s Syndrome (need proof)—
Obtain grant for Welfare protection
Damn. Fluttershy can’t remember anything. All she wants is to feed her mother medicine. It’s like a really absurd joke with all of the sad and none of the funny. Had to sedate her again. That can’t be good for her, but it’s the only way we can keep her from banging her skull to bits on the door. Swirly Top, the sister, refuses to testify or cooperate, so we can’t get anything out of her. I don’t know whether she’s just scared or actually defiant.
@#$%ing (don’t swear, don’t swear) Educational Council have said that the chances of FC deferment are slim. Damn officials. Can’t they see that she’s in no condition to get packed off to FC? Sometimes it makes me want to shove their pretty offices into the Machine. “Protocol” and all that junk has no place in a real society. Heck, even Whitey’s better than them. Maybe if Cloudsdale was run by a bunch of foals, the world would be a better place. That’s a thought, isn’t it? It’s not like the FC is actually useful. It’s just a bunch of foals flying around, slightly more productive than our government (har har). It’s not like pegasi can’t fly properly (well, save a few special cases, but you don’t run a city-wide camp for a few special cases alone, do you?). It’s just the elders and the parents being paranoid that their foals will just one day drop off Cloudsdale. Heh, fancy that. But anyhow, deferment—she needs it. Anything to get her in good hooves until she recovers. She’s at a severe disadvantage with her lack of flying experience, seeing as she spends half her days indoors, and she could get seriously injured in such a gung-ho environment.
Sundamnit, I need a drink. Can’t let Whitey know though. Welfare Department is also such a pain in the flank, needing this and that and an official court judgement to qualify. If they’d just look at her, she’s the qualification in itself! Hyper-introverted, speaks in whispers, malnourished, underdeveloped wings and education. She flinches when you look at her. If that doesn’t warrant qualification to be a ward of the State, nothing will.
Maybe I could adopt her. That’d solve everything, except that I don’t have the income to do that, and then I’d have to not only drop the current case for civil offence, but also start over a new one fighting for custody instead, since there’s no way that Galestrom will give her up now. Different court, different Department, different rules, and that’s not including the possibility that Galestrom simply buys off the jury. It’s not like his current case is weak either. He could plead insanity, or plead for leniancy because of his damn wife. That, and I’m not much of a parent figure myself, am I?
25/7
Things To Do:
1) Welfare Dept. paperwork
2) appeal against FC committee’s refusal on grounds of emotional/psychological instability
3) check up on situation post-Welfare
4) research on Hunter case
Galestrom’s behind bars, Swirly Top and Fluttershy have been handed over to Welfare, Summer Dance has been put in a hospital ward at expense of the government. I guess that’s that, then. I’m surprised that Gale didn’t put up that much of a fight. He just looked really, really pissed, shouting all the way from the defendant’s bench to the testimony stand and back again. It’s a pity that the foalnappers—the main ponies behind this sick business—disappeared. Nopony dropped names, and even if they did, we’d need addresses and ponypower to track them down. It’s out of my hooves this way. Conscience cleared. One wonders, though, what the hell Celestia’s doing about it, seeing as it’s her job and all. Probably nothing as usual. “You must learn for yourselves, my little ponies”... pah.
Still, we managed to bag the agent who brokered the deal. There’s little love lost between Galestrom and him, and that’s one less slimeball off our streets. From him, we managed to find out Fluttershy’s origins—a poor and most likely untraceable family in Maretopia—and that effectively bars any and all attempts to send her back. Nopony in their right mind would send a filly back to Maretopia. It’s a hellhole, it is, full of filth and corruption. At least the government here is merely stupid. It makes the border regions like Las Pegasus look like a garden full of flowers. I don’t know how I’m going to break it to her. She doesn’t need to know this just yet, anyhow; in her state of mind, we gotta choose our words carefully.
I met the worker who’ll be in charge of her, a certain Red Jacket. He’s a fine young fellow with kind eyes. I think he can sympathize with Fluttershy just fine. It’s amazing, what that filly would do for an uncaring father and an unresponsive mother, not that the latter is entirely her fault. She literally had no life outside of her family and Whitey. It makes me feel sorry for her, but I can’t spend all of my emotions on just one client.
Ah, well. I can at least spend a few more weeks sorting things out for her. It’s nice to be out of the office for a change, even if I have to deal with the silly idiots in power. Probably take her out to coffee with Whitey. She might like that. A little kindness goes a long way, and all that, right?
Why—rather, how Fluttershy stood for that sort of treatment for so long is beyond me. It can’t be simple goodwill. Not that I’d know anything about that, since that part of me shrivelled as soon as I got my licence. Heh. Even so, it does pain me to see a filly give so much for nothing in return.
Note to self: have intern replace me at the briefing session on Thursday, and arrange for a visitation with Fluttershy.
29/7
Things To Do:
1) Streamline the sundamn Welfare/FC system
2) research on Hunter case
3) have a talk with Whitey
All in all, I guess things went okay. Fluttershy hardly said anything except “thank you” and “sorry”. I made sure to get nothing red or blue for her. Greenie suggested that doing so would trigger a trauma, and since she’s the psychologist, not me, I complied. Went for a walk in the park. Whitey wanted to play on the swings with her, but she didn’t want to. We ended up sitting on our rumps instead, trying to make the ice-creams last. The poor filly isn’t eating well, according to reports—expected, of course—so it was good that she managed to finish the cone. At least her stomach still works. Getting some sun can’t be bad for her, either.
The officials have made it clear that they aren’t going to defer FC for her. I guess I’ll have to have a little afternoon tea session with the boss, pass the pouch and what have you. It sickens me, but I can’t possibly let her go in the state she’s in. FC is in a month. It’ll take at least 6 for her to recover, and that’s using Greenie’s shortcut, experimental method. Memories, and all that junk. She insists that it’s the only way. They’re going to bring up a couple of unicorns and try a “memory overlap”, to blanket the old memories and replace them with vague nothings. That’s what I got from the technobabble she churned at me, anyways.
Money isn’t going to be a problem. I’ve received affirmation to go after the Galestrom assets now, and they’re going to give me leave for the Hunter case. It’ll probably be a 3-way split behind the mother and two daughters. That’s still a lot of bits, more than she can use in her foreseeable future. I’ll have to talk to her about using her inheritance to bribe ponies, I guess. Some ponies aren’t happy with that, myself included, but it’s the only way to get things done. Damn.
Welfare, at least, is going well. Fluttershy moved in to the residence yesterday, and her room is nice enough. Holidays are in two weeks, and Whitey will undoubtedly want to visit her then. Fine by me. She could use the company, and he could stand to get out of the house more, instead of dawdling with cloud fluff all day.
On an unrelated note, got a phone call from Rosemary. She asked when would Whitey go over to her place. I told her I didn’t know, and honestly I don’t. I don’t want to think about it, but I’ll have to tell him his mum called, or she’ll call in the agreement enforcement troops again, bothery damn. It’s not like he has any friends there. He’ll be bored to tears.
12/8
Things To Do:
1) check up on Fluttershy
2) do something nice
3) buy flowers for Rosemary
I’m going soft. Damn it all.
It feels strangely good to be soft, though. It gives me something to talk about with her as well.
It’s strange, that’s what it is. Somehow, she’s gotten herself the nickname of “maid” because she helps Red Jacket with the chores e.g. cleaning. The other ponies shy away from her and stick to themselves. Can’t blame them, seeing as she won’t even raise her eyes to meet anypony but us, and it’s better than bullying, so I have no complaints.
She seems fascinated with stories of me being nice. I have absolutely no idea why: covering for Greenie when the boss asked where she was, because she was taking the day off to visit her mother; covering for the lad Bookmark when he lost his minutes from the last meeting I put him in; covering for a bunch of ponies who would’ve gotten yelled at for tiny things...
Come to think of it, maybe I’ve gone soft since a long time ago. Damn.
Anyhow, she seems to like those stories a lot. She tells me stories of her own, basically stuff about cleaning and cooking. I nod and smile. Better than being in the office, at any rate.
Greenie paged me the other day about something, but when I asked her, she shook her head and said that she wanted to wait for a few more weeks. She has a suspicion about something, but what? The only thing I can do is trust her. She wouldn’t screw up a filly’s brain on pain of death, because she’s good at what she does. I did manage to catch a couple of her colleagues staring at me, whispering something, so I politely went up to them and asked what was going on. They just ran. Rude, much?
Anyhow, things are going well. Bookmark seems to be enjoying his work on the Hunter case, and as long as he doesn’t object, I won’t have to return to my books.
26/8
Things To Do:
1) meeting with Greenie
It’s because of the damn magic. There’s no other explanation for it.
Greenie told me that Fluttershy is inherently kind. There’s no problem with that. The problem is that this kindness is infectious as a result of the memory overlapping—that some parts of her are spilling out, or something. That this kindness will seep into ponies she meets regularly, shaping and corroding their mindset into the simplest form of being agreeable.
They’re bringing in a different pair of unicorns, ones that are supposed to be able to measure auras, to prove this. Auras, mindsets, all of this sounds really occultish to me, something Maretopian. I don’t like it at all, and I very damn well told her so. She said that it was just a hypothesis from observation. I asked her if I seemed to be affected, but she wouldn’t answer me.
Even if it’s true, infectious kindness isn’t a problem, right? All of us know that the world could stand to be nicer. This isn’t an issue, it’s almost a blessing. But Greenie’s worried because it would upset the balance of things, and that kindness is subjective, so the results would be wildly unpredictable. She even went as far as to say that Galestrom thought that he was doing Fluttershy a kindness by making her a replacement for their dead daughter. Pah!
If she’s right, the ones “suffering” from this the most are I, Whitey, and Red Jacket. Greenie’s going to assign ponies to monitor us, in case our definitions of kindness end up to be random killing. The idea is ludicrous, but... this is Greenie, after all. She doesn’t mess up. And we’re friends. So I guess I’ll have to stomach being stalked for a while.
11/10
Damn. Damn, damn, damn it all to hell ten times over with a cherry on top.
Red Jacket’s a murderer. He went to the old folks’ home where his parents were, and killed twenty. This can’t be true. It’s all a sick joke, isn’t it? It has to be!
We raided his place, a small flat in North End. His diary was not pretty—there were entries stating how sad it made him to see his parents with dementia, how they were so confused and emotional. There were entries with him writing how he felt their pain. It was all sympathy and sadness in that book of his, which explains why he went into the caregiving industry, but still...
He killed twenty ponies. Two of them were his parents. The others all had some form of severe psychological or physical disability, with three of them in a vegetative state, seeing as the government refuses to put them in the hospital for “efficiency”. They all died quietly. The “Whispering Leaf”, one of those Zebra herbs which causes a permanent sleep, was ground and made into a brew, served to them either in a cup or through the IV drips.
Red Jacket is currently at large. His tracker tried to stop him from leaving the place, but he was knocked down with a single punch. The foals at the residence are all unharmed, and none of them know about this. How the tracker managed to be so slow is beyond me. They think that Red Jacket actually had the “Whispering Leaf” before they started watching him, which implies a whole lot of things I don’t want to think about, ever.
Fluttershy’s staying with me for now. It’s a compromise—Greenie doesn’t want her around us any longer than necessary, but there’s nowhere else for her to go for the time being. That, and we’re already affected, so no new ponies will be exposed to the “infection”. Mind, I don’t feel any different. Things have been just the same as always.
Greenie told me to try and count the number of ponies who smile and say “hi” to me in the mornings. I don’t see why, but I’ll oblige once more.
12/10
34. 34 ponies.
Greenie was right. I interact with less than 10 ponies regularly, and there are 34 of them greeting me like I’m their new best friend.
There shouldn’t be anything wrong with that, but there is. It’s unreal. It just doesn’t feel right at all.
Date: 9/12, 986AB
Time of procedure: 11.00a.m.
Form of recording: Audio log, transcribed
Subject: Project SHY: Stage 9b: “Stem”
File: #40009
Author: Dr. Whitestar
The procedure for disabling the “kindness aura”, also referred to as “the anomaly”, exhibited by the subject Fluttershy will begin now.
Her memory waves consist of three major layers: her early memories, memories post-trial, and current, short-term memory based on real-time input.
Sealing spells will be enacted to suppress the subject’s early memories, as they are the closest to her inherent kindness, which is the source of the aura. By suppressing her nature as defined by her upbringing, the level of kindness present in her subconscious will, we hope, decrease significantly, thus weakening the aura. There is no method as of now that will eliminate the aura completely; we are simply attempting to render it down to a negligible amount.
Thaumic essence engaged.
Runes inscribed via remote image-imprinting.
Runes programmed to seal.
Backup runes programmed for stabilization.
Primary runes activated. A waiting time of 3 minutes to pass for full effect.
Aura monitored. The levels have fallen by 30%.
Secondary runes activated. A waiting time of 3 minutes to pass for full effect.
Aura monitored. Levels have fallen by a total of 60%.
Running diagnostics to ensure the stability of the subject. Vital signs are stable. The operation is a success.
It is a stroke of luck that the operation was performed without major problems. The procedures here will be documented and sent to the Repository for investigation and validation, and it is believed that this will contribute greatly to the experimental sciences.
The ethics of the issue are muddy at best. Tampering with a pony’s raw nature is generally frowned upon, much less suppressing it; however, we argue that we have done this for the greater good. Similar endeavours are strongly discouraged; as hypocritical as it is, this team believes that the changing of a pony’s personality defies nature and is unethical. In this case, where the degree of change can be quantified, the path which leads to less change has been chosen, i.e. stemming the anomaly, thus limiting the number of altered ponies to 4—the subject and 3 others previously exposed to the aura. Such a being cannot fit into normal society without causing havok, as witnessed in the case of the murderer Red Jacket; one can almost say that it is a kindness done to the subject, that she should have this anomaly suppressed.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
Today I went to the pharmacist’s again. Got Mummy’s medicine - 4 red, 6 blue, 6 clear (phyrol), 6 other clear (serenol) and the receptionist even gave me a sweet bun as I was leaving. Mummy didn’t cough that much today, only 8 times, and all of them short. Made sure she had plenty of water, and did my homework.
White Wings came by in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to play with him. I said no, again, because Dad and big sis aren’t coming back until after sundown. Couldn’t leave Mummy by herself. He gave me a little fluffy doll to play with, but it crumbled an hour or so after. All of the cloud dolls do, so it was all right. At least he gave me one.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
Gave Mummy half a teaspoon of the red medicine and 2 cups of water at 3.14 a.m. - coughing fit, wheezing.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
Didn’t sleep much. Got to school late. Ms. Teacher forgave me though, but I had to sit at the back of the class again because the front seats were taken. Almost got scolded by Mr. Protractor for falling asleep in class. He just knocked on my desk and woke me up. The class didn’t laugh at me like they used to. I’ve only noticed that now.
White Wings and I played charades with pictures. He likes playing it even though he’s really bad at guessing. Or I’m just really bad at drawing. Actually I don’t think I like playing charades with pictures that much. It’s just clouds shaped like ponies, or clouds shaped like food, or clouds shaped like books, or clouds shaped like bottles. It’s all the same. But at least it’s playing.
Slept in the afternoon. I missed dinner because I woke up too late, but big sis had left me a stalk sandwich next to my bed. I checked on Mummy one last time and gave her her medicine.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
Nothing much happened. School as usual.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
Didn’t go to school today. Mummy coughed blood in the night. 1 teaspoon red, 1 black pill, 2 cups of water at 4a.m.. I had to stay next to her and give her water, and feed her the black pill every 4 hours.
I read my maths textbook and “Tales” that Dad gave to me. They were all stories about distant pegasi countries, and princesses, and princes, and adventures, and magic. I read them aloud to Mummy. But big sis said I was keeping the whole house up, and she . . . so I didn’t read aloud anymore. I don’t even know why. I was reading really softly. I need to be softer still.
I hate the black pills. I have to wake Mummy up every 4 hours to give her them. Why can’t the doctors make pills that you take every 8 hours instead? She needs the sleep, and she looks so pained when I have to wake her up. We used to use that, the pink pills, and that was fine. Then the new doctor came and changed Mummy’s pills.
Asked Dad what to do. He said he didn’t know. So I stuck to the usual.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
1 teaspoon red, 1 black pill, 2 cups of water at 4a.m.. 2 cups of water at 5a.m.. 1 black pill and ½ cup of water every 4 hours.
Didn’t go to school today. Big sis said she would let the school know. It’s good because if she didn’t say, the school wouldn’t know. Simple as that. I always sit at the back of the class and all the other fillies are bigger than I am. So it makes sense.
I practiced reading softly today. Mummy seemed to like it, but she didn’t say anything. She did smile though. I’m so glad, I really am.
Dad and big sis were shouting outside the house. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I just know that there were shouting things about me, because I heard my name. Mummy didn’t seem to hear anything.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
We had to pass up homework that I missed the past few days. White Wings said he tried to visit me, but . . . . He told me to copy his work during recess so that I wouldn’t have to fail, because if I did I would have to repeat the year again. I told him that he would get scolded if the teachers found out. He just said, “Trust me, we won’t get caught”. And we didn’t.
I almost fell asleep in maths again. I just can’t understand it. I can’t get it, even though I try to read the book every day. White Wings is so much smarter than I am. I’m just very fortunate to have him as a friend.
Big sis and Dad had another argument. It was so loud and noisy. She said . . . and Dad . . . and I didn’t want to listen so I’m here now, in Mummy’s room, where it’s safe, because nopony ever argues in Mummy’s room. Mummy’s room is safe. Everypony in it is all right. Even Mummy, because of the good medicine.
Big sis got me a new book called “The Quest”. It’s a really long storybook, about a pegasus named Cinnamon Sugar, who gets lost in a world of different ponies called “Earth ponies”, who are just like pegasi except without wings. I wonder what they look like. It must be so weird, not having wings. How can they fly?
Though it’s not like I can fly much. I don’t need to. I just need to measure Mummy’s medicine and take good care of her. She’ll get better and we’ll all be happy.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary,
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon other clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 5a.m..
White Wings told me that I’m not my Dad and Mummy’s foal. He said something about black markets and society and . . . and . . . and I don’t understand. He wouldn’t lie to me, would he? He’s my best friend! He’s been so kind to me, the only one helping me with school and playing with me when I have the time... he said that his father was “in-vest-ee-gate-ing”. That I was bought. I don’t understand. I’ve known Mummy all my life. Mummy is my Mummy, and Dad is my Dad, even if he . . ., and even big sis is my big sis. She gives me presents for my birthday and Hearth’s Warming Eve, apart from White Wings. Even if she shouts at me and . . . but she still cares for me, right? My family is my family and that’s what they are.
1 teaspoon clear, 1 teaspoon blue, 3 cups of water at 9p.m..
Dear Diary—
13/7
Things To Do:
1) re-run prosecution evidence of the Galestrom case
2) sort out and submit Welfare Department paperwork
3) apply for deferment of Flight Camp for Fluttershy
4) talk to WW about telling other ponies about work(!!!)
Sequence for 1)
Galestrom buys a filly from the black market, as a replacement for their stillborn (Docs. #140, #141, testimonies Fil. A and Red S., med. records 3406, 3407)
Abuse (need proof)
Stockholm’s Syndrome (need proof)—
Obtain grant for Welfare protection
Damn. Fluttershy can’t remember anything. All she wants is to feed her mother medicine. It’s like a really absurd joke with all of the sad and none of the funny. Had to sedate her again. That can’t be good for her, but it’s the only way we can keep her from banging her skull to bits on the door. Swirly Top, the sister, refuses to testify or cooperate, so we can’t get anything out of her. I don’t know whether she’s just scared or actually defiant.
@#$%ing (don’t swear, don’t swear) Educational Council have said that the chances of FC deferment are slim. Damn officials. Can’t they see that she’s in no condition to get packed off to FC? Sometimes it makes me want to shove their pretty offices into the Machine. “Protocol” and all that junk has no place in a real society. Heck, even Whitey’s better than them. Maybe if Cloudsdale was run by a bunch of foals, the world would be a better place. That’s a thought, isn’t it? It’s not like the FC is actually useful. It’s just a bunch of foals flying around, slightly more productive than our government (har har). It’s not like pegasi can’t fly properly (well, save a few special cases, but you don’t run a city-wide camp for a few special cases alone, do you?). It’s just the elders and the parents being paranoid that their foals will just one day drop off Cloudsdale. Heh, fancy that. But anyhow, deferment—she needs it. Anything to get her in good hooves until she recovers. She’s at a severe disadvantage with her lack of flying experience, seeing as she spends half her days indoors, and she could get seriously injured in such a gung-ho environment.
Sundamnit, I need a drink. Can’t let Whitey know though. Welfare Department is also such a pain in the flank, needing this and that and an official court judgement to qualify. If they’d just look at her, she’s the qualification in itself! Hyper-introverted, speaks in whispers, malnourished, underdeveloped wings and education. She flinches when you look at her. If that doesn’t warrant qualification to be a ward of the State, nothing will.
Maybe I could adopt her. That’d solve everything, except that I don’t have the income to do that, and then I’d have to not only drop the current case for civil offence, but also start over a new one fighting for custody instead, since there’s no way that Galestrom will give her up now. Different court, different Department, different rules, and that’s not including the possibility that Galestrom simply buys off the jury. It’s not like his current case is weak either. He could plead insanity, or plead for leniancy because of his damn wife. That, and I’m not much of a parent figure myself, am I?
25/7
Things To Do:
1) Welfare Dept. paperwork
2) appeal against FC committee’s refusal on grounds of emotional/psychological instability
3) check up on situation post-Welfare
4) research on Hunter case
Galestrom’s behind bars, Swirly Top and Fluttershy have been handed over to Welfare, Summer Dance has been put in a hospital ward at expense of the government. I guess that’s that, then. I’m surprised that Gale didn’t put up that much of a fight. He just looked really, really pissed, shouting all the way from the defendant’s bench to the testimony stand and back again. It’s a pity that the foalnappers—the main ponies behind this sick business—disappeared. Nopony dropped names, and even if they did, we’d need addresses and ponypower to track them down. It’s out of my hooves this way. Conscience cleared. One wonders, though, what the hell Celestia’s doing about it, seeing as it’s her job and all. Probably nothing as usual. “You must learn for yourselves, my little ponies”... pah.
Still, we managed to bag the agent who brokered the deal. There’s little love lost between Galestrom and him, and that’s one less slimeball off our streets. From him, we managed to find out Fluttershy’s origins—a poor and most likely untraceable family in Maretopia—and that effectively bars any and all attempts to send her back. Nopony in their right mind would send a filly back to Maretopia. It’s a hellhole, it is, full of filth and corruption. At least the government here is merely stupid. It makes the border regions like Las Pegasus look like a garden full of flowers. I don’t know how I’m going to break it to her. She doesn’t need to know this just yet, anyhow; in her state of mind, we gotta choose our words carefully.
I met the worker who’ll be in charge of her, a certain Red Jacket. He’s a fine young fellow with kind eyes. I think he can sympathize with Fluttershy just fine. It’s amazing, what that filly would do for an uncaring father and an unresponsive mother, not that the latter is entirely her fault. She literally had no life outside of her family and Whitey. It makes me feel sorry for her, but I can’t spend all of my emotions on just one client.
Ah, well. I can at least spend a few more weeks sorting things out for her. It’s nice to be out of the office for a change, even if I have to deal with the silly idiots in power. Probably take her out to coffee with Whitey. She might like that. A little kindness goes a long way, and all that, right?
Why—rather, how Fluttershy stood for that sort of treatment for so long is beyond me. It can’t be simple goodwill. Not that I’d know anything about that, since that part of me shrivelled as soon as I got my licence. Heh. Even so, it does pain me to see a filly give so much for nothing in return.
Note to self: have intern replace me at the briefing session on Thursday, and arrange for a visitation with Fluttershy.
29/7
Things To Do:
1) Streamline the sundamn Welfare/FC system
2) research on Hunter case
3) have a talk with Whitey
All in all, I guess things went okay. Fluttershy hardly said anything except “thank you” and “sorry”. I made sure to get nothing red or blue for her. Greenie suggested that doing so would trigger a trauma, and since she’s the psychologist, not me, I complied. Went for a walk in the park. Whitey wanted to play on the swings with her, but she didn’t want to. We ended up sitting on our rumps instead, trying to make the ice-creams last. The poor filly isn’t eating well, according to reports—expected, of course—so it was good that she managed to finish the cone. At least her stomach still works. Getting some sun can’t be bad for her, either.
The officials have made it clear that they aren’t going to defer FC for her. I guess I’ll have to have a little afternoon tea session with the boss, pass the pouch and what have you. It sickens me, but I can’t possibly let her go in the state she’s in. FC is in a month. It’ll take at least 6 for her to recover, and that’s using Greenie’s shortcut, experimental method. Memories, and all that junk. She insists that it’s the only way. They’re going to bring up a couple of unicorns and try a “memory overlap”, to blanket the old memories and replace them with vague nothings. That’s what I got from the technobabble she churned at me, anyways.
Money isn’t going to be a problem. I’ve received affirmation to go after the Galestrom assets now, and they’re going to give me leave for the Hunter case. It’ll probably be a 3-way split behind the mother and two daughters. That’s still a lot of bits, more than she can use in her foreseeable future. I’ll have to talk to her about using her inheritance to bribe ponies, I guess. Some ponies aren’t happy with that, myself included, but it’s the only way to get things done. Damn.
Welfare, at least, is going well. Fluttershy moved in to the residence yesterday, and her room is nice enough. Holidays are in two weeks, and Whitey will undoubtedly want to visit her then. Fine by me. She could use the company, and he could stand to get out of the house more, instead of dawdling with cloud fluff all day.
On an unrelated note, got a phone call from Rosemary. She asked when would Whitey go over to her place. I told her I didn’t know, and honestly I don’t. I don’t want to think about it, but I’ll have to tell him his mum called, or she’ll call in the agreement enforcement troops again, bothery damn. It’s not like he has any friends there. He’ll be bored to tears.
12/8
Things To Do:
1) check up on Fluttershy
2) do something nice
3) buy flowers for Rosemary
I’m going soft. Damn it all.
It feels strangely good to be soft, though. It gives me something to talk about with her as well.
It’s strange, that’s what it is. Somehow, she’s gotten herself the nickname of “maid” because she helps Red Jacket with the chores e.g. cleaning. The other ponies shy away from her and stick to themselves. Can’t blame them, seeing as she won’t even raise her eyes to meet anypony but us, and it’s better than bullying, so I have no complaints.
She seems fascinated with stories of me being nice. I have absolutely no idea why: covering for Greenie when the boss asked where she was, because she was taking the day off to visit her mother; covering for the lad Bookmark when he lost his minutes from the last meeting I put him in; covering for a bunch of ponies who would’ve gotten yelled at for tiny things...
Come to think of it, maybe I’ve gone soft since a long time ago. Damn.
Anyhow, she seems to like those stories a lot. She tells me stories of her own, basically stuff about cleaning and cooking. I nod and smile. Better than being in the office, at any rate.
Greenie paged me the other day about something, but when I asked her, she shook her head and said that she wanted to wait for a few more weeks. She has a suspicion about something, but what? The only thing I can do is trust her. She wouldn’t screw up a filly’s brain on pain of death, because she’s good at what she does. I did manage to catch a couple of her colleagues staring at me, whispering something, so I politely went up to them and asked what was going on. They just ran. Rude, much?
Anyhow, things are going well. Bookmark seems to be enjoying his work on the Hunter case, and as long as he doesn’t object, I won’t have to return to my books.
26/8
Things To Do:
1) meeting with Greenie
It’s because of the damn magic. There’s no other explanation for it.
Greenie told me that Fluttershy is inherently kind. There’s no problem with that. The problem is that this kindness is infectious as a result of the memory overlapping—that some parts of her are spilling out, or something. That this kindness will seep into ponies she meets regularly, shaping and corroding their mindset into the simplest form of being agreeable.
They’re bringing in a different pair of unicorns, ones that are supposed to be able to measure auras, to prove this. Auras, mindsets, all of this sounds really occultish to me, something Maretopian. I don’t like it at all, and I very damn well told her so. She said that it was just a hypothesis from observation. I asked her if I seemed to be affected, but she wouldn’t answer me.
Even if it’s true, infectious kindness isn’t a problem, right? All of us know that the world could stand to be nicer. This isn’t an issue, it’s almost a blessing. But Greenie’s worried because it would upset the balance of things, and that kindness is subjective, so the results would be wildly unpredictable. She even went as far as to say that Galestrom thought that he was doing Fluttershy a kindness by making her a replacement for their dead daughter. Pah!
If she’s right, the ones “suffering” from this the most are I, Whitey, and Red Jacket. Greenie’s going to assign ponies to monitor us, in case our definitions of kindness end up to be random killing. The idea is ludicrous, but... this is Greenie, after all. She doesn’t mess up. And we’re friends. So I guess I’ll have to stomach being stalked for a while.
11/10
Damn. Damn, damn, damn it all to hell ten times over with a cherry on top.
Red Jacket’s a murderer. He went to the old folks’ home where his parents were, and killed twenty. This can’t be true. It’s all a sick joke, isn’t it? It has to be!
We raided his place, a small flat in North End. His diary was not pretty—there were entries stating how sad it made him to see his parents with dementia, how they were so confused and emotional. There were entries with him writing how he felt their pain. It was all sympathy and sadness in that book of his, which explains why he went into the caregiving industry, but still...
He killed twenty ponies. Two of them were his parents. The others all had some form of severe psychological or physical disability, with three of them in a vegetative state, seeing as the government refuses to put them in the hospital for “efficiency”. They all died quietly. The “Whispering Leaf”, one of those Zebra herbs which causes a permanent sleep, was ground and made into a brew, served to them either in a cup or through the IV drips.
Red Jacket is currently at large. His tracker tried to stop him from leaving the place, but he was knocked down with a single punch. The foals at the residence are all unharmed, and none of them know about this. How the tracker managed to be so slow is beyond me. They think that Red Jacket actually had the “Whispering Leaf” before they started watching him, which implies a whole lot of things I don’t want to think about, ever.
Fluttershy’s staying with me for now. It’s a compromise—Greenie doesn’t want her around us any longer than necessary, but there’s nowhere else for her to go for the time being. That, and we’re already affected, so no new ponies will be exposed to the “infection”. Mind, I don’t feel any different. Things have been just the same as always.
Greenie told me to try and count the number of ponies who smile and say “hi” to me in the mornings. I don’t see why, but I’ll oblige once more.
12/10
34. 34 ponies.
Greenie was right. I interact with less than 10 ponies regularly, and there are 34 of them greeting me like I’m their new best friend.
There shouldn’t be anything wrong with that, but there is. It’s unreal. It just doesn’t feel right at all.
Date: 9/12, 986AB
Time of procedure: 11.00a.m.
Form of recording: Audio log, transcribed
Subject: Project SHY: Stage 9b: “Stem”
File: #40009
Author: Dr. Whitestar
The procedure for disabling the “kindness aura”, also referred to as “the anomaly”, exhibited by the subject Fluttershy will begin now.
Her memory waves consist of three major layers: her early memories, memories post-trial, and current, short-term memory based on real-time input.
Sealing spells will be enacted to suppress the subject’s early memories, as they are the closest to her inherent kindness, which is the source of the aura. By suppressing her nature as defined by her upbringing, the level of kindness present in her subconscious will, we hope, decrease significantly, thus weakening the aura. There is no method as of now that will eliminate the aura completely; we are simply attempting to render it down to a negligible amount.
Thaumic essence engaged.
Runes inscribed via remote image-imprinting.
Runes programmed to seal.
Backup runes programmed for stabilization.
Primary runes activated. A waiting time of 3 minutes to pass for full effect.
Aura monitored. The levels have fallen by 30%.
Secondary runes activated. A waiting time of 3 minutes to pass for full effect.
Aura monitored. Levels have fallen by a total of 60%.
Running diagnostics to ensure the stability of the subject. Vital signs are stable. The operation is a success.
It is a stroke of luck that the operation was performed without major problems. The procedures here will be documented and sent to the Repository for investigation and validation, and it is believed that this will contribute greatly to the experimental sciences.
The ethics of the issue are muddy at best. Tampering with a pony’s raw nature is generally frowned upon, much less suppressing it; however, we argue that we have done this for the greater good. Similar endeavours are strongly discouraged; as hypocritical as it is, this team believes that the changing of a pony’s personality defies nature and is unethical. In this case, where the degree of change can be quantified, the path which leads to less change has been chosen, i.e. stemming the anomaly, thus limiting the number of altered ponies to 4—the subject and 3 others previously exposed to the aura. Such a being cannot fit into normal society without causing havok, as witnessed in the case of the murderer Red Jacket; one can almost say that it is a kindness done to the subject, that she should have this anomaly suppressed.