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The Happiest Ending
Twilight dived deeper into the fabric of the universe. The tendrils of time swirled around her, each one telling billions of stories about trillions of ponies. Each one felt too precious to throw away than the last.
Everything felt like it happened all at once. All existence compressed onto threads of fate in which alternate timelines and lifestyles branched out.
She swam deeper and deeper, watching the strings of existence dwindle closer and closer to a fine rope, until at the very end she saw a single knot tie it all together. The big bang.
It felt more like the central core of a grand jellyfish than existence itself. Existence was made up of pony’s lives, of creating things, of loving things. This—this in between space—she shouldn’t be here. But yet it was captivating.
She stared at the knot for a long time before finally chasing down one of the strings. It was a beautiful timeline.
After a long time, simple celled organisms evolved into higher creatures, which grew into ponies, who had the capacity of propelling themselves beyond, transforming themselves into ornate tapestries of existence.
Eventually, the line would end, and Twilight would teleport back to the beginning, searching out another line to see and feel and touch and experience and live and die.
Twilight saw and felt everything about every existence.
Eventually she found one string that felt familiar. She followed the string down and watched herself be born, go to Celestia’s school, make wonderful friends and—
Be asked the question.
“Twilight, what is the happiest ending?” asked everypony.
The strings of existence all separated before this point. Billions of ponies asked the question.
It felt wrong. Why would Fluttershy ask this question? Why would Spike, Celestia, Rainbow Dash, Big Mac, Gummy, Luna, Discord—where was this question coming from?
Twilight dived deeper into the tendrils. Recursively going down each and every route from where the question was asked. She frantically chased down every pathway.
What was the happiest ending?
Out of all the many strings of existence, which one was the best? Which one would she choose for herself? Which one would she choose for Equestria? For the universe?
It took many iterations, but she finally found the tear in the very fabric of existence itself. After Star Swirl himself had asked her the question, time had extruded and divided into this interim world where everything existed all at once.
She spent billions of years finding out that information, but it felt like such a hollow victory. Yes, she knew how she got here, but she didn’t have an answer to the real question. What is the happiest ending?
The question gnawed on her as she kept sliding down all the alternate timelines. Which one was the happiest? Is that even something that can be decided? What right did she have to judge what was “happy” or not? So much of life seemed to have happiness that raised or lowered depending on the happiness of somepony else.
It took Twilight far too long to find a major breakthrough. There exists configurations in which two opposite parties can both be happy. Compromise can maximize the net happiness of an entire existence line.
Once she found configurations in which everypony can be happy, she tried very hard to find a string just like that.
Twilight spent countless durations of eternity in the domain of existence design. She clutched at each and every string, fighting to find the happiest ending. And, like all eternities, there was eventually an end.
Her horn glowed and the path she selected glowed lilac. A single eternal string glowed brighter than all the rest, as everything else dissipated into non-existence.
Twilight raced along the lilac string until she reached her own lifetime.
She stretched open existence and jumped inside.
“Twilight? You okay?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Twilight swayed a little on her throne before blinking and reorienting herself. “I’m... fine.”
“Are your sure, Darling?” asked Rarity.
“Never better,” said Twilight. Her stomach felt so queasy, but she couldn’t really place where it had come from. “What were we talking about?”
“Oh! That was me,” said Spike. “I was just wondering what the happy ending is to all this anyway?”
Twilight pondered the question carefully before holding our her hooves. “This,” she said, gesturing all around them and smiling. “This is the happy ending.”
Everything felt like it happened all at once. All existence compressed onto threads of fate in which alternate timelines and lifestyles branched out.
She swam deeper and deeper, watching the strings of existence dwindle closer and closer to a fine rope, until at the very end she saw a single knot tie it all together. The big bang.
It felt more like the central core of a grand jellyfish than existence itself. Existence was made up of pony’s lives, of creating things, of loving things. This—this in between space—she shouldn’t be here. But yet it was captivating.
She stared at the knot for a long time before finally chasing down one of the strings. It was a beautiful timeline.
After a long time, simple celled organisms evolved into higher creatures, which grew into ponies, who had the capacity of propelling themselves beyond, transforming themselves into ornate tapestries of existence.
Eventually, the line would end, and Twilight would teleport back to the beginning, searching out another line to see and feel and touch and experience and live and die.
Twilight saw and felt everything about every existence.
Eventually she found one string that felt familiar. She followed the string down and watched herself be born, go to Celestia’s school, make wonderful friends and—
Be asked the question.
“Twilight, what is the happiest ending?” asked everypony.
The strings of existence all separated before this point. Billions of ponies asked the question.
It felt wrong. Why would Fluttershy ask this question? Why would Spike, Celestia, Rainbow Dash, Big Mac, Gummy, Luna, Discord—where was this question coming from?
Twilight dived deeper into the tendrils. Recursively going down each and every route from where the question was asked. She frantically chased down every pathway.
What was the happiest ending?
Out of all the many strings of existence, which one was the best? Which one would she choose for herself? Which one would she choose for Equestria? For the universe?
It took many iterations, but she finally found the tear in the very fabric of existence itself. After Star Swirl himself had asked her the question, time had extruded and divided into this interim world where everything existed all at once.
She spent billions of years finding out that information, but it felt like such a hollow victory. Yes, she knew how she got here, but she didn’t have an answer to the real question. What is the happiest ending?
The question gnawed on her as she kept sliding down all the alternate timelines. Which one was the happiest? Is that even something that can be decided? What right did she have to judge what was “happy” or not? So much of life seemed to have happiness that raised or lowered depending on the happiness of somepony else.
It took Twilight far too long to find a major breakthrough. There exists configurations in which two opposite parties can both be happy. Compromise can maximize the net happiness of an entire existence line.
Once she found configurations in which everypony can be happy, she tried very hard to find a string just like that.
Twilight spent countless durations of eternity in the domain of existence design. She clutched at each and every string, fighting to find the happiest ending. And, like all eternities, there was eventually an end.
Her horn glowed and the path she selected glowed lilac. A single eternal string glowed brighter than all the rest, as everything else dissipated into non-existence.
Twilight raced along the lilac string until she reached her own lifetime.
She stretched open existence and jumped inside.
“Twilight? You okay?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Twilight swayed a little on her throne before blinking and reorienting herself. “I’m... fine.”
“Are your sure, Darling?” asked Rarity.
“Never better,” said Twilight. Her stomach felt so queasy, but she couldn’t really place where it had come from. “What were we talking about?”
“Oh! That was me,” said Spike. “I was just wondering what the happy ending is to all this anyway?”
Twilight pondered the question carefully before holding our her hooves. “This,” she said, gesturing all around them and smiling. “This is the happy ending.”
Each one felt too precious to throw away than the last.Bit of an idiomatic mixup there. Either drop “than the last” or make it “Each one felt more precious than the last.”
There are a few other proofreading flubs here and there, but overall the story is… certainly interesting. I can always appreciate something set in probability space, but it feels a bit too grandiose for its own good, especially given the payoff. It feels rushed, though some of that is definitely the word limit. Still, while you have some great ideas, you don’t really do much with them beyond present them, and ironically enough, you leave some plot threads dangling. There’s never any explanation for why literally everyone asks Twilight which is the best of all possible worlds. Or so she interprets it. If nothing else, I have to give you tremendous credit for Bookhorse vastly overcomplicating a simple question.
I’m aware of how contradictory this sounds, but this needs to be both tightened up and spread out. Once you have room to breathe on a multiversal scale, this’ll be great.
I'm going to challenge myself and try to not mention "this would have been better if it had been expanded" even once when giving feedback.
With that out of the way, there are aspects of this story I really like. The first scene where Twilight does the metaphysical equivalent of reading all the AU fics on FiMFiction was really engaging and imaginative, though it starts feel a bit off the longer it goes, and with such a build-up I was expecting a resolution that carried more impact than the one we got.
What I get from that ending is that at the end friendship is what counts and what is the most important, or something along those lines. It's a good resolution (or that Twilight searched through all of the infinite possibilities of the multiverse to find the best one to live in), but I wish there had been a better build-up. The way the story stands right now, it's an imaginative, if overwrought, take on the infinite possibilites of life that lead into an unsatisfying conclusion.
What's good is good, but not enough for me to give this story a high rank.
With that out of the way, there are aspects of this story I really like. The first scene where Twilight does the metaphysical equivalent of reading all the AU fics on FiMFiction was really engaging and imaginative, though it starts feel a bit off the longer it goes, and with such a build-up I was expecting a resolution that carried more impact than the one we got.
What I get from that ending is that at the end friendship is what counts and what is the most important, or something along those lines. It's a good resolution (or that Twilight searched through all of the infinite possibilities of the multiverse to find the best one to live in), but I wish there had been a better build-up. The way the story stands right now, it's an imaginative, if overwrought, take on the infinite possibilites of life that lead into an unsatisfying conclusion.
What's good is good, but not enough for me to give this story a high rank.
Hey, this one is a whole story! It poses a question and provides an answer. The language needs a little polishing in places, but it got its point across. The one thing that's dangling is why that question creates such chaos in the multiverse. Polish up the word choice, throw in a few words about the power of that question, and you'll have something excellent.
Nice! This was inspired by Asimov's The Last Question, wasn't it? It's a good pony-fied sendup, if so. I think this is another one that could use a good copy-editing, it has some technical flaws in the writing, but the idea is absolutely solid and overall the execution is nicely done. Get yourself a good editor to catch your little grammatical errors and you have a real gem of a story here.
Genre: Power Cosmic
Thoughts: This is another case where the plot throws me. Somehow Twilight can float through endless (literal) skeins of possibility, spend billions of years judging their merits, and dive back into living a normal life in one of them? Okay, but how and why? We don't get any clue where these exceptional abilities come from, or why she's using them in this way. Is this How Equestria Was Made? If so, where did Twilight come from before her journey?
The prose is engaging and well written, though, with good descriptions of all the fantastic things going on.
Tier: Almost There
Thoughts: This is another case where the plot throws me. Somehow Twilight can float through endless (literal) skeins of possibility, spend billions of years judging their merits, and dive back into living a normal life in one of them? Okay, but how and why? We don't get any clue where these exceptional abilities come from, or why she's using them in this way. Is this How Equestria Was Made? If so, where did Twilight come from before her journey?
The prose is engaging and well written, though, with good descriptions of all the fantastic things going on.
Tier: Almost There
hey, this one's about the meaning of life and such!
It's so bombastic that it makes me blush, rather than applaud and cry tears of joy etc.
It comes across to me like some passionless science experiment. must maximize happiness_efficiency quotients. like on a Dr Manhattan level of watching lives begin and end without empathy. it just doesn't add up to this stated conclusion of appreciating the friends around you in the present moment.
It's so bombastic that it makes me blush, rather than applaud and cry tears of joy etc.
It comes across to me like some passionless science experiment. must maximize happiness_efficiency quotients. like on a Dr Manhattan level of watching lives begin and end without empathy. it just doesn't add up to this stated conclusion of appreciating the friends around you in the present moment.
There are two things this story tries to do, IMHO. First, it tries to show the beauty of existence, and as it's a story, it has to do that with words. Unfortunately, I feel the language is a bit lacking here. Technical problems aside, there aren't really any phrases that leap out at me as "beautiful," nor do I get a sense of flow and cadence that puts me in the mind of poetry. That's not to say the writing is bad, far from it, but it doesn't accomplish what (I think) it sets out to do.
The second thing this story does is explore the philosophical question most commonly called "The Best of All Possible Worlds." Here it also falls short, as the answer we're given is just "friends." While the answer isn't bad at all, it's just not driven home strongly enough by the narrative. If we'd been shown what worlds look like without friendship as a contrast, that could help. Or if we see the other "good" things in life, and show how a pony can still be sad if they're alone, despite health, wealth, glory, etc.
Bottom line, this story sets two VERY lofty goals for itself, and it falls short. Not because it's a bad story, just that those goals are so difficult to attain.
The second thing this story does is explore the philosophical question most commonly called "The Best of All Possible Worlds." Here it also falls short, as the answer we're given is just "friends." While the answer isn't bad at all, it's just not driven home strongly enough by the narrative. If we'd been shown what worlds look like without friendship as a contrast, that could help. Or if we see the other "good" things in life, and show how a pony can still be sad if they're alone, despite health, wealth, glory, etc.
Bottom line, this story sets two VERY lofty goals for itself, and it falls short. Not because it's a bad story, just that those goals are so difficult to attain.
...Well, if you haven't read Voltaire, you should.
I think you need to re-work your imagery in the opening, and streamline it somewhat; a few of your word choices are slightly at cross-purposes, and although that's not usually a big deal, the more densely you pack meaning in the more precise you have to be about connotation and denotation. 'compressed onto', 'dwindle', things like that felt wrong to me, and switching trillion/billion would make the 't' alliteration more pronounced... unless you didn't like that, in which case moving a few of those 't' words out might be worthwhile.
In the end, this is an interesting idea and has some nice images, but... it's lacking the reason and philosophy that make a philosophical argument compelling, and so it rings hollow in the end. I can actually decide if I agree or disagree with Voltaire. Here, it seems like the author is attempting to sway me with emotion, and I just have trouble buying it in such a short, disconnected piece.
I think you need to re-work your imagery in the opening, and streamline it somewhat; a few of your word choices are slightly at cross-purposes, and although that's not usually a big deal, the more densely you pack meaning in the more precise you have to be about connotation and denotation. 'compressed onto', 'dwindle', things like that felt wrong to me, and switching trillion/billion would make the 't' alliteration more pronounced... unless you didn't like that, in which case moving a few of those 't' words out might be worthwhile.
In the end, this is an interesting idea and has some nice images, but... it's lacking the reason and philosophy that make a philosophical argument compelling, and so it rings hollow in the end. I can actually decide if I agree or disagree with Voltaire. Here, it seems like the author is attempting to sway me with emotion, and I just have trouble buying it in such a short, disconnected piece.
Great choice of imagery with the ropes and the jellyfish. But, on the whole, I wasn't really moved. There's a hint of something more grandiose going on when we see, "After Star Swirl himself had asked her the question." That line might be tugging at some alternate origin for our dear Twilight, and that is a tremendously interesting hook that we don't really explore afterward.
But, it also might just be above my head, philosophically.
But, it also might just be above my head, philosophically.
Hm. I honestly feel that this is a technically worse Crepuscular, but possessing a little more heart.
The imagery of world lines is interesting and honestly a bit odd to me, since it's not how I generally conceive the infinite potentials of all of time and space, but it is also possible I am just sleepy and being dumb.
The imagery of world lines is interesting and honestly a bit odd to me, since it's not how I generally conceive the infinite potentials of all of time and space, but it is also possible I am just sleepy and being dumb.
Well, Twilight is the Element of Magic, and Mark Rosewater, Head of Design for Magic: The Gathering, is often on record saying "it is better to craft things that will be someone's favorite and someone else's least favorite than things that are acceptable but unexciting to everyone."
So, the premise here is a hard sell to me. It's lacking a hook, I never felt very interested or invested in what Twilight was doing. The closest we get is Star Swirl's mention, but then whatever happened to him? Rao hit it on the head here (and unfortunately, so did Posh: we have another story in the finals with an extremely similar concept and better execution.) Nice feelgoods though, pardon my running-out-of-time dissections!
So, the premise here is a hard sell to me. It's lacking a hook, I never felt very interested or invested in what Twilight was doing. The closest we get is Star Swirl's mention, but then whatever happened to him? Rao hit it on the head here (and unfortunately, so did Posh: we have another story in the finals with an extremely similar concept and better execution.) Nice feelgoods though, pardon my running-out-of-time dissections!
Everyone has brought up great points, so I don't feel like there is much to add.
I just wanted to say that the "And, like all eternities, there was eventually an end" was a line that particularly stood out to me. Very nicely put :)
I just wanted to say that the "And, like all eternities, there was eventually an end" was a line that particularly stood out to me. Very nicely put :)
I appreciate everyone that took the time to review. The fimfic version is currently sitting at 4k words, but who knows what it'll end up looking like in the end. (If I publish it at all)
Thanks everyone!
>>Rao
I agree with you there. The expanded version ended up with Star Swirl becoming the maincharacter antagonist.
>>Not_A_Hat
I haven't. I'll have to remedy that soon.
>>Crafty
^__^
>>SPark
Not what I had in mind, but it probably was an unconscious influence.
Thanks everyone!
>>Rao
There's a hint of something more grandiose going on when we see, "After Star Swirl himself had asked her the question." That line might be tugging at some alternate origin for our dear Twilight,
I agree with you there. The expanded version ended up with Star Swirl becoming the main
>>Not_A_Hat
...Well, if you haven't read Voltaire, you should.
I haven't. I'll have to remedy that soon.
>>Crafty
I just wanted to say that the "And, like all eternities, there was eventually an end" was a line that particularly stood out to me. Very nicely put :)
^__^
>>SPark
This was inspired by Asimov's The Last Question, wasn't it?
Not what I had in mind, but it probably was an unconscious influence.