I do not know diddly about poetry or poetic structure, but this was pretty impressive.

Ooh, poetry.

Whoa. Symmetrical poetry. I’m not sure how much the meaning shifts as we move past the middle, but it’s definitely coherent both ways around. If nothing else, incredible work in putting this together. Kudos.

I think my favorite spot is

(To hatchling, now to fledgling mare)
To Princess

where suddenly the reversed lines are referencing Twilight's ascension.

I don't know how you do such a thing in 24 hours.

The prose is good, and even stays in iambic pentameter for the vast majority of the work, which is incredibly difficult in my experience.

This is... wow. I've read a symmetrical poem before, but it was really gimmicky. This isn't. It manages to actually tell a story, (a little indirectly, but that's poetry for you) and it works amazingly well. How the heck did the author write this! HOW? So good.

I cannot say anything that has not already been said, except this: I'll eat my hat if I haven't already guessed the author.

>>Moosetasm

Iambic tetrameter, you mean?

I'll pass for this one and let the others decide, I can't say anything about poetry, if this is good, bad, mixed or anything else.

First off, Horizon (Yeah, I'm calling it) you made me google a new word: "Inveigle" Nice!

That said, let me be honest on this. The first half just does not flow to me. I literally found myself counting syllables, marking up the rhyme scheme (for one should at least TRY to judge poetry by poetry standards, right?) But it just kept sounding wrong to me. I literally wondered for a moment if I should be reading it backwards, or if it was some cadence I should invert in my head.

Then the scene-break, and I saw instantly this was going mirrored. But that's where the weirdness happened. It all sounds CORRECT in the second half. Like, I read it and thought "this is a rhyming poem" where the first half was "this is abstract haiku" or something like that at best. I immediately went back and re-read the first half, to see if my brain had just synced up with the cadence or some such, but nope. The first half does not sound correct, even if, by technical count of syllable, it is. I have no idea why that's happening, and it fascinates me!

But ignoring that. I have to say this is not really to my taste. The ABBA pattern (ha!) of the rhyme just doesn't do it for me and even when I can hit the cadence and my brain locks in like an oscilloscope on the pattern, it doesn't necessarily mean I enjoy it. But then again, my high standard in all poetic form is the limerick, so make of that what you will. But I prefer rhymes to be, more or less, within single thoughts, and conclusions of a previous clause when possible. The ABBA pattern, combined the need for inversion in this poem, meant the rhyme scheme was pretty much 100% divorced from the sentence structure, and thus most rhyming words were in completely different thoughts.

To me, if a limerick is a classical symphony, then higher poetic forms with crazy things like mirroring are basically Black Midi: technically impressive, but doesn't touch my soul in the same way. You know, like Aphex Twin:

https://4chanmemeandmotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/aphex_twin_-_honestly_does_he_write_this_stuff_or_just_slam_his_keyboard.jpg

More on Black Midi (which is really fascinating)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2reuQyLoZM

Genre: Poetry / Poetry: Genre

Thoughts: I had something of the opposite experience as >>Xepher, as I felt the first half made more sense, and the second half threw me.

I have to acknowledge the skill that went into constructing this. I fear I'm a hard sell for poetry, though, unless it's fairly simple and accessible. Even then, it's still generally not my bag.

My inability to rate or review this properly isn't the Author's fault, though.

Tier: Abstain

It's pretty great writing, but... I agree with >>Xepher. The second half is clearer than the first, which is, frankly, mostly confusing.
The "mirroring" overall seems completely unnecessary. The entire idea of "palindromic poetry" is getting an entirely new sense simply by rearranging the verses; but it doesn't seem to me that this poem's first half has any radically different sense from the second. Indeed, as said above, I have some trouble even understanding some parts of the first half.

So. I'd suggest dropping the mirror gimmick, and saving only the second half... because it's a genuinely good, classical-style poem.

I... I got nothin'. Beautiful, florid poetry, deeply evocative, fitting to Twilight's character, but I can't judge its structural or mechanical merits the way I could with a work of prose.

Abstaining. You moved me, but I can't score this based on how emotionally moved I was alone.

Oh, I thought I'd mention this. Of late, I've been running things through Google Translate and back again to come up with fun little nonsense passages, and I thought I'd do that with this poem. The results weren't all that amusing, but I had to share this line, at least:

How silly, simple I was being -
I think I will prepare. What is it saying?
If I am impressed by the princess today,
A vampire without a tentacle - a scholar's sin?

"Tactless fluke" = "Vampire without a tentacle"

I don't have the poetic chops to really unpack all this, but:
1) Points for making me look up a word. Doesn't happen often.
2) The mirror structure is damned impressive and, if I read the meaning in the poetry itself right, all the more impressive for it.

Ditto. Abstention. I can’t properly assess poetry, how impressive it might be.

Personally, I think I understood both halves just fine, though the second seemed to flow a little bit better. The first half to me seems to be about Twilight growing up and hatching Spike, and the second seems to be about her trying to figure out the prophecy of Nightmare Moon's return. In any case, I thought this was just brilliant, and a beautiful read.

I am the poetry hater, and while I can appreciate the gimmick here, I admit to me that's all it felt; a gimmick. I couldn't connect with the piece like in Only, Only, Only You/Me, and without that?

Doubly so since I read it twice and still couldn't figure out the story in it. The first bit is her being afraid as a kid, sure, but the latter? Comments show nobody else is quite sure. I kinda of expect this to medal, and that somewhat disappoints me because I think it's going to medal more from 'Oh look, poetry form!' than any actually meaning or deeper insight therein.

I also found the 2nd half easier on the brain than the 1st half and.... hold on, hear me out!

Reading it, it felt like I was climbing a grueling mountain just so I could ski back the way I came.

Twilight's entrance exam is a gargantuan obstacle in her way. Once she's made it to the top, it all becomes frictionless. She can move freely now, and it seems strange that she was so frightened in the beginning.

the 1st half is obviously Twilight's entrance exam with Spike's egg. my interpretations for what's happening in the 2nd half:
she's reflecting on that same experience in hindsight (a little too safe)
she's become a teacher herself, seeing those same fears in her own students. (I like this, but it might be a stretch!)

this poem is a gimmick, but I think it's a gimmick that serves its story exactly as it is should. despite the story being a bit difficult to understand, and the poetry not that fun to read out loud. but the emotional effect of the symmetry might be the real point here.

maybe it's ultra-subjective bias. it reminded me of the process of creating Just A Test - making sure the cleverness matched the story. it resonates with me personally, seeing a similar creative spirit.

for others it might be too clever for its own good.

Hail, Author! Stand atop my slate!
With this reflect-review of mine,
I’ll not write off your effort fine.
‘tis clever work to thus relate.

The scheme that you select, forsooth,
From A to B and B to A
In smaller structure shows the way
The work at large is mirrored. Truth

Is herald to a higher scheme?
This retrospective cast we see
From mare to filly, obversely,
We hope to read more than there seems

For purchase in your prosody,
So densely cast we closely strive–
A task not fit for all alive,
Yet worth pursuit for those that see…

Yet worth pursuit for those that see
A task not fit for all alive,
So densely cast we closely strive
For purchase in your prosody;

We hope to read more than there seems.
From mare to filly, obversely,
This retrospective cast we see
Is herald to a higher scheme?

The work at large is mirrored. Truth
In smaller structure shows the way
From A to B and B to A
The scheme that you select, forsooth,

‘tis clever work to thus relate.
I’ll not write off your effort fine.
With this reflect-review of mine,
Hail, Author! Stand atop my slate!

I just realized I hadn't commented on this, except briefly during the podcast (which you may or may not have heard.) I'll go into a bit more depth here, even if you have.

This was an interesting gimmick, but even considering that I'm Not_A_Poet, I had a hard time getting into it. The phrasing often felt unnecessarily convoluted or pointlessly 'poetic', even putting aside 'What'd'. For example:

It's quaint; and judging eyes abound –
In silent vigil kept.

I'm not really sure what you're doing with the 'kept' here. And:

--I found
My solace shattered, what they spurned

And whispered, true.

While a moments contemplation may link that 'true' back to the 'found', it's so distanced by line breaks and capitals and lack of a connector between 'shattered' and 'what', that it becomes rather awkward. And:

How simply, silly had I dreamed?

This one really messed with me. See, 'simply' is an adverb, while 'silly' is an adjective. While I could maybe accept just 'silly dreamed' as 'silly' modifying the dream that is dreamed, putting both of them together like that throws cognitive dissonance in; not only does my mind first go verbwise before jerking due noun, it leaves me unsure if the emphasis here is on the dream dreamed or the action of dreaming.

Anyways. It did seem to get somewhat better as the poem moved on, and I appreciate that perhaps your choice of structure made this extra difficult, but... suffice to say, I couldn't really get into the first few paragraphs (stanzas?) easily.

Continuing, I'm not convinced that changing the direction did enough. The verses in the second half of the poem came across almost like the ones in the first half. That is, it seemed to be repeating the same thing, despite mirroring the direction? Like, your change of structure didn't produce a big enough change of meaning for me to feel it was really worthwhile. Perhaps I'm missing what you were getting at, but... it seemed to tell the same story twice, for me.

Perhaps I would have found this more impressive if I hadn't seen the gimmick done before, and (in my not-very-good-at-poetry-opinion) slightly better.

And, for completeness, I have chosen to abstain from poetry this round. Sorry!

Yet Hope, In Part, Found Purchase, Retrospective

Because you guys commented and I didn't reference you below:
>>Fuzzyfurvert
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>Moosetasm
>>SPark
>>HorseVoice (Do I get to watch you eat your hat?)
>>Light_Striker
>>Xepher
>>CoffeeMinion
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Posh
>>Rao
>>shinygiratinaz
>>Morning Sun
>>Haze
>>GroaningGreyAgony (I have to say again that I loved this comment <3)


Alright, so. This one was loads of fun to put together. No idea where to begin, since I’ve never retrospecc’ed a thingie for a writeoff, but here goes. For starters, I’d like to link to a pretty picture that, while not the inspiration for this piece, holds a lot of the same emotion that I was going for. You can also use it as a tl;dr for all the stuff below if you want.

Anyway, I really enjoyed seeing people try and piece this together. Collectively, most of my intended story was picked out, and while It’d be nice to see it more universally understood (that’s most surely the wrong word, but I’m tired so that’s the word I’m gonna use), it was fun to watch the interpretations run wild. Shows quite a few people were engaged.

This piece was meant to be two separate perspectives: the ‘down-read’ from filly Twilight just stepping into the exam room for her entrance to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, the ‘up-read’ newly-crowned Twilight looking back on the event in light of all she’s accomplished thus far. (I will refer to these two halves as such because the intended format of this poem is to be physically written only once and then read down and up.) As far as how clearly those perspectives come across, the down-read, according to the comments, I believe was much more successful.

In the interest of gathering as many opinions and critiques as possible (because that’s literally why we’re all here), below is a line-by-line of the intended meaning for this poem in full-frontal transparency, so that you all can yell at me about parts where I fucked up, because there’s a good handful, and I’m sure many more I didn’t notice post-entry:

How frightening the world had seemed.
When first I tried to hatch my friend,
I feared my schooling found an end…

Intended to be pretty straightforward.

How simply, silly had I dreamed?

She had big aspirations for herself. The sky’s the limit! This is evidenced from the show in how encouraging her parents were whenever they were on screen. But in light of this entrance exam, she’s doubting how foolish her aspirations were. Also, >>Not_A_Hat
is right that I derped on using the word ‘silly’ as it’s not an adverb.

How silly, simple I had been –
To think me ready;

Taken literally. She’s chiding herself for those aspirations.

What'd it say,
If I impressed Princess today,
With tactless fluke – the scholar's sin?

What would it say if she passed this test by sheer, dumb luck?

Was this the destiny I’d earned?
It's quaint;

“Am I destined to fail? It’s fitting, I guess, since I wasn’t prepared for it.’”

and judging eyes abound –
In silent vigil kept.

Referencing the teachers who stared down on here with silent, judging eyes.

I found
My solace shattered, what they spurned

And whispered, true.

She’s lost all composure, and her upreparedness that they spurned and what they whispered amongst themselves were all true, because she was unprepared.

Here, there was a technical issue with the comma, which I noticed from Not_A_Hat’s confusion on the meaning of this part. That comma shouldn’t be there, in either the first or second half of the poem.

The grounded fears
Found purchase in my trembling heart
Still innocent.

A bit of repetition with the lines before it, but with added mention that she’s innocent, that she’s unaccustomed to this sort of situation, that situation being unprepared and about to get her metaphorical ass handed to her by this exam.

Yet hope, in part,
Saw fit that I should hold back tears

And strive against.

Pretty straightforward here. Literally to try despite the assumed outcome.

A silent plea
To Princess – aid, prepare, to share –
(To hatchling, now to fledgling mare)
To help with what was asked of me –

She says a prayer to Celestia, then to Spike the unhatched egg, and then to herself. Also, that ‘now’ should be a ‘then,’ to better clarify that.

Inveigle them to empathy;

Literally, convince them to empathize and, therefore, help. Mostly, I just love the word inveigle, but, admittedly, this was a filler line to prop up the poetic structure.

Is ignorance, unfettered, bliss?

But would it really help? Is it better this way, that they don’t know and therefore don’t help? It’s a bit of a stretch, I’ll admit.

There were no books the likes of this;

Two-layered line here: the literal intention being there were no books on hatching dragons, the sub-meaning being there were none on how she should feel about her coming failure/her inability to inveigle Celestia/Spike/herself.

Yet years gone by had helped me see

That tender youth knows simple truths.
I fathomed, clear, behind their eyes:
Those simple truths – those damning lies –

Here’s where the story falters most glaringly. At this point, it was around 9pm, I had stayed up through my bedtime, and I was racing the clock, as I had to be on my way to work by 10:30 (which I wouldn’t have gotten home from until well after submissions closed) and I hadn’t yet proofread my poem.

Having been awake for about 22 hours by that point, I was out of poetic gas. My brain had had enough, and was stuck in this sort of limbo where it could only think of enjambed lines, yet I was more or less in a pickle with trying to make sense of everything and just getting myself out of those damned sentences that all ended in-line. Somehow I succeeded on that front, but at the cost of losing clarity on just what’s actually going on. My poetry brain said ‘oooh, reuse the word “truth” cause that’d be a good little poetic flourish,’ and that’s about all I remember of how this section came about.

tl;dr, the intended meaning here was to be ‘she sees within the teachers’ eyes that they don’t care.’ However botched it comes across is up to you.

What spurs the fears of helpless youths!

Seeing them staring down at her like that was terrifying. In retrospect, this is mostly fluff, if not at the very least strong for the perspective.

I curbed my heart and trembled, cowed –
When first I stepped into that room,
From tow'ring teachers glaring doom.
"Well, Miss Sparkle?" echoed loud,

Pretty straightforward, then cue the quote from the show.

---

"Well, Miss Sparkle?" echoed loud,
From tow'ring teachers glaring doom.
When first I stepped into that room,
I curbed my heart and trembled, cowed –

This restates the previous paragraph. Not much I can say good in that regard, other than it’s still perfectly readable.

What spurs the fears of helpless youths!

Here, though, comes the big turnaround in perspective. It’s not yet apparent on initial read, but as the reader continues on to realize this is newly-crowned Twilicorn, this is to be interpreted as she’s angry at the ways adults can act that can deter children in such a way, reinforced by the next lines.

Those simple truths – those damning lies –
I fathomed, clear, behind their eyes:
That tender youth knows simple truths.

Here, the rough patch on the down-read reads very smoothly is reworked into a much clearer read, that she’s damning how those teachers acted, that they assumed wrongly that tender youth is stupid and not worth their proper attention—cause remember those teachers were all a bag of dicks and a half in the show.

Yet years gone by had helped me see
There were no books the likes of this;

“Children are not stupid.” They might be ignorant to the way the world works, but that does not make them stupid.

Is ignorance, unfettered, bliss?

Is it okay that they the teachers think this way and/or should she accept it?

Inveigle them to empathy;

“Fuck that shit.”

To help with what was asked of me –

Drawing from the phrasing of the previous line, rather than its underlying meaning: Convince them to help her with what was asked of her.

(To hatchling, now to fledgling mare)
To Princess – aid, prepare, to share –
And strive against.

Here, the parenthesis, like >>Jordanis rightly commented, directly references her ascension to Twilicorn (from filly, to pupil, to princess). Synthesizing these lines with the lines above, the whole is meant to say that she wants to convince them to help with whatever she’s meant to do as a new princess, because don’t forget that she had no idea what she was supposed to be a princess of back then. (There was even a song about it!)

Again, that ‘now’ should be a ‘then.’

A silent plea

Saw fit that I should hold back tears
Still innocent.

Though she’s been made a princess, she has her doubts on just how ready for this new position she is.

Yet hope, in part,
Found purchase in my trembling heart
And whispered, true.

“Yet hope, in part, found purchase in her trembling heart and whispered that yes, she was ready.” (Personally, this sentence is my favorite part of the whole poem. It is also why it’s the title.) Again this comma comes back to bite me. Removing it clarifies this better.

The grounded fears

My solace shattered,

Though she may doubt, she believes in this hope that has found purchase, and in that, her solace shatters the fears of those doubts.

what they spurned
In silent vigil kept.

This one’s an oddball sentence that doesn’t parse correctly on reread. I intended this to mean that the ‘they,’ being an ambiguous group of haters who are gonna hate, spurn the solace that shattered her fears/Twilight in general, but the sentence structure doesn’t really work with that, since the comma makes the dependent clause reference the grounded fears rather than her solace. Shame on me, right?

I found
It's quaint;

Literally. In retrospect, she finds the whole situation quaint.

and judging eyes abound –

Now that she’s a princess, all eyes are on her, including those previously intended spurners.

Was this the destiny I’d earned?

With tactless fluke – the scholar's sin?

Here, in light of the quaintness of it all, she’s starting to wax nostalgic, especially at how oddly it all began.

If I impressed Princess today,
To think me ready;
What'd it say,
How silly, simple I had been –

How simply, silly had I dreamed?

The ‘today’ here being the day of her ascension to princesshood. If she was able to convince Celestia that she’s ready for princesshood today, what does that say for how silly and simple she had been to fear those failures she had as a filly in the entrance exam? Also, the adjective strikes again. I really don’t know why I didn’t notice. Damn the inverse exceptions to the adverb -ly rule.

I feared my schooling found an end…

Essentially, answering her own question and propping the stanza.

When first I tried to hatch my friend,
How frightening the world had seemed.

This is meant to hit as more of a capstone to that nostalgia. It would have been stronger, I think, if I used an ellipsis on the end, but that would have had the ill effect of an ellipsis on the start of the story, which would ruin the initial tone of the down-read, so I let it ride on the nostalgia of the previous lines.

---

And there we have it! In all, most of what I see on my own is that I need to work on density and better figure out how to trim fluff lines without compromising structure. But what do you guys think? Comments and critiques are greatly appreciated. I want to improve on my poetry and stuff, so please, please, please poke me about anything relevant.

As always,
Onward and Upward!

P.S. I’ll say this for Jordanis cause of his comment: this poem took me 7.5 hours to write.

>>Corejo Mmm, I think part of why I felt the second half didn't change enough had a lot to do with where the mirror-line falls.

You mention in your retrospective that the perspective turn-around doesn't come in solidly until the first line of the second verse after the mirror. The fact that the reversal of text and reversal of meaning don't fall in the same place is, I think, why it's perhaps not obvious on the first read what's going on, and that may be part of my problem with feeling the reversal didn't change the meaning enough.

I'm not entirely sure how you'd do about adjusting that. Add another verse? cut a verse, part of a verse? If that show quote wasn't useful for making it absolutely clear what the situation is, I'd say cut those two lines about teachers, and mirror things in the middle of that verse, but I don't know if that's actually a good idea.

I'd like to note down more specifics, but I don't think I can wrap my brain around making adjustments forwards and backwards at the same time. :/

>>Corejo

(Do I get to watch you eat your hat?)

>_< ... Oh, hush up and pass the ketchup.