Ponies will never tolerate one who is red and black.

you racist

"Woosh!"

That's the sound this reference just made as it flew over my head. I know it must be a reference, because if it's not, it's just nonsense. The title gives me a hint, so I'm going to google, as I've heard about a game called Paranoia, which was some sort of post apocalypse, computer-is-god thing, right?

Google complete: Yeah, seems that's probably what this is about, but, having never played it, I have to say this story fell flat for me. It certainly doesn't stand on its own.

Get 'em up against the wall?

>>Xepher
I’ve played the Paranoia RPG, and aside of Black and Red being the two lowest and most despised clearance levels and the general paranoid tone, I don’t see that the story is enhanced by a comparison. To me, the piece stands on its own until the last line, where I am a bit bemused at the end.

Yeah, this one does nothing for me. It's a cute play on the mix between the Paranoia setting and the pony fandom's hatred of edgy red and black OCs, but that's all it's got and I feel like I'm missing something about the ending.

I must admit this story surprised me in a pleasant way. I know I have a history of projecting, but this time I'm almost certain of my interpretation.

As I first read it, it left me a bit baffled. It seemed just a half-random jumbling together of elements and references to R&B Alicorns (by the way, we need a Rhythm & Blues Alicorns genre, but I digress).

What we have here is an interesting metaphor for the write-off itself. The fear you messed up your entry, the reviewers reading something completely alien to your intentions in the story, the sudden awareness that, oh god, everybody is reading my public shame.

I also liked the different reviewers we have here, even if I'm fairly certain that nobody has been mocked for a failure. Success, on the other hand, is something we don't forget.

All in all, this was interesting, and the ending gives me hope that the author isn't bitter about it, considering that I saw it as Thunderlane being so deep into his own paranoia that he couldn't recognize that there was somepony that would appreciate him anyway.

The writing is a bit rough IMHO, but nothing a bit of editing can't fix. Considering all the subtext here, I'm not sure how well this could fare outside the write-off.

Nice entry there, thank you for it.

I'm not sure I get the entire joke here. Is "red and black" supposed to be a pun? A reference to one of the prompt submissions? Or, as others have suggested, a reference to "edgy OCs"?

Personally, I don't like these sorts of comedy stories--the ones where the entire humor comes from the characters constantly overreacting and overacting dramatically. I'm afraid this story didn't work for me at all, and it feels like it abruptly ends mid-scene, as well.

Same here, the story didn't hook me. The only thing I was abel to get from it was the reference to the bad colored OCs. Aside from that, it required others comments to see the more I could have got from this.

Writing and pace are good but because I usually stick by/to my first impression, this one will go to the top mid tier list.

Oof. Opening with a run-on sentence. Not the strongest first impression.

Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen tense confusion this bad before. Beyond that, it’s basically just a jab at bad OC design stereotypes transposed onto Equestrian culture, with no explanation for the change or real resolution. The former isn’t so bad; there have been plenty of Twilight Zone episodes where there’s a Kafkaesque spontaneous transformation. The latter, though, is a case of the story stopping rather than ending. Never a good thing that.

I can see where you meant to go with this, but it needs a lot of work to reach its full potential.

>>FanOfMostEverything The tense issues are done on purpose, to indicate what's flashback material, and what's taking place in the moment.

Although the story doesn't benefit from having that kind of structure. It probably would have been better to take matters chronologically, from the start of Thunderlane's day, and remain in present tense.

The writing feels choppy and repetitive, but again, I think that's stylistic, to reflect Thunderlane's sense of panic and haste.

Funny, although the only character who seems to confirm Thunderlane's fears is Rainbow Dash. And that could easily be written off as Dashie just being a jerk for fun.

Definitely needs a conclusion. His whole thing is that he's terrified of how Blossomforth will react, so ending with Blossomforth's reaction (whether she confirms his fears or just nuzzles him and says "silly boy, I don't care how edgy you look, now take me to a horsemovie and then let's have horsesex") would be the appropriate way to finish off.

Personally, I don't see why it would matter to Blossomforth; she's just a Twilight palette swap with wings. And Twilight has wings now. Blossomforth doesn't even have the distinction of unique eyebrows or glasses, like Moondancer.