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An Advanced Lesson in Friendship
Starlight Glimmer paced the length of her room, her eyes unable to leave her bed as she struggled to find a solution to the problem that now threatened her entire world. “I think I can fix this.”
“Fix what?” Trixie asked blearily, yawning and pushing her mane out of her face as she sat up on the bed.
“This!” Starlight burst out, waving her hoof around the room. “This, this!”
Trixie’s head dropped back down to the bed. “Trixie is going to go back to sleep until you make sense,” she mumbled, pulling the sheets tighter around her.
Fighting to control her rising panic, Starlight took a deep breath. “Do you remember what happened last night?”
“Trixie mostly remembers having too many mugs of cider,” she said, not even bothering to open her eyes. “So, she would appreciate it if you brought the volume down just a little bit.”
“We… I... “ Starlight stammered, taking up pacing again. Her memories might have been a little fuzzy, but there were a few things she remembered very, very clearly about last night. Her heart pounded in her chest as she stared at the unicorn in her bed.
One of Trixie’s eyes cracked open. “Trixie remembers the cider, the fireworks, all her smoke bombs accidentally going off, the pink one throwing her alligator in the punch...” she started, but trailed off as she dug her muzzle into the pillow to cover her yawn.
“Anything else?”
Trixie mumbled something into the pillow.
“Trixie!”
Trixie pulled her face out of the pillow. “Trixie is too sleepy. Give her a hint.”
“Look around!”
Groaning, Trixie opened her eyes and actually looked around the room, her eyes narrowing as the gears finally started to turn in her head. “This is…”
“My room, Trixie.”
The room fell silent as Trixie digested that. “We left the pink one’s ‘Now the Changelings Are Good Guys’ party way too late. You walked Trixie back to her wagon...” She trailed off again, her face reddening. “I kissed you.”
Starlight gestured for Trixie to keep going, hoping that she remembered the next part: the one where Starlight brought her back here.
Trixie sat up further, red becoming crimson. “Oh.”
A relieved breath escaped from Starlight – along with her own blush. It might’ve been easier if Trixie hadn’t remembered, but that idea just set her even more on edge. “Yeah. But don’t worry. I really think I can fix this. I just need Twilight to let me visit the Canterlot Royal Library.”
“What?”
Starlight beamed. “I can use one of the time spells from the Starswirl the Bearded Wing to go back in time and stop this from happening. Or, if that doesn’t work, I’m sure I could find what I need to make a memory wiping spell that would…” Her smile faded as she watched her friend’s face scrunch up, tears filling her eyes. “Trixie?”
“Trixie is sorry that this,” Trixie managed, waving her hoof around the room, “Is so terrible you would use time magic to stop it from happening!”
Starlight’s breath caught in her throat. “What? That’s—”
“Why do you think Trixie kissed you, Glim? Why do you think Trixie–” she sniffled and shook her head. “I like you! A lot! More than I have ever liked anypony!”
“Trixie, it isn’t… I mean…” Starlight bit her lip, the words cutting straight through her. “I don’t want to undo it! I just… I’m afraid!”
Trixie tried to wipe her tears away. “Why?”
“Because I barely know how to have friends as it is. I keep messing things up. I do really stupid things sometimes.” She offered a lopsided smile, feeling the tears building in her eyes. “You’re my best friend, Trixie. I just don’t want that to end.”
To her surprise, Trixie booped her muzzle. “You know this doesn’t mean we stop being friends, right?” she asked, still sniffling.
“But it changes things.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
Starlight hugged her friend, pressing her muzzle into Trixie’s neck. “What if I wanted it to?”
“Trixie would be fine with that too.”
“Fix what?” Trixie asked blearily, yawning and pushing her mane out of her face as she sat up on the bed.
“This!” Starlight burst out, waving her hoof around the room. “This, this!”
Trixie’s head dropped back down to the bed. “Trixie is going to go back to sleep until you make sense,” she mumbled, pulling the sheets tighter around her.
Fighting to control her rising panic, Starlight took a deep breath. “Do you remember what happened last night?”
“Trixie mostly remembers having too many mugs of cider,” she said, not even bothering to open her eyes. “So, she would appreciate it if you brought the volume down just a little bit.”
“We… I... “ Starlight stammered, taking up pacing again. Her memories might have been a little fuzzy, but there were a few things she remembered very, very clearly about last night. Her heart pounded in her chest as she stared at the unicorn in her bed.
One of Trixie’s eyes cracked open. “Trixie remembers the cider, the fireworks, all her smoke bombs accidentally going off, the pink one throwing her alligator in the punch...” she started, but trailed off as she dug her muzzle into the pillow to cover her yawn.
“Anything else?”
Trixie mumbled something into the pillow.
“Trixie!”
Trixie pulled her face out of the pillow. “Trixie is too sleepy. Give her a hint.”
“Look around!”
Groaning, Trixie opened her eyes and actually looked around the room, her eyes narrowing as the gears finally started to turn in her head. “This is…”
“My room, Trixie.”
The room fell silent as Trixie digested that. “We left the pink one’s ‘Now the Changelings Are Good Guys’ party way too late. You walked Trixie back to her wagon...” She trailed off again, her face reddening. “I kissed you.”
Starlight gestured for Trixie to keep going, hoping that she remembered the next part: the one where Starlight brought her back here.
Trixie sat up further, red becoming crimson. “Oh.”
A relieved breath escaped from Starlight – along with her own blush. It might’ve been easier if Trixie hadn’t remembered, but that idea just set her even more on edge. “Yeah. But don’t worry. I really think I can fix this. I just need Twilight to let me visit the Canterlot Royal Library.”
“What?”
Starlight beamed. “I can use one of the time spells from the Starswirl the Bearded Wing to go back in time and stop this from happening. Or, if that doesn’t work, I’m sure I could find what I need to make a memory wiping spell that would…” Her smile faded as she watched her friend’s face scrunch up, tears filling her eyes. “Trixie?”
“Trixie is sorry that this,” Trixie managed, waving her hoof around the room, “Is so terrible you would use time magic to stop it from happening!”
Starlight’s breath caught in her throat. “What? That’s—”
“Why do you think Trixie kissed you, Glim? Why do you think Trixie–” she sniffled and shook her head. “I like you! A lot! More than I have ever liked anypony!”
“Trixie, it isn’t… I mean…” Starlight bit her lip, the words cutting straight through her. “I don’t want to undo it! I just… I’m afraid!”
Trixie tried to wipe her tears away. “Why?”
“Because I barely know how to have friends as it is. I keep messing things up. I do really stupid things sometimes.” She offered a lopsided smile, feeling the tears building in her eyes. “You’re my best friend, Trixie. I just don’t want that to end.”
To her surprise, Trixie booped her muzzle. “You know this doesn’t mean we stop being friends, right?” she asked, still sniffling.
“But it changes things.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
Starlight hugged her friend, pressing her muzzle into Trixie’s neck. “What if I wanted it to?”
“Trixie would be fine with that too.”
Cute and fun.
The voices were right, the dialogue worked well and Glim's immediate reaching for the nuclear option felt spot on.
The last part feels a bit weaker and things seem simply happen. While I'm alright the development, it is a bit sudden and "undramatic" in respect to the previous escalation.
For the rest, I enjoyed this.
The voices were right, the dialogue worked well and Glim's immediate reaching for the nuclear option felt spot on.
The last part feels a bit weaker and things seem simply happen. While I'm alright the development, it is a bit sudden and "undramatic" in respect to the previous escalation.
For the rest, I enjoyed this.
>>Orbiting_kettle
Odd, I feel almost the opposite. The only part that felt wrong to me was the middle part. That is, "reaching for the nuclear option." It reverts Starlight back too far, to before she learned as many lessons. Secondly, it makes the emotional swings too large. She's talking timeline meddling to "undo" only a few paragraphs before she'd leaning in and suddenly pushing for more with "What if I wanted it to?" Tone down the panic level to something a little more rational in the middle, and the rest works at lot better to me.
Overall, I'd still rate this pretty solid though. The voices and dialogue, as kettle says, are spot on.
Odd, I feel almost the opposite. The only part that felt wrong to me was the middle part. That is, "reaching for the nuclear option." It reverts Starlight back too far, to before she learned as many lessons. Secondly, it makes the emotional swings too large. She's talking timeline meddling to "undo" only a few paragraphs before she'd leaning in and suddenly pushing for more with "What if I wanted it to?" Tone down the panic level to something a little more rational in the middle, and the rest works at lot better to me.
Overall, I'd still rate this pretty solid though. The voices and dialogue, as kettle says, are spot on.
>>Xepher
Well, I thought that, considering the panic and the stressful situation, it was pretty normal for SG to fall back to old, trusted and ineffective methods. This probably comes also back to me thinking she still hasn't internalised the lessons enough for them to override a life of using magic to solve everything.
Well, I thought that, considering the panic and the stressful situation, it was pretty normal for SG to fall back to old, trusted and ineffective methods. This probably comes also back to me thinking she still hasn't internalised the lessons enough for them to override a life of using magic to solve everything.
You definitely could’ve put a bit more space between “I have to make this have never happened” and “I’m willing to risk it if it’s with you.” I can see both reactions from Starlight, but going from one to the other that quickly is a bit whiplash-inducing. Maybe even just have them hold one another for a while as Starlight decompresses and allows herself to think past her panicked first impulse.
Still, a very touching look at the formation of a very feasible couple.
Still, a very touching look at the formation of a very feasible couple.
Quality work, and I'm quite fine with this ship setting sail. Echoing the above though, it's a bit quick for Glim to go from "must undo this" to "just roll with it." Bringing it in a little on either end of the emotional spectrum would make it about perfect, I'd say.
Glim? Did Trixie call her that in the show?
Otherwise I echo the above comments about whiplash.
Otherwise I echo the above comments about whiplash.
Well, I thought this was a cute little bit of slice of life / romantic fluff. I suppose I can agree with the above reviews comments on Starlight glimmer's sudden change in direction, though it doesn't seem that jarring to me. Trixie more or less cut off her initial response at the knees, and stress and panic can cause someone's mood and reactions to whip around like that
All in all, not bad. :)
All in all, not bad. :)
More T&SG shipping? Hmm... I am okay with this. :coolphoto: Proceed.
Okay, I expected comedy at first, but ended up reading some first-rate drama, and I found it touching. I don't agree with the whiplash comments above, at least not exactly. I think there needs to be more space in the middle for Starlight to explain herself so we can see what she's thinking during the quick transition. It didn't seem too sudden to me, because the catalyst of reducing her friend to tears is enough to explain her change of heart; but we don't really get to see much of that process of change.
Despite the simplicity of the premise, this is a tricky story to write within the word limit. It deserves more horse words. Based on the Gallery stats, you could have added 71 more words to this story. I think you should have used that extra space. (Time might also have been a factor, though.)
I thought Starlight's character was perfectly done, although there needs to be more depth in places. Something about Trixie seems a little off, though I can't place my hoof on it. It might be the thing she says after the muzzle-boop, I think. It sounds too well-reasoned for Trixie, and even moreso given her emotionality at the moment.
If you lengthen this and work on the voices, I think it could be fantastic.
Okay, I expected comedy at first, but ended up reading some first-rate drama, and I found it touching. I don't agree with the whiplash comments above, at least not exactly. I think there needs to be more space in the middle for Starlight to explain herself so we can see what she's thinking during the quick transition. It didn't seem too sudden to me, because the catalyst of reducing her friend to tears is enough to explain her change of heart; but we don't really get to see much of that process of change.
Despite the simplicity of the premise, this is a tricky story to write within the word limit. It deserves more horse words. Based on the Gallery stats, you could have added 71 more words to this story. I think you should have used that extra space. (Time might also have been a factor, though.)
I thought Starlight's character was perfectly done, although there needs to be more depth in places. Something about Trixie seems a little off, though I can't place my hoof on it. It might be the thing she says after the muzzle-boop, I think. It sounds too well-reasoned for Trixie, and even moreso given her emotionality at the moment.
If you lengthen this and work on the voices, I think it could be fantastic.
An Advanced Lesson in Friendship — B — Subtitled: When all you have is a hammer, all problems look like nails. Starlight has a time spell. Starlight has a problem. Having learned nothing from the last time she used a time spell… Good thing she has Trixie to keep her grounded. Not too bad. Pascoite would ding you for all the ‘ as ‘ phrases you used.
Cute and cuddly, I like. The time travel was too extreme though. Other than that, good!
The Great
A pleasant bit of WAFFy fun. Decent voices, too.
The Rough
I'll join the chorus citing tonal inconsistency. It isn't necessarily exclusive, but the tone changes too quickly. Probably would have benefited from actually pushing to 750 characters or skipping a lot of the morning stuff and starting much nearer the crux of the issue.
A pleasant bit of WAFFy fun. Decent voices, too.
The Rough
I'll join the chorus citing tonal inconsistency. It isn't necessarily exclusive, but the tone changes too quickly. Probably would have benefited from actually pushing to 750 characters or skipping a lot of the morning stuff and starting much nearer the crux of the issue.
8oz coffee review: See >>Trick_Question for thoughts about length. Personally, I'm not as sold on the ship to start with, and this doesn't hit me in a way that would help bring me around. That's personal, though I think there's not a lot done here to show why they would work together; the focus is on the wacky time hijinks, and the relationship takes a back seat. More length would make room for that.
Tier: Almost There
Tier: Almost There
>>Astrarian
She's Glim, she's Glam, they're the world famous Glim-Glambrothers sisters...!
"Surely there must be an answer in one of those many award-winning fanfics! I mean, ninety percent of fan content is about two characters ending up in compromising situations...!"
So I also liked this, in part because I'm a sucker for WAFF-y fanfics (it's a secret vice; tell no one), and also because Trixie/GlimGlam is one of the only pairings on the show that I could actually see materializing. Loved Trixie, loved Starlight, agreed that Starlight shifted back into "magic solves everything" territory too quickly, thought that Starlight came across like early season Twilight a little bit too much, but for the most part... they're both well done.But not as well as Trixie did Starlight.
I'll go ahead and tie this in with Chrysalis Booped My Hubby's Dick with my criticism, though: Both stories suffer from a resolution that comes across far too quickly; the emotional shifts that the characters go through happen too rapidly to be wholly plausible. It's whiplashy to the reader. Emotions come and go with an audible "vroom"ing noise.
Both pieces would do with more space to let the characters hammer out an understanding. More room to write = better pacing for both entries, and a more plausible (and satisfying!) resolution.
Glim? Did Trixie call her that in the show?
She's Glim, she's Glam, they're the world famous Glim-Glam
I just need Twilight to let me visit the Canterlot Royal Library.”
"Surely there must be an answer in one of those many award-winning fanfics! I mean, ninety percent of fan content is about two characters ending up in compromising situations...!"
So I also liked this, in part because I'm a sucker for WAFF-y fanfics (it's a secret vice; tell no one), and also because Trixie/GlimGlam is one of the only pairings on the show that I could actually see materializing. Loved Trixie, loved Starlight, agreed that Starlight shifted back into "magic solves everything" territory too quickly, thought that Starlight came across like early season Twilight a little bit too much, but for the most part... they're both well done.
I'll go ahead and tie this in with Chrysalis Booped My Hubby's Dick with my criticism, though: Both stories suffer from a resolution that comes across far too quickly; the emotional shifts that the characters go through happen too rapidly to be wholly plausible. It's whiplashy to the reader. Emotions come and go with an audible "vroom"ing noise.
Both pieces would do with more space to let the characters hammer out an understanding. More room to write = better pacing for both entries, and a more plausible (and satisfying!) resolution.
Whoops. Apologies to the finalists I missed. I thought the write-off defacto included all of them.
Anyhow.
An Advanced Lesson in Friendship
3 write-offs. Numerically my placement is getting worse (13 - 14 - 15), statistically my placement is getting better (not doing math). Beware, I'm slowly escaping the middle.
Anyhow. This story.
I looked at the prompt. Decided no one was actually gonna do the obvious drunk sex fic, so I decided I would. What can I say, I'm a filthy shipper and I like the obvious stories sometimes.
Anyhow, I had the basic shape of the story from the get go: Starlight panics and considers a nuclear option, this offends Trixie, this forces Starlight to admit that her fear isn't because she doesn't want to be with Trixie but because she does, fin. Just a very short, simple turn. Unfortunately, I was out all day, so I couldn't actually sit down to put that into writing
Fun fact, originally I had a different ending line pair which I will present here:
Anyway, the big failure here is some combination of pacing and tone. I think we have near consistent agreement on this point. This is, in fact, part of why I tried to make it explicit that Starlight was the one who invited Trixie back. Her panic comes from the fear of things changing, which ties into the idea that things are already different because she -doesn't- just want to be Trixie's best friend.
That said, I fundamentally agree that I probably need to use some extra words (or have skipped the opening) as the turn is too intense. This is a bit of the problem of my normal style being condensed down to this size.
It seems like the question of Starlight's backslide is a tough one here, as it got varying reactions. For the most part, it isn't really intended to be a "serious" thing she's actually going to do - it is just an immediate, panic reaction. If given some time to cool down, she'd arrive at it being dumb, which I suppose is not actually evident. That said, I could probably avert the whole issue by just sticking with mindwiping being the panic reaction.
But yeah, not much to say here, I guess. Advantage of consistent commentary across the board.
Thanks to: >>Orbiting_kettle >>Xepher >>Rao >>Astrarian >>TheCyanRecluse >>Trick_Question >>georg >>Shadowed_Song >>CoffeeMinion >>Posh >>FanOfMostEverything
Anyhow.
An Advanced Lesson in Friendship
3 write-offs. Numerically my placement is getting worse (13 - 14 - 15), statistically my placement is getting better (not doing math). Beware, I'm slowly escaping the middle.
Anyhow. This story.
I looked at the prompt. Decided no one was actually gonna do the obvious drunk sex fic, so I decided I would. What can I say, I'm a filthy shipper and I like the obvious stories sometimes.
Anyhow, I had the basic shape of the story from the get go: Starlight panics and considers a nuclear option, this offends Trixie, this forces Starlight to admit that her fear isn't because she doesn't want to be with Trixie but because she does, fin. Just a very short, simple turn. Unfortunately, I was out all day, so I couldn't actually sit down to put that into writing
Fun fact, originally I had a different ending line pair which I will present here:
“Do you think I should tell Twilight about this?” Starlight asked after a moment.
“Trixie would rather you didn’t.”
Anyway, the big failure here is some combination of pacing and tone. I think we have near consistent agreement on this point. This is, in fact, part of why I tried to make it explicit that Starlight was the one who invited Trixie back. Her panic comes from the fear of things changing, which ties into the idea that things are already different because she -doesn't- just want to be Trixie's best friend.
That said, I fundamentally agree that I probably need to use some extra words (or have skipped the opening) as the turn is too intense. This is a bit of the problem of my normal style being condensed down to this size.
It seems like the question of Starlight's backslide is a tough one here, as it got varying reactions. For the most part, it isn't really intended to be a "serious" thing she's actually going to do - it is just an immediate, panic reaction. If given some time to cool down, she'd arrive at it being dumb, which I suppose is not actually evident. That said, I could probably avert the whole issue by just sticking with mindwiping being the panic reaction.
But yeah, not much to say here, I guess. Advantage of consistent commentary across the board.
Thanks to: >>Orbiting_kettle >>Xepher >>Rao >>Astrarian >>TheCyanRecluse >>Trick_Question >>georg >>Shadowed_Song >>CoffeeMinion >>Posh >>FanOfMostEverything