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The New Dawn
Within the Everfree, the first rays of sun’s light spackled leaves, small shafts bouncing twixt shadow’s down through canopy to splay shadows upon the forest floor below. Cricketsong already slowing became silence, Timberwolf returned to den to slumber day away, and in distant Froggy Bottom Bog, mud bubbled as great hydra heads rose in hextuplet sinuous winding to gaze blearily at all four corners of Equestria. Creatures of night and day sunk into slumber and awoke, great and small alike. Within the Everfree, the day dawned as normal.
Within a cottage near the borders of the forest, a white rabbit thumped foot impatiently upon the ground as he stared at an empty bowl. All that remained were scraps of carrot from previous day; the expected leafy greens and fresh fruits not present. Foot thumped harder. Faster. Louder. And when no response came, he turned and bounded his way upstairs, leapt onto bed only to stare in befuddlement at slightly-tossed covers. Bounded down again, nose-wiggle in return to bird-chirp; creatures of fang and claw, yet from each a negative, confusion, uncertainty.
Past the cottage, a village, and on outskirts of village an orchard. Apples plump and ripe sat waiting for bucking. None had yet risen to tend the fields. None risen to do the chores. Only a small canine racing to and fro, following her nose this way and that and every few seconds, a whine of confusion amidst an empty orchard.
Within the village, a two-tiered shop, upper floors decorated by prancing faux-ponies to summon visitors to the carousel. Within the shop, white feline prowled the floor, voicing her displeasure in angry yowls. Bolts of cloth lay scattered, tugged and tossed by grasping claws shredding their anger and turning sensibility into disarray. Upon the upper floor, a bed. A bed pale green eyes led paws and tail in leap upon it, kneading and twisting about the unmade sheets. Sheets never once seen left unmade before, always immaculate come dawn, until now.
Past the shop, a palace. Gleaming crystal, iridescent in sunlight. Silent in refracted halls, apart from occasional bleating ‘Hoo!’ as wings beat, from library to laboratory, kitchen to cupboard, bedroom to bathroom, and in each nothing, save what dust accumulated in dozen hours since draconic claws had last set dust-whisk to them. No scent of cooking eggs, nor pancakes, not coffee-roast filling air with aromas to call the grouchiest of bedheads to wake and dine.
Across the town, a bakery, bereft of smells of donut and bread, or cake and pastry. Ovens lay cold and chill, displays as empty as the streets outside. Alligator still as any other. Only occasional flick of tongue gave any sign of life.
Above the town, amidst rainbow falls, a tortoise slumbered. Here, peace reigned. He slept in basket, unknowing and uncaring of the burdens below.
And far, far away from the silent village, a mountain. Upon the mountain, a gleaming city. Birdsong the only quiet chorus to herald the dawn amidst cold hearth and home. The gleaming-white and gold and purple hues shone within the morning sun, time’s tarnish till now kept free by caring hooves and horns. Yet today, no new scaffoldings to wash windows or paint walls. Shops lay shuttered, carts scattered in alleys and thoroughfares, one unfortunate roof shattered by impact of a fallen chariot.
In center of city, a palace. Spiraling towers, stout surface, spell-wrought gates stood firm and closed. Within, the ovens fell to dormancy, gardens untended, throne awaiting its lately-arriving owner.
And deep within the palace, amidst doors with no guards, two rooms. In one, a bed - blankets even now falling slowly downwards, to sink to warm, weight-sunk mattress. In the other, a circle, spitting and hissing in spell-flame sapphire, shattered crystals set to nearby nexii, as last tendrils of magic crumbled, faded away, and the forlorn clatter of garb of state bounced and came to rest upon the stones below.
Within a cottage near the borders of the forest, a white rabbit thumped foot impatiently upon the ground as he stared at an empty bowl. All that remained were scraps of carrot from previous day; the expected leafy greens and fresh fruits not present. Foot thumped harder. Faster. Louder. And when no response came, he turned and bounded his way upstairs, leapt onto bed only to stare in befuddlement at slightly-tossed covers. Bounded down again, nose-wiggle in return to bird-chirp; creatures of fang and claw, yet from each a negative, confusion, uncertainty.
Past the cottage, a village, and on outskirts of village an orchard. Apples plump and ripe sat waiting for bucking. None had yet risen to tend the fields. None risen to do the chores. Only a small canine racing to and fro, following her nose this way and that and every few seconds, a whine of confusion amidst an empty orchard.
Within the village, a two-tiered shop, upper floors decorated by prancing faux-ponies to summon visitors to the carousel. Within the shop, white feline prowled the floor, voicing her displeasure in angry yowls. Bolts of cloth lay scattered, tugged and tossed by grasping claws shredding their anger and turning sensibility into disarray. Upon the upper floor, a bed. A bed pale green eyes led paws and tail in leap upon it, kneading and twisting about the unmade sheets. Sheets never once seen left unmade before, always immaculate come dawn, until now.
Past the shop, a palace. Gleaming crystal, iridescent in sunlight. Silent in refracted halls, apart from occasional bleating ‘Hoo!’ as wings beat, from library to laboratory, kitchen to cupboard, bedroom to bathroom, and in each nothing, save what dust accumulated in dozen hours since draconic claws had last set dust-whisk to them. No scent of cooking eggs, nor pancakes, not coffee-roast filling air with aromas to call the grouchiest of bedheads to wake and dine.
Across the town, a bakery, bereft of smells of donut and bread, or cake and pastry. Ovens lay cold and chill, displays as empty as the streets outside. Alligator still as any other. Only occasional flick of tongue gave any sign of life.
Above the town, amidst rainbow falls, a tortoise slumbered. Here, peace reigned. He slept in basket, unknowing and uncaring of the burdens below.
And far, far away from the silent village, a mountain. Upon the mountain, a gleaming city. Birdsong the only quiet chorus to herald the dawn amidst cold hearth and home. The gleaming-white and gold and purple hues shone within the morning sun, time’s tarnish till now kept free by caring hooves and horns. Yet today, no new scaffoldings to wash windows or paint walls. Shops lay shuttered, carts scattered in alleys and thoroughfares, one unfortunate roof shattered by impact of a fallen chariot.
In center of city, a palace. Spiraling towers, stout surface, spell-wrought gates stood firm and closed. Within, the ovens fell to dormancy, gardens untended, throne awaiting its lately-arriving owner.
And deep within the palace, amidst doors with no guards, two rooms. In one, a bed - blankets even now falling slowly downwards, to sink to warm, weight-sunk mattress. In the other, a circle, spitting and hissing in spell-flame sapphire, shattered crystals set to nearby nexii, as last tendrils of magic crumbled, faded away, and the forlorn clatter of garb of state bounced and came to rest upon the stones below.
Oooh boy. I assume all the purple prose is intentionally so, but still, the style makes this a difficult and obnoxious read. There's no justification for it either. I thought we'd find out that it's all depicted from the viewpoint of an animal, or Nature itself, or any other entity which perceives the world in an unusual way... but nope, there's no explanation.
I actually thought the scarcity of verbs and articles was an attempt to get around the word limit, but no, you still have nearly 100 words left.
And even if we ignore the obnoxiousness of the style, some sentences and phrases don't make much sense anyway. First sentence alone:
This is barely comprehensible. We've got sun-rays that "speckle leaves" (I think "speckle" is meant to be a verb here, but it's unclear), then they become "small shafts bouncing twixt shadow's" (light-rays "bouncing between shadows"? Light doesn't work that way!); finally, they "splay shadows" ("splay" means "spread out" - a strange kind of light if it actually widens shadows!).
OK, there's no articles whatsoever in this sentence. "Timberwolf" should not be capitalized, and should be in plural. And... "hextuplet sinuous winding"? This feels very pretentious, and we're barely two sentences in.
I actually thought the scarcity of verbs and articles was an attempt to get around the word limit, but no, you still have nearly 100 words left.
And even if we ignore the obnoxiousness of the style, some sentences and phrases don't make much sense anyway. First sentence alone:
Within the Everfree, the first rays of sun’s light spackled leaves, small shafts bouncing twixt shadow’s down through canopy to splay shadows upon the forest floor below.
This is barely comprehensible. We've got sun-rays that "speckle leaves" (I think "speckle" is meant to be a verb here, but it's unclear), then they become "small shafts bouncing twixt shadow's" (light-rays "bouncing between shadows"? Light doesn't work that way!); finally, they "splay shadows" ("splay" means "spread out" - a strange kind of light if it actually widens shadows!).
Cricketsong already slowing became silence, Timberwolf returned to den to slumber day away, and in distant Froggy Bottom Bog, mud bubbled as great hydra heads rose in hextuplet sinuous winding to gaze blearily at all four corners of Equestria.
OK, there's no articles whatsoever in this sentence. "Timberwolf" should not be capitalized, and should be in plural. And... "hextuplet sinuous winding"? This feels very pretentious, and we're barely two sentences in.
You’re definitely trying too hard. Good fiction isn’t a matter of assembling impressive turns of phrase into some spiral stairway to linguistic heaven; it’s telling a compelling story. I suspect you were trying for a Lost Cities vibe, but it gets lost in the purple prose. Your attempt at an explanation was actually worse than no explanation at all, brushing by the facts so obliquely that you unintentionally taunt the reader. “I know what happened, but you have to guess.”
Tone down the fanciful prose and you’ll have the start of something promising. For now, remember that it’s the narrative that matters, not the words that comprise it.
Tone down the fanciful prose and you’ll have the start of something promising. For now, remember that it’s the narrative that matters, not the words that comprise it.
I think the focus of this story was on the narrative. There's not much in terms of plot or character. It's several descriptions of pets in Equestria as they are before everyone else wakes up. Maybe it could've worked if there was something to tie everything together, but I don't think there is.
The narrative is obtrusive, as already pointed out. I don't think leaving out articles makes it sound poetic. Maybe it can--I'm no expert in poetry--but it did make the narrative obtrusive.
The words are also sometimes too rich for me, I think. Having too many flowery words in a row makes it somewhat hard to digest, at least for me. Didn't happen often, but I think this paired with the obtrusive narrative didn't help.
Overall, it just feels like a story trying to point out meaning where there isn't really any meaning, imo.
The narrative is obtrusive, as already pointed out. I don't think leaving out articles makes it sound poetic. Maybe it can--I'm no expert in poetry--but it did make the narrative obtrusive.
The words are also sometimes too rich for me, I think. Having too many flowery words in a row makes it somewhat hard to digest, at least for me. Didn't happen often, but I think this paired with the obtrusive narrative didn't help.
Overall, it just feels like a story trying to point out meaning where there isn't really any meaning, imo.
Genre: Horror? I think?
Thoughts: Yes, the prose here is thick enough to stop bullets, but I think I'm picking up on something dark and sinister moving underneath the surface. Something bad has happened, and we're left with the sudden confusion of the pets to give us clues about what that was. The thing at the end should have done more to give us stronger hints, IMO, and of course the big problem is that this is all setup with no resolution. But while this definitely needs some polish and a proper wrap up, I think it does a good job of conveying a mood and making me want more.
Tier: Needs Work
Thoughts: Yes, the prose here is thick enough to stop bullets, but I think I'm picking up on something dark and sinister moving underneath the surface. Something bad has happened, and we're left with the sudden confusion of the pets to give us clues about what that was. The thing at the end should have done more to give us stronger hints, IMO, and of course the big problem is that this is all setup with no resolution. But while this definitely needs some polish and a proper wrap up, I think it does a good job of conveying a mood and making me want more.
Tier: Needs Work
The substance here is much better than the form, actually - the mysterious, perhaps permanent, mass vanishing with only the subtlest hint of a grim explanation (Luna screwing up with a black magic spell?), and especially the touching reactions of the abandoned pets.
If the language was fixed, this might be a very satisfying story.
If the language was fixed, this might be a very satisfying story.
I love the premise. And the lead-up. The only problem is the prose, which is pretty harsh in places.
The whole "everypony has mysteriously vanished" is a premise that I enjoy. It is a good start for a larger horror or adventure story, depending on your preference and on just how sinister the vanishing is.
I also appreciate the way that you transition from scene to scene in this (regardless of the prose.) The scenes begin cheerful and serene. It does feel like maybe we are following an animal at first, until the huge scene transitions later. Even at first hint that ponies are not where they're supposed to be, it seems more like maybe there's an event somewhere. I got the distinct impression that it was something that was more a change in routine than a disaster, and that only certain ponies were missing. It felt more like a disaster towards the end of the ponyville segment when you realize how many are gone. But still, it felt more like an unplanned rush or maybe emergency evacuation. Then the crashed chariot provides the first real hint that something sinister has happened and that an actual "vanishing" has occurred. This is when you get the feeling, like from the Langoliers, that ponies vanished mid-task.
Tldr: I like the slow pace and building tension/horror up to the reveal.
The prose is the part that doesn't work. It feels like it's trying to be a poem while simultaneously not, which, unfortunately, pulled me right out of the story. A little polish on the prose will help this story go a long way.
It feels like it could be a stand alone "the day the ponies vanished" story or a lead up to a larger action or horror story.
The whole "everypony has mysteriously vanished" is a premise that I enjoy. It is a good start for a larger horror or adventure story, depending on your preference and on just how sinister the vanishing is.
I also appreciate the way that you transition from scene to scene in this (regardless of the prose.) The scenes begin cheerful and serene. It does feel like maybe we are following an animal at first, until the huge scene transitions later. Even at first hint that ponies are not where they're supposed to be, it seems more like maybe there's an event somewhere. I got the distinct impression that it was something that was more a change in routine than a disaster, and that only certain ponies were missing. It felt more like a disaster towards the end of the ponyville segment when you realize how many are gone. But still, it felt more like an unplanned rush or maybe emergency evacuation. Then the crashed chariot provides the first real hint that something sinister has happened and that an actual "vanishing" has occurred. This is when you get the feeling, like from the Langoliers, that ponies vanished mid-task.
Tldr: I like the slow pace and building tension/horror up to the reveal.
The prose is the part that doesn't work. It feels like it's trying to be a poem while simultaneously not, which, unfortunately, pulled me right out of the story. A little polish on the prose will help this story go a long way.
It feels like it could be a stand alone "the day the ponies vanished" story or a lead up to a larger action or horror story.
I'd like to take a second pass at this now that I realize I was missing some of the story here.
The prose is still too obtrusive, I think, and I think what happened was that the obtrusive prose made me tune out and skim the sections, thinking all was well after the first paragraph's last sentence [Within the Everfree, the day dawned as normal.]. It's a shame the prose got in the way of the story underneath. I missed some things (though the chariot through the roof should've tipped me off) and I realized the story is more than just pets waking up.
I now see the underlying sense of unease. I now see the [Sheets never once seen left unmade before, always immaculate come dawn, until now.] bits that tip off everypony is gone. I like it. It's interesting. I still have some problems with it, though.
If I could interpret this sentence:
...then I might know what's going on, but I can't. Or, at least, it'd ruin my immersion to hop on to google and search "nexii", or spend a minute trying to interpret "forlorn clatter of garb of state". I get the sense it's a dark magic spell that whisked everypony away, but even then, that's still barely a story. It's presenting the problem and briefly exploring the immediate consequence, but a lot of the "why" is missing, and the characters are (obviously) missing too.
It's a unique way of approaching this concept, I think. The prose needs some work to not be obtrusive; I should want to read it a second time, not have to. I also think this needs more story to be a story. What is here doesn't feel like enough.
The prose is still too obtrusive, I think, and I think what happened was that the obtrusive prose made me tune out and skim the sections, thinking all was well after the first paragraph's last sentence [Within the Everfree, the day dawned as normal.]. It's a shame the prose got in the way of the story underneath. I missed some things (though the chariot through the roof should've tipped me off) and I realized the story is more than just pets waking up.
I now see the underlying sense of unease. I now see the [Sheets never once seen left unmade before, always immaculate come dawn, until now.] bits that tip off everypony is gone. I like it. It's interesting. I still have some problems with it, though.
If I could interpret this sentence:
In the other, a circle, spitting and hissing in spell-flame sapphire, shattered crystals set to nearby nexii, as last tendrils of magic crumbled, faded away, and the forlorn clatter of garb of state bounced and came to rest upon the stones below.
...then I might know what's going on, but I can't. Or, at least, it'd ruin my immersion to hop on to google and search "nexii", or spend a minute trying to interpret "forlorn clatter of garb of state". I get the sense it's a dark magic spell that whisked everypony away, but even then, that's still barely a story. It's presenting the problem and briefly exploring the immediate consequence, but a lot of the "why" is missing, and the characters are (obviously) missing too.
It's a unique way of approaching this concept, I think. The prose needs some work to not be obtrusive; I should want to read it a second time, not have to. I also think this needs more story to be a story. What is here doesn't feel like enough.
Your prose is very detailed and interesting with great descriptors, but there are some English issues. The first sentence has no verb, and the second possessive should be a plural, and there's a lot of issue with tense going on: you're using past tense correctly, but you keep mixing in phrases that have present-tense verb-like forms in them and those don't work together. I can't use the right terminology for it or point out every issue, but I know there are a bunch of tense problems because I'm a native English speaker over 40 in academia. :derpytongue2:
Hopefully somepony more expert than I can assist. I think you'll need a proofreader before publishing, though.
Okay, this is pretty depressing! I feel like the story is incomplete, however, because I'm not following exactly what happened. My best guess is that Luna tried casting some crazy spell and it instantly eradicated all ponies from Equestria? But why? This is the sort of thing that certainly has emotion, but it demands some kind of 'why' before I can feel anything. Otherwise, it's just sad for the sake of sad, bereft of meaning.
Hopefully somepony more expert than I can assist. I think you'll need a proofreader before publishing, though.
Okay, this is pretty depressing! I feel like the story is incomplete, however, because I'm not following exactly what happened. My best guess is that Luna tried casting some crazy spell and it instantly eradicated all ponies from Equestria? But why? This is the sort of thing that certainly has emotion, but it demands some kind of 'why' before I can feel anything. Otherwise, it's just sad for the sake of sad, bereft of meaning.
At the beginning I thought the missing articles, verbs and the capitalization of nouns was used to communicate the altered perception of the being seeing this all. That we were seeing it through something which hardly distinguishes individuals and works more with concepts. And then there were some again and I was a bit confused.
The language is rich, which can be used to give a distinctive voice but falls a bit flat here. We don't know why it is used in this way, so it probably comes off more as hermetic than as a stylistic choice.
As for the story itself, I can live without knowing the reason of why it happened, but then I may need something else to give me an emotional focus. The pets at the beginning would probably be wonderful candidates.
Needs some work but has an interesting core.
The language is rich, which can be used to give a distinctive voice but falls a bit flat here. We don't know why it is used in this way, so it probably comes off more as hermetic than as a stylistic choice.
As for the story itself, I can live without knowing the reason of why it happened, but then I may need something else to give me an emotional focus. The pets at the beginning would probably be wonderful candidates.
Needs some work but has an interesting core.
First paragraph, and I was already writing "purple prose" in the comment box, only to find the top two comments also use that exact phrase. So yeah, far, far too dense. Not that one can't be poetic and loquacious with this type of story, but you have to balance it, and not violate TOO many grammatical rules along the way. This smashes through grammar conventions a bit "like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large, gold brick."
The overall premise is good though, and one I'd love to see done properly in the MLP flavor, because this is essentially a pony version of one of the great sci-fi classics. That is, Bradbury's "There Will Come Soft Rains." I hope that's intentional. If not, then you should immediately go read it. http://www.gs.cidsnet.de/englisch-online/originals/soft_rains.htm
The key difference is that Bradbury doesn't get bogged down in overly stylized prose. Rather, the simplicity actually lends more to the feeling of "strangeness" than any poetic verse could.
The overall premise is good though, and one I'd love to see done properly in the MLP flavor, because this is essentially a pony version of one of the great sci-fi classics. That is, Bradbury's "There Will Come Soft Rains." I hope that's intentional. If not, then you should immediately go read it. http://www.gs.cidsnet.de/englisch-online/originals/soft_rains.htm
The key difference is that Bradbury doesn't get bogged down in overly stylized prose. Rather, the simplicity actually lends more to the feeling of "strangeness" than any poetic verse could.
Enjoyed - The New Dawn — A+ — Thrown a bit by the POV/cadence at the beginning. Seems a little Rikki-tikki-tavi, but well worth persisting throughout. Good example of show don’t tell. Holding to the prose and making it understandable is worth a bonus point here, EVEN though the prose breaks all kinds of writing rules, BECAUSE breaking the rules allows the author to point out the situation in a novel fashion. It would not surprise me at all to find this in the top five when all is done.
Just over an hour left? Can I complete my slate and review all the stories on it? Doubtful!
I'm a complete fangirl for stories that use the pets. Of course, this meant at the end I was searching in vain for a description of Philomena, scrabbling to understand whether "a circle, spitting and hissing in spell-flame sapphire" could really be reference to a phoenix. That likely had me lost on understanding the ending for a couple read-throughs.
I agree that there's good show-not-tell here, and that the style makes this unique. But ultimately it's too much for me, and made me skim parts of the story. I'd like to see the prose style toned down slightly - or even just less description of the Everfree at the beginning, because the urge to skim begins immediately - and the ending lengthened.
I'm a complete fangirl for stories that use the pets. Of course, this meant at the end I was searching in vain for a description of Philomena, scrabbling to understand whether "a circle, spitting and hissing in spell-flame sapphire" could really be reference to a phoenix. That likely had me lost on understanding the ending for a couple read-throughs.
I agree that there's good show-not-tell here, and that the style makes this unique. But ultimately it's too much for me, and made me skim parts of the story. I'd like to see the prose style toned down slightly - or even just less description of the Everfree at the beginning, because the urge to skim begins immediately - and the ending lengthened.
Hey, retrospective on this finally! So, basically? This story just flashed into mind of an Equestria that was suddenly...empty. Why? I don't know. Something happened. But what? I honestly don't know. The only concrete things I had were that it was sudden, and that Celestia/Luna are implied to go last. Again, why? Not sure. Some vague ideas but nothing concrete.
The Luna bit threw people, clearly - I had sorta seen it as 'She was trying some kind of ward to stop things' and we are seeing the moments immediately thereafter when she finally fails.
Why did it happen? I do not know. It's like life in that way. Things happen, and we are left with the absence afterwards.
>>JudgeDeadd
I'm bad at doing descriptive. That, and I stream of consciousnessed it, yea.
>>FanOfMostEverything
The vibe hadn't been picked up on yet, but I was going through 'Slow unveiling', but waxed too purpley clearly.
>>JudgeDeadd >>CoffeeMinion
This is more on the nose, yes. 'Sinister and melancholy beneath the surface' is what I wanted to evoke!
>>Moosetasm
You're fairly on the nose for what I wanted (Apart from 'larger' - if I edit/publish this it won't be much more than this, because the sensation of confusion and sense of disquiet is what I want). But yea, it starts out seemingly idyllic and...boom. Most were asleep. I think. But not all.
>>FrontSevens
I can't fully, either. I think it's Luna's wards to keep herself protected, or the castle protected, or trying to undo things - one of those - finally failing, and so she too is ...gone. But perhaps it is her causing it. I never settled.
>>Trick_Question
Sad and bereft of meaning is somewhat the goal. It's like life - sometimes sad things happen and we are left feeling robbed and unsettled.
>>Xepher
I have not read that though I can see the similarities, although my reading of Bradbury sort of gave me 'Pandemic' or something as a cause, and it seemed set much faster after humanity had passed on. But - it does sort of go for the atmosphere Bradbury often produced.
>>georg
Would only that more had felt as you do :)
>>Astrarian
Philomena didn't show, and her/possibly Tiberius would fit in well if I do expand it. As for the spell circle, see above for an explanation!
The Luna bit threw people, clearly - I had sorta seen it as 'She was trying some kind of ward to stop things' and we are seeing the moments immediately thereafter when she finally fails.
Why did it happen? I do not know. It's like life in that way. Things happen, and we are left with the absence afterwards.
>>JudgeDeadd
I'm bad at doing descriptive. That, and I stream of consciousnessed it, yea.
>>FanOfMostEverything
The vibe hadn't been picked up on yet, but I was going through 'Slow unveiling', but waxed too purpley clearly.
>>JudgeDeadd >>CoffeeMinion
This is more on the nose, yes. 'Sinister and melancholy beneath the surface' is what I wanted to evoke!
>>Moosetasm
You're fairly on the nose for what I wanted (Apart from 'larger' - if I edit/publish this it won't be much more than this, because the sensation of confusion and sense of disquiet is what I want). But yea, it starts out seemingly idyllic and...boom. Most were asleep. I think. But not all.
>>FrontSevens
I can't fully, either. I think it's Luna's wards to keep herself protected, or the castle protected, or trying to undo things - one of those - finally failing, and so she too is ...gone. But perhaps it is her causing it. I never settled.
>>Trick_Question
Sad and bereft of meaning is somewhat the goal. It's like life - sometimes sad things happen and we are left feeling robbed and unsettled.
>>Xepher
I have not read that though I can see the similarities, although my reading of Bradbury sort of gave me 'Pandemic' or something as a cause, and it seemed set much faster after humanity had passed on. But - it does sort of go for the atmosphere Bradbury often produced.
>>georg
Would only that more had felt as you do :)
>>Astrarian
Philomena didn't show, and her/possibly Tiberius would fit in well if I do expand it. As for the spell circle, see above for an explanation!