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Revealing Light
Stars of the sky shine.
In my mind I have been just.
What is your excuse?
In my mind I have been just.
What is your excuse?
This seems... angry, self-righteous, and grieving.
The poet gives me the impression that they are raging against the heavens, accusing God of negligence and apathy. There is a certain amount of leeway left by the phrase 'In my mind' where they know others might see them as wrong or evil, but they banish the moral positions of others and declare their own perspective as the correct one. And damn the others. (Feels like a member of the inquisition)
Overall, I like it. It's a solid image in the mind and seems to insinuate a lot about the character. Even if I don't agree with the position taken it still does a lot with the limited words.
The poet gives me the impression that they are raging against the heavens, accusing God of negligence and apathy. There is a certain amount of leeway left by the phrase 'In my mind' where they know others might see them as wrong or evil, but they banish the moral positions of others and declare their own perspective as the correct one. And damn the others. (Feels like a member of the inquisition)
Overall, I like it. It's a solid image in the mind and seems to insinuate a lot about the character. Even if I don't agree with the position taken it still does a lot with the limited words.
Hm, this feels baselessly accusatory. Maybe it's meant to depict the speaker lashing out because he feels self-conscious about his own feelings? It presumes foreknowledge that the person being spoken to has not been just, even in their own opinion, which locks me out of any context as to how they could know that and how correct they are. It carries some power, I'll give you that, but it puts things in the unpleasant side to read, which can be worth it if it creates an effect, but without that context, it's hard-pressed to.
I voted for this as my favorite submission. I think some readers may find it disjointed, but for me the image of stars and the throw of reflection blend together in a way which brings out the 'action-like' quality of the latter, something which is ordinarily regarded as "just thinking".
>>MrExtra, >>Pascoite, >>Heavy_Mole
Revealing Blight
As my previous comment states, I tried to get another entry in at 3 AM, and this is it. I intended no ill feelings to anyone, but I appear to have been in an odd state of mind. I reconstruct it envisioning people looking up to the stars as they shine down on everyone, constantly producing heavenly light, all imperfections hidden, in steep contrast to the state of confusion that pervades most human affairs. We all have to come to terms with how far we are willing to let ourselves fall short of the ideals we impose.
Revealing Blight
As my previous comment states, I tried to get another entry in at 3 AM, and this is it. I intended no ill feelings to anyone, but I appear to have been in an odd state of mind. I reconstruct it envisioning people looking up to the stars as they shine down on everyone, constantly producing heavenly light, all imperfections hidden, in steep contrast to the state of confusion that pervades most human affairs. We all have to come to terms with how far we are willing to let ourselves fall short of the ideals we impose.