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Mooncurl
Mooncurl
Always grins at Sun
But takes her own way
Wriggles like a snake,
And even jumps in front
To steal a ring of shine.
But all the light she takes,
She gives away.
Always grins at Sun
But takes her own way
Wriggles like a snake,
And even jumps in front
To steal a ring of shine.
But all the light she takes,
She gives away.
Initial Reaction:
This poem gives me a disjointed impression. It feels like a child telling a story, or an old legend/fairly tale, but each line is skipping several parts in between. This lacks the cohesiveness to form a central image in my mind.
Thinking about it:
Now, if I reframe it as someone describing the moon as it goes through it's phases it makes more sense. Ultimately, the personification doesn't really help the understanding of the story. Calling it 'Mooncurl' when the other is called 'Sun' is a bit misleading.
Ultimately it feels more like a riddle (kind of want to add "What am I?" to the end), or an old aboriginal man telling stories over a campfire. It works, but I think it needs a bit more context if the reader is supposed to understand quickly. Maybe a bit less abstraction, unless you want the reader to spend extra time on it. I'm not sure regular people would think on it that long.
This poem gives me a disjointed impression. It feels like a child telling a story, or an old legend/fairly tale, but each line is skipping several parts in between. This lacks the cohesiveness to form a central image in my mind.
Thinking about it:
Now, if I reframe it as someone describing the moon as it goes through it's phases it makes more sense. Ultimately, the personification doesn't really help the understanding of the story. Calling it 'Mooncurl' when the other is called 'Sun' is a bit misleading.
Ultimately it feels more like a riddle (kind of want to add "What am I?" to the end), or an old aboriginal man telling stories over a campfire. It works, but I think it needs a bit more context if the reader is supposed to understand quickly. Maybe a bit less abstraction, unless you want the reader to spend extra time on it. I'm not sure regular people would think on it that long.
I can't tell whether there's an intentional structure here. There's no rhyme or meter, but after the first line, the next few regularly have 5 syllables, then the next few regularly have 6, until the final line with 4. I do like the characterization that moonlight is only reflected sunlight. I'm not sure about all the wriggling imagery. Is that just that the moon's orbit gives it a more irregular path than the sun does, like how they used to use epicycles to explain? The likening of the crescent shape to a smile or curl is classic but well used.
Sunboom
Pulls them all to dance
Small icy blobs
That spin and slow,
Some even start to think.
Pulls them all to dance
Small icy blobs
That spin and slow,
Some even start to think.
I enjoy lullabies and folklore, and this poem, whose purport is to get the reader to re-picture a familiar image, fits the bill. I have read somewhere that the method of a bedtime story is to expunge the imagination of "dream stuff" by externalizing it, to allow more restful slumber.
In this connection, it seems like the poem is short, since it is really interested in the personification and character of the moon, and not the poetic image of the moon reflecting light, per se.
In this connection, it seems like the poem is short, since it is really interested in the personification and character of the moon, and not the poetic image of the moon reflecting light, per se.
>>MrExtra, >>Pascoite, >>Heavy_Mole
Moonchurl
I was just trying to describe some celestial mechanics in a playful way. The bow of the crescent Moon always faces the sun. The Moon's orbit is linked to Earth's but passes sometimes closer to the Sun, sometimes further away, with the occasional eclipse as the ring of fire.
I may have passed along a misconception; some think of the Moon's orbit as being looped or concave in spots due to its interaction with the Earth, but in reality it's convex at all parts of its orbit around the sun.
Thanks for the comments, they are much appreciated!
Moonchurl
I was just trying to describe some celestial mechanics in a playful way. The bow of the crescent Moon always faces the sun. The Moon's orbit is linked to Earth's but passes sometimes closer to the Sun, sometimes further away, with the occasional eclipse as the ring of fire.
I may have passed along a misconception; some think of the Moon's orbit as being looped or concave in spots due to its interaction with the Earth, but in reality it's convex at all parts of its orbit around the sun.
Thanks for the comments, they are much appreciated!