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You know, I kinda didn’t like this one at first but it’s really grown on me; especially interesting is that my initial thought about it—that it lacked “personality”—becomes weaker and weaker held with each reread.
It is certainly obfuscated well in its words—aside from contextual pickings that lead one to figure out what the setting is and the mood (as well as some gut-wrenchingly evocative imagery in the penultimate stanza), it’s difficult to dredge through some of these lines to figure out what they mean. More thought and more re-reads should help determine which ones don’t work and which ones fly over my shriveled peanut brain.
Also, I think this is the only poem I’ve read this round that is almost certainly pony! That definitely ramps up the final lines there for a real emotional pun(ch).
It is certainly obfuscated well in its words—aside from contextual pickings that lead one to figure out what the setting is and the mood (as well as some gut-wrenchingly evocative imagery in the penultimate stanza), it’s difficult to dredge through some of these lines to figure out what they mean. More thought and more re-reads should help determine which ones don’t work and which ones fly over my shriveled peanut brain.
Also, I think this is the only poem I’ve read this round that is almost certainly pony! That definitely ramps up the final lines there for a real emotional pun(ch).
Interesting that >>regidar found this to be a pony poem. I can see things in there that could be taken that way, but I didn't notice until I saw his comment, and I don't think they have to be taken that way.
I take it as someone being told their loved one has died after being told they were doing okay. Maybe the cloud and frequent flier could suggest a pegasus, but I just thought they might have meant the person had been injured in a plane crash. The frequent flier could even just be saying the person liked to travel, or a meager attempt at listing the person's accomplishments, though I wouldn't know what significance the cloud had then.
Overall, nice economical use of words to create a clear mental picture. Again, though, what a lot of these short poems do is try to get you to care about death in general, which isn't hard to do, without actually giving you enough of a picture of the characters and their situation to make you care about them specifically. The white lie does add a touch of uniqueness to the story, but I still don't know the characters.
I take it as someone being told their loved one has died after being told they were doing okay. Maybe the cloud and frequent flier could suggest a pegasus, but I just thought they might have meant the person had been injured in a plane crash. The frequent flier could even just be saying the person liked to travel, or a meager attempt at listing the person's accomplishments, though I wouldn't know what significance the cloud had then.
Overall, nice economical use of words to create a clear mental picture. Again, though, what a lot of these short poems do is try to get you to care about death in general, which isn't hard to do, without actually giving you enough of a picture of the characters and their situation to make you care about them specifically. The white lie does add a touch of uniqueness to the story, but I still don't know the characters.
White was the screen
Onto which was typed
The symbols that filled the void,
Letters dark as
Sable, sable, sable...
Done!
Onto which was typed
The symbols that filled the void,
Letters dark as
Sable, sable, sable...
Done!