Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Meat
The little brown puck, its crisp edges glistening with sizzling fat, was the filthiest thing in the hard-scrubbed, white-walled room. Incongruously, the place stunk of both chlorine bleach and diner-grade grease runoff at the exact same time. Ellen felt a brief frisson of cognitive dissonance.
"Well," said Louis, running his fingers through his shaggy mop of salt-and-pepper hair. "There we have it."
"It should be a delicious medium-rare at this point," Ellen said. "Normally, it's not wise to venture any lower than medium-well, but..."
"If there's even a speck of E. coli in there, food poisoning'll be the least of our worries."
Ellen nodded. "So," she said, "you want to be the one to try a $300,000 hamburger?"
"We've been over this. I'm in this game to reduce the wholesale slaughter of animals on a global basis. It's not something I'm going to partake of myself."
And here came the full-on mad science moment. Ellen took a deep breath. "That's the beauty of this sample, Louis. It's all perfectly ethical."
Louis shook his head. "I know lab-grown meat doesn't involve slaughter or suffering, but it's still not perfect. The animals we're taking cultures from didn't ask for this. I know it doesn't hurt them, per se, but they still can't give consent."
"And I'm telling you, the animal these specific cells were taken from can absolutely give you her consent."
Comprehension dawned across Louis's face; Ellen smiled in what she hoped was a non-creepy way.
"Oh, no."
"Oh, yes," Ellen replied.
"This—this is a mistake," Louis stammered.
"Yes. I admit it. It's a horrible, ghoulish perversion of science. It'll all be worth it to see Mr. Iron Self-Control get to enjoy a goddamn hamburger for once in his life." She cleared her throat. "Louis, I hereby give you full permission to eat me-meat, with full knowledge of all that this entails."
"That's just it! You don't have any such thing!" Louis threw himself down upon a lab stool.
Ellen sighed. "All right, all right. Super-weird of me. I know. It was just a proof-of-concept anyway. What else were we going to do with it?"
Louis did not respond. Ellen's fellow researcher huddled himself in his lab coat as though wishing it would swallow him whole.
"I'm sorry," she said. "Listen. Let me make it up to you. Come out to the house. Drinks are on me tonight. It looks like it's going to be a lovely evening. The moon on the lake is just sublime."
"Can't," Louis stammered, not looking up. "Working late."
The clock on the wall of the lab ticked a few times in the silence. Eventually, Ellen sighed. "Sorry for being so weird," she said.
Louis wordlessly waved Ellen off, his back completely turned. She gathered up her tablet and headed for the employee lockers, sparing one last look over her shoulder at him.
He's so still, she thought.
The howling was getting closer. Closer, every second. Somewhere far away, as through deep water, she could hear the 9-1-1 dispatcher asking with increasing insistence for her to describe the nature of the emergency.
The lake house was isolated. That had been the whole point. It had seemed like a lovely idea at the time, a little hideaway far from the sirens of the city. Far from ambulances, far from the police.
It was on her porch now. She could hear the thing's claws clattering against the wooden boards. With a great crash, the creature's powerful shoulder splintered the front door, knocking it inward and letting in a rush of cold night air. There, silhouetted in the moonlight, was a massive, red-eyed beast with slavering jaws and a distinctive shaggy pelt of salt-and-pepper fur.
"You know the beauty of this," snarled the wolf, in a twisted-up version of Louis's voice, "is that it's all perfectly ethical."
It leapt.
"Well," said Louis, running his fingers through his shaggy mop of salt-and-pepper hair. "There we have it."
"It should be a delicious medium-rare at this point," Ellen said. "Normally, it's not wise to venture any lower than medium-well, but..."
"If there's even a speck of E. coli in there, food poisoning'll be the least of our worries."
Ellen nodded. "So," she said, "you want to be the one to try a $300,000 hamburger?"
"We've been over this. I'm in this game to reduce the wholesale slaughter of animals on a global basis. It's not something I'm going to partake of myself."
And here came the full-on mad science moment. Ellen took a deep breath. "That's the beauty of this sample, Louis. It's all perfectly ethical."
Louis shook his head. "I know lab-grown meat doesn't involve slaughter or suffering, but it's still not perfect. The animals we're taking cultures from didn't ask for this. I know it doesn't hurt them, per se, but they still can't give consent."
"And I'm telling you, the animal these specific cells were taken from can absolutely give you her consent."
Comprehension dawned across Louis's face; Ellen smiled in what she hoped was a non-creepy way.
"Oh, no."
"Oh, yes," Ellen replied.
"This—this is a mistake," Louis stammered.
"Yes. I admit it. It's a horrible, ghoulish perversion of science. It'll all be worth it to see Mr. Iron Self-Control get to enjoy a goddamn hamburger for once in his life." She cleared her throat. "Louis, I hereby give you full permission to eat me-meat, with full knowledge of all that this entails."
"That's just it! You don't have any such thing!" Louis threw himself down upon a lab stool.
Ellen sighed. "All right, all right. Super-weird of me. I know. It was just a proof-of-concept anyway. What else were we going to do with it?"
Louis did not respond. Ellen's fellow researcher huddled himself in his lab coat as though wishing it would swallow him whole.
"I'm sorry," she said. "Listen. Let me make it up to you. Come out to the house. Drinks are on me tonight. It looks like it's going to be a lovely evening. The moon on the lake is just sublime."
"Can't," Louis stammered, not looking up. "Working late."
The clock on the wall of the lab ticked a few times in the silence. Eventually, Ellen sighed. "Sorry for being so weird," she said.
Louis wordlessly waved Ellen off, his back completely turned. She gathered up her tablet and headed for the employee lockers, sparing one last look over her shoulder at him.
He's so still, she thought.
The howling was getting closer. Closer, every second. Somewhere far away, as through deep water, she could hear the 9-1-1 dispatcher asking with increasing insistence for her to describe the nature of the emergency.
The lake house was isolated. That had been the whole point. It had seemed like a lovely idea at the time, a little hideaway far from the sirens of the city. Far from ambulances, far from the police.
It was on her porch now. She could hear the thing's claws clattering against the wooden boards. With a great crash, the creature's powerful shoulder splintered the front door, knocking it inward and letting in a rush of cold night air. There, silhouetted in the moonlight, was a massive, red-eyed beast with slavering jaws and a distinctive shaggy pelt of salt-and-pepper fur.
"You know the beauty of this," snarled the wolf, in a twisted-up version of Louis's voice, "is that it's all perfectly ethical."
It leapt.
Pics
Aha. That was pretty weird. The idea of growing meat out of, say, totipotent cells, is not new, and was explored as far back as 1943 by the French sci-fi writer René Barjavel in his Novel Ravage. This was quite visionary at the time. Nevertheless, the idea of selecting human muscle cells to be the “precursor” to the patty the story is about is—well I said it already—weird. I’m not sure how it would enhance the experience of eating a hamburger. Besides, I was always told that human flesh is tasteless and gristly, which doesn’t make a good candidate for a savory meal.
The end is a bit unexpected, and, above all, we don’t really see the relation with the first part. Sure, we can imagine that the guy has transformed and came somehow to avenge, but it’s a bit far-fetched, so we’re left a bit dangling without any clear explanation, because none of this was foreshadowed. To me, it seemed the end is a somewhat awkward way to link the idea of using artificial human meat in a hamburger to the prompt. Maybe if the guy had transformed after having bitten into the patty, that would’ve been better.
The end is a bit unexpected, and, above all, we don’t really see the relation with the first part. Sure, we can imagine that the guy has transformed and came somehow to avenge, but it’s a bit far-fetched, so we’re left a bit dangling without any clear explanation, because none of this was foreshadowed. To me, it seemed the end is a somewhat awkward way to link the idea of using artificial human meat in a hamburger to the prompt. Maybe if the guy had transformed after having bitten into the patty, that would’ve been better.
The little brown puck
Stop, you're making me hungry :S
So... what happened to the burger? It was on the cusp of being done to perfection, and... they watched the minutes tick by in silence? This is a delicate time. You can't just... have a conversation while a burger is cooking!
I'm confused at the ending. Did he eat the Ellen-burger and it turned him into a werewolf? Did he eat it at all? Or was he that way all along?
I like the combination of the two ideas here, it's a fresh take on a common trope. The most obvious problem is that the ending comes completely out of nowhere, too much of a surprise.
Thought I'd stop by and give props to my favourite story on my prelims slate. It's subtle, but the prose here is perfectly unobtrusive, and the dialogue is the perfect balance of natural yet informative. And the idea is neat to boot. I do wish it could be expanded on (you even had room!), and I also felt the "Beauty of this..." line kinda of comes back outta nowhere at the end. That is to say, it doesn't seem to signify or introduce anything other than: Remember when she said this? Now he's saying it. You impressed?
But overall is quite good, comrade. Hope it makes finals!
But overall is quite good, comrade. Hope it makes finals!
Thanks to everyone who replied! >>Ion-Sturm, I wasn't going for "wendigo," I was going for "werewolf barely keeping himself in check." That's not your bad, that's my bad for not making it clear or disambiguating well enough.
Glad those of you who liked it liked it! I think correcting for the "wendigo" problem with a little more explanatory lead up might have fixed the "out of nowhere" factor that >>Monokeras and >>Haze noted.
Thanks for reading and congrats to the winners!
Glad those of you who liked it liked it! I think correcting for the "wendigo" problem with a little more explanatory lead up might have fixed the "out of nowhere" factor that >>Monokeras and >>Haze noted.
Thanks for reading and congrats to the winners!
>>Skywriter
I get that's what you were going for, I noted it was a werewolf in passing, point was that more fitting options existed (in my opinion). "Werewolf all along" is kinda an anti-twist. "Accidental cannibalism results in Wendigo" feels like it would have more punch; he's had the appetizer meatball, now he wants the main course in the form of ribs.
I get that's what you were going for, I noted it was a werewolf in passing, point was that more fitting options existed (in my opinion). "Werewolf all along" is kinda an anti-twist. "Accidental cannibalism results in Wendigo" feels like it would have more punch; he's had the appetizer meatball, now he wants the main course in the form of ribs.
I thought it was the 'wendigo' option as well. To me that's just too well established as a monster linked with cannibalism.
Nice story though, as always, Skywriter. A little darker than I'm used to from you!
Nice story though, as always, Skywriter. A little darker than I'm used to from you!
>>Ion-Sturm
Okay, I misinterpreted what you meant when you said I had gotten it wrong. Sorry!
>>Cold in Gardez
Yeah, I guess that's what you get when you let me out of the Ponyverse?
Okay, I misinterpreted what you meant when you said I had gotten it wrong. Sorry!
>>Cold in Gardez
Yeah, I guess that's what you get when you let me out of the Ponyverse?
>>Skywriter
I wanted to give a review of this story, but unfortunately, I didn't have the time to give an in-depth analysis, so I'll just leave the positive side of the comment I was going to make.
The first half of this story is excellent, creepy, and genuinely unsettling. There's something so very uncomfortable about the whole scenario, the sexualized undertones, the weirdness and creepiness of the entire situation itself. This is one of few stories I've read in a long time that has actually gotten me to feel a little uneasy reading it, but the prose and conceit keep the reader interested and engaged.
I wanted to give a review of this story, but unfortunately, I didn't have the time to give an in-depth analysis, so I'll just leave the positive side of the comment I was going to make.
The first half of this story is excellent, creepy, and genuinely unsettling. There's something so very uncomfortable about the whole scenario, the sexualized undertones, the weirdness and creepiness of the entire situation itself. This is one of few stories I've read in a long time that has actually gotten me to feel a little uneasy reading it, but the prose and conceit keep the reader interested and engaged.