Smash.

Pass.

Smash, again.

Smash, again, again.

This poem fits the prompt the best and I like the whole triple AAA thing going.

This is pretty smartly put together. Something I would see myself singing out loud. Like the ABAB CD style.

This is really competent and looks cool. It doesn't roll off my tongue too well. It's topical right now but I'm not getting the feel of the prompt from this one.

Hm, this feels more like song lyrics than poetry, just because in music it's easier to smash syllables into tighter spaces to get irregular rhythms to work. The rhymes are all clean, and there's a nice uptick in the complexity for that third stanza. I do like the sentiment that people drift apart because it's easier to let them than to keep making effort that gets limited feedback. Pretty good.

This mostly went over my head. There's some kind of physical peril, but I'm not sure whether it's a dream or just an exaggeration of the narrator's dilemma over whether to get a snack. Maybe he's suffering some PTSD? He seems to have a hatred for ice cream but I don't have any context for why. Some of the commas are extraneous, and I can't tell whether they're in place to force a certain rhythm. They didn't seem to be. The title makes me think he's losing sleep for being hungry but getting no rest due to trauma, and I can't tell if the two are being conflated.

I like the rhymes and rhythms; it's got a jaunty feel. I just don't understand it. I could see it being about an imaginary friend, or someone with multiple personalities. Originally I thought it might be a reflection, but that wouldn't jive with one of them dying first. So I'm just left a little mystified.

This is something really artsy, and I don't mean that in a pejorative way. Though maybe I do a little, mostly in that it does go for a whole lot of highbrow references that go over my head. I just barely know what a saturnian is. Similar with Cambrian, though I can't discern how it's being used here. Not the slightest clue what the line about Burgon means. Then even the lines where I know what the individual words mean, I don't get anything from their assemblage. Take the final line. That should be what drives home the point of the poem, and it sure sounds like it is, but I don't get it at all.

Very pretty, but ultimately, it didn't connect with me.

Through exercise and happy sport
With rackets at the tennis court,
I have my twin for close support.

We're knitted close, or maybe sewn,
From back to breast my wish is shown.
Though one, we never are alone.

The grit is in my mouth
And haze is in my eyes,
Reach to north and south,
But take it as it lies.

Something smooth as cream,
Nourishing as wheat,
Wriggly as bream,
It's quite a varied treat.

After fitful sleep,
It's time to start the day
Something new to keep
With breakfast on the way.

Red Sky Penny
.....Eternally abides
.....As very far below
.....On flickering spheres we dance and die
.....A profuse cladistic show.

I may let it burn, afraid to be spurned, or wonder if it's my turn,
Or fear that if they felt the same, they'd surely care to call my name.
And so the silence seems to stretch as lives roll out without concern,
So if in shame I cast the blame... We just declined to play the game.

I really like the bone clone poem.
Can't put my finger on why, but there's something joyful in this "my friend the skeleton" idea. The childish-pure kind. At least to me.

As far as negatives go, the fourth stanza felt weaker than the others to me. I'm not convinced the poem would lose more than it'd gain by cutting it.

From this, I'm picturing a traumatized person waking from a nightmare. But not all the way - they're still half trapped in haunting memories.

They know they're in a dark place, and I particularly liked how they try to make light of it - the ice cream bit alone would've clashed with the overall mood, I think, but the "My life is a bust / Wish it was a joke" lines turn it into a piece of the whole.

Rhythm-wise the poem felt disoriented at times - which fit really well, in my opninion. For me, that worked best in the lines from "Feels like my, head stops, ..." to "... the blood was bad, guilt"
In that section, I read commas as brief pauses, which added to the effect. I didn't in the rest of the poem. Wouldn't have felt right.
Maybe a tiny bit of that disoriented feel also came from the lack of full stops between sentences, but I think that mostly made it confusing. In a way that felt like it wasn't deliberate and didn't add to the overall picture.

I think the most interesting part of this poem is the line "I see his smile and apperceive". This is mysterious. Presumably, the speaker isn't looking at his/her own skull (unless by x-ray, but that is a bit silly), so they must, like Hamlet, have a likeness in front of them--though the interpretation couldn't be further apart.

I presume that the speaker is one of "the new old bad guys". Maybe that's why he/she turns away from ice cream, and in general has compunction indulging in a snack (besides the association of salt and dust). That's a pretty heavy theme, and something that puts the reader right in the senses of the afflicted. It gets a bit lost in the rubble, though. A fair portion of this poem is trying to get across that this person is distraught, but that is clear enough where you could bring in more of their concrete experience.

As a motivational piece of writing I think this is fine. As a poem I think the critical dilemma is making the call, or being in front of making the call. There is a lot that could be condensed into that.

>>Griseus, >>Pascoite, >>Corinna, >>Heavy_Mole

Articulated Partnership

Thanks for the gold and the kind comments!

This is sort of a riddle to which the answer is 'skeleton'. I was striving for a playful and not dismal mood and it seems I succeeded.

The teeth are the only part of the skeleton visible from the outside, so this is what I referenced by 'I see his smile'. I suppose the speaker was looking in a mirror. I agree the last stanza is weak and should be reworked or removed; I may add one from the fake review I composed.

Thanks again, to all reviewers and participants. I am pleased that we are keeping the spark alight.

>>GroaningGreyAgony
Oh. I didn't see this as a riddle. I just thought it was supposed to be poetic. If this was a riddle I had to answer at a door, I would just get a buddy and we would kick it in at the same time. Anyhow, again, I liked this a lot.