Shining pulls his cruiser into the diner's parking lot, kills the engine, and takes a deep breath. "If anyone's listening up there, please, give me strength." [hr] "Officer Shiny! Thank goodness you're here." Pinkie Pie zips across the diner and skids to a halt, her roller skates leaving long streaks against the diner's tiles. "I tell you what, Johnny Law, we got us a real doozy of a problem on our hands. A couple'a no-goodniks stinkin' up the joint!" Shining Armor glances around the mostly empty diner. "And where might I find these, um, 'no-goodniks?'" Pinkie cracks her arm like a whip, pointing at the only two patrons: two girls, seated back-to-back at adjoining booths. They're around Pinkie's age; one's sipping a cup of coffee, while the other enjoys an omelette. Shining thinks of the hoagie he had to toss to make this call. His stomach rumbles. "What, exactly, are they doing?" "It's not what they're doing, it's what they're [i]not [/i]doing that they [i]should [/i]be doing." "And that is?" [i]"Each other!" [/i]Her screech startles both girls into taking notice. In as close to a quiet voice as she can approximate, Pinkie continues. "Naturally, after leaving the premises and getting a room." "You want me to arrest these two girls for... [i]not [/i]acting indecently in public?" Shining raises an eyebrow. "Do they even know each other?" "No, and they never will unless one of them makes a move." Pinkie pulls in close and drops her voice. "Believe me, I've tried everything to make that happen. I tipped the tap and zipped the zap; I clinged the clang and shook my thang; I served and shoved and pushed and pulled and [i]willed [/i]it to happen, but those two refuse to dink the ol' coinky." "'Scuse me," one of the girls interrupts, adjusting a pair of taped-up glasses. "Could I get some fries." "Fries? Fries?! I've been trying to plate you the meal of true love for thirty minutes, and you ask for [i]fries?!"[/i] "Pinkie." Shining takes Pinkie by the shoulders as the hapless patron slumps in her seat. "You called the police for a reason. What reason would that be?" "Simple. Those two are perfect for one another; it'd be criminal for 'em not to walk out of here together." Pinkie folds her arms. "Either make 'em make with the smooches, or cuff 'em and book 'em in a low-security prison. Where, if my knowledge of adult cinema holds, they will make with the smooches anyway." [i]I threw away a hoagie for this.[/i] "Okay, Pinkie. Just..." Shining twirls Pinkie (simple, thanks to her skates) and lightly nudges her toward the kitchen. "Go in the back and count jellybeans, or something." "Ooh. Candy-math. Best kinda math there is." Pinkie rolls, never losing momentum somehow. "Next to cake-ulus." Grumbling, Shining approaches the two girls, reaching for his wallet. They watch him warily; the second girl, a curvy redhead with a beauty mark, has long since forgotten her omelette. Shining fishes out a pair of twenties and drops one on each table. "Here's forty bucks. Go see a movie." The girls look quizzically at him. "Look, you don't have to talk to each other again after today if you don't want to," Shining blurts. "That girl's friends with my sister, and if I don't do [i]something [/i]to shut her up, she'll give my sister an earful, who'll give my fiancée an earful, and then I'll never hear the end of it. So go see a movie, on me. Please don't sue this place. Okay?" The girls look quizzically at each other. At the money. At each other. Glasses shrugs. "Yeah, alright." "Reckon that'd be fun," says Redhead. They get up from their tables and make for the exit, giggling. Redhead's fingertips play lightly with Glasses's as they leave the diner behind. Shining Armor doffs his hat and sighs. A shrill note shrieked from his right makes him spin – Pinkie Pie is standing there, a chocolate malt in her hand. "Oh, Officer Shiny, thankyouthankyouthankyou [i]so [/i]much; I couldn'ta done it without you." She shoves the malt into Shining's arms, almost splashing whipped cream against his uniform. "Here. On me." She zips away, whistling. Shining Armor sits in the booth formerly occupied by Glasses. There's an unused straw on the table. He opens it, dips it in the cup, and morosely takes a chocolatey sip. He may have lost forty bucks, but at least he's gained four hundred calories. "I would've rather had the hoagie."