"Get married?" Fluttershy blurted, her whole body shaking instead of just her head. "I couldn't. [i]Couldn't.[/i]"

"Exactly!" Twilight looked around at the others gathered in the back parlor of her castle's west wing. "I mean, it's weird, isn't it?"

"Well," Rarity said, drawing the word out and twisting it in ways Twilight wasn't sure she'd ever heard a word twisted. "I wouldn't call it 'weird' [i]per se.[/i]"

"Yeah!" Pinkie had somehow folded the rind of her lemon slice into a little boat that was now bobbing up and down on the surface of her tea. "I mean, Mr. and Mrs. Cake got married, and Cranky and Matilda. Not to mention your brother and Cadance." She leaped up onto her chair, her forelegs crooked over her head. "Remember? With the changelings and the running and the fighting and the—"

"Okay, okay!" Blowing out a breath, Twilight waved a hoof. "But Starlight and Trixie? They're no older than we are!"

"So?" Applejack leaned back in her chair. "I've already had a couple suitors come calling. Cute enough fellers, but there weren't any sorta 'click' talking to 'em, and their financials didn't check out." She shrugged. "Taking on a husband's one thing, but taking on debt?"

Twilight tried not to gape.

Rarity made a little clicking noise with her tongue. "And they say romance is dead."

The sound Rainbow made with her tongue was a lot ruder. "Some of us have better things to do with our lives, y'know?" Already hovering above her chair, she flipped into a barrel roll. "There's Wonderbolt records to break and monsters to fight and treasures to find and—"

"And you reckon nopony'd be able to keep up with you?" Applejack smirked.

Rainbow swooped across the table to poked Applejack in the chest. "You know it! Anypony wants [i]this[/i] prize—" She spun into a pose, hind legs pointed down, her hip cocked, her chest out, and ran one front hoof along herself from withers to flank. "They've gotta earn it."

"Oh, my." Fluttershy had gone as orange as a pumpkin.

"Indeed." If Rarity had been wearing her glasses, Twilight thought, she would've been looking over the tops of them. "Some of us, however, aren't terribly interested in sponsoring athletic competitions for our affections."

"I dunno, Rares." Pinkie's grin spread over her snout like raspberry jam over fresh-baked bread. "Sweaty can be awfully fun when it comes to affections."

"Ha!" Another spin and swoop brought Rainbow over to Pinkie, and the two smacked front hooves. "Now [i]that's[/i] what I'm talking about!"

"You mean—" With some effort, Twilight managed to get out, "Sex?"

A shudder passed through all her friends, and Rainbow dropped heavily into her chair. "Yeah, okay." She pointed at Twilight. "That just sounds wrong when [i]you[/i] say it."

Twilight's face went hot.

Fluttershy had practically sunk below the surface of the table. "Can we please change the subject?" she whimpered.

"We shall." Rarity reached over to pat Fluttershy's hoof. "Not that there's anything wrong with having the experience."

Applejack gave a nod. "Most natural thing in the world."

"Nor," Rarity went on, Fluttershy blinking at her from behind a barrier built of tea cups and pink hair, "is there anything wrong with postponing the experience."

"May I—?" Fluttershy rose slightly, her eyes bigger than any of the saucers in Twilight's tea set. "May I please never have to think about it ever, ever, ever again?"

Rainbow's snort was practically delicate. "Good luck with that."

"Unless, y'know—" Pinkie gestured to Twilight. "You're the Princess of Friendzoning or something."

"What?" Twilight 's brain felt like a popcorn popper, so many things exploding in it all at once. "What does that even mean?"

"It means," Applejack said, sitting forward and tapping the table, "that we're changing the subject. Y'all going to Rockhoof's storytelling session tonight?"

Twilight blinked. "Popcorn!" Summoning a quill and a piece of parchment, she made a note. "Last week, it occurred to me that popcorn'd go really well with his stories."

"Hey, yeah!" Rainbow sprang into a hover. "And wouldn't it be awesome to have 'em outside? Like in that clearing behind the school! We could set up a bonfire and everything!"

"Perfect!" Twilight let all her disturbing thoughts go and made another note. "That'll be just perfect!"