[i]Dear Princess Celestia,[/i]

[i]I’m going to die alone. And, really, it’s all your fault.[/i]

[i]Your Most Faithful Student,[/i]

[i]Twilight Sparkle[/i]

[hr]

“I’m so sorry, Celestia!” said Twilight the moment I teleported into her moonlit room. The words were cocooned in embarrassment and frustration, and they also had a very distinct slur to them. “It was a joke, and I told Spike [i]not[/i] to send it. But he thought it would be ‘cathartic’.”

“I see.” I let a bemused smile creep onto my face. “Where is he now?”

“Banished to hish—I mean, his—room. Maybe for the rest of the week. I haven’t decided yet.” Groaning, she shook her head. Her footing faltered for just a moment. “Teenagers, right?”

“Twilight,” I said. “You’re drunk.”

She regarded my words for a moment and then shrugged with both wings.

“Yes, I am,” she sighed. “No sense in trying to hide it, I suppose.”

Her horn glowed and two full crystal flutes of sparkling champagne popped into the air. Taking the one she offered me, I sipped it and I enjoyed it immensely; Twilight had excellent taste.

We sat belly-down on the floor and drank in silence. After we had both drained our glasses, Twilight magicked them away and brought forth a new pair.

“Okay,” she said. “So, the minotaur in the room.”

Deep in my heart, I was proud of her. Not too long ago, these kinds of circumstances would have left her too frightened to speak. Or too frightened to shut up.

“I admit, I’m curious. But, I’m also worried, Twilight.” I place my hoof over hers. “Nopony writes a letter like that without some truth in it.”

“No! I don’t blame you!” Twilight paused. Then she gulped down a mouthful of bubbling wine. “Or, maybe I do? A little, at least? I mean, you [i]are[/i] the reason why I’m a Princess. Yeah, I’m a Princess because I earned it, but I wouldn’t have—[i]couldn’t[/i] have!—earned it without you! And I’m really grateful that you helped me reach my potential, but being a princess makes it really, [i]really[/i] bucking hard to date!”

“Hence, the wine?” I asked.

“Hence, the wine!” she proclaimed.

Her horn flashed and conjured four coconut halves with paper umbrellas and straws poking out of them. She thirstily attacked two at once while passing the other tropical drinks to me. They were also very bucking good, and we consumed them quickly.

“Bad date?” I asked.

“Yeah,” sighed Twilight, defeated. “He… Well, he was nice. But he couldn’t get over [i]it[/i]. He tried to. Like I said, he was nice. But it was too big of a deal, I think.”

Twilight’s expression cracked, and my heart broke. She sniffed and brought the tips of her feathers to her eyes to wipe away the moisture. With a blast from her horn, every coconut bowl was full again and sprouted several more sunset-colored parasols each.

“I like the umbrellas,” she muttered hoarsely as she resumed her alcohol intake.

“I’m sorry, Twilight.” I found myself looking deeply into my own drink, as if all the answers would be spelled out in floating coconut flakes. “It’s really how it tends to be, outside of the suitors that are blatantly trying to curry favor.”

“I guess I suspected as much,” she said. “I’m just… I’m grateful for my friends… But I think I just… I just want… Ugh!”

“I understand, Twilight.”

I squeezed her hoof, and she relaxed just a little. There was still tension in her shoulders, and her ears swiveled this way and that.

“Does… it get any easier?” she asked, tentatively.

“No,” I said grimacing.

Twilight’s ears dropped instantly, even as she was trying to process my response.

“But you should give him another chance,” I said.

“Why bother?”

“Twilight, look at me,” I said in a voice I hadn’t had to use in a long time. When her tired eyes met mine, I continued. “Not many ponies can get over [i]it[/i], but [i]nopony[/i] gets over it on the first date. If he can, he will be able to see past the crown, given time. But only if given time.”

“Okay,” she said, nodding resolutely. “Okay…” she said again. She sniffed, and forced a smile. “I guess I should be thanking Spike after all.”

“That can wait for the morning.”

I lit my horn and summoned two tankards filled with golden ale.

Twilight’s eyes widened.

"You’re the best,” she whispered.

Giggling, we clank tankards, and much of the frothy beer spills to the floor.