An awful, slick [i]*squish!*[/i] froze Raven Inkwell—Princess Celestia’s white-coated, brown-maned unicorn steward—in mid-stride. Sweat beaded on her brow as she levitated aside the scroll she’d been quintuple-checking to behold the brown and green miasma caking both her forehoof and much of Canterlot castle’s once-clean crimson carpets and shining marble.

A loud [i]HONK![/i] shattered her horrified reverie. More honks followed, seemingly from all sides. Her blood pumped faster as she gazed to and fro, trying to detect their source.

Soon the creatures broke upon her as a wave of honking, flapping, dive-bombing gooseflesh. They descended from rafters, assailed her in doorways, and alternately honked and snapped at her effects. Raven batted at them with her magic, but there were too many; first they tore away the scroll, then one nabbed her glasses. Finding herself both beset and legally blind, she bolted, desperate to escape despite the horrid squishing that her hooves made.

Raven soon reached a large set of double-doors. She entered, slammed them shut quickly, then leaned back against them, glad for the chance to at least catch her breath.

“The guard-geese are new,” said Princess Celestia [i]very[/i] nearby, making Raven jump nearly out of her skin. “I’m sorry we didn’t consult with you, but I feel it’s important for everypony to go on holiday from time to time… even if that means leaving kingdom-threatening crises to be handled by others in one’s absence.”

“G… ‘Guard-geese?’” Raven spluttered incredulously.

The large white blur before her cocked what was probably a head. “Then you haven’t been briefed about the new security measures Shining Armor instituted while you were away?”

“Er… no?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t see the fans,” Celestia said. “Or at least hear them. We’ve more than doubled the guard, what with the threat of Grogar at large. We have more layers of detection, prevention, and intervention, than I can remember. It’s perfect. Well, almost.”

Fighting down the urge to shout about how nopony would want to infiltrate a castle with goose droppings everywhere… Raven simply smiled, because sometimes this was part of the job, too. “Almost, Princess?

Celestia inclined her head. “I see you’ve discovered a… shall we say, [i]tactical[/i] shortcoming with our guard-geese.”

“That their filth is ruining the castle?”

“Exactly. Everypony wants to get rid of them, but they’re magically resistant. We have pest ponies who can evict them, but it might have to be done with violence… which I can’t condone. I’ve often said that I would jeopardize my own health and safety before I would respond to negativity with violence.”

[i]Chrysalis, Tirek, and Tempest Shadow would all vouch for that,[/i] Raven thought amid rising passive-aggressiveness.

“Which is why I’m putting you on it,” Celestia continued.

“Wait, [i]me?![/i]” Raven’s eyes went wide. “W—Why me?”

The white blur raised a hoof and set it on Raven’s shoulder. It was warm and strong. “Because you’re capable, clever, and fresh from holiday. You’re bound to think of something that we haven’t yet.”

Raven frowned, but plunged herself deep into thought. Options whizzed by, quicker than heartbeats, as she considered and rejected them.

[i]It’d be so much easier if we could just [b]dispose[/b] of the blighters.[/i]

[i]Wait…[/i]

A single thought stood out to her. She cleared her throat, preparing to push forward with it, dangerous as it may be. “Princess, you’ve essentially said that you wouldn’t try to stop somepony from taking over the kingdom, correct?”

“Not at all. I admit that we’ve come close to being overthrown several times in recent memory, but we’ve always come back stronger than before.”

“Of course,” Raven said. Her pulse began to hammer as she prepared her next words: “But if, say, I were to stage a coup right now. Bloodless, of course. But if it removed certain decision-making requirements from you?”

Celestia shook her head. “No, that’s no better than making the decision myself.”

A smile crept into Raven’s lips. “What if I challenged you to a duel?”

“I… wouldn’t fight, of course.”

Raven shrugged. “Then you concede?”

“Raven, I—”

“You [i]concede[/i],” Raven repeated more firmly.

After a moment’s hesitation, Celestia chuckled. “This sets a bad precedent, you know.”

Raven smiled back. “We [i]can’t[/i] let the castle fall into ruin. And if compromising somewhat is the only way to do that… perhaps, in this case, we can live with that?”

“You would be a wise ruler,” Celestia said. “Calculating, though…”

“You mean I [i]am[/i] a wise ruler. But fear not; a royal steward’s position just opened up, and the pay’s rising.”

“[i]Raven…[/i]”