Princess Cadance sprayed scalding tea from her disbelieving mouth, dousing both the newspaper and the pair of crystal servants whose backs it’d been resting on. The duo screamed and took off galloping at random about the tasteful yet lavishly baroque dinette. “Shiny!” Cadance barked. Twenty mare-lengths distant across their table, Shining Armor glanced above his reading glasses and lowered a forkful of eggs. “Yes, dear?” Cadance shot up, knocking her chair back, shattering its decorative crystal knobs against the blue marble floor. The sound struck her as a suitable accompaniment for the grim tidings at hoof. “Equestria—” she took a ragged breath “—lies in the throes of a [i]sex shortage![/i]” A giggle next to Shining drew Cadance’s gaze toward Princess Flurry Heart, who wriggled and pounded her tiny hooves against her high chair. “Sek!” she chirped. “Sek, sek—” Shining’s horn lit, and a perfectly pink pacifier popped into the petite Princess’ puckered mouth. “Don’t you remember the last time we mentioned you-know-what in front of her? She was saying it for weeks!” “As is her [i]birthright![/i]” Shining sighed. “So what does a ‘sex shortage’ mean, anyway?” “It means that ponies are prioritizing individual goals like careers and travel above gettin’ [i]bizzay[/i]. That means less foals—” “[i]Fewer[/i] foals,” Shining corrected. “Fewer, fine! But that individual focus also leads to less connection with others. That means less love, a lower population, downward pressure on the escort industry…” “Hm. That’d impact our tax base.” “Exactly! This sex shortage is a threat that I will [i]not[/i] take lying down.” Cadance lit her horn and blasted the newspaper, setting alight a pair of servants who were picking it up and mopping the floor where it had fallen. Their pained screams stoked the fires of purpose in her gut. “There’s only one pony who can help me now—” [hr] “I can’t help you,” Twilight deadpanned. “Influencing ponies’ intimate lives through magic has frankly [i]shocking[/i] ethical implications.” Cadance reared up and slammed her hooves upon the map table. Long cracks lanced across it, drawing a strangulated cry from Twilight. “And what about the consequences if you don’t?!” “I just had that magically resurfaced!” “By whom? A company [i]that won’t even exist[/i] when this rising tide of not-gettin’-it-on crests all over you?” “I… um… ew?” Cadance leaned back from the table, nostrils flaring. “To Tartarus with ethics, Twilight; we’re talking about the survival of Equestria here. It’s a numbers game—you like those, right? It’s one plus zero equals [i]zero![/i]” Twilight’s eye twitched. “No, look… there’s a school of thought that Equestria’s above its ‘ideal’ population anyway. And ongoing advances in magical automation might eventually put a lot of earth ponies out of work! I’ve already been rehearsing how I might tell Applejack she’s obsolete…” “But what about love? Romance? [i]Connection?![/i]” Cadance kicked the table again. A large hunk of crystal broke off, shattering at Twilight’s hooves. After a futile attempt to magic some shards of the table back together, Twilight slumped and sighed. “Cadance, I won’t help you override ponies’ free will. And for what it’s worth, I think the whole premise about less sex being [i]entirely[/i] negative is… fallacious at best.” “Well maybe if you spent less time just [i]thinking[/i] about ‘fallacies,’ and more time getting your—” “Stop!” Twilight turned her blushing face aside. “Bringing up my limited romantic success does [i]not[/i] make me inclined to help. It doesn’t even bolster your argument that ponies’ increasing focus on individual pursuits is undermining their potential interconnectedness with others!” She paused. “Or… maybe it does. Fine.” “We could’ve beaten this together,” Cadance bellowed. “But if you leave me to beat it alone, there’s one last desperate option I’d considered—” [hr] “I’m flattered, though surprised.” Suddenly Queen Chrysalis’ ears perked. She whirled and squashed a razor-toothed, zucchini-sized lizard against the vine-swathed swamp tree it’d been stalking her from. “Sorry.” Chrysalis wiped her hoof on thick marsh grass. “Anyway: you want [i]my[/i] help solving this Equestrian ‘sex shortage?’” Cadance nodded. “Yes!” “Which means you’d let me and a near-future wave of offspring proliferate, stoke [i]infernos [/i]of lust, and siphon Equestria’s residual love?” “Absolutely!” “And… you’re okay with the inherent irony of a singlemindedly goal-oriented ‘Princess of Love’ promoting a dichotomy of sex versus goals, when neither [i]necessarily[/i] cultivates deep connections like love?” “Desperate times, Chrysalis. Desperate times.” Chrysalis shrugged. “Far be it from me, dearie. I just need one thing: a stallion. One in specific. You said you’d give me… anything?” “Right!” “Any… [i]hubby?[/i]” Cadance blinked. “Oh. Wait. Wait a minute…”