[i]It all started long ago. Back when I had a family. A home. I still remember the way the grass rippled in the Summer breeze, the Sun slowly ascending the skies above. I will never forget the song of the birds as they floated by my window. And in the nighttime, how distant the stars seemed.[/i]

   “Ray! Turn us back around!”

   [i]Not anymore.[/i]

   I was back at my control board. I looked up to see Ursula, her face barely an inch from mine, bearing her signature chiseled-stone frown. Herbert, the ship engineer, spoke up:
   “I suppose Grigonium is only the seventh-rarest ore in known space. It’s alright, we can always get the next Grig-rich asteroid that happens to float our way.”

   “Shut up, Herb,” I said with all the confidence I could muster. “I’ve got this.”

   Frantically, my hands raced for the proper controls as a steered the Godwin 180 degrees. Before us, the asteroid was still in sight. As I plotted the course towards the rock, I heard Ursula stifle a sigh of relief, and couldn’t help but grin. Our captain rarely showed emotion; it was refreshing to see she was not devoid of it. Approaching the asteroid, I was able to get a better look at the ‘Grig’, as Herb always called it, which seemed to be growing like mold on the asteroid’s exterior. As I further examined the crystals through the front viewport, I pondered how I could have missed it on the first pass. Though Grigonium was similar in color to the space boulder, it had a luminous quality that made it easily distinguishable. My heart began to beat faster. Depending on the amount of Grig, even split three ways, it would still mean more wealth than most independent miners such as themselves usually gained in a year’s work. But the money was not what mattered to me. It was what I planned to use it for. Returning to the world I was born into as a child, not the one I awoke in as an adult. 

   Turning my attention back to the task at hand, I maneuvered the ship until it was adjacent to the asteroid. I then set the mining laser and watched for a moment as the beam excavated the ore. My eyelids gaining weight at a rapid pace, I turned to Herb and asked him to take over for me. With a “Sure thing, mate.”, he approached my desk. After receiving permission from Ursula, I was on the way to my bunk. Strapping myself into the padded restraints in case of gravitational malfunctions, I glanced at the time indicator on the wall. Had I really been awake for twenty hours? Allowing my eyes to finally shut, I drifted into emptiness, save for the harmonic rhythm of the humming engine and the buzz of the laser.

[hr]

   [i]I’m back at Residence 3141. The first thing I see is her. She is just as beautiful as I remember, and yet, there is an unusual sadness about her. Her eyes, the deepest of greens, are now a puffy red. All I can think about is comforting her. Pulling her into my embrace, I feel her body heave in my grasp, and my left shoulder becomes damp. Finally she speaks, and with every word, my heart is broken.
“Why do you have to go?” I remember now. I try to stop myself, but-
“If there were any other way…” I hear myself speak. “What they’re offering me… Amnesty... A chance to see the future…”
“Even if it means leaving us, leaving me behind?” This is all my fault. Why didn’t I stop when I still could?
“I’m so sorry.” And with that, she completely breaks down. I sit with her, listening to the sobs, the broken moans, and I weep too. Or try. Because this isn’t a dream. No, this is a memory. And in this memory, I don’t cry. I try to remain stoic for her. As I sit there for what seems like hours, the world starts to crumble. And everything fades to black.

   In the darkness, I soon spot a light. Dim at first, but growing steadily stronger. As my eyes adjust, I see that I am on a barren sidewalk. And instantly, I know where I am. This is a memory from even farther back in my life. One I had buried and hoped would never be uncovered. Within the minute, a man approaches, wearing a bulletproof vest and armed with a pistol. He stands beside me, neither of us saying a word. Then another man appears, then another, then another, all armed. I look down at my side, and it confirms what I already know. Concealed in my pocket is a small, obsidian-black pistol. Finally, once everyone has gathered, the first man to show up speaks.
“Let’s move.” And with that, we begin our silent trek. Eventually, our target comes into view. The munitions compound. We reach the gate and one of the men pulls a set of tools from his backpack. He begins to work on creating an opening without setting off any alarms. While he does this, I get a better look at the compound. It is a large, dimly lit warehouse. The entrance is a steel door with a flickering light placed directly above it. There are two large garage doors on the left side of the entrance, but I already know that these are not how we enter the building. 

   There is now a hole in the fence about three feet in diameter, and two men have already crawled through. It seems like a clear shot across the flat, evenly trimmed lawn to the entrance, but we all know better. It takes roughly another hour for us to reach the door and, after disabling many security precautions, we are ready. Before we enter, the first man gives a speech, and I try to tune it out. I’ve heard it before. How after tonight, our gang will finally be able to wrest control from our rivals, how we will have free reign over not only our own territory, but soon, the entire city, et cetera. It all seems so petty in hindsight. And we couldn’t have been more wrong. The man wraps up his speech, and the door is forced open. Inside are two guards, who are dead before I can react.

   “Next one’s yours, Ray.” says our leader in a cold voice as we enter. That comment sent chills down my spine even when I first heard it, but now it is infinitely worse. After yet another hour of tedious, painstaking work, we reach the prize. The warehouse interior boasts crates of weapons lining every wall, each crate higher than myself. We begin carrying these, one for every three men, outside the fence, where a vehicle is now located, along with another two members. On my fourth trip back to the building, I try to brace myself. I know what is coming, and there is no way to stop it. I go to pick up the next box, but I notice that this one is placed farther from the wall than the others. I look behind it, and that’s when I see him. The man I kill. He is cowering behind the crate, but is immediately gripped by his shirt collar and dragged into the center of the warehouse by the tall, muscular man standing next to me. Soon, the news spreads, and suddenly I am alone in the center of a circle with the guard, who has been stripped of all his equipment. Everyone is shouting at me, and I realize I have my pistol out, lined up perfectly with the guard’s head.
“Do it.” says the leader. Unlike the rest of the group, his voice is calm, clear, and startlingly devoid of emotion. A million thoughts flash through my head, and before I can fully realize my action, I pull the trigger.[/i]

[hr]

   “Ray,” It was Ursula. “Sit up.”

   “Yeah, you probably want to hear this,” added Herb, standing above my bunk with Ursula, both of whom seemed to be in much lighter spirits than earlier. I sat up, my thoughts clearing after my disturbing dreams. Not dreams, [i]memories[/i], I mentally corrected myself.

   “We finished mining the Grigonium while you slept. There was more than Herbert or I had imagined. We’re en route to the trade center on Mars II, where you can do what you will with the your share of the earnings. If you have any questions, you know where to find me.” Ursula headed back to the bridge, leaving Herb and I together in the crew quarters.
   “Well, it was nice knowing you, Ray. They’ve got great transport service off Mars II. I’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for,” said Herb with a sigh. I had known him longer than anyone else. He was the one who discovered my cryo-pod floating through space. It was he who had first given me a home on the Godwin. And he knew where I was going. I had heard stories, but I needed to see it for myself. I needed to see Earth.

   Soon after landing on Mars II, we had already completed the trade and I had scheduled my departure with the fastest ship I could find. Now all that was left was saying goodbye. For Ursula it was a nod and handshake, but with Herb it was a bit more meaningful. He was my best friend, after all. We sat in a bar for hours as we recounted our adventures together, but eventually it was time for my flight. As I watched the Godwin vanish into the atmosphere, I felt a pang of sorrow. Soon, however, these thoughts were forced from my head as I boarded the transport ship, which had an interior design much like that of an old Earth airplane. 

   The flight itself was fairly uneventful, except for the dread that was growing like a tree in my stomach. Each minute was an hour, each hour a day. When we were nearing the time of arrival, a booming voice played through the speakers in the ceiling explained for what seemed like the hundredth time that, though we would be landing on it’s moon, Earth would still be visible through our viewports. And then I saw it, rapidly approaching. Earth. It was unrecognizable. It no longer looked like a planet, but more similar to a spherical volcano. The voice continued, explaining how Earth was devastated by nuclear war, how lucky it was that there were already so many otherworldly colonies at the time of Earth’s destruction, how the human race still managed to thrive. But I didn’t care about that. I felt sick just looking at it. My vision started to blur, and I blacked out.

[hr]

   [i]I’m back on the sidewalk. It’s still just me, none of the other men have arrived yet. I try to look down at my side, just to make sure it’s the same memory, though knowing the attempt will be futile, when I do it. I look down. This time, I’m in control. I test once again with my arms, my legs. This time, I’ll make the right choice. I see the first man approaching, the leader, and I start to run. Faster than I have before. Even though it is a dream, it feels so lifelike. I start to think about what effects this could have. The gang will come after me. They’ll kill me.

     But I keep running. This time, I have a chance at a life. This time, I will not kill anyone. I will not end up in prison. I will not become a government experiment, thrown in a cryo-tube and shot into space, all for a chance at amnesty. And this time, I’ll stay. I’ll stay with her.



   I’m back at Residence 3141. I see her again, but this time, she’s happy. When I embrace her, it isn’t to wipe away her tears. Then time fast-forwards. I see our marriage, our children, and finally, the last day. We’re still in Residence 3141, but this time we’re on our 31st floor balcony. But something is wrong. The sky is red. I realize what is happening, but I don’t feel any hate or resentment. I don’t have any regrets. I look into her eyes, and I can see she is scared. We kiss one last time as the world burns around us. And I realize that this is what I should have chosen.[/i]