A scream wakes me up. I barely have time to regain consciousness that a strong kick hit me in the flank, pushing me out of bed and out of sleep.

I quickly stand up and go back on the bed to reach where Lyra is, still screaming.

“No! Get off of me! Let me go!”

She is kicking around, trying to fight an imaginary enemy. 

“Please, no! Let me go!”

I put my hooves on her shoulders to try to calm her down. “Lyra, it’s me BonBon! You’re safe!”

“No! Please, don’t make me do this!” 

Her screams are terrifying.

“Lyra, please, calm down! I’m here! Everything’s fine.” I manage to get a good grasp on her and my inner strength pins her down. “Lyra,” I whisper. “It’s me, you’re at home. You have nothing to fear.”

Somehow, my voice reaches her mind deep in slumber. She stops fidgeting and carefully opens her eyes, as if she feared the cause of her nightmares would be waiting for her in the waking world.

“Bonnie?” Her voice is weak, her breath short.

“It’s okay Lyra,” I tell her, caressing her cheek. “I’m here.”

“Oh Bonnie!”

She throws herself on me, grabbing me in a life-saving hug. Her whole body is shaking and I try to tighten my hug.

“It’s okay,” I said. “Everything’s okay, I’m with you.”

I can almost hear the deflagration I’ve caused in the depths of her being. Slowly, she shrinks, making herself so small that I feel I could hold her entirely in my hoof. 

She whines my name again and then, she bursts into tears. 

I hold her as firmly as I can, waiting for the storm to end. I wish I could do more but I’m powerless. So I hold her and whisper the same things I’ve told her every other night.

“I… I’m sorry,” she says between two sobs.

“It’s okay sweetie.”

It is not but she doesn’t need to hear it right now. I’m exhausted from all these nights without sleep but she mustn’t see it. She needs me and I’m here. I softly kiss her and nuzzle her, proving her that the real world is here with her, with me.

Soon, her breath gets calmer and her tears run dry. 

“Want to talk about it?” I ask.

“I-I don’t know… Maybe later.” 

I hate to see her like this and I hate myself even more for not being able to help her. All my training has not prepared me to handle a broken pony. I know many ways to neutralise a threat but they have never teach me how to repair a shattered mind. But I try nonetheless. 

Seeing that it’s early in the morning, I suggest we go out for walk to watch the rising sun and she passively agrees. I tell her to wait me outside; I have something to do before, something I should have done way before.

Once I’m sure I’m out of her sight, I get the metal suitcase I have hidden below a wooden floor’s board of the living room. It is still in the same perfect condition when I left it here, slightly glistening under the moonlight. I hesitate for a moment. The Agency has been dissolved years ago and I’m not supposed to contact them except for a dire emergency and I know this isn’t one.

I grab the encrypted communicator. I almost manage to sound professional.

“Agent Drops, identification number 57A-421-99. This a code green, I repeat this a code green. I request a meeting with Big Star’s satellite. I repeat, I request a meeting with Big Star’s satellite. Rendez-vous point at Night’s impact. End of transmission.”

I shutdown the device, hoping the short call hasn’t be traced. It should be fine and to be honest, I don't really care at this point. All I care about is to find a solution.

I hide back the suitcase and meet Lyra at the frontdoor. We slowly walk to the park.

As soon as we arrive, she pulls away. I follow her to the top of the hill where we used to picnic. She sits down, putting her head between her hooves and forgets herself in a moment of eternity.

I find nothing to tell her.

We stay up here, hanging between the sky and the earth, quiet, tiny, like two specks of dust. Around us Ponyville is as beautiful as ever. I look at the dark orchard which waits the Apples to bring it light and life. I see the small river gently flowing next to the town. I watch the stars turning off as the Sun, slowly but surely, creeps behind Canterlot.

Then I look to Lyra and I feel devastated.

She is an open wound, collecting all the filth around her. I put a leg I wish to be one of a surgeon on her shoulder and try to make her look up. I've never felt the urge to fly and yet I wish I could lift her right now, away from her fears, away from her anxiety, away from all of this.

"Thank you," I hear her whisper.

I don't reply. I can't because I don't deserve her thanks. Nothing I would tell could make up for failing her, for when I wasn't there to protect her.

I should have been there, I should have come to that bloody wedding. Even more, the whole team should have been there. But no, we had to let everything go, forget our mission and start a normal life.

I don't know who I blame the most, me or the princess. She told us that she had everything under control, that the Agency has lost its purpose since she had found 'something better'.

'Something better' my flank. She must have lost contact with the real world from her ivory tower. It was only by pure luck this bug queen has been stopped but it seems it's the only thing Celestia is counting on these last times.

I'm unfair. These six mares have done better these last months than what [i]we[/i] have done for ten years.

Lost in my bitterness, I don't notice two very special ponies have arrived. It's only when one of them clear her throat that I look up.

"My little ponies," says Celestia.

Even though her voice is warm and her smile welcoming, I can see some anger in her eyes. I'm too used to her tricks to be fooled anymore but Lyra isn't.

We bow before our ruler.

"I believe you have something to tell us," she says to me.

You have no idea [i]Your Highness[/i].

"But for now, I think your friend needs to talk with my sister," she says tilting her head towards Lyra.

Lyra's eyes look at me, questioning what is going on and what she is supposed to do.

I give her a smile I want reassuring and soon she follows Luna. Funny how the pony we once feared the return is now probably the best answer for my friend.

I turn my head and face the almighty Celestia once they are far away. She doesn't hide her anger now. She even looks disappointed. I'm bracing for the incoming lecture but she has only one word and that makes it even worse.

"Why?"

I have sworn I was used to her presence but I was fooling myself and now I realise it. I have so many things boiled up inside, so many speeches I want to spit in her face but I'm talking to the Sun. I feel it would be like spitting against the wind. Not the cleverest idea.

"She was needing it," I can only say.

"Agent Drops, you have risked compromising the whole Agency with this call and for a selfish reason."

She hasn't raise her voice, she has merely stated a fact, but I can sense every word biting my skin.

"Selfish?" 

I want to deny but I know it's true. So instead I use my anger and charge blindly ahead.

"Yes indeed, it was selfish," I say. "But I deserve to be selfish for once. I spend half of my life wandering around Equestria trying to fix [i]your[/i] mistakes." I hear my voice is getting louder but I can't help it. "I've lost track how many times I almost die because of you! I was okay with it because I thought I was helping making Equestria a safer place. Heck, you could even resurrect the team that I would be the first to sign up again."

Celestia settles for listening and it makes me angrier.

"But now [i]your[/i] mistake have involved the pony [i]I[/i] care about the most! Do you have any idea what she is living every night? Do you know what it takes to lie to her not only on who I am but also why she has to go through all of this? Every night, every single night, she wakes up screaming for help! And I can't tell her she has nothing to fear because the one she fears isn't rotting in a cell! She is freely walking Equestria, scheming another coup d'etat. And all of this because friendship is supposed to save the day every time?”

She opens her mouth but I don’t let her carry on.

“Flash news, friendship can’t solve everything. I hope your prized student is aware of that fact or else she’s gonna fall from a very tall height.”

“Don’t dare tell me how I should handle my student agent Drops,” she retorts.

“Well somepony should because we saw how it has ended with the last one.” She staggers under the low blow but I’m not done yet. “What was her name? Ah yes, Sunset! The one who was supposed to fix your biggest mis-”

“Enough!”

Her word is a gunshot, tearing the fabric of my anger. Even the ground doesn’t dare to move. Her eyes pierce through my skin but I stand high, because for the very first time, she is really seeing me.

“Walk with me,” she says.

So we walk quietly through the park and no one speaks. I got it off my chest, I have nothing else to feel but a passive acceptation.

“You need to understand some things,” she finally says. “Times have changed and there isn’t any reason anymore for some ponies to put their life on the line. Something greater has awaken, greater than anything we had before.”

“Let me guess, friendship?” I groan.

“Yes and no. Friendship has always shaped Equestria and its inhabitants but it has taken a whole new meaning now that the Elements have arisen. It is up to us to follow the wind of change and believe in Harmony.”

“Believe?” I asked.

She must have sensed my disbelief. Her voice becomes smoother.

“Yes, believe. The time when Equestria needed ponies to dedicate their life to its protection has come to an end. And I’m glad that this era is over. I have witnessed too many good ponies hurting and dying for the greater good. That’s enough. Dying is the worst favour you could make for a cause because, above the wreckage and the sacrifices, there will inevitably be vultures smart enough to pretend to be phoenixes. They won’t hesitate to gather the martyrs’ ashes and make it fertiliser for their garden. I can’t stand it, not anymore.”

“Is this why you have taken so long before answering the bell?”

“Maybe. I didn’t want their abnegation to lose their meaning. I have sticked to the way I thought was the better but I was wrong. I have realised it and it is thank to you, Agent Drops.”

I look at her, dubious.

“After the Bugbear incident and the loss of Straight Jacket, I saw how eager you were to throw yourself at the chase of this monster.” She stops and I see a dark pit blowing its contents. “I have failed you, I have failed your companions and I have failed Equestria. I decided to dissolve the Agency in order to not repeat the same mistake. I had thought about doing it before and the Bugbear incident gave me the perfect pretext. I had hoped you’d be able to come back to an ordinary life but it seems all these years have left a deep mark on you.”

The light fades and her voice is a whisper.

“Will you be able to forgive me?”

“Fo-forgive… you?” It’s my turn to stagger. I want to go back to yelling at her but I feel that I need to be calm for what I have to say. I take a deep breath and keep my head low. “No, I won’t. I can’t forgive you.” I raise my head and face the Sun. “Forgiving you would mean to spit on the time I’ve spent serving Equestria. Forgiving you would mean to forget what Straight Jacket has done for us.” My breath gets shorter. “Forgiving you would mean to disown what I believed in. You may be ready to accept it but I’m not and I will never be. I can’t.”

“And what can [i]I[/i] do?”

“Nothing else. It’s up to your sister now.”

The Sun has sung, the curtain falls but there is no crowd for cheers, only me and my painful stubbornness leaving the scene. But the fat lady wants to do an encore.

“You know, even if you don’t believe in Harmony, I think it is no coincidence you chose to live in Ponyville. Just go talk to my student when you’ll be ready.”

I don’t even turn around to nod because, despite everything, I know she is right. I’m on the way to meet up with the reason why she is right.

I find Lyra at the top of the same hill, her back facing me. Her shoulders are low but her head is high. She is gazing at the other Sun, the one that has never failed.

“Are you okay?” I whisper, putting a hoof on her shoulder.

She turns her head and I see a star reborn. “I-I think… Yes…” 

I put a small kiss on her nuzzle and her smile send me into orbit.

I can’t help my voice from shaking. “Let’s go home.”