“Oh sure, because I totally went and brought a chameleon-alien-monster-thing into the space station. [i]Sure[/i] I did.” Sarcastic confession: always works. “Quinn, don’t even joke,” said Captain Mono. Frankly, she wouldn’t recognize a joke if it bit her nose off. “It’s just nerves. Let him be,” said Professor Quad in her soft, breathy, lovely voice. “Nerves? Rubbish. The idiot’s feeling guilty because he was supposed to be on watch at the portal,” said Dai. He was Head of Security and therefore itching to behead any insecure members of his team. “Poor Quinn.” Bless Professor Quad for saying that; it [i]was[/i] a little hard on me. “Do you want to talk about it?” “No, thanks,” I said gently. “Look,” Dai snapped. “Let’s just split up and go look for this thing, alright?” “What does it look like?” Quad trembled. “Stupid question.” Dai hefted a megaton stunner cannon as easily as a handgun. “Chemical analysis of the residue indicates it’s chameleonic,” said Captain Mono. “It could be anything. A wastepaper basket. A light fitting. A shoe.” “One of us,” said Dai. Quad swallowed. Poor Quad. “One of us…?” She went pale. I rolled my eyes. She really, really would fall apart without me. Dai rounded on me. “Sergeant Quinn, you have the thermal goggles?” “Here,” I said. “Why did you want them again—” “The thing can’t hide its heat signature, right? Everyone: Take a stunner, knock it out, chuck it back through the portal. Any questions?” Quad opened her mouth to rattle off a list. Dai glared at her until she shut it again. Thus armed for a hell of a hellstorm, we went our merry ways. I changed as soon as I was out of sight. Sometimes holding a fake form is a drag. [hr] It started back when the portal first opened up near me. I was chilling, soaking up the swamp, eyeing up a few pyro-gnats for supper. Next thing I knew, I heard human voices and this swirling light thingy blinded me. What an experience. An annoying one first: I grabbed the first guy I could find behind the portal and asked him what was going on. I disguised myself as him and explored the space station. Pretty cool setup. Insta-beds, automatic coffee, adjustable nano-climates… Hell better than some nasty old swamp. At least nothing tried to eat me. I asked. Quad said they were testing some hyper-portal technology, hence my mix-up. I kept the disguise. Kept close to her. Everything was going well for a few weeks. Sure, people noticed the odd quirk here and there: eating flies, slurring my speech when I wasn’t concentrating. Nothing alarm-inducing. Except when I was careless and lost form in my sleep. Normally, that wasn’t a problem. I had my own bed, the lights turned off every night, there were no cameras in our private quarters. Only this time, I wasn’t in my bed. I was sort of in the lab. With Quad. And for totally… private reasons, I lost concentration. Not for long. No one spotted me. But I have a tendency to ooze through my skin when I’m… let’s discreetly say “excited” … and Mono found the residue later. Now I’m hunting myself in a space station with trigger-happy humans. I sighed. I’d had my fun. I hefted the stunner, tampering with its safety settings. No point going half-baked. Still, it’d be a shame for Quad. She’d been an experience. Kindness. A reason to stay if I could. It wouldn’t be fair on her. [hr] The cameras now offline, I closed the electro-maintenance hatch and traipsed into the hyper-portal testing chamber. Should the jig be well and truly up, I’d prepared a contingency plan. I stepped through. Swamp, swamp, disgusting old swamp. As I trudged through the muck, hoping it’d get better with time, I thought of those humans. Captain Mono was a tired old bore and Dai was a pain in the ass, but Quad. Quad had told me so much. She’d liked having me around. She’d said, “Oh, Quinn, I’m so happy you’re finally taking an interest.” Don’t believe this didn’t kill me. But she’d changed me somehow, in a way I wasn’t familiar with. I owed her. This had gone too far. I found the real Quinn still in my nest, wrapped in webbing. He screamed the whole time. Ungrateful ape! I even remembered to nip through and feed him stolen human food every day, and he never stopped complaining. I’m going [i]soft[/i]. Still, I hauled him through the portal, told him some cock-and-bull story to feed the others, and left him the sabotaged stunner. There. Now he couldn’t tear ass trying to follow me. For good measure, I knocked him out anyway. If my experiences were anything to go by, he’d been a piss-poor boyfriend before me. And now I’m back in this disgusting swamp, wondering how Quad was going to fare without me. At least she’d know the truth. I owed her that much. Still. [i]Humanity[/i]. I tried wiping my mind clean of the emotions and memories. Nice enough place to visit, but I’d had my fun. I’d had far more than I deserved. I couldn’t live a lie forever. Not for Quad. The portal closed. I really had picked up too much from the humans. Minutes later, it occurred to me my final noble plan had been really, really, really damn stupid.