Tartarus. Stygian abyss within which no sane soul dared tread. Yet, deep within the black pits, far below the spouting magma vents and toxic sulfurous air, a lone shadow crept forth. Slow, unsteady, carefully making their way between rough-hewn onyx walls. Hoofsteps echoed down the central spire, towards a black cave lit within by eerie emerald corpselight torches.

    It was to this cave the figure skulked, wearing but a cloak, only glowing ruby coals to mark its eyes. Slow, measured steps into the flickering interior, wherein shadows danced upon the walls, wherein the low howls of the Wardens turned to echoing thunder to those below.

    The path was a long, winding passage. The traveller made their way deeper, till coming to a closed, wooden door. Simple, unadorned, and quite out of place with the rest. A hand rose upwards, curled into a fist, and rapped thrice upon the wood.

    [b]Knock! Knock! Knock![/b]

    Hinges squealed in protest as the door opened, and a capric head peered forth. “[b]Who dares trespass upon-[/b]...Oh. Hello, Tirek. Well, come in, then.”

    Lord Tirek drew back his hood to expose his sunken features. “And well met to you, Grogar of Tambelon. How many more are to come?”

    The old goat pulled the door fully open. A chamber waited, containing within the greatest of evils Equestria had ever known. The Shade of Sombra. The mad Archlich Nok’Toth. The thousand-tentacled deepfisher, Angoliant. The enchantress Lady Katrina, who turned her slitted emerald eyes upon Tirek, and bade him come forth. Above them all loomed the fallen dragon lord Shatterfang the Terrible, betrayer of his people. A half-dozen familiar faces, and one other. One Tirek did not recognize. A writhing mass of deep shadows whose innards flashed in octarine storms, one to rival Shatterfang in size.

    “You are the last to arrive,” said Grogar.

    “You have purrfect timing, Tirek,” lilted Katrina, “For we were just about to begin without you."

    “Not all of us have your grace and speed, Lady Katrina. The Wardens have taken great interest in this region, today, and so I found myself...delayed.”

    “No matter,” came a deep, bass rumble to vibrate the bones themselves. Shatterfang leaned his head downwards, and leered, exposing legions of gleaming fangs. “For we have a newcomer amongst us, today. He shall begin this meeting, and so I call this, the fourteenth Gathering to order.”

    All heads turned towards the shifting shadows, which drew tightly upon themselves. Out slithered a bulbous, dripping, reptilian head, a dozen eyestalks and three drooling mouths dripping acid that hissed as it ate into the stone below.

    “I am Hak’Tak the Ancient, Traveller Between the Void, Devourer of the Just, the Last Dirge, and this is the tale of how I was to consume this world.”

[hr]

    The unnatural storm gathered about the boiling lake as Hak’Tak dragged his great slimy bulk free of the void between realities. Within a hundred yards of him, all light died away, dragged into his shadows to be devoured as fuel for unnatural magics. This pitiful world would be but a morsel amidst the dozens he had already devoured! The inhabitants were but peaceful creatures and he would relish their screams as he consumed their souls and sucked the marrow from their skeletons! Already, the sky rained blood and -

    Something struck upon the slimy scales of his brow. He turned his terrible gaze downwards, to induce insanity within whatever impudent mortal dared stand against him. There was but one lone, pink, pony who stood there, and stared back.

    “So!” she growled at him. Hak'Tak did not understand! Where was the fear? The maddened begging? The screaming? “So! I bet you think this is an important day for us, don’t you? Well, let me tell you something, mister! Perhaps last time, your arrival was the most significant event in that world’s history. Perhaps the day you crossed their path was the most important day of their life. But for me? It is Tuesday. My name is Pinkie Pie. And you? Because of [b]you[/b], I haven't had time for breakfast!”

    That was the last thing Hak’Tak the Ancient remembered before, for the first time in his ageless aeons of existence, he knew pain.

[hr]

    “And the next thing I recall, I was here,” he finished. “My name is Hak’Tak the Ancient, and I too have been felled by the Elements of Harmony.”

    “Hi, Hak’Tak the Ancient,” chorused the choir of would-be world-enders, conquerers, and other assorted evils. “Welcome to Archvillains Anonymous.”