[center][b]Welcome, Dans![/b][/center]
	
Dan stared at the banner, annoyance on his face. 
	
[i]Bad enough I have to come here[/i], he thought. [i]Didn’t need them to misspell my name[/i].
	
He took a breath and turned the doorknob. A slight creak emanated from the door as he stepped inside. 
	
The red carpet covered the whole floor, with Bibles and kneeling pillows filling the edges of the room. Wooden crosses hung from the room's sides, their mahogany tones clashing with the wall's bland white color. In the center of the room sat the group, lounging on metal folding chairs that stood in a loose circle. Only one was empty, Dan’s designated spot for the next hour.  
	
The people turned to face him. Dan shifted his head, looking down toward the floor. 
	
“Dan,” a female voice said. A calm warmth filled her words. “Thank you for joining us.” 
	
Dan nodded and made his way forward, face still glued to the floor. He sat in the empty chair as expeditiously as possible.  
	
“Well, now that Dan’s here, we can get started,” the woman said. “Dan, would you like to go first?” 
	
Dan sighed. “Do I have to?”
	
“Not if you don’t want to. We can come back to you later, when you’re more comfortable.”

“No, I’ll go now.” He sat back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. “Hey. My name is Dan.”
	
“Hello, Dan,” the group murmured back. 
	
“I’m here because I committed assault while under the influence. I don-“
	
“Would you mind looking at us, Dan?” the woman said. 
	
He eyes stayed on the ceiling. “I don’t want to.”

“Why not?” 
	
“Well…this is supposed to be anonymous, right? Should I be looking at your faces?”
	
Light chuckles filled the room. 
	
“I wouldn’t worry about that, Dan. We all live very far away. It’s unlikely you’ll run into us outside of this meeting.”
	
“Well, still…”
	
“Alright. I can see you’re a little uncomfortable, so we’ll let everyone else speak, then come back to you, alright?”

Dan nodded.

“Hello, my name is Dan,” another male voice said.  

Dan looked to his right. [i]Weird, he sounded just like m-[/i]

It was him, Dan, sitting next to himself. The same face, same build. Only the longer hair and blue jeans differentiated him. 

Dan sat up. “What the hell?” 

“What’s wrong, Dan?” the woman said. 

“He…he looks just like me,” Dan said. 

“Why shouldn’t he? He’s Dan too, isn’t he?” 

He turned his head toward her. “What do you-?”  

She was Dan as well. Not exactly, of course; the breasts and feminine curves clashed too much with his own body type. But the facial structure, the hair color...

His eyes darted between the rest of the group. 

They were all him. Save a different hairstyle or two and the varying clothes, they’d be mistaken for twins in the street. 

Dan shot out of his chair. “What the hell is this?!” 

“Dan, calm down,” Female Dan said.

“You’re me!” he cried out. 

“Well, of course we’re you,” she said. “That’s the whole point.”

Dan shook his head in disbelief. “I-I just came here for an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting!”

The Dans looked at each other for a moment. 

Then they all burst out laughing.

“Oh, Dan!” Female Dan said between guffaws. “This is [i]Alternates[/i] Anonymous!”

“What?” Dan said. 

“Alternates Anonymous! It’s where all the alternate versions of yourself meet to discuss their issues!” 

Dan only stared, dumbstruck. The rest of the group laughed for a few more moments, before subsiding to a few loose giggles.

“But…” Dan's mind raced for an excuse for escape. “…I need to be at Alcoholics Anonymous! I’ll go back to jail if I-“

“Don’t worry, Dan,” Female Dan said with a smile. “We’ve taken care of it. Our meetings will count as the therapy Judge Reinhold ordered.”

“Ah…?” he said, his hands gesticulating in wild motions. 

Female Dan gestured toward the seat. “Please, sit back down. You need to get to know yourselves.” 

Dan inched back to the chair, glancing at the others in brief spurts. He eased back down into the seat. 

“Alright,” Female Dan said. “Let’s start again, with clearer minds and no misconceptions.” 

All the Dans nodded in agreement. 

“Hello, all. My name’s Dan…” the Dan to Dan’s right began again. 

Dan didn’t listen to his introduction, nor anybody else’s. He just stared into the distance, trapped in his own confusion. It was the only thing in this place that was exclusively his.