The reticle rested on the woman’s forehead as his fingers hovered over the button.  A statuesque, asian lady, she looked innocuous enough, but then, the best of them always did.  The briefcase was a dead giveaway, though the dump truck was out of place. 

“Grandpa, stop!”

Neither the voice behind him nor the patter of approaching footsteps made the wizened figure so much as blink as he kept his eyes glued to the monitor.  “Don't worry, Emily. I'm not going to take out the mailbox. Damn salesmen never learn.”

“She's not selling anything! I invited her here.”

Wade frowned and looked away from the monitor.  “Are you sure? She looks like a salesman. You know, when I gave you authorization to let people in, I meant for crushes and groupies, not salesmen.”

“I already said - She's not a salesperson,” Emily sputtered, color creeping into her cheeks. “Or a groupie.  She's a world renowned anti-hoarding expert.”

Wade crossed his arms. “Hoarding? I'm not hoarding! I'm well-prepared!”

“You can barely turn around in here.”

“Well, excuse me for living in an underground bunker.”

Emily gave him a look.  “That's part of the whole problem. If you'd just live in a house like someone normal, then clutter wouldn't be such of an issue.”

“What about my suit, then? Is drywall going to keep it safe against another horde of mutant goons?”

Emily ignored him to glance at the screen, where the woman had just turned to leave. Nudging him aside, she reached for the microphone.

“Sorry about the wait, Maggie.”

The woman looked around, her eyes widening.  “Emily, is that you?  I was starting to think I was in the wrong place.” 

“No, you’re fine, just stay there.  I’ll be right up.”

Emily hurried up the stairs, with Wade muttering afterwards.

“Anti-hoarding. This is a terrible idea.”

“You agreed to it.”

“I didn't think you were serious.”



“You should only keep the things that bring you joy.”

“You've said that several times now,” Wade huffed.

“Is it any less true?”

He shuffled his feet.  “Look, I'll admit that you were right about the tupperware.”

“No two lids matched.”  

Wade ignored the smirk in Emily's voice as he plowed on.  “And the carpet samples. I'll even admit that I might have held onto more used magazines than strictly necessary.”

“Even if they were repairable, you could shoot for hours and not run dry.”

“Since when is that a bad thing? But no, I'm getting distracted. That's not the point.  The point is the Vault!” he exploded, gesturing wildly back around them.  “This is ridiculous!”

“Oh?”  Emily pursed her lips.  “What's so ridiculous about paring down things you never use?”  She pointed to a gnarled staff leaning up against the wall.  Its delicate circuitry was almost hidden beneath a layer of dust. “What about that? Have you ever used it?”

“The sibilant staff of Saboria? Of course not! That's an ancient artifact!”

“So, does it bring you joy?”

“That's not the question.”

“But you've never used it.”

“The Saborians are long gone. The staff is irreplaceable.”

“It looks like it could've been replaced by a cardboard cutout, for all the good it's done you.  This one?”

“The potion nullifies magic flight.”

“But you defeated Lord Dodax, and it's undrank.”

“Well, I kept waiting for the right moment, and then we'd suddenly won.”

“So what use is it to you, then?  How many of these have you actually used?”

Wade gestured to a rifle at one end. 

“It's covered in dust like the rest.”

“The bullets were all Dwarven forged - there's only one left.”



The last item clattered onto the tottering heaps in the back of the truck, the door slammed and the truck finally sped away down the wooded lane. 

“I can't believe you let her take all that.”

“We've been over this.”

The dust settled to reveal something lying in the road. 

“I'll be damned. That's a mask and wig.”  Wade threw back his head and laughed. “That was the Trickster, wasn't it?”

Emily's own gaze was locked on her shoes.  “I'm so foolish.  What do we do now?”

“She may have tricked us, but what she said wasn't completely wrong.  All I ever needed was my sword and my resolve. And now I have you to help.”

“If you'll still have me.”

Wade grinned, turning back to the stairs.  “Of course I will.  Now, come on - it's nice and roomy down there, so we'll have an easy time planning.”