Twilight grins at me. “Another great party, Pinkie, as always.”

“Of course!” Oops, that sounds like bragging. “I’m just happy when my friends are happy.” Nice save! “And nothing says ‘happy’ like ‘party’!” Wait, that isn't true; parties can’t speak. Also, I can say “happy” pretty well. Can I say “happy” better than a party can? Eek, possibly. I won’t say so, though; no need to hurt its feelings.

Focus, filly! There’s drinks unfilled and games unplayed. Speaking of which, that there pardner just gone finished her vittles. Hee hee hee. Should I talk with an accent? Omigosh, I totally should! Gonna do it!

“Well howdy thar, missy,” I go ‘n’ say to that’n. “Don’tcha worry ya pretty lil’ head none, y’hear? Ah’ll getcha sum more them thar grub, faster ‘n you kin flog a walrus with a garden gnome.” Flawless.

“Uh.” Applejack stares at me and raises her eyebrow. She’s speechless! “You don’t think [i]I[/i] actually sound like that, do ya?” Shoot. Oh well. Don’t give up, Ms. Pie! Practice makes perfect. Oops, she’s still staring.

“No-no-no, just practicing my voice acting.” That’s actually partially true. “Anywhozit, want another fritter?”

She’s smiling again. “Thank ya kindly, Pinkie. I’d love one.” [i]Yes.[/i] That’s gotta be like plus-nine friendship points with AJ. At this rate I should still be able to unlock the Applejack Good End. I’ll get the fritter, and she can keep talking with those ponies. “So anyway, like I was sayin’, we’re puttin’ in a new retaining wall.” Limestone would probably be a good choice.

Huh? I shake my head. That was weird.

“Truth be told,” she continues while scratching her head, “I never built one before. I figure though, how hard can it be? Just gotta stack a buncha boulders, right?” Gravity walls are often effective for short-lived projects if constructed well. For projects that must stand the test of time, consider a cantilevered wall.

Okay. Random factoids in my head. Not gonna freak out! Random is normal, right? A day in the life of one Pinkamena Diane Responsibility Malory Pie. Fritter! Let’s get that fritter. Not gonna freak out.

“I’m glad you like it,” I hear Rarity say. Oops, I didn't say “hi” to her yet, have I? Okay, quick stop here, then fritter. That’s practically a checklist. Twilight would be so proud of me right now. Always the best party host, I is. Yes I is. “I decided to line the trim of my outfit with sapphires.” Half-carat each. Ten bits per stone. Southwest fields are your best bet. “And for the brooch here, I found this positively [i]dazzling[/i] peridot.” Seventy-five carats, easily. Trillion facet cut. No visible inclusions from this far away.

My head hurts. I try to shake it clear. The kitchen. Fritters. An excellent host. Not gonna freak out. I pump my hoof and put on my “SRS BSNS” face. I can do this.

Twilight’s talking  with her parents. “—and the Princess wanted me to study this interesting basalt sample she acquired from Mount Ponée.” An igneous rock containing less than twenty percent quartz. Can sell from anywhere between eight and fourteen bits per ton, depending on fragment size.

No! Make a break for the kitchen. It’s the only place left that’s safe. Run past the blaring speakers. I don’t see her, but I recognize Vinyl’s voice. “This music rocks!” Rock and roll: the music of Tartarus. It compels young colts and fillies to disrespect their parents and to have late-night tickle fights and to roll around in poison joke. Unsuitable music for harvest season.

I’m almost there. Almost where it’s safe. Dashie’s by the door. I know that I can trust her. “And then [i]bam[/i]! We blast Discord with the Elements.” No. “Now’s he’s trapped in stone.” No-no-no. Dashie smirks at the other pony and puts on her sunglasses. “He’s shouldn’t have taken us [i]for granite[/i].”

I scream. I think I see Dashie start to gallop to my side before I pass out.