“Noooooo!” Repu screamed as he tore open the door to the emergency bunker downstairs. His pale face was covered in sweat and desperation as he threw a backpack filled with survival gear down the basement. “Obama won! It’s game-over man, game-over!”

His wife, Demi, facepalmed. “Repu, why are you throwing our camping gear down the basement?”

“Quick Demi!” Repu shouted to his wife. “We need to get food and water and everything! We gotta get in there before he starts WW3!”

Demi facepalmed again. “You’re overreacting.”

“No I’m not!” Repo screamed. “This is a perfectly normal reaction! Hitler x20 million is president!”

“Obama is not Hitler. You’re just saying that because your side lost,” she replied.

Repu turned flailed in a frenzied panic, “It’s more then that! You heard what he’s said. He’s gonna grab our guns and throw all the whites in prison! We need to take shelter now before it’s too late! There’s gonna be civil-war in the streets! Order is going to break down!”

Demi sighed and crossed her arms. “You’re being irrational.”

“I’m perfectly rational here. Four years of his policies will ruin everything!”

“It won’t, Repu. Let’s just say if he is terrible nobody will put up with it and he’ll quickly become a lame duck who gets kicked out in four years…” Demi said.

“Yeah, but not before he blows up the world when the commies tell him to!”

“The newly elected president is not a pawn of Russia.”

“Yes he is! He’s a know-nothing manchurian candidate pawn to the communists and Russians! He’s gonna cause WW3! He started his career with communists, and Putin said he wants him to be president! Obama is a pawn to dark forces!”

“That’s what I said about Bush and the oil companies,” Demi muttered to herself. She shook off smug thoughts to try to calm her husband down. “Obama’s not stupid. Stop freaking out, no mature adult would ever act this way.”

Demi watched her husband’s panic as she watched him toss canned food (actually dogfood) down the staircase. It was time for this to stop. She reached out and hugged her husband.

“Listen, honey....it’s gonna be alright, okay?”

Demi’s embrace stopped Repu in his mad tracks, he looked at his lovely wife. 

“Let me say this. I know you didn’t vote for him, and I’m sorry for rubbing it in your face earlier dear. I know you don’t like him, but Obama’s like us: an American. No matter what he does he’s not going to wreck the economy or end the world. In order to become president you have to be really good at what you do, and you surround yourself with the people and knowhow in order to make the gears of the world turn. When it comes down to making the right choices, he’ll make them, just like we would if we were in his shoes. You while you might not get the political changes you want right now, he’ll make sure the country is still in one piece.”

“I know...I just really wanted the republicans to win.”

“Like I did the democrats. We both really wanted our side to win and we invested so much emotion into this. But that’s what these things are years apart. After all this madness, we both need to take a step back away from politics so we can go back to our lives, not the lives of washington politicians. What he does isn’t going to drastically change our lives. We control our own lives honey, nobody else.”

Silence.

“Honey… am I overreacting?” 

“Yes dear, yes you are.”

“....is it because I’m drunk?” Repu said, followed by a hiccup.

Demi hiccuped right after him. “Yes it is dear. We need to stop buying drinks on election night. Come to bed, okay? Just remember, it's just an election. Tomorrow we’ll clean this mess and we’ll watch some Tv and hear a few jems from somebody funny, like that Trump guy.”

Repu hugged his wife and nuzzled her cheek. “I soooo, so married the right...well, left girl.” 

The two laughed. Demi kissed Repu on the cheek and threw her arm around her husband. “What would you do without me? I’m the rational one after all.”


-------------- [ eight years later] ------------


“Noooooo!” Demi screamed as she tore open the door to the basement. “Trump won! It’s game-over man, game-over!”

Her husband, Repu, facepalmed. [i]I'd so never act like this, it's just an election... [/i]