Twilight stared. Discord stared back. Derpy stared nowhere in particular.

"You know," Discord twirled his beard, "this reminds me of the time I conquered Equestria. The odds were stacked against me. Celestia had just found her magic jewelry collection and—"

"Your tricks won't work, Discord!" Twilight deadpanned. "I have spent months analyzing your behaviour. I've read everything written about you! The Starswirl chronicles, the Platinum scrolls, even Princess Celestia's personal diary."

Gasps filled the room. Seventy-five percent of all eyes focused on Twilight. [i]How could you read somepony's diary?![/i] They accused her silently. [i]You need serious help. Have you considered therapy? Science can do wonders nowadays.[/i]

"I-I-it was just this one time!" Twilight stammered. "The Princess would understand. It was for a noble cause! You see that, right? Right?" She looked about in search of support.

"Does your future wife know about this obsession you have?" Discord grinned. It was just like him to exploit every weakness. "What would Rarity think if she were to find out she was marrying a mare who read others’ diaries?"

"It was just one diary, okay?!" Twilight's face turned red as a radish. "And if you whisper a word of this, I'll turn you to stone [i]and[/i] I'll tell Celestia you read through it as well!" [i]Time to turn the tables.[/i]

"Hey, it was only for research purposes!" The draconequus literally shrunk in size. "Besides, it was for the good of all Equestria! Not something a startup princess such as [i]you[/i] would understand!"

"Err, maybe we should stop?" Derpy suggested cautiously. "I have to get Jumpy from kindergar—"

"It's not even five o'clock!" Twilight's snapped, cutting her off. [i]Sorry, Derpy, but Discord has to be put in his place.[/i] "I understand far more than you think, you so-called god of chaos! Next you'll suggest we up the stakes."

"Well, if you are so convinced, why don't we up the—" Discord stopped. Like a foal caught stealing from the cookie jar, he frowned, pouted, then curled up in his chair. [i]Nice try, but I know it's an act.[/i] Twilight narrowed her eyes. The information she had painstakingly gathered was paying off. Next he would try to create a diversion. "Derpy, I was wondering if I could ask for a tinsy-winsy favour?" Discord smiled widely.

"Glass of water?" Derpy offered, reaching for the mug of water on the table.

"Err, not this time." The draconequus waved a paw dismissively. "A glass of [i]lemons[/i] with a touch of lightning," he said to Derpy's surprise. Still, the good host the pegasus was, she dashed into the kitchen to indulge him.

Twilight felt her wings tense up. This was it. The moment of truth. She knew Discord was about to cheat. Actually, she had conditioned him to do so. All her taunts, all the innocent remarks, long before they even entered Derpy's house had been for that precise purpose. [i]Just go for it and see what happens.[/i]

"Here you go!" Derpy flew back from the kitchen with a glass of lightning bolts. "I used up all the lemons for muffins, sorry." She smiled sheepishly, as she handed the "drink" to Discord.

"Enough!" Twilight stood up, knocking her chair down in the process. "We end this now!"

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Discord smiled, then swallowed the glass of lightning bolts. "Three Wonderbolts." He put the cards confidently on the table.

"Ha! Three Princesses!" Twilight shouted victorious. "Who's number one now?"

"Celestial flush," Derpy announced happily, adding her cards to the rest. "I win."

"No!" Twilight gaped in horror. "But, but my research... I analyzed everything..."

"Guess you two will babysit Jumper this week again. Talking about Jumper..." Derpy glanced at the clock on the wall. "Must rush! Please clean up for me!" She dashed out of the room.

"Oh well, we were warned." Discord shrugged, patting the still traumatized Twilight on the shoulder. "We'll have to do better next time. You and Rares okay taking the first half of the week? I have this chaos tournament Monday."

"I even stole my mentor's diary," Twilight wept. "Celestia is going to kill me. [i]Rarity[/i] is going to kill me! And I guaranteed I'd win this time."

"Hey, look on the bright side." Discord snapped his fingers. The cards stood up and started marching to the center of the table. "I mentioned our poker nights to Celestia and she said she'd come next time."

"Princess Celestia will be joining?" Twilight's eyes grew wide. [i]Derpy will break her like a kitkat...[/i]