Finally, the gallant Knight had no other quests to finish, no other townspeople to save, no other roads he had to travel.  For there, in the gaping cave he was staring into, was the beautiful Princess, captured and held hostage by the horrendous Dragon.  It was very dark, but that was no problem; he carried a torch with him, as any responsible knight would.  A sore itched in his mouth, and he frowned at the taste of blood.

The cave was big, and seemed to grow bigger as the Knight looked at it, though that may have been because his trusty Steed was carrying him on.  A deep, reverberating breath echoed through the cavern.  It seemed that the dragon's horde was endless, with gold, jewels, and treasures heaped everywhere he could find.  A lesser knight may have been tempted to steal from its horde, but the Knight decided that the dragon was the real prize; or rather, the prestige of slaying one was.

As the gallant Knight walked in further, a sense of absolute fear crept upon his gut.  There were times when he trusted his gut, and there were times when he realized that trusting his gut would lead to something very bad.  He delivered a soft but sharp kick to his Steed, which stopped and whinnied softly, as if to say, "Geez, I was waiting for you to do that!"  (Upon his return, some sources claimed that the horse actually had said that in horse-speak; unfortunately, those sources consisted of a bat, a cracker, and a drop of water, all of which have been beheaded.)  The fearless Knight dismounted - less than gracefully, but that is to be expected when wearing a full set of armor - and put his ear next to a wall.

He heard the sound of the fine Princess panting, obviously endangered by the Dragon (who may have been panting as well, but not much is known about dragons anyways).  He backed away from the wall, and yelled in as manly and loud a voice he could muster, "Fear not, my Princess!  For I, the Knight, have come to save you!"

Any further speech he planned to say was interrupted by the monstrous Dragon roaring throughout the cave.

There were times when he doubted his gut, and there were times when he acknowledged that doubting his gut would lead to something very bad.

He ran.



The lucky Knight was very lucky indeed; he made it out of the cave before the Dragon could trap him.  Of course, he was still a Knight fighting a Dragon, which was perhaps the definition of a lopsided fight.  The Knight and his trusty Steed saw the horrible Dragon behind him, and charged -

The Knight and his traitorous Steed continued running away.  Or rather, they charged in the opposite direction that the Knight intended to.  He was fully considering leaping off of his rebellious horse and charging himself when the Princess appeared in the mouth of the cave, looking horrified.  As the Dragon loomed over him, most likely to pick his body parts from his body, the Princess did the only thing she could think of doing, and let out a shrill scream.

The Dragon paused, turning, and the quick-thinking Knight notched an arrow, and sent it directly through the Dragon's mouth.

To be fair, it was on the small side.

"Fear not, my Princess!  For I, the Knight -"

Any further speech he planned to say was interrupted by the ashen face of the Princess staring at the still-twitching dragon.

[hr]

The sullen Princess had not said a single word on the ride back to the castle, and frankly, the confused Knight had no clue what to say to her.  There were a couple of times when he tried to say something, mostly romantic advances, but they all ended in awkward silences when the Princess didn't say anything, and the Knight felt bad for not being able to say anything.

Now, finally, they and their tired Steed arrived back at the King's castle, Dragon in tow.  The victorious Knight, of course, was not thinking about the late hour, and so woke up the whole city by shouting, "I have slain the Dragon and rescued the Princess!"

To which most of the town shouted back, "Go away, you religious numbnut!"  But the ones on the streets nearest him saw the frightful Dragon lying in the streets, and exclaimed, "It is true!  The Knight has slain the Dragon and rescued the Princess!"

Of course, that caused a ruckus, one which forced the King to get up.  People loved the King, but they feared him early in the morning.

The King shouted, "What's the ruckus?!"

And the town cried, "The Princess has been rescued!  The Dragon has been slain!"

There was a long silence.  The townspeople looked at nowhere in particular, the Knight began to feel his face getting hotter, the Dragon continued to be unconscious, and the sleeping Princess fell off the horse.  She made a muffled "thud".  A cricket chirped, just because it could.  Footsteps approached them; it was the grand King, running in all his glory in six-inch shoes and a giant crown.

He cried, "It is true!  The Knight has slain the Dragon!  The Knight has rescued the Princess!"

And the town cheered.  Partially because their Princess had been rescued, and partially because they knew that day was going to be a very good day.

[hr]

It was.  A feast was held, but only for the landowners.  The townspeople did have a mandatory day off, direct orders from the crown.  This was special; days off were normally ignored at weekends and reserved at holidays.

The brave Knight and stunning Princess, though, were not happy.  One was not happy because the other was not happy, and the other was not happy because she was back at the Kingdom.  They were both absent from the festivities because they were seeing each other.

A sample of their conversation: "What's wrong, dear Princess?  I have saved you from that monstrous dragon."

"Oh, dear Knight, I am very pleased you have saved me."

"And I am pleased you are pleased.  But why are you not at the festivities?"

"Why are you not at the festivities?"

"Dear Princess, if you were at the festivities, then we would not be having this conversation."

"Dear Knight, if you were at the festivities, then we would also not be having this conversation."

Etc, etc, etc.

Let's move on.

The impatient Knight got tired of being outspoken.  "Dear Princess, I appreciate that you appreciate that we know that I would be happier if you would be happier if we were not having this conversation, but hear me out.  You have not been acting like yourself lately.  You have seemed, erm, out-of-sorts lately."

"How would you know that?  We did not know each other before you decided to take me back."

The room took on a darker tone.

"You are mad that I have rescued you from the Dragon."

"No, I am mad because I stubbed a toe."  She huffed, and turned away.

"So..."  He could not find the words.  "You love the Dragon."

She paused.  She stiffened.  She suddenly took the Knight by hand, mightily pulled him into the room, and heaved the door almost-shut before gingerly closing it.  "Yes."

"Ah."

"But he is dead."

"Ah."

"And he is going to be carved up into meat and dragon-scale and organs and sold for a hefty profit."

"Ah.  Let me gather my thoughts so that I may tell you what I think about it."

The patient Knight gathered his thoughts.

"Are you crazy?!  Dragons are inhuman!  That's bestiality, insanity, something-ity!"

"Something-ity?"

"I couldn't think of a third -ity.  But that's beside the point!  You're crazy!  I'm taking you to the Church -"

"No," she hissed.  "I will not be taken to the Church!"

"But you love a dragon.  That means you have been taken over by a dragon spirit, and you need to be exorcised before -"

"No, and that's an order!"

"You're out of your mind.  I don't need to follow orders from someone possessed."

"I am not -"

"Shut up!  You're coming with me, and that's final!"

She slapped him.  She, the beautiful Princess, slapped the gallant Knight.  He was slapped by her.

He paused.  Stared at her.  The fire in her eyes was not the crazy kind.  No, the fire in her eyes was the kind that was sure, unwavering, and very not crazy.  He knew; he had seen those eyes many times, in his parents before him, in his peers, even in a mirror.  "I believe you."

But she was not done.  "So what if you're possessed?"

"Then someone else will call for help.  And I've seen those eyes.  Those eyes are not possessed."

They took deep breaths.  Together, though they did not know it.

"Very well.  Can we keep this a secret between us?"

"Yes."

"Well, then."  And it was all cordiality again.  "I hope to meet you sometime again, Knight."

"And I hope to meet you soon, Princess."

[hr]

For them, soon was in a week.  The Knight received a summons from his room, and untraditionally, he walked himself from his exalted room to the Princess.  (Another untraditioniality was that the summons were written on a postcard.)

When he got there, the Princess was glowing, her face radiant.  "He is alive!  The Dragon is alive!  He has gone missing.  You didn't kill him!"

But the Knight was now ashen.  "I didn't kill him?  Then - why - did - we - take - him - to - the - king?"

The Princess started to say something, then realized that he was right.  "Oh, I'm sorry.  Well, I hope that you are well in the next few days, and I will be seeing you at your trial."

He stared at the ground.  "I will become the laughingstock of the Kingdom!  Nobles, knights, even peasants will laugh as I pass by in shame!  And when I die!  I will not get a grave!  I will get an inscription, 'Here lies a fool who failed in his duty'!"

The Princess stared at him.  Took him in, for she only now realized that it was the last she would be seeing of him.  "I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have made you scared like that."

"It's not all bad.  At least you get your dragon."

"But..."  Any further speech she planned to say was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Hello," a deep voice resonated from the other side.

They froze.

"Is this..."  He paused.  "the Princess?"

She threw herself to the door, and opened it.  On the other side was not a certain dragon in human form.  Indeed, such things are known to be impossible.  Instead, there was a very irritated-looking royal guard.

"Princess, you have been summoned to the Church."  He looked slightly to the left.  "And Knight, you have also been summoned."

The two looked at each other.

[hr]

The Church was big, to say the least.  Vaulted glass windows hung on either side, and a great gaping roof sat on top of great tall walls.  The Princess was held on one side, the Knight on the other.

"Well, then," the Bishop said to them.  "Princess, you are accused of harboring a dragon spirit.  According to the customs of the Church, you will be exorcised."

"Wait," they exclaimed.  "Don't I (Doesn't she) get a trial?"

"Hmmm... no."  The Bishop paused for a minute, turning a page over.  "And Knight.  You have been accused of bringing a dragon into the royal town."

"I plead innocent!" he cried.

"Hmmm... guilty."  The Bishop paused another minute, turning another page.  "Take him away!"

And suddenly, the roof tore open, and all hell broke loose.  The Dragon, in all his might and glory, started breathing fire and slashing at the assorted religious people, who ran away with hands clasped.  The Princess and Knight looked in awe, as the Bishop dived for cover, inadvertently knocking his stand over and bouncing the keys right to them.

And they stood and watched as the Dragon destroyed the ceiling, the walls, the people around them -

- and suddenly fell beside them, his life having been taken by a spare spear.

He croaked out noises.  It may have been the death bellows of a beast.  It may have been random gibberish, collected from his years close to culture.  It may have been English.  It may have been a language no one understood.

No matter what it was, Hazel looked the Dragon in his serpentine eye.  "I understand."

And the Dragon took its last breath.

[hr]

A week later, Arthur the Knight, Hazel the Princess, Darren the King, and the Counts were gathered in the halls to feast.  "The dragon is truly no more," the town cried.

And the two cried in their rooms in between the festivities.

The head chef brought in a dish.  "Dragon meat," he said.  Arthur stared at the utensils, and wished for a torch to burn... something... with.  A count, the unfortunately named Count Wesselton, looked at him.  "Is something the matter?"

He picked up the fork, and took a bite of the bloody meat.

It was delicious.