Once upon a night so spooky, with darkened skies and clouds so gloomy,
Sitting in my living room-y watching TV with a bore,
Hear, did I, a gentle rapping, like my dear own keyboard’s clacking,
Typing, tapping, almost smacking, from beyond my bedroom door.
“It’s in my head, I’m hearing shit. No one’s behind that bedroom door.
    I’m hearing shit, and nothing more.”

Then, heard I, a sound so leery, and my mind all boozed and beer-y,
Could made out a voice, so cheery, and cheesy music overborne.
“It’s a Youtube clip; I’m not afraid—of videos that autoplay,
I likely left an open page.” Just that, and nothing more.
    “A dank meme, and nothing more.”

Thus thought I, until a moaning, almost like a happy groaning,
Sounded from my empty bedroom, this I swear and sworn.
The moan—a woman’s—clear and lewd, sexual and downright crude,
Banished the chance of Youtube, and left my soul forlorn.
There, for sure, was someone creeping, beyond my bedroom door.
    A creep for sure, behind that door.

So kicked, did I, my poor door down, and yelled in a gargantuan sound,
“I’ll beat your ass into the ground! You’ll wish you’rn’t never born!”
My voice rang out, so wild and country, but find did I a sight so sultry:
A dozen windows splayed across my monitors, was porn.
There red-handed sat a raven, consuming all that porn.
    A fucking raven, watching porn.

As women, all scantily clad, were screwed by every Tom and Chad,
I swear to god this Raven had, a smile upon its beak, it bore.
Then, I swear and shit you not, it looked at me and fucking talked.
From right then on, my mind was lost—its departure I do mourn.
For everyone with sanity, envy I, and mourn,
    Said the Raven, “I like porn.”

How, thought I, could this foul avian, lust for dicks of man’s persuasion.
And blondes, and busty big-assed asians. All of this, and much more.
“Birb,” said I, “Why do you relish, every weird and fucked-up fetish?
Those tentacles are downright hellish! And I think I see some vore!
Please explain this outright madness, and your taste in vore!”
    Quoth the Raven, “I like porn.”

“Pervert!” said I, “thing of evil!—pervert still, if bird or devil!—
How can you sit and face my wrath, my anger, and my scorn?
Don’t know how you talk to me; you might just be an SCP,
But I don’t care, ‘cause you’re a creep! You watch too much hardcore!
What have you to say when you are facing all my scorn?
    The Raven said, “I still like porn.

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, [u][i]still[/i][/u] is sitting
On my keyboard, eyes all glazed, and only thirsts for more.
He sits and browses day and night, and by my monitor’s blue light
He drinks up all the tits and butts and penises galore.
Sleep, try I, but speakers on, he watches more.
    At full blast, he watches porn.