"It's ok, you got this." 

"Nothing to be afraid of. Nothing at all!"

"I mean, there are only... five of them, right? You can take out five, even if there's only one bullet left."

"Wait, there are five now? Where are the other two?"

"Oh crap, I don't know! What do I do, what do I do?"

"Ugg, Watchdog would know what to do."

"Wait, that's it! I just need to think like Watchdog!"

"Ok, first he would assess the biggest threat and use the bullet to kill him, then use whatever's left to wipe out the others."

"What in this room is weaponizable? We've got a pipe wrench, that could be useful. Um, a bundle of rope, which isn't too bad. Oh, look, a knife! Crap, it's dull..."

"Hm, I've also got a slightly rotten table, but that wouldn't slow them down for long."

"I could tie the rope in front of the door and maybe trip one of them, use the table as a shield, throw the knife to distract, and hopefully injure the second guy, and then hit the third with the wrench... but that leaves two for hand to hand combat, and I don't think I can handle two."

"And what about the two that went missing, where are they?"

"Crap, I think I heard them! They're next door already!"

"Crapedy-crap-crap, this messes up everything!"

"Okay, deep breaths. Just think of what Watchdog would do. He... he would..."

"I don't know! I never payed attention in his class. It was at 0400, who could stay awake?"

"Well, I suppose that's obvious... the rest of my platoon since they knew what a "Code Lavender" meant."

"I mean, who would have thought "Code Lavender" meant get the hell out of there, isn't that what people use "Code Red" for? Really, "Code Lavender" sounds like an "all clear" code."

"Wait, that's off topic. I need to focus. Focus, focus, focus!"

"That's it! I don't need to think about what Watchdog would do, I need to think about what I would do! Who was the one who pranked every officer's cabin at the same time? Me."

"Who was the one to sneak a whoopie cushion under LaDeau's chair while he was sitting in it? Me."

"I just need to set this up as a prank. The rope can form a web across the doorway, slowing them down, the knife will swing down at them as a fake out, then I'll jump out and hit them with the pipe! It's genius! Just, you know, gotta set it up first..."


[hr]


"Woohoo, yeah! It. Looks. Perfect."

"Yeah," said a voice behind me, "it does look pretty good. Too bad it was all for nothing." The click of a gun.

"Oh, fuc..."