[quote][center]Panacea Vaccine Approved! [/center]

	After two years of successful clinical trials, the FDA has finally approved the Panacea vaccine for production. With a single injection this marvel of modern bio-engineering provides blanket immunity against a variety of common illnesses and diseases, including 98% of cancers. The vaccine works by….[/quote]

The newspaper made a dull thud as it landed, headline up, on the restaurant table between the four friends. 

“This is a disaster!” The thrower groaned, dropping down into his chair. His outburst earned him a few quick glances from the other customers, but none of their eyes lingered. If asked to comment on the quartet the other diners would only be able to give the vaguest of descriptions. 

[i]A middle aged man. Sweaty and sickly looking. Unwell.[/i]

“Aw, come on Pest. Sure, it’s a major blow, but it’s not [i]that[/i] bad.” The man beside him placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. The limb was so emaciated that it was barely felt.

[i]Thin. Very thin. Practically skin and bones. Poor boy needs to eat more,[/i]

“Easy for you to say, Fam! You’re not facing obsolescence!” he growled. 

“Now now, take it easy Pest. We’re all here to help, aren’t we gentlemen? We’re all in this together. Brothers in arms and whatnot.” The deep, commanding baritone cut through the argument. 

[i]Tall. Martial. Ice cold blue eyes, framed by cheekbones as sharp as swords.[/i]

“ALL THINGS END EVENTUALLY.” The voice was low and deep, filled with reverb. “EVEN YOU THREE.” 

[i]… Nope. Nothing there to talk about. Boy this food sure is delicious! [/i]

“Gee, thanks Death. That was really uplifting and everything.” Pestilence groused. “Can’t you like, I don’t know, kill this whole Panacea thing for me?” He asked hopefully.

“I WORK WITH PEOPLE, NOT IDEAS I’M AFRAID. AND KILLING ENOUGH PEOPLE TO STOP THIS WOULD BE MORE OF WAR’S VENUE THAN MINE.” Death replied, nodding towards his companion.

“Regrettably, I can not assist you with this.” He shook his head sadly. “It pains me to admit, but humanity has grown [i]too[/i] skilled at war these days. Combat on that scale would leave none alive to carry your illnesses.”

“Well, I’m always here for you buddy.” Famine patted his shoulder again feebly. “We’ll handle this together. We’re a great team after all! Remember that potato blight? Good times, right?” 
 
“Yeah. Good times.“ Pestilence smiled fondly at the memory. “And starvation makes people so wonderfully vulnerable to illness.” 

The smile soon faded however. “Oh, who are we kidding. Let’s be honest, Famine. You’re just a few decades behind me at this rate.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous Pestilence! As long as there are people, they’ll be people going hungry!” 

“Hmph. You say that now, but face facts. Humanity is already producing more food than it needs. These days the only place you’re getting by is in Africa. And that’s only because of all those squabbling warlords. Thanks for that, by the way.” He nodded toward War.

“My pleasure.”

“Well, yeah, but… but… Population grows exponentially, and food production linearly! They’ll start starving again [i]eventually[/i] right?” Famine insisted nervously.

”Give it up Famine. I told you 200 years ago that that Malthus guy’s preaching was too good to be true.” 

Famine just sighed and slumped in his chair. 

“HAVE YOU CONSIDERED REBRANDING?” Death asked. “I HEAR POLLUTION IS ALL THE RAGE THESE DAYS.”

“Bah. That might have worked half a century ago.” Pestilence waved dismissively. “For all they whine and complain these days, nobody is dying from smog inhalation and rivers hardly ever catch fire anymore. Those Greenies are even worse than Big Pharma!” 

“How about computer viruses? Maybe you could work with those?” Famine offered.

“Sure. And maybe War can survive off the War on Drugs and the War on Poverty!” Pestilence practically shouted the last, as War flinched. 

Silence reigned for a few moments following the outburst. Then Pestilence sighed in defeat.

“It’s just not fair.” He grumbled. “We’ve been here since the beginning, and now look at us. We’re [i]pathetic.[/i] I’m being cured. Famine is facing food surpluses. War is afraid to start a fight. Even the Big D is going to be in trouble eventually.”

“[i]I[/I] AM ETERNAL.” Death sounded a tad smug. 

“Yeah, well, ‘with strange aeons even Death may die.’”

“LOVECRAFT WAS A HACK.” He grumbled. 

The silence that followed lingered until the waitress deposited the bill. At which point it deepened. Eventually War sighed and reached to pay the check. Again.

“So, same time next week guys?”